Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Guys, I've noticed that relationships are like a flower. If you don't water it and give it sunlight, it will wither away. In my case, the flower was ripped from the ground it seems. Lack of faith, support, and confidence it would bloom. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Ha, extraneous 'not' in my post.... apologies for that. Overall, since it appears your partnership has few areas of contention, taking advantage of W's distractions and current desires could result in an inexpensive and quick D so you can move on and grow this interaction you're speaking of in Oz or simply move on in your individual life. Personally, I found, once the strife had subsided, so had the desire for such interactions as you outlined. IMO, the emotions were all connected. Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Highly doubt she slept with the guy, because she was showing sexual aggressiveness in bed. Sexual passiveness would have meant she already slept with him, so I think I'm OK. My male intuition tells me she did not sleep with him, BUT, they had thoughts of it when this was all going on. Thanks. Oh, you might need to talk to some BS's here on that one. Sexual aggression does NOT necessarily mean she wasn't having sex with this guy. Sometimes it's a cover. Get checked regardless. 6 years a a long time however thank goodness no kids and no assets means you can have a pretty clean break. I am sorry you had to go through this. It seems your decision is secure in your mind. A few questions: May I ask how old you both are? Is she still living with you currently? How is she reacting to all this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 She left me three times in a row taking trips to Florida, and leaving for 1 to 2 weeks. I asked her who she went with, and she said she went with a guy. Images are racing through my head of them having sex, and having fun at Disney World, Universal Studios, and so forth. The above is all that you had to say to us in explaining why you are divorcing her. This is all that you should say to her and anyone else that asks why. Saying anything else will make you look weak and distract from what she actually did. I do not see how she can go on 1 to 2 week vacations 3 times with another man and not expect you to divorce her. Anyone that is advising you not to divorce her, are not really your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 OP, the tone of your posts sounds pretty desperate. It does sound like once you're over the initial shock of discovering this information, you'll be emotionally able to deal. I would caution you, though about running off to Australia to see a woman who is dating someone else currently. Even if that relationship is on the rocks, people fresh out of relationships rarely can maintain any kind of intimacy with another person. Why not give yourself a break? Cool your jets. I know you're eager to spread your wings. You'll have plenty of time to do that with a more level head. Trust that with the dissolution of this relationship will come new insights into yourself---what you want, who you are, how your boundaries are shaped. Resist the urge to burn the candle at both ends. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Highly doubt she slept with the guy, because she was showing sexual aggressiveness in bed. Sexual passiveness would have meant she already slept with him, so I think I'm OK. My male intuition tells me she did not sleep with him, BUT, they had thoughts of it when this was all going on. Your logic is false logic. Of course she slept with him. You saying otherwise explains why she felt safe going off on 3 trips with another man on your dime. Please stop being played the fool by her, as she and her lover laugh at you in disbelief that you are still buying her story that they did not have sex. Leave this marriage with some dignity, and not accept her ridiculous claim that she did they did not have sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Thanks, I needed that. By the way, it was $2400 if you count all three trips. Not only that, but her father was PAYING her plane fare. The total for the whole thing is about $3300, so that was her bill for the new dating experience. Your lawyer needs this information, the cost of her infidelity is hers and needs to be subtracted from her settlement, include cell phone bills, long distance phone calls, gas and rent a car in Florida, hotel room and hotel room charges, restaurant charges, tips, any credit card charges in Florida and any gifts she may have bought him. If the guy is married or in a relationship expose him to his spouse so she knows what's going on. Hope your not in Recine, lot's of empty stores the last time I was there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Oh, you might need to talk to some BS's here on that one. Sexual aggression does NOT necessarily mean she wasn't having sex with this guy. Sometimes it's a cover. Get checked regardless. 6 years a a long time however thank goodness no kids and no assets means you can have a pretty clean break. I am sorry you had to go through this. It seems your decision is secure in your mind. A few questions: May I ask how old you both are? Is she still living with you currently? How is she reacting to all this? Yep, I'm going to get tested anyway, but based on my intuition and the way she acted when she returned home, I'm very certain there was no sexual activity going on. I am 29, she turns 29 in March. No, I kicked her out. She's at a friend's house in the next state over. Judging by the way she's acting, she is in a lot of pain. She said she's been splurging at McDonald's, and has been moping around the house for days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Based on the OP's recount, a lawyer's retainer would be equal to or more than the OP's net worth. Since there are no children, there is no income relevant to imputing child support. Essentially, absent attachable retirement accounts, there's no blood in the turnip, just income and debt and, in the current economy in his state, the latter is likely. I'd still work the social hack of getting the quick and cheap D while her hormones are in Florida. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Ha, extraneous 'not' in my post.... apologies for that. Overall, since it appears your partnership has few areas of contention, taking advantage of W's distractions and current desires could result in an inexpensive and quick D so you can move on and grow this interaction you're speaking of in Oz or simply move on in your individual life. Personally, I found, once the strife had subsided, so had the desire for such interactions as you outlined. IMO, the emotions were all connected. I partly blame society for the divorce. It feels like we were on a deserted island, and more and more survivors disappeared as each year went by. Notice how all the doors closed on us. Lack of family support was the first door, lack of close friends was the second door, lack of peers was the third, and then the final door was the relationship itself. It kind of reminds me of that movie Open Water, only with more people that fell off the ship. One by one everyone disappeared, and we were the last to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 The above is all that you had to say