Author Mapper71 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 Excellent suggestion: Mapper, please start using that section as the newbies won't know to not respond to you. Thank you Carrie T! Please make sure to alert ALL newbies who slip through the cracks not to respond to me too please. Most appreciated
Mr. Lucky Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 If this is true: He very even rarely will go out to the curb and get the mail but that requires leaving the house and takes effort! Then we can probably rule this out: Because the only other option is that he's having an affair. Mr. Lucky 4
Author Mapper71 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 If this is true: Then we can probably rule this out: Mr. Lucky Hah! Good one! Yeah...an affair takes effort!
SJS Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Thank you Carrie T! Please make sure to alert ALL newbies who slip through the cracks not to respond to me too please. Most appreciated Do you use this type of passive aggressiveness with Mr. Mapper? Maybe it's a reason why he won't talk to you. 8
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Just because he appears happy doesn't mean he is not depressed, some of the most depressed people can hide it really well, even those who go on to commit suicide can appear perfectly normal to those around them. Its called smiling depression. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-guest-room/201411/smiling-depression I am not suggesting he is suicidal, but I d see he is most likely very stressed out or is suffering from depression. You say he has been to see the doctor, could the doctor have told him something worrying? or is he actuallly seeing the doctor for depression/stress? 1
writergal Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This dad didn't like to work, was severely depressed and played video games while his wife worked. I sense that you like to vent because it entertains you, since you never take anyone's advice. Maybe once you read the article I linked, you'll stop laughing and take your situation seriously. Or not. At least just post in the Rant & Vent section here if all you want to do is rant or vent and not seek legitimate advice from people.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Mapper, it's time for you to be completely honest with your husband and lay it all out on the line. All the issues, problems, etc..etc.. Either write him a letter or sit him and talk to him from the heart. Doing nothing and venting about it is not helping you in the long run. You want happiness and peace in your life, yes? Just seems you're not happy, you're angry, resentment, upset and frustrated much of the time yet don't do anything about it to change things so your life/marriage will be better and happier. PS The only time my H and I went that long without sex (in fact it was longer than 6 weeks) was when he had a big bout of kidney stones. Your H not wanting sex with you is showing you he's not feeling sexy towards you, he doesn't feel turned on, he's probably just as unhappy as you are. Suggest a get away somewhere nice, a long weekend at a bed and breakfast, just to reconnect and make time for each other. Edited March 17, 2015 by whichwayisup
Author Mapper71 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 This dad didn't like to work, was severely depressed and played video games while his wife worked. I sense that you like to vent because it entertains you, since you never take anyone's advice. Maybe once you read the article I linked, you'll stop laughing and take your situation seriously. Or not. At least just post in the Rant & Vent section here if all you want to do is rant or vent and not seek legitimate advice from people. Ooh, guess I had better bar up the windows and doors when I get a chance so I don't get knifed by psycho husband! And yes thank you, you are the 3rd person to tell me to go to the rants and vents section, but if you all keep responding to this thread, how am I supposed to do that??
Diezel Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Ooh, guess I had better bar up the windows and doors when I get a chance so I don't get knifed by psycho husband! And yes thank you, you are the 3rd person to tell me to go to the rants and vents section, but if you all keep responding to this thread, how am I supposed to do that?? Easy, stop responding yourself as well. 2
Author Mapper71 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 Easy, stop responding yourself as well. But I'm NOT responding to myself...I'm responding to YOU!!!!!
GorillaTheater Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 We may be able to keep Mapper busy with this thread indefinitely. Think of it as a sociology experiment. 6
Mr. Lucky Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Think of it as a sociology experiment. What if Mapper is experimenting on us to see how many responses one can get despite ignoring the advice in every single one? Mr. Lucky 4
Diezel Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 But I'm NOT responding to myself...I'm responding to YOU!!!!! You might want to re-read. I didn't say "TO" yourself.
