CalvinM Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 The woman I've been seeing has two large dogs, so that might have influenced this a little. I stayed over last night, and she works at 7am on Sundays. I got up to eat breakfast with her, and she asked if I wanted to stay in bed at her place until she got home for lunch at 12 (she gets an hour and works about 5 minutes away). She said it would be nice for her dogs too, since they'd have company. Is this a normal thing while dating? Seems like she's trusting me a lot here to be alone in her house. Her dogs love me, so I definitely don't mind and I'm off today, but I don't want to overstay my welcome here. Comments, suggestions, criticisms? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 If she didn't want you there, she would have expected you to walk out with her when she left. While I wouldn't let a new BF stay in my home alone, she may be more open / trusting then I am. Take it as good thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I've stayed at my current FWB's house after he left for work. He had to leave at 7 and just left me there sleeping. It happened more than once. I once even got locked in by his housemate who didn't realise I was there.. luckily they keep spare keys by the door! If anything, I think he is more surprised when I get up and get ready to go when he does, which is what i do if it's not the crack of dawn! If he has to leave the house at 9 or 10 or anytime after that, I will leave with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 I'm assuming it's a combination of us not sleeping much last night (her dogs were in the bed too), them getting along with me really well (one of them is a bit destructive and stays in a cage while she's at work), and her wanting to see more of me (?). I really enjoy her company, but I don't want to make this a regular thing in case it's a fast track to us moving in together. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 You might be over thinking it. Take it as a positive for now. At worst I saw it as somebody to let the dogs out not a fast track to moving in. Next weekend, since you know her routine, get up with her & offer to meet for lunch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 The woman I've been seeing has two large dogs, so that might have influenced this a little. I stayed over last night, and she works at 7am on Sundays. I got up to eat breakfast with her, and she asked if I wanted to stay in bed at her place until she got home for lunch at 12 (she gets an hour and works about 5 minutes away). She said it would be nice for her dogs too, since they'd have company. Is this a normal thing while dating? Seems like she's trusting me a lot here to be alone in her house. Her dogs love me, so I definitely don't mind and I'm off today, but I don't want to overstay my welcome here. Comments, suggestions, criticisms? How long have you two been seeing each other and what is your relationship status? The answer to those to questions would influence my response. However, if she is comfortable enough to sleep with you, why wouldn't she trust you to be alone in her home? And, she suggested it, so she doesn't think you're overstaying your welcome. You might worry about that if you were the one who suggested it and got the sense from her that she really didn't want that and seemed to just "go along" with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 A few weeks. We're exclusive, but I'm not sure if that means we're bf/gf (I don't really like labels), but I really enjoy being with her and I'm not interested in seeing other people. I've often wondered when the transition from dating, to exclusive, to bf/gf occurs. With my last ex, she just referred to me as her boyfriend. Generally when I introduced a significant other to friends it's usually "This is x". If they know me well enough, they know who I'm dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I really enjoy her company, but I don't want to make this a regular thing in case it's a fast track to us moving in together. lol amazes me how men's mind works sometimes. She was just being kind by offering you to rest some more and used that opportunity to see you at lunch time. It's normal as the weeks go by that you get more comfortable with each other, she will probably offer you a key soon, doesn't mean she wants you to move in. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 lol amazes me how men's mind works sometimes. She was just being kind by offering you to rest some more and used that opportunity to see you at lunch time. It's normal as the weeks go by that you get more comfortable with each other, she will probably offer you a key soon, doesn't mean she wants you to move in. Exactly! When I was dating my ex of a few years back, he offered me a key pretty much straight away. I was in and out of his place as I pleased (though I always called first and let him know), if he was out of town, he'd ask me to stay over, to feed the cat (I wouldn't... I lived close by and preferred my own place. We only hung out mostly at his because he lived alone and I had housemates). It never ever ever crossed my mind he was wanting me to move in with him. Which worked out well, because he wasn't. And I wouldn't anyway, as his house was too small Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 (edited) A few weeks. We're exclusive, but I'm not sure if that means we're bf/gf (I don't really like labels), but I really enjoy being with her and I'm not interested in seeing other people. I've often wondered when the transition from dating, to exclusive, to bf/gf occurs. With my last ex, she just referred to me as her boyfriend. Generally when I introduced a significant other to friends it's usually "This is x". If they know me well enough, they know who I'm dating. Exclusivity and boyfriend/girlfriend status maybe different for different people. You need to be clear in your head about it for yourself and find out what it means to her. My opinion and approach is that exclusivity comes before boyfriend/girlfriend status. Exclusivity is the period before that status and allows you to focus on one person to determine if you want to go to that level. Relationships should be developed in stages. A couple of months of just dating to decide to become exclusive, exclusivity to decide to be boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/girlfriend to decide to be married. The period of time between the stages may vary. You may set a time limit for yourself, if you want. Say, if by the end of three months of exclusivity you aren't feeling like you want to move forward, you end the relationship then. At the end of each stage, you discuss with the other person whether they want to move to the next stage. At at each of those points, each person needs to be prepared to move on if the other doesn't want to bump it up. All of this is about managing emotions and expectations to minimize the potential for being hurt or hurting another person. Yes, it always hurts a little. Communication through it all is key. "I really enjoy her company, but I don't want to make this a regular thing in case it's a fast track to us moving in together." You are attempting to do some mind reading here. It sounds like you're projecting some kind of fear that she's trying to "trap" you. Try to stay away from this kind of thing. This may be a "one time" only thing. If it begins to happen often, then you might simply want to decline the invitations to stay over for a while or not as often. Edited March 15, 2015 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 This woman is out of control, lol. She just asked if I want to stay until after she's done work at 4, and I accepted. ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 (edited) "I really enjoy her company, but I don't want to make this a regular thing in case it's a fast track to us moving in together." You are attempting to do some mind reading here. It sounds like you're projecting some kind of fear that she's trying to "trap" you. Try to stay away from this kind of thing. This may be a "one time" only thing. If it begins to happen often, then you might simply want to decline the invitations to stay over for a while or not as often. I was half kidding about the moving in comment. I told her I enjoyed her company and said that I didn't want to impose. She said she wouldn't have asked if she didn't want to see me, and that it was better for her dogs to have someone here. Then she asked what my plans were for tonight, and I would honestly rather spend another afternoon with her than go home to an empty house. It's early days, but she's been great so far. I definitely don't feel trapped. Edited March 15, 2015 by CalvinM Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I was half kidding about the moving in comment. I told her I enjoyed her company and said that I didn't want to impose. She said she wouldn't have asked if she didn't want to see me, and that it was better for her dogs to have someone here. Then she asked what my plans were for tonight, and I would honestly rather spend another afternoon with her than go home to an empty house. It's early days, but she's been great so far. I definitely don't feel trapped. Good. Just stay "in the moment". Have fun with her and take each day as it comes. I'm just wondering why you posted the concern about staying there after she left when she specifically told you she wouldn't have asked you if she didn't want that . . . Second guessing . . . we all do it sometimes, even when there isn't a reason to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 I asked her when she came home for lunch. She works just down the street, and has an hour so she can let her dogs out. I only asked because only one other gf invited me to stay while she went to work, and I accepted because her apartment was closer to my job. Clearly over thinking this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Have you check her closets for dead bodies It sounds nice.. go with it and see where it goes... Link to post Share on other sites
DoesntGetIt Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 The woman I've been seeing has two large dogs, so that might have influenced this a little. I stayed over last night, and she works at 7am on Sundays. I got up to eat breakfast with her, and she asked if I wanted to stay in bed at her place until she got home for lunch at 12 (she gets an hour and works about 5 minutes away). She said it would be nice for her dogs too, since they'd have company. Is this a normal thing while dating? Seems like she's trusting me a lot here to be alone in her house. Her dogs love me, so I definitely don't mind and I'm off today, but I don't want to overstay my welcome here. Comments, suggestions, criticisms? I can't say how normal it is, but my last girlfriend allowed me to stay since she worked earlier than me (and gave me keys to lock up and had me keep them) at something like the 4 week mark. It felt a little sudden to me, but at the same time we got along well and trusted each other, so it was no big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 She went to see her twin sister tonight, who just had a baby. Apparently she told her we spent the weekend together, and how happy she is seeing me. She's had a string of dead beat boyfriends, and an verbally abusive husband. Her sister said that "I sound like a really good guy for her, hopefully I'm the one." Thing is, that didn't really scare me, but I'm thinking maybe she still has a bit of baggage, and we both have small debts, so I think we could be good for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Um, you have a woman who wants you to stay in her bed and you are complaining?! Whatsamatter with you mang Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Definitely not complaining. She makes me breakfast too, it's been really wonderful so far. ☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Dude.. You not only have a woman that cooks you breakfast, but that also gives you a green light to sleep in, and be there for a nooner when she comes home. Talk about an awesome woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jethro Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 So let me get this straight... you feel it is normal for her to trust you enough to have your penis inside her body, but that it is not normal for her to leave you alone in her apartment? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 So I'm hanging out her place again while she's at work, and this guy she saw once before we started dating is sending multiple messages on facebook. I flipped over to the message (because I'm a naturally curious guy), and he's asking how things went with the guy she's been seeing (me). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 This sounds like a French movie I watched last week. Very relaxed in general, about everything, including sex with multiple lovers (in the movie). Kinda reminded me of aspects of the free love hippie times when I was young. No worries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) She's been very open and trusting with me, but it's clear this guy wants in her pants. We are exclusive and I'm a bit uncomfortable that this guy is messaging things about sex. She told me he's more like a brother, but I feel like his messages might require a conversation. Edit: she's been dodging this guys date requests for a few weeks (they went out once before we started seeing each other, and she's mostly talking about how sweet and funny I am). She also refers to feelings she has for him as "more of a brotherly kind". I'm just surprised she hasn't unfriended him after some of his comments. Wondering if I should mention it, keep an eye on things, or just let it go. Edited March 21, 2015 by CalvinM Rational thought Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 So I'm hanging out her place again while she's at work, and this guy she saw once before we started dating is sending multiple messages on facebook. I flipped over to the message (because I'm a naturally curious guy), and he's asking how things went with the guy she's been seeing (me). ^^Why I dislike FB. Calvin, are these messages public or were you snooping? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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