minimariah Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Hi...yes we separated. The divorce part is taking a little longer. It was the right decision. what is your next step? are you planning your future with your AP? pardon my curiousity. i'm glad you're doing what's best for you, wishing you good luck in your future life - to you and your family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) I wore mine for about two years after we separated. I tried not wearing it for a couple of days and then put it back on. The main reason was the attention. I was amazed how many people noticed! Both friendly notice--as in I heard you guys were having problems... Let's go party and find you someone new! My beautician was relentless! And also the not so friendly--rings off, you're on the market! I now have liscence to treat you differently because you're now a dating prospect. So... I kept it on. Even when people know you're separated, I found the symbolism worked. A type of I'm not ready yet armour. I finally took it off when people began asking me why I was still wearing it. I still wear my eternity ring on my other hand, and have put the engagement and wedding rings away for our daughter. She's been making noises about wanting them for when she gets engaged; to get them taken apart and remodelled into a new engagement ring. I'm okay with that, but I'll run it past her Dad before it ever happens (if it ever does). Edited March 18, 2015 by SolG 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Wow Sol, I have been around the same people ring on and ring off, and have not noticed any difference in their behavior. That said, I used to notice a huge difference in women's behavior between being single and when I first got married. Also a difference between taking my ring off after my first wife died and becoming married again. Now I wonder if it's just because I am just not noticing, or if I'm around people who know my situation, or those who just don't notice sh*t, or if nobody pays any attention to me anymore. Thanks for making me self conscious! I am going to run an experiment now that you made me so. I need to know! I am going to wear my ring every other day and see how women I don't spend time with react. I will pay special attention. I will flirt either way and see how they react. This will be fun! Thanks for the idea! I'll let you know how it goes. Hugs! Wishing you the best! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 ...And in case anybody is wondering, I got flirted with a LOT more with my ring on than off. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I did not wear my ring when I was separated, but I also didn't date. It lasted 9 months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I took my ring off on D-day and threw it at him. I told him he might like to give it to his skanky AP so it wouldn't be embarrassing the next time they booked into a hotel together. I found out later that she still wore her fiance's engagement ring when she went out with my (then) husband. I never knew what happened to my wedding ring and I didn't care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 ...And in case anybody is wondering, I got flirted with a LOT more with my ring on than off. While it sounds cool, IMO it's really unremarkable. However, it's an easy way to facilitate exercising social interaction muscles. Keeps them in tone for when one feels authentically ready for romantic pursuits. If you ever get called out on it, just wink and say 'well, I'd like to be again someday' or something like that. Keep it flowing. Glad you had a good time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Wow Sol, I have been around the same people ring on and ring off, and have not noticed any difference in their behavior. That said, I used to notice a huge difference in women's behavior between being single and when I first got married. Also a difference between taking my ring off after my first wife died and becoming married again. Now I wonder if it's just because I am just not noticing, or if I'm around people who know my situation, or those who just don't notice sh*t, or if nobody pays any attention to me anymore. Thanks for making me self conscious! I am going to run an experiment now that you made me so. I need to know! I am going to wear my ring every other day and see how women I don't spend time with react. I will pay special attention. I will flirt either way and see how they react. This will be fun! Thanks for the idea! I'll let you know how it goes. Hugs! Wishing you the best! Ken There absolutely is a difference! Single GFs are tne worst; they well meaningly want to set you up with everyone and get you partying. It's like woo hoo! New partner in crime! And also, they just genuinely want to make you feel better. But that was the last thing I nedded. Did your single guy friends not try something similar? And with men, I'm actually talking more generically I guess. Yes, there were a few guys at work that expressed interest... but it was more just about the inconvenient attention I wasn't ready for. I clearly remember the day I decided to put my ring back on. I was on a business trip and had ducked into a restaurant for lunch. Over the course of my meal I was approached twice by men idly chatting and asking if tbey could