JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 (edited) After feeling a knot in my stomach along with crying, I decided to do some heavy research. I found out that my wife cheated on me due to our marriage going stale, and I am putting the divorce through, because I am in too much pain to take her back. She left me three times in a row taking trips to Florida, and leaving for 1 to 2 weeks. She blew $800 on the man each time, and always returned broke. What pisses me off is that she left me in the dust here to rot and suffer, and didn't take me with her. The last time she left, she looked me in the eyes and said "I wish you had more experience with women" before she left to go on the plane. This made me sick, and I was in emotional pain. Although our marriage was going stale, she should have communicated with me before pulling a stunt like this. How do I know she's cheating? She pretty much admitted it on the phone. She refused to tell me where she was blowing $800 on her trips, then she said she "didn't know", and then she said "I probably spent it all on gas." I asked her who she went with, and she said she went with a guy. Not only that, but she was showing intense sexual aggressiveness in bed. According to a psychology document, she has feelings for this guy if she's showing this sexual aggressiveness. I yelled at her on the phone after I kicked her out of the house after realizing what she did, and she is in tears. Many people have told me to take her back, but I can't do it. As a man, I feel that I failed her, and let her slip away from me into another man's arms. Images are racing through my head of them having sex, and having fun at Disney World, Universal Studios, and so forth. The pain is so unbearable of what she did that I am in intense emotional agony, and have decided to put the divorce through two days ago. What she should have done was had some communication with me before she pulled this. Our marriage is going dry, because we live in a state where it snows 8 months a year, and we've been through extreme depression due to having no friends, and no family. Lack of social support was a domino effect that caused this, and our marriage went stale due to lack of social activity. The second reason I am divorcing her is because the entire six years we've been together, she never stood up for me in front of her family. I strongly believe she secretly disrespected me since day one. All I was was a sex toy to this woman that got manipulated due to being home schooled my whole life. She took advantage of me. But I have ended the story, and I am moving on with my life. I can't sit in this stupid ass state no more and suffer like this. I am leaving everything behind. Edited March 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Irrelevant external links redacted 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 You are not required to forgive infidelity. All of the things you mention that led to the demise of your relationship: snow, depression, no friends all come back to two fundamental problems -- failure to communicate & failure to make the effort with the other one. You have to reach out to make friends. Even if it was snowing a lot by you, you had options including taking some vacation time and being romantic in your house. A few candles, a fire, a bubble bath, a massage are all do at home things to keep the connection alive. Cooking together or even playing board games could bring you together & keep you close. Some couples read books to each other in bed. Somewhere, somehow somebody didn't make an effort. It led to her straying but that remains her choice. She could have stayed & worked harder or she could have asked for a divorce before cheating. Her comment to you sounds mean so in the long run you are probably better off with her gone. You will get through this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Forgiveness is not compulsory - it's an option some people choose. In fact, premature forgiveness makes people feel worse. She did not do what she did because something is lacking in you. She did it because something is lacking in her. Thats the truth of it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 In light of this posting, I tend to support the choice of a quick and expedient divorce and moving to Australia, or just moving and not bothering. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Whoever told you to forgive her and take her back was an idiot. Ask them to pay her 800$ in the future if they're so eager to defend her. Divorce her sorry butt and get out. You haven't failed her as a man, she failed you as a woman. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 It may have been said, but just in case: Your wife did not cheat due to lack of romance. She chose to cheat because something broken in HER. It is NOT you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Third reason I am divorcing her is because she laughed at me when I was pouring my heart out to her in emotional pain. (Sorry, it wont let me edit post.) Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 After feeling a knot in my stomach along with crying, I decided to do some heavy research. I found out that my wife cheated on me due to our marriage going stale, and I am putting the divorce through, because I am in too much pain to take her back. She left me three times in a row taking trips to Florida, and leaving for 1 to 2 weeks. She blew $800 on the man each time, and always returned broke. What pisses me off is that she left me in the dust here to rot and suffer, and didn't take me with her. The last time she left, she looked me in the eyes and said "I wish you had more experience with women" before she left to go on the plane. This made me sick, and I was in emotional pain. Although our marriage was going stale, she should have communicated with me before pulling a stunt like this. How do I know she's cheating? She pretty much admitted it on the phone. She refused to tell me where she was blowing $800 on her trips, then she said she "didn't know", and then she said "I probably spent it all on gas." I asked her who she went with, and she said she went with a guy. Not only that, but she was showing intense sexual aggressiveness in bed. According to a psychology document, she has feelings for this guy if she's showing this sexual