Feeling like crap after cheating on the woman I love....

[Cecelius]

I'm a man and an early poster. I also think this guy's gotten a LOT more grief than some other posters on this board with their horror stories, and maybe he's entitled to some constructive criticism too.

 

As I said, my big issue is that the story sounds a lot like the teenage girl "confusion" or "swept away" stories, or the ones my friends used to talk about where "things got out of hand..." To me, those don't play for a man. Men don't get confused, there's no risk of them being taken advantage of, and they don't get swept away. Sex happens, in the end, because you took an active role in. It's the height of unmanliness to claim that things got away from you.

 

That said, own up to the fact that you seriously did a nice girl wrong, you probably don't deserve her AND the fact that you are so young and marriage so unlikely, I honestly think you do her the best service by breaking up.

 

Then, as you date, make it clear to all young ladies that you are not prepared to be in an exclusive relationship.

[onestupidguy]

I was away from my wife for 2 days, after 3 years of always being together. I drank and there was a party. This girl I knew from early school days was there, and started kissing me. The kissing lead into other things, for some

ungodly known reason I wasn't myself. Now I feel so bad, the thought is always on my mind. I wanna just sleep and not eat, I feel so guilty. If I tell her she will leave me I'm sure.(Always said that she will). What do I do?...

[HoldOn]

Dude, you should probably start a new thread.

 

But my opinion is that you've got other problems than cheating on your wife, since "you just weren't yourself." Are you an alcoholic?

[noname]

most importantly. get tested... you are not only messing with your own life, you are endangering your partner's as well...

 

as for the other stuff. i totally disagree with people saying that you do not love this person. it is totally possible for someone to love and to cheat.

 

before you guys/women come down on me, i am not just saying this because i am a man. i am saying this because i have been witness to human behavior. i have seen it a million times by men AND women who are in love, yet they choose to what they do anyway.

 

not to absolve you from guilt in any way. i myself have never cheated on anyone. i feel very strongly about honesty and i don't condone cheating in any form. in many ways you suck.

 

i just don't agree that because you are an "a-hole", that you do not love her. you just have to decide what kind of love you want to give her- the kind that you protect her with or the kind that causes her pain.

 

the problem with humans is that we most often do not treat people how we would like to be treated ourselves. your guilt should not soley rest on the fact that you did something behind her back. you need to put yourself in her shoes. how exactly would you feel had she done the same? would you have that forgiveness in you heart? would you ever be able to go back to the same relationship?

 

as far as telling her... you need to make that decision for yourself. no disrespect to anyone that has already posted, but not everyone wants to know the truth. i would never cheat on someone because i know what it would do to my psyche if it were to happen to me. honesty would cause me to tell them right away because i cannot live a lie. however, if they were to do it to me, i don't think that i would wnat to know, as i would never be able to be around that person without the picture of them doing it coming to mind. may sound contradictory, but so is life.

 

i am not trying to give you an out. but this is a situation that there is no formula for. it is case by case. if you are this stressed about it, this is most likely going to resurface at some time. this is another factor you have to think about. if you say nothing, even though you may keep her, you may not be able to live with yourself. and it can cause serious trust issues. too often have i seen people who are constantly in fear that their significant other is untrustworthy because they have no trust in themselves. i know i am not giving you any concrete choice right now but you have given up your right for life being easy. now, no one can make your choices for you. it's crunch time.

 

my thoughts are that you may love her but you are not as ready for marriage as you think you are. and my real advice is that you need to take a good hard look at yourself and your relationship and figure out what is going on. is this something that you did and feel badly about or are you just having post-panty jitters? this could be pattern behavior for you. and if it is you may never be able to have a relationship without a little side action. it is one thing to make a mistake, but you are carrying on a "relationship". not that you are romantically involved, but no matter how you slice it, sex three times with the same woman (booty-call as it may be) is still a sexual relationship. you are crossing that fine line between stepping in a pothole and falling into a abyss... you may still be able to salvage this if you get yourself in check. so figure out what you want and where you are going with this before you take anyone else down with you...