join me. I pulled my laptop out and declined on the basis of sorry I'm way too busy to have company right now. Then there was the inevitable, well what are you doing later... Then I had to say no sorry still to busy tnen... Then it just occurred to me that I really didn't have the energy to do this every time. I had no interest in dating so even dealing with it sermed laborious. So much easier just to flash a ring. In my experience 99.9 % of guys will leave a married woman alone. I eventually took the ring off... Then ended up an OW. The irony huh? I still haven't dated since my M ended. Don't think I ever will :-/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 There absolutely is a difference! Single GFs are tne worst; they well meaningly want to set you up with everyone and get you partying. It's like woo hoo! New partner in crime! And also, they just genuinely want to make you feel better. But that was the last thing I nedded. Did your single guy friends not try something similar? And with men, I'm actually talking more generically I guess. Yes, there were a few guys at work that expressed interest... but it was more just about the inconvenient attention I wasn't ready for. I clearly remember the day I decided to put my ring back on. I was on a business trip and had ducked into a restaurant for lunch. Over the course of my meal I was approached twice by men idly chatting and asking if tbey could join me. I pulled my laptop out and declined on the basis of sorry I'm way too busy to have company right now. Then there was the inevitable, well what are you doing later... Then I had to say no sorry still to busy tnen... Then it just occurred to me that I really didn't have the energy to do this every time. I had no interest in dating so even dealing with it sermed laborious. So much easier just to flash a ring. In my experience 99.9 % of guys will leave a married woman alone. I eventually took the ring off... Then ended up an OW. The irony huh? I still haven't dated since my M ended. Don't think I ever will :-/ I still wear my ring too and also have no interest in dating do you think we are a lost cause ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Breezee Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Hmmm…I've been having second thoughts about this. My ring has been off for a few weeks now, still feels strange. Since I don't want the D, I'm wondering if I should just wear it until my status actually changes. I guess it's in hopes of a reconciliation. I'm conflicted about this one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 There absolutely is a difference! Single GFs are tne worst; they well meaningly want to set you up with everyone and get you partying. It's like woo hoo! New partner in crime! And also, they just genuinely want to make you feel better. But that was the last thing I nedded. Did your single guy friends not try something similar? And with men, I'm actually talking more generically I guess. Yes, there were a few guys at work that expressed interest... but it was more just about the inconvenient attention I wasn't ready for. I clearly remember the day I decided to put my ring back on. I was on a business trip and had ducked into a restaurant for lunch. Over the course of my meal I was approached twice by men idly chatting and asking if tbey could join me. I pulled my laptop out and declined on the basis of sorry I'm way too busy to have company right now. Then there was the inevitable, well what are you doing later... Then I had to say no sorry still to busy tnen... Then it just occurred to me that I really didn't have the energy to do this every time. I had no interest in dating so even dealing with it sermed laborious. So much easier just to flash a ring. In my experience 99.9 % of guys will leave a married woman alone. I eventually took the ring off... Then ended up an OW. The irony huh? I still haven't dated since my M ended. Don't think I ever will :-/ Sol, I think I get your meaning, but you kinda lost me with whether you were wearing your ring when those men were hitting on you. My opinion: if you are hot enough looking to attract several men while simply eating lunch, do NOT stop dating. You are in a prime of your life that simply must be had! And don't be so coy. You really can have some fun! Don't cheat yourself out of what is your right just because of a lost love. You deserve it! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 I took my ring off on D-day and threw it at him. I told him he might like to give it to his skanky AP so it wouldn't be embarrassing the next time they booked into a hotel together. I found out later that she still wore her fiance's engagement ring when she went out with my (then) husband. I never knew what happened to my wedding ring and I didn't care. Ouch!!! :-( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 I still wear my ring too and also have no interest in dating do you think we are a lost cause ? Nope, it will come. Just give it time my good friend! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Hmmm…I've been having second thoughts about this. My ring has been off for a few weeks now, still feels strange. Since I don't want the D, I'm wondering if I should just wear it until my status actually changes. I guess it's in hopes of a reconciliation. I'm conflicted about this one. My experience was that wearing it felt "normal" but did not help me in any way emotionally. Yours may differ. I suppose eventually "normal" will change and wearing it will feel weird. I have been wearing a ring on and off for 25 years, so normal is basically on. That said, I have had my stints of off and now is a big new one starting. I have given up on reconciliation per her "orders". There is no hope. If your relationship must end, may you find the same lack of hope I now have! It really does help acceptance, but I also know exactly how you feel!!! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I took my rings off on D Day. (3rd marraige urrrghh) WH started wearing his the day AFTER D Day. Ironic. I think mainly because OW sent us both the same text saying something about WH never wearing a wedding ring. Not that THAT made any difference, they both knew he was married! Bl**dy ridiculous bullsh**. About 6w later during "R" I put them back on to go out one night. I got dermatitis! 24hrs and that?!? Never had dermatitis before. I showed WH and said I was allergic to toxic marriages. Ha ha. Took em straight back off. I'm planning to keep them for our daughter. I'm buying myself a new ring full of as much bling as possible. I'm committed to myself now. When my first husband and I separated, he went to live OS. One day his friends showed me some photos and I noticed he was still wearing his wedding ring. Bit sad. Didn't want to break his heart but that's what happens when you're an A hole! Second marriage: I gave my antique engagement ring to our daughter for her 18th birthday. I think she lost it! I like to wear my grandmothers eternity ring for strength. So yeah rings are very symbolic to me. Lion Heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 I took my rings off on D Day. (3rd marraige urrrghh) WH started wearing his the day AFTER D Day. Ironic. I think mainly because OW sent us both the same text saying something about WH never wearing a wedding ring. Not that THAT made any difference, they both knew he was married! Bl**dy ridiculous bullsh**. About 6w later during "R" I put them back on to go out one night. I got dermatitis! 24hrs and that?!? Never had dermatitis before. I showed WH and said I was allergic to toxic marriages. Ha ha. Took em straight back off. I'm planning to keep them for our daughter. I'm buying myself a new ring full of as much bling as possible. I'm committed to myself now. When my first husband and I separated, he went to live OS. One day his friends showed me some photos and I noticed he was still wearing his wedding ring. Bit sad. Didn't want to break his heart but that's what happens when you're an A hole! Second marriage: I gave my antique engagement ring to our daughter for her 18th birthday. I think she lost it! I like to wear my grandmothers eternity ring for strength. So yeah rings are very symbolic to me. Lion Heart. I guess they have been for me too, but in a totally different way. During my first marriage, I lost my ring about half way through. I was working on her car, took it off so I didn't short a wire with it and put it in the console. I had forgotten it, but when remembered, couldn't find it anywhere. I even removed the seats to make sure I was not missing some nook. Since it was the one she put on my finger, I did not replace it. One can't really replace something like that. I never did wear a ring for the balance of our marriage and it did not seem to bother her at all. I never liked the feel of it anyway. For my second (current for now) marriage, I bought her a ring, and she did not really like it. It had stones that she thought were too big. She returned it (my money went back on my card) and got something she liked, but then told me I should go buy my own ring since she bought hers. I found mine on Amazon.com. The style I liked came in two materials: Titanium or Tungsten. They were the same price, cheap. Titanium is one of the lightest metals and Tungsten is one of the heaviest. I chose Tungsten. It is indeed heavy. If I hand it to someone they are amazed how heavy it is for its size. I liked that though, because I knew it was there! When I moved that hand or finger, I felt the mass. I like being married and wanted to feel that ring because it reminded me of my happiness. That's probably a big reason I notice it missing. Because I miss being married. So, I guess I did not prove my case for sentimentality. It certainly is not the value, that ring was $25 new at Amazon. As I said, I did notice it missing just from the feel. Putting it back on, though I miss the feel and the feeling of being married, does nothing for the latter. Without the latter, the former is a waste. I guess I did learn that much from this episode. Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Passenger Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 what is your next step? are you planning your future with your AP? pardon my curiousity. i'm glad you're doing what's best for you, wishing you good luck in your future life - to you and your family. That's quite alright. Thank you. It didn't work out with the AP so I am moving on. I have a few dates lined up over the next few weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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