aggressiveness. I yelled at her on the phone after I kicked her out of the house after realizing what she did, and she is in tears. Many people have told me to take her back, but I can't do it. As a man, I feel that I failed her, and let her slip away from me into another man's arms. Images are racing through my head of them having sex, and having fun at Disney World, Universal Studios, and so forth. The pain is so unbearable of what she did that I am in intense emotional agony, and have decided to put the divorce through two days ago. What she should have done was had some communication with me before she pulled this. Our marriage is going dry, because we live in a state where it snows 8 months a year, and we've been through extreme depression due to having no friends, and no family. Lack of social support was a domino effect that caused this, and our marriage went stale due to lack of social activity. The second reason I am divorcing her is because the entire six years we've been together, she never stood up for me in front of her family. I strongly believe she secretly disrespected me since day one. All I was was a sex toy to this woman that got manipulated due to being home schooled my whole life. She took advantage of me. But I have ended the story, and I am moving on with my life. I can't sit in this stupid ass state no more and suffer like this. I am leaving everything behind. Friend, you didn't fail her, you didn't push her in the arms of another man, she chose to cheat, she failed you. Reconciliation and divorcing are both right answers, choose the one that is best for you. She cheated for one reason, she wanted to and it had absolutely nothing to do with you. Most men have a hard time(most woman can't understand this)getting over the fact that their wife gave themselves freely to another man/men. Men have a hard time getting over the feeling of soiled goods, another man marked your territory. After going through infidelity several times I only have one strategy regarding it and that is zero tolerance. Do not let friends push their insecurities on you specially if no children are involved or your children are grown. Hope the porn star sex was worth the cost to her. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 (edited) You are not required to forgive infidelity. All of the things you mention that led to the demise of your relationship: snow, depression, no friends all come back to two fundamental problems -- failure to communicate & failure to make the effort with the other one. You have to reach out to make friends. Even if it was snowing a lot by you, you had options including taking some vacation time and being romantic in your house. A few candles, a fire, a bubble bath, a massage are all do at home things to keep the connection alive. Cooking together or even playing board games could bring you together & keep you close. Some couples read books to each other in bed. Somewhere, somehow somebody didn't make an effort. It led to her straying but that remains her choice. She could have stayed & worked harder or she could have asked for a divorce before cheating. Her comment to you sounds mean so in the long run you are probably better off with her gone. You will get through this. We DID make an effort on solving the problem. The entire time we've lived in Wisconsin, we tried EVERYTHING to meet people here, and become social. There's a cultural dysfunction in this state where people don't want to make friends due to how often it gets cold here. Notice how all the warm areas have people going out and having fun. I'm currently saving up for a ticket for Australia to meet some friends I met online. We TRIED spending time, and it FAILED each time. We did movies, bubble baths, arcades, cooking, the list goes on. The spark wasn't there, and something was missing. I think the spark failing was due to her not standing up for me this whole time. There was lack of trust that was hidden in our subconscious minds. Edited March 15, 2015 by JoshCube Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Forgiveness is not compulsory - it's an option some people choose. In fact, premature forgiveness makes people feel worse. She did not do what she did because something is lacking in you. She did it because something is lacking in her. Thats the truth of it. Yep, and I think its on her part. If she's been secretly putting me down in front of her family since day one, our relationship was secretly cursed this entire six years. And no, I'm not going to forgive her at all. **** that Christian bull****. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 We DID make an effort on solving the problem. The entire time we've lived in Wisconsin, we tried EVERYTHING to meet people here, and become social. There's a cultural dysfunction in this state where people don't want to make friends due to how often it gets cold here. Notice how all the warm areas have people going out and having fun. I'm currently saving up for a ticket for Australia to meet some friends I met online. We TRIED spending time, and it FAILED each time. We did movies, bubble baths, arcades, cooking, the list goes on. The spark wasn't there, and something was missing. I think the spark failing was due to her not standing up for me this whole time. There was lack of trust that was hidden in our subconscious minds. OK. That just means that your decision to divorce is even more valid. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 In light of this posting, I tend to support the choice of a quick and expedient divorce and moving to Australia, or just moving and not bothering. That's what I'm doing. Wisconsin has some weird curse. When you have NO family, NO friends, and then NO wife, SOMETHING is going wrong. Its not just me, there's been about six people I spoke to that moved here that begun having the same problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 If divorce is the answer you have chosen...then good for you. You are not required to forgive her or take her back and this is not your fault. She made the decision to cheat...she knew the consequences...it was worth the risk to her. I wish you peace and healing in your decision. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Whoever told you to forgive her and take her back was an idiot. Ask them to pay her 800$ in the future if they're so eager to defend her. Divorce her sorry butt and get out. You haven't failed her as a man, she failed you as a woman. Thanks, I needed that. By the way, it was $2400 if you count all three trips. Not only that, but her father was PAYING her plane fare. The total for the whole thing is about $3300, so that was her bill for the new dating experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Josh With what she has done and her attitude, if you do not divorce her you are nuts. You can do better than this. Get to a lawyer asap, take half your assets and close your accounts and reopen them in your name only. You donot have to justify your actions and NO LIMIT put it correctly. The people telling you to take her back are the idiots here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 It may have been said, but just in case: Your wife did not cheat due to lack of romance. She chose to cheat because something broken in HER. It is NOT you. Our relationship was cursed since day one, I just didn't realize it. If I was more experienced with dating, I would have pulled from this relationship YEARS ago. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 If your spouse is deep into the grass being greener, she might be amenable to a quick and painless D and that would work better if emigrating to Australia. Absent a marriage 'green card', you'll need to be young enough and with employment opportunities to get into the country to live there. When I first started traveling there, I was already too old, over 45. IDK if the laws have changed. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Friend, you didn't fail her, you didn't push her in the arms of another man, she chose to cheat, she failed you. Reconciliation and divorcing are both right answers, choose the one that is best for you. She cheated for one reason, she wanted to and it had absolutely nothing to do with you. Most men have a hard time(most woman can't understand this)getting over the fact that their wife gave themselves freely to another man/men. Men have a hard time getting over the feeling of soiled goods, another man marked your territory. After going through infidelity several times I only have one strategy regarding it and that is zero tolerance. Do not let friends push their insecurities on you specially if no children are involved or your children are grown. Hope the porn star sex was worth the cost to her. Yeah, our entire six year relationship was just a porn movie. Lack of romance in a relationship is a bad bad sign. I think I was confusing love with lust. Thank god we have no children. I'm getting the hell out of Wisconsin, this state is CURSED to the core. However, I cannot say that being with her was a waste of time. Deep down inside our souls, love was there, it just wasn't 100%. It was fun while it lasted, and now, I have experience so this doesn't happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 If divorce is the answer you have chosen...then good for you. You are not required to forgive her or take her back and this is not your fault. She made the decision to cheat...she knew the consequences...it was worth the risk to her. I wish you peace and healing in your decision. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Josh With what she has done and her attitude, if you do not divorce her you are nuts. You can do better than this. Get to a lawyer asap, take half your assets and close your accounts and reopen them in your name only. You donot have to justify your actions and NO LIMIT put it correctly. The people telling you to take her back are the idiots here. I don't own anything, just electronics in my room, and we have two cars. One car is in my name only, the other is in both our names (given to her by a family members). Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 If your spouse is deep into the grass being greener, she might be amenable to a quick and painless D and that would work better if emigrating to Australia. Absent a marriage 'green card', you'll need to be young enough and with employment opportunities to get into the country to live there. When I first started traveling there, I was already too old, over 45. IDK if the laws have changed. Good luck! The laws have changed. You can live and work there if you are engaged to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Yes, that's what I meant by marriage visa, similar to our K1 here in the US, which is technically a 'fiance' visa. However, unless you're not divorced, you may be in violation of Australian law by marrying a citizen to immigrate while still legally married in the US, hence my suggestion regarding getting a quick and amicable divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Do get checked for stds. And do tell everyone about her cheating. Also tell her OM's family. Good luck on your D and finding peace. Your life will be better off without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Do get checked for stds. And do tell everyone about her cheating. Also tell her OM's family. Good luck on your D and finding peace. Your life will be better off without her. Highly doubt she slept with the guy, because she was showing sexual aggressiveness in bed. Sexual passiveness would have meant she already slept with him, so I think I'm OK. My male intuition tells me she did not sleep with him, BUT, they had thoughts of it when this was all going on. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Yes, that's what I meant by marriage visa, similar to our K1 here in the US, which is technically a 'fiance' visa. However, unless you're not divorced, you may be in violation of Australian law by marrying a citizen to immigrate while still legally married in the US, hence my suggestion regarding getting a quick and amicable divorce. The woman I'm speaking to in Australia is still dating the guy she's with, but I can tell she's having doubts with him based on how she's structuring her e-mails. She still likes me, wants to be friends, and wants to keep in touch. I decided to be friends with her, because burning the bridges would leave out the chance of a new book being opened in my dating life. I still have faith she will choose me, my intuition even says she will once she sees me. I just have to be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
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