Author Mapper71 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Posted March 17, 2015 You might want to re-read. I didn't say "TO" yourself. Oh you are right. My bad!
spanz1 Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 hey, where does he work? I want to take 2 weeks off from work every month too! 1
TexasMan68 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 What do you look like? Would someone that wasn't your husband want to have sex with you? Do you take care of yourself? I know i'll probably get blasted for this comment but most men are very visual.
Author Mapper71 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Well did hubby hit it yet? No, hubby has not "hit it" yet!
Author Mapper71 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 What do you look like? Would someone that wasn't your husband want to have sex with you? Do you take care of yourself? I know i'll probably get blasted for this comment but most men are very visual. I'm nice looking. No model, but not an ugly duckling either. We've both gained weight but I'm not fat and he has gained more weight than me and has a nice round tummy now so if anything, I should be the one turned off. He has snuck into the bathroom and pulled the curtain back to look at me while I'm showering and smiles and gives a brief touch and then walks away so he doesn't NOT like it.
Donate Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 This kind of life sucks Mapper, I feel your pain. Life is cruel to pair us up with such polar opposites in terms of basic needs. How I would love to be in a relationship with a woman with a healthy sexual desire. Someone who can appreciate touch and affection on a regular basis as well as sex.
Author Mapper71 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 This kind of life sucks Mapper, I feel your pain. Life is cruel to pair us up with such polar opposites in terms of basic needs. How I would love to be in a relationship with a woman with a healthy sexual desire. Someone who can appreciate touch and affection on a regular basis as well as sex. The thing is, it never used to be like this. He was a VERY sexual person and I actually had to take days off to recover! It's just dropped off completely. Maybe he is feeling very self-conscious about his weight gain. He has gained quite a bit of weight over the past year or so. I really wish he would eat better/less and exercise, but that falls upon deaf ears. He says he wants to do all that, but like with anything else, if it requires effort, it may happen once but then never again. It killed me when we went for a hike up a mountain last fall. It was like a 30 minute drive there, 1 1/2 hours up and 1 hour down, 30 minute drive back. He says to me "We should do this every Saturday". Are you kidding me?! He goes "Yeah we'll just make it a point to set aside a few hours every Saturday and do this." On what planet would you do that? I didn't say any of this to him but I knew he would never speak of it again. Sure enough, it's been 6 months and I have yet to hear from him about ever doing that again.
Author Mapper71 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Carrie T...you'd better get on the horn and let these others who have been continuing my thread to stop talking to me. I don't think they got the memo:p
MissLilly Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Hey girl, let me tell you I am experienced at this. I lived with a man for 10 years and our sex life was bad, bad. First the sex was normal, then it went downhills the last 5 years and (my biggest mistake in life) we married in the 9th year and believe me we didn't sleep together ONE SINGLE TIME after we married, I was a married woman without sex for 1 whole year having a husband at home. I don't know anything but by your past threads my ex was behaving exactly like yours (except I tried to communicate the issues often with him, in many ways, with calm conversations + huge outbursts occasionally, and his answer was to isolate himself even more and not talk to me at all for many months). I was like you, wondered all the time, because we worked together at the time and he had no way of cheating on me at all, but still would go on without sex or even acknowledging I was a woman. And I'm not ugly, nor fat, and I was even better on my 20s, so my head kept spinning over and over about why, why, why? For years. YEARS. Ok, I wasn't happy so one time I threw the divorce papers on him without warning. I decided I preferred to live single than stressing myself with answers I would never have (because he wasn't going to give me or change anyways). Funny is, two days after this happened, he finally spoke "heh, I wasn't just attracted to you anymore and thinking about sex with you was a pain". Like, ok, thank you for telling me this like, NOW? Ok, this was 5 years ago and now I can analyze better my behaviors too. I was a doormat, I worked more than him, earned more than him and I did myself the house chores all alone because he wouldn't handle washing a single spoon at all (not joking). This way of living built resentment inside of me and I expressed it in not so nice ways many times; instead of changing our dynamics, trying to make a change on MYSELF by setting boundaries on our daily life instead of whine and complain about the smallest things, I was slowly letting bitterness to take all over me and this was reflecting on MYSELF. I slowly turned myself into an undesirable person because 1. nobody stands a doormat; 2. nobody stands a passive-aggressive doormat EITHER. So this is what I learnt from my experiences. Sometimes we put the blame all on others, but how are we dealing with the person we are turning to be in the eyes of the others? Only looks won't make a man, specially the one that lives with you daily, get ready to jump in bed the first second he sees you. He is to blame for the way he dismisses you, but YOU are to blame by the way you are conducting yourself in the relationship and how you are accepting things as they come.
