Wife cheated on me due to lack of romance. I'm filing a divorce, and cannot forgive.

[devilish innocent]

I met this Australian girl before she even met this guy, and we were very close. We built a romantic relationship at around the same time she started dating this guy, plus she is still keeping in contact with me. Judging by her words, she is having doubts with the guy, and I feel she still likes me. I'm going to wait it out, and there's no rush. She even said in all CAPS at the end of one of her e-mails to not lose contact with her. The spark is still there.

 

I'd still be cautious about moving to Australia for this lady's sake. She was maintaining an online emotional affair with you while dating somebody back home. You say you've learned your lesson from your experience with your wife, but I don't know why you trust this lady given the circumstances. She also sounds like somebody you've been using just to help you end things with your wife. I have a sense that things are likely not to work out with her.

[autumnnight]

I completely understand where you're coming from, but there's more to the story.

 

I met this Australian girl before she even met this guy, and we were very close. We built a romantic relationship at around the same time she started dating this guy, plus she is still keeping in contact with me. Judging by her words, she is having doubts with the guy, and I feel she still likes me. I'm going to wait it out, and there's no rush. She even said in all CAPS at the end of one of her e-mails to not lose contact with her. The spark is still there.

 

Wait, were you doing this while married?

[No Limit]

Thanks, I needed that. By the way, it was $2400 if you count all three trips. Not only that, but her father was PAYING her plane fare. The total for the whole thing is about $3300, so that was her bill for the new dating experience.

 

3300$ for an affair that so far consisted of probably just 3 encounters? Geez, she'll be bankrupt in no time once the divorce is finalized. Needless to say, protect your money, get all of your money in a seperate bank account.

[Mal78]

Mal, do you seriously think she slept with him? My gut feeling says no, and my mom's intuition even says no (my mother has always been living here, even before I booted my wife). We both strongly think she didn't, because she's in a lot of emotional pain, and we could also tell by her body language.

 

You and your wife are 29, not 19.

 

You feel like you may have lacked experience due to being home schooled, yet your Mother lives with you.

 

Your wife goes on not 1, not 2.... but 3 different trips with a "guy" but both you and your Mom's gut feeling is she didn't have sex with the guy. How the heck would *your MOM* have a gut feeling opinion on this?? Is she one of those encouraging you to stay/work it out?

 

You met this women in AU on-line and you are having a EA = Emotion Affair (Yup it's a "thing" look it up) with her. Your free of your wife and your knee jerk reaction is to go be with a women who is also in a relationship. You are basically going on a hope and a prayer it will work out.

 

Josh, you need to slow down. I am sure you told your wife all about this AU girl that you started talking to before she started taking vacations with OM.

 

So, you aren't actually having sex with your OW and you believe your wife isn't having sex with her OM, what's the issue here?

Edited March 16, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content retained

[JoshCube]

You and your wife are 29, not 19.

 

You feel like you may have lacked experience due to being home schooled, yet your Mother lives with you.

 

Your wife goes on not 1, not 2.... but 3 different trips with a "guy" but both you and your Mom's gut feeling is she didn't have sex with the guy. How the heck would *your MOM* have a gut feeling opinion on this?? Is she one of those encouraging you to stay/work it out?

 

You met this women in AU on-line and you are having a EA = Emotion Affair (Yup it's a "thing" look it up) with her. Your free of your wife and your knee jerk reaction is to go be with a women who is also in a relationship. You are basically going on a hope and a prayer it will work out.

 

Josh, you need to slow down. I am sure you told your wife all about this AU girl that you started talking to before she started taking vacations with OM.

 

So, you aren't actually having sex with your OW and you believe your wife isn't having sex with her OM, what's the issue here?

 

Because you guys are only seeing basic information of the story about what happened, and there's more to the story. We've been living with her under the same roof, and we're very sure we would have picked up something was wrong when she returned from her vacation. Another thing I forgot to mention is that she has family in Florida as well.

 

I questioned her for about an hour on the phone, and wrote down two pages of notes. Based on the information she gave me, mom and I did not pick up any red flags. The only thing we picked up was that she had sexual thoughts about the guy.

 

The issue is that our relationship is falling apart due to social depression. There's no social life in Wisconsin, period.

 

By the way, I'm not going to Australia solely based on meeting this woman, I'm going because I'm wanting to immigrate there. She knows this, and is trying to help me out.

[JoshCube]

I'd still be cautious about moving to Australia for this lady's sake. She was maintaining an online emotional affair with you while dating somebody back home. You say you've learned your lesson from your experience with your wife, but I don't know why you trust this lady given the circumstances. She also sounds like somebody you've been using just to help you end things with your wife. I have a sense that things are likely not to work out with her.

 

Because she strongly suggested she wanted to be friends, and she said she still had emotions for the guy she was with. She doesn't want to lose contact with me, and is looking forward to me coming. I'm coming down there as a friend, and she knows the depressive situation I'm in.

