Divorcing and child separation

[daddy1981]

Hello,

I am divorcing and I`ll get separated from my child. I feel sad. How to bear with this?

[toolforgrowth]

Hello,

I am divorcing and I`ll get separated from my child. I feel sad. How to bear with this?

 

Fight as hard as you can for your parental rights. Do not lie down and take it. You are your child's father and have just as much rights to them as the mother.

 

Make the most of the time you do have with your child. Make it all about them. Let them know you'll always be their Daddy, and that you love them no matter what.

 

When you do not have your child with you, spend your time making your life as awesome as you possibly can. Go after that promotion you've always wanted; spend more quality time with friends; go out and have fun doing things that you enjoy, or have always wanted to do but never got around to doing; begin taking care of yourself physically so you feel better about yourself and can attract a better quality mate. In other words, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself...it won't get you anywhere.

 

Take positive action to better your life. I'm over three years out from my separation/divorce, and I am so much happier for it!

 

And lastly, do not get married again. Ever. By all means, date and have relationships, and even spend the rest of your life with one woman if that's what you so desire. But stay away from marriage; it's the worst contract a man could ever sign.

 

Oh, and don't have any more kids that you'll end up never getting to see and paying through the nose for. Get a vasectomy and take control of your reproductive rights.

[jakrbbt]

Why is it that you think you won't see your child? That is, if you don't mind telling us.

 

Barring real abuse or neglect, most jurisdictions try to protect parental rights. Are you in the U.S.?

 

In my jurisdiction, parenting-time and custody are two different things. And full legal custody only relates to major decisions in certain areas-- not to day-to-day child-rearing stuff.

 

There are a lot of myths surrounding who gets to see/ have custody of the child and why. Can you visit a lawyer for a free or inexpensive one-time consultation?

 

One common myth is that if you work then you won't be granted as much custody or visitation. My ex actually almost lost a lot of parenting time precisely because he didn't work. Courts generally see hired child-care as part of parenting. Just like school. For instance, you, as the responsible parent, work to support the child and choose day-care and pay for it as part of your parenting responsibilities. Courts don't generally like to fund or encourage unemployment.

 

So that's one myth. Another is that the mother, or the person who worked less before, will automatically get full custody and majority parenting-time. You'll really want to know how it works in your jurisdiction.

 

Also, it's frequency of visits-- not armount of time-- that counts for the bond between you and your child. Predictable, frequent face-time is going to establish a good bond. That's true even if you have less than 50% parenting --time.

 

Fear over losing your child is the hardest, most hellish aspect of divorce for a lot of us. But there is a lot of hope that that won't happen. Even if you've not been a responsible parent, you can absolutely rehabilitate yourself in the eyes of the court.

[LifeNomad]

It hurts being a part time dad especially if ur used to the kids...it takes time...i have almost 8 months since seperation from the mom and i see my kids 3-4 times a week and its still hard...still breakdown sometimes...just hang in there man....theres no need to stop till the wheels fall off bro

[KBarletta]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I can relate. I have seen my daughter two or three days a week for the past four months, after seeing her every day, taking her to school, making her breakfast and lunch, tucking her in at night, etc. It has been - easily - the hardest part of this process.

 

Just concentrate on getting as much time legally as you can, and then making the absolute most of it when you are together. If there is one silver lining for me it is that I think I have a closer bond with my daughter than I did before because we both are focused on making our time together the best it can be. Before, I think we took it for granted.

[Blue08]

Do you still get to see the children? I am going through the same thing for about a year now. It gets easier because you will find your own way to deal with it. It will never go away and you will have moments. I call on the telephone and read them a story over the phone at bedtime. I Face time with them and try and be their any extra way I can. When they are with me, I spend time with them more and cuddle more. I know its tough, hang in there it gets easier.

[elfman]

Hey! I am sorry you're going through this... it sucks. Been there.

 

I can remember (not fondly) that when my EW and I got divorced my main fear was that "somehow" I would lose my kids... Let me tell you, if you are a good parent, this should not even cross your mind.

 

Yes, you will likely see your kid less, but that all depends on you... Go out of your way to be there for your kid while this separation happens, he/she will need it, and appreciate it. For instance, to be able to see my kids every day, I take them to school at 6:00 a.m every morning, mind you, its 2 different schools, but the hassle is worth every second, I get to be with them, talk to them, and be a regular part of their lives.

 

Trust me, that fear and sadness will go away, but only if you make the right choices to replace the "at-home" parent with an "at-life" parent. Yes, you'll miss your kid, but less and less if you SPEND TIME with him/her.

 

Wish you the best.

 

E.