to us in explaining why you are divorcing her. This is all that you should say to her and anyone else that asks why. Saying anything else will make you look weak and distract from what she actually did. I do not see how she can go on 1 to 2 week vacations 3 times with another man and not expect you to divorce her. Anyone that is advising you not to divorce her, are not really your friends. Well, to hear that my wife is running around at theme parks with some guy while I'm sitting at home alone is pretty disturbing. I can see your point, but what she did was completely abhorrent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 OP, the tone of your posts sounds pretty desperate. It does sound like once you're over the initial shock of discovering this information, you'll be emotionally able to deal. I would caution you, though about running off to Australia to see a woman who is dating someone else currently. Even if that relationship is on the rocks, people fresh out of relationships rarely can maintain any kind of intimacy with another person. Why not give yourself a break? Cool your jets. I know you're eager to spread your wings. You'll have plenty of time to do that with a more level head. Trust that with the dissolution of this relationship will come new insights into yourself---what you want, who you are, how your boundaries are shaped. Resist the urge to burn the candle at both ends. I completely understand where you're coming from, but there's more to the story. I met this Australian girl before she even met this guy, and we were very close. We built a romantic relationship at around the same time she started dating this guy, plus she is still keeping in contact with me. Judging by her words, she is having doubts with the guy, and I feel she still likes me. I'm going to wait it out, and there's no rush. She even said in all CAPS at the end of one of her e-mails to not lose contact with her. The spark is still there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Your logic is false logic. Of course she slept with him. You saying otherwise explains why she felt safe going off on 3 trips with another man on your dime. Please stop being played the fool by her, as she and her lover laugh at you in disbelief that you are still buying her story that they did not have sex. Leave this marriage with some dignity, and not accept her ridiculous claim that she did they did not have sex. I never questioned her about sex. My gut feeling is telling me she didn't have sex based on a number of things I looked at. But who knows, I may be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Judging by the way she's acting, she is in a lot of pain. She said she's been splurging at McDonald's, and has been moping around the house for days. Splurging at McDonald's.... she is having it rough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Your lawyer needs this information, the cost of her infidelity is hers and needs to be subtracted from her settlement, include cell phone bills, long distance phone calls, gas and rent a car in Florida, hotel room and hotel room charges, restaurant charges, tips, any credit card charges in Florida and any gifts she may have bought him. If the guy is married or in a relationship expose him to his spouse so she knows what's going on. Hope your not in Recine, lot's of empty stores the last time I was there. I do not want any settlement from her, because this incident is too devastating. I even marked on the divorce papers that I felt that neither party should receive settlement. I do not want a woman giving me dirty money, period. I even split all our electronic equipment down the middle, including both cars. I don't want anything from her. I want my damn sanity back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Splurging at McDonald's.... she is having it rough. Mal, do you seriously think she slept with him? My gut feeling says no, and my mom's intuition even says no (my mother has always been living here, even before I booted my wife). We both strongly think she didn't, because she's in a lot of emotional pain, and we could also tell by her body language. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Josh, Your thread stated out sensible, but the shock and hurt have now got you thinking unrealistically. Understand this. An adult woman does not go three times on overnight trips with another man and not have sex with him. If you are basing any idea of trying to get back with her on your analysis of how she is acting indicating she did not have sex, you are making a big big mistake. With what she has done why do you believe ANYTHING she tells you.???????? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Based on the OP's recount, a lawyer's retainer would be equal to or more than the OP's net worth. Since there are no children, there is no income relevant to imputing child support. Essentially, absent attachable retirement accounts, there's no blood in the turnip, just income and debt and, in the current economy in his state, the latter is likely. I'd still work the social hack of getting the quick and cheap D while her hormones are in Florida. We don't own any property, just some video game consoles with games, two computers, and two cars. We have no children. Like I said, I want nothing from this woman. I want her out of my life, that is all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Josh, Your thread stated out sensible, but the shock and hurt have now got you thinking unrealistically. Understand this. An adult woman does not go three times on overnight trips with another man and not have sex with him. If you are basing any idea of trying to get back with her on your analysis of how she is acting indicating she did not have sex, you are making a big big mistake. With what she has done why do you believe ANYTHING she tells you.???????? You are probably right. I may be in disbelief. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Many a WW cuts off their BH in the bed room during an affair. Though many a WW ramps up the sex at home because the affair makes her want sex more and the OM is not there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Also no man is going to go on three trips with a woman if she is not putting out. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoshCube Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Many a WW cuts off their BH in the bed room during an affair. Though many a WW ramps up the sex at home because the affair makes her want sex more and the OM is not there. Please explain the abbreviations you are using. What is WW, BH, and OM? Can you explain these in detail? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Please explain the abbreviations you are using. What is WW, BH, and OM? Can you explain these in detail? Thanks. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I'm amazed it took you 3 times of her walking out with another man before you did anything about. What did you do the first 2 times...sit and pout? Once would be enough for most self confident men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Please explain the abbreviations you are using. What is WW, BH, and OM? Can you explain these in detail? Thanks. WW = Wayward Wife BH - Betrayed Husband OM = Other Man Link to post Share on other sites
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