[JoshCube]

Wait, were you doing this while married?

 

Yes.........

[JoshCube]

3300$ for an affair that so far consisted of probably just 3 encounters? Geez, she'll be bankrupt in no time once the divorce is finalized. Needless to say, protect your money, get all of your money in a seperate bank account.

 

I'm in so much depression right now that I do not have any care about money. Also, the $3300 is an exaggeration, because I don't know her exact amount she was spending. I was calculating her basic paychecks.

[JoshCube]

I'm amazed it took you 3 times of her walking out with another man before you did anything about. What did you do the first 2 times...sit and pout? Once would be enough for most self confident men.

 

I was in school while she was taking these trips, so I could never go. She has family in Florida, so it didn't cross my mind she was dating a guy.

[carhill]

Warning: When you file for divorce, the outcome of that is unknown as to her response. She may want to reconcile. Women can be very persuasive when they want something and she knows all your buttons. I'd suggest a plan of action for that potential, if you're the type of guy who plans things out. Otherwise, just wing it and handle it how you feel in the moment. Same for any other potential outcome. Choose one thing you want out of this and remain focused on that.

 

I think it can help you to separate out your own feelings and issues, like your perspective on life in Wisconsin and wanting to get out, from the marital issues, whatever they are, from your wife's apparent infidelity, from your attachment to this person in Australia, and work each issue separately. Only you know your priorities. Pick a start point and get moving.

[SycamoreCircle]

I completely understand where you're coming from, but there's more to the story.

 

I met this Australian girl before she even met this guy, and we were very close. We built a romantic relationship at around the same time she started dating this guy, plus she is still keeping in contact with me. Judging by her words, she is having doubts with the guy, and I feel she still likes me. I'm going to wait it out, and there's no rush. She even said in all CAPS at the end of one of her e-mails to not lose contact with her. The spark is still there.

I'm not going to press the matter but if she's corresponding with you while seeing another guy, she'll correspond with another guy while seeing you. I'm also a staunch advocate of never selling the farm for a romantic interest. Bad idea. Now if you could really convince me that you've always wanted to live in Australia...

[Lion Heart]

Hi Josh,

 

IMOO (in my opinion only) there are some crazy goings on in your relationships / marriage / under your roof. You need to sort SO MUCH OUT in SO many facets of your life before you bring it all to Oz!

 

I know you can't possibly fill us in on all the details but I've got some questions for you... and yes they're relevant to further posts.

1. So you're still studying. Do you earn money or is your mother and wife supporting you?

2. Is your mother living in your house or have you both been living in your mother's house?

3. I find it extraordinary that people in 1st world countries complain about where they live, yet live there for years & keep complaining. Why do you live there?

4. Have you finished studying?

5. Would you go on 3 separate holidays with a woman and never have sex?

6. How much money have you got saved to emigrate?

7. Are you plotting a "green card" type arrangement with cheating online gf in AU?

 

I'd love to know your answers to those questions. I'll probably have more!

 

I'm gonna say straight up it's a no brainer that you guys need to divorce. She's off with another guy and your head has been off with another girl since before your wife knicked off. You don't have children or assets to get the whole business more entangled so just cut and run.

 

If there was any chance for your marriage then you both could've cut the state you hate living in and lived in a caravan in any other sunny US state together. You think it might be an escape living in a caravan in a back yard in Oz? Ewwww be careful with those thoughts. Just as many cheating nutcases here I'm afraid to say (just less gun wielding ones - don't shoot me down for that one! Lol). BE CAREFUL. I can understand your need to escape from everything there and your posts just may be about grief and anger but it seems at 29 you have a lot of growing up to do.

No matter what and how wonderful your mum is, you need to leave mum too (sorry mum!). It's true.

 

What I'm saying is don't bank on the world, another woman, another country or anything else to "give you what you need". It starts with you standing on your own 2 feet. Depending on YOURSELF. Supporting yourself. Getting qualified and getting a great job. Move to where you can get all this done THEN move to Oz. Things get tighter for travelling here all the time. Gosh immigrating can be extremely difficult without good quals. Get them done so you're NOT depending on some nitwit living on everyone else here. Plus she's cheating on her boyfriend with you (yeah emotional affairs are cheating). Just realise you've got NO IDEA whatsoever about this OW. Read the thread by LifeWasted If you want to see how his Internet relationship ended up.

 

Please give yourself some time to do what needs to be done within your own life, to build yourself up within the safety of your own country. At least you'd have some support network there should you need them. OR leave $3000 in a bank there before you leave so if you end up penniless and homeless here, you can get home!

 

Pessimistic optomist me.

 

I think you're gonna have a great life. I might even pass you on the beach one day! But man, get your life together. THEN you'll meet a great girl.

 

A big good luck!

Lion Heart.

[autumnnight]

Basically it sounds like you have BOTH had affairs; hers just had a chance to get physical. Yours will if you go to Australia. I don't see much to save here.