 

good luck...

[Amalphia]

I didnt even read your post but YOU SHOULD FEEL LIKE CRAP.

YOU DO NOT CHEAT ON PEOPLE. ITS WRONG!!!!!!

[New_Wife]

You are in college right?

 

I think that if you do truly love your girlfriend, and you two are absolutely destined to be together - then so you shall be. But why rush? What happened for you is not that uncommon, despite what's being said about it. You are in a new environment, everyone is wild and free, and you joined the fray.

 

Should you tell your girlfriend? In my opinion, no, you should not. If you were my little brother, what I would tell you to do would be to GENTLY explain to her that you want to take a break during your college years and recconect when you're both done. If it's meant to be, by golly, it will be. If it's not - don't force it out of some sense of familiarity or fear of the unknown. But telling her that you cheated will only hurt her and ease your sense of guilt. Well, that's not right. You deal with it and spare her.

 

However, if you do NOT break it off - you should tell her because you'll likely do it again in this environment and that is bad.

 

I don't want to sound like an old hen here, but you are young. Young people have been known to do dumb things. I sure did when I was younger. You probably won't really know what you want out of your adult life until you've been out of college for about 5-10 years. I look at who I was when I was 20 versus who I was by 30, and the changes I made are not at all what I might have predicted. Again, if you were my little brother, I 'd tell you to cut the relatinoship - experiment a bit in meeting new and different people, and remain friends with your ex.

 

But that's me.

[RecordProducer]

My advice: try to keep your dick in your pants in the future!

Three months after the last intercourse you should visit a doctor and do all the tests. AIDS and hepatitis can also be transmitted through oral sex and even kiss (although not so easily).

[CurlyIam]

She'll most likely break up with you. And that's how it's supposed to be. Distance sucks big time and people who beat it are hard to find. Next time try getting a gf who lives nearer to you, 'cause hormones are known to have broken many many young spirits !

[the_singularity]

It doesn't matter how guilty you feel after the fact that counts. And besides just b/c you feel guilty doesn't change the situation? It is obvious that you weren't thinking about her when you were getting busy with other girls. Your girlfriend deserves to hear the truth. If you love her, truly love her, you should tell her the truth despite what it would do to your relationship. It selfish not to tell her....

[TylerC]

If you cheated on her, how can you say you love her?

[Jennifer'sSecret]

Originally posted by GirlDown

you had opportunities, so you took them.

 

i personally don't think you are ready for marriage, but i guess that's not for me to say. my assumption is that your girlfriend would agree with me.

 

she should, however, be given the opportunity to decide for herself.

 

you did several extremely selfish and immature things. don't do another one by hiding it for your own advantage.

 

 

Originally posted by Stylin22

You can't look at what she may have or may not have done...That's irrelevant until she brings it up.

 

Dude, I do hope you feel like crap. It wasn't a one time thing here, you did some girl 3 times! One time, yeah learning experience, okay move on (if you can) but you almost need a 2nd hand to count here...

 

You aren't in love, cause love demands respect, commitment...And, you'll be the luckiest guy ever if this girl keeps you. Don't sit there and keep the vulgar to the minimum, that's what cowards do. You do any action, you stand up and admit to it as a man would. You stand on your own to feet, whether it's good or bad. And, if that means people say negative things, you take it, cause you've earned it...

 

I would hope that you tell her...She thinks you are a man that she loves. Right now you do that man thing, say I messed up and made 4 mistakes, I love you and I'll pay for them. Or you lie to her and not tell her. But you wouldn't be lying about not telling her, you'd be lying cause you are still a little boy when she thinks you are a man...

 

 

I'm sorry. I'm really drunk right now. I had to pick out the responses that best fit what I was thinking because if I typed it out myself I would just sound really silly.

 

You're not ready for marriage.

 

It never "just happens," esp 3 freaking times dude!