Author Mapper71 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) Hey girl, let me tell you I am experienced at this. I lived with a man for 10 years and our sex life was bad, bad. First the sex was normal, then it went downhills the last 5 years and (my biggest mistake in life) we married in the 9th year and believe me we didn't sleep together ONE SINGLE TIME after we married, I was a married woman without sex for 1 whole year having a husband at home. I don't know anything but by your past threads my ex was behaving exactly like yours (except I tried to communicate the issues often with him, in many ways, with calm conversations + huge outbursts occasionally, and his answer was to isolate himself even more and not talk to me at all for many months). I was like you, wondered all the time, because we worked together at the time and he had no way of cheating on me at all, but still would go on without sex or even acknowledging I was a woman. And I'm not ugly, nor fat, and I was even better on my 20s, so my head kept spinning over and over about why, why, why? For years. YEARS. Ok, I wasn't happy so one time I threw the divorce papers on him without warning. I decided I preferred to live single than stressing myself with answers I would never have (because he wasn't going to give me or change anyways). Funny is, two days after this happened, he finally spoke "heh, I wasn't just attracted to you anymore and thinking about sex with you was a pain". Like, ok, thank you for telling me this like, NOW? Ok, this was 5 years ago and now I can analyze better my behaviors too. I was a doormat, I worked more than him, earned more than him and I did myself the house chores all alone because he wouldn't handle washing a single spoon at all (not joking). This way of living built resentment inside of me and I expressed it in not so nice ways many times; instead of changing our dynamics, trying to make a change on MYSELF by setting boundaries on our daily life instead of whine and complain about the smallest things, I was slowly letting bitterness to take all over me and this was reflecting on MYSELF. I slowly turned myself into an undesirable person because 1. nobody stands a doormat; 2. nobody stands a passive-aggressive doormat EITHER. So this is what I learnt from my experiences. Sometimes we put the blame all on others, but how are we dealing with the person we are turning to be in the eyes of the others? Only looks won't make a man, specially the one that lives with you daily, get ready to jump in bed the first second he sees you. He is to blame for the way he dismisses you, but YOU are to blame by the way you are conducting yourself in the relationship and how you are accepting things as they come. But then if he does find me unattractive, why does he hold my hand, kiss me, rub my back, call me sweet names, sit on the couch and cuddle? I admit I have not been pleasant the past few weeks because he hasn't been telling me what the problem is and I am beyond upset about it, but this began way before I had a bad attitude. If he can't tell me what's wrong, if it's me, then how can I/we fix it?? He wants me to go out with friends and if/when I do he gets all uppity because I'm out without him, but he really has no desire to go out anyways. Yet I sit on the couch all day while he plays his video games and he wishes I had a hobby. Yet if I get a hobby, he'll most likely make fun of it or tell me the "right" way to do it. It's like I sit around the house and he gets annoyed because I'm not doing anything yet is happy that I'm there with him and he doesn't have to wonder where I am. I go out and be happy doing things with friends and come home to him scowling that I was out a long time or didn't call. However, if I had called he'd say "Don't worry. You didn't need to tell me you'd be out longer. Have a good time." Edited March 20, 2015 by Mapper71
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