[JoshCube]

I'm not going to press the matter but if she's corresponding with you while seeing another guy, she'll correspond with another guy while seeing you. I'm also a staunch advocate of never selling the farm for a romantic interest. Bad idea. Now if you could really convince me that you've always wanted to live in Australia...

 

I've been trying to relocate to Australia for years, I just couldn't figure out how to do it until I spoke to an immigration lawyer.

 

The reason why the girl is acting like this is because we're both long distance. Its a brick wall that's in the way.

[Raines]

But I have ended the story, and I am moving on with my life. I can't sit in this stupid ass state no more and suffer like this. I am leaving everything behind.

 

 

 

Better days are ahead my man. Try not to fret too much over it. I know its hard now, but once you are rid of her and moving on, life will improve.

 

 

And I always love the excuses cheaters put forth. The marriage went stale? Then why didn't you cheat? Because you have better character.

 

 

Just forge forward with divorcing her and never look back.

[Raines]

The woman I'm speaking to in Australia is still dating the guy she's with, but I can tell she's having doubts with him based on how she's structuring her e-mails. She still likes me, wants to be friends, and wants to keep in touch.

 

I decided to be friends with her, because burning the bridges would leave out the chance of a new book being opened in my dating life. I still have faith she will choose me, my intuition even says she will once she sees me. I just have to be patient.

 

 

 

I'm sorry to feel this way, but IMO, you are going to end up getting into something with someone that has boundary issues in a relationship.

 

 

What she is doing to you now, talking to you while she is still with someone else, you are going to get yourself into something with someone I don't believe you could trust.

[happyman64]

Thanks, I needed that. By the way, it was $2400 if you count all three trips. Not only that, but her father was PAYING her plane fare. The total for the whole thing is about $3300, so that was her bill for the new dating experience.

 

 

What did she tell her Dada she was up to on these trips?

[William]

Due to overstepping forum boundaries regarding the dissemination of personal information and/or soliciting same, responses from the thread starter may be delayed. Please continue to address the topic. Thanks!

[Lion Heart]

Good luck with your fresh start.

 

LH

[JoshCube]

LOL, she just told her whole family she was married for the first time, and now they're hearing she's getting a divorce. She's looking like a complete dumb ass right now. I've got the whole family calling my phone, messaging me on Face Book, and they're all in a panic right now trying to get a hold of me. She's in tears, and is going ballistic.

 

Burn in hell you bitch.

[No Limit]

Man, sounds like there was seriously something wrong with her...

Meh, maybe not in hell. But "burn in the fires you created yourself" maybe.

[jnel921]

JoshCube,

 

You say that there was a disrespect since day one. So why did you marry her?

 

The state of your M takes 2 people. Your W made you aware on 3 different occasions that the sex life was stale and she needed more. This conversation should have happened only once and as a H who at that time may have wanted to save his M would have attempted to try and remedy this.

 

You know years back I had the same conversation with my own H. I remember posting here how he dried up and I was wet and ready to go. I spent a long time frustrated and arguing with him over this. Then years later he cheated on me! It was of course hurtful. If anything I think anyone would have thought it would have been me to make that move. I was shocked.

 

I can't say the thoughts didn't cross my mind, but then I thought about my family, my H and all of the things we have gone though together in this lifetime. I never wanted to put them and myself at risk ever. But it is a lonely and hurtful feeling when your own H doesn't desire you.

 

We managed to stay together and work things out. 2 and a half years later we are doing much better. But it wasn't easy and there were a lot of tears and we still are a work in progress.

 

So for your W to feel like she had to take that leap into another man's bed is telling. By no means is she right. But you need to acknowledge your part in all of this too.

 

When a M goes south it is usually both parties that need to try and fix it.

 

I am sorry that you are hurt by this. I hope everything works itself out. IC may help you. Good Luck

[autumnnight]

I can understand why you want her to burn. Would you say, due to your emotional affair, that you should as well? because you have cheated too.

[Lokin4AReason]

let her go and don't look back

 

 

I dislike to say, I was going thru somewhat the same situation ..

 

 

it was hard in the beginning but w/ sometime, you ll see all the tell tale sign(s) of everything and you ll be able to put everything together ..

 

 

you ll be better off w/ someone else that will give you more respect than she did ( along w/ having some morals also ) ... IMO

[MidwestUSA]

Well, Josh, guys who respect their wives don't post on yahoo looking for someone else.

 

"I made a random post on Yahoo Answers around May of last year saying I wanted a woman that had traits like Princess Zelda, and this woman from Australia saw the post, and thought it was cute (she's heavily into fantasy stuff). We exchanged e-mails, and became friends. Our e-mails were in long paragraphs at this time."

 

 

May of 2014. I'm not going to get into who did what first, but you claim to have fallen in love with this girl.

 

I don't see the problem. Get the divorce rolling and get it over with. I think a little honesty in your first post would have netted a lot less sympathy and more straightforward advice.