Author Zachc93 Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 I said a somewhat success story. I know there's still a long ways to go, but it's better than how it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 You are putting the cart way, way, way before the horse. I think she wants you as a buddy, nothing more. Trying to use that to coerce her into dating you again is a horrible path to take. And you are assuming that she wouldn't just settle for being friends. SHE TOLD YOU THAT SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND! Yet you are projecting your thoughts and pretending like they are her thoughts. That's a huge mistake and I really don't think this is going to end well. You're on different pages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zachc93 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 You are putting the cart way, way, way before the horse. I think she wants you as a buddy, nothing more. Trying to use that to coerce her into dating you again is a horrible path to take. And you are assuming that she wouldn't just settle for being friends. SHE TOLD YOU THAT SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND! Yet you are projecting your thoughts and pretending like they are her thoughts. That's a huge mistake and I really don't think this is going to end well. You're on different pages. Alright, so what course of action would you take from here? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Alright, so what course of action would you take from here? Well, first of all, stop chasing. No more initiating conversation, no more contacting her. It's up to her to come after you, she dumped you. That being said, I think you screwed up here by breaking No Contact. Not only did you admit that the contact make you more confused, you aren't ready to be her friend -- you still want her as a girlfriend and that is your goal. All you did by breaking NC was allow her to feel better about herself because she realizes that you aren't mad at her, so now there's no guilt about breaking up with you. She can do whatever she wants to knowing that not only aren't you mad, but you're there to be her "buddy". I would go back to No Contact and stay there until you truly don't care whether you're her boyfriend, platonic buddy, acquaintance, friend of her next boyfriend, whatever. But this "I have to start somewhere" stuff as far as you rationalizing pretending to be her friend is a first-class ticket to nowhere. Friends that end up being lovers start out as actual friends first. You aren't an actual friend -- you're planning on using the appearance of being a friend to try to manipulate your way into being more. If you go through with that she'll eventually figure out your motives. And you'll be SOL. Long story short, treat that as a No Contact hiccup and go back. You aren't ready for this game. Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Well, first of all, stop chasing. No more initiating conversation, no more contacting her. It's up to her to come after you, she dumped you. That being said, I think you screwed up here by breaking No Contact. Not only did you admit that the contact make you more confused, you aren't ready to be her friend -- you still want her as a girlfriend and that is your goal. All you did by breaking NC was allow her to feel better about herself because she realizes that you aren't mad at her, so now there's no guilt about breaking up with you. She can do whatever she wants to knowing that not only aren't you mad, but you're there to be her "buddy". I would go back to No Contact and stay there until you truly don't care whether you're her boyfriend, platonic buddy, acquaintance, friend of her next boyfriend, whatever. But this "I have to start somewhere" stuff as far as you rationalizing pretending to be her friend is a first-class ticket to nowhere. Friends that end up being lovers start out as actual friends first. You aren't an actual friend -- you're planning on using the appearance of being a friend to try to manipulate your way into being more. If you go through with that she'll eventually figure out your motives. And you'll be SOL. Long story short, treat that as a No Contact hiccup and go back. You aren't ready for this game. I almost had the thought of sending a text to my ex after 25 days NC. But I don't have the urge of sending a text or even know what to send. I swear Simon you're the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zachc93 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) Well, first of all, stop chasing. No more initiating conversation, no more contacting her. It's up to her to come after you, she dumped you. That being said, I think you screwed up here by breaking No Contact. Not only did you admit that the contact make you more confused, you aren't ready to be her friend -- you still want her as a girlfriend and that is your goal. All you did by breaking NC was allow her to feel better about herself because she realizes that you aren't mad at her, so now there's no guilt about breaking up with you. She can do whatever she wants to knowing that not only aren't you mad, but you're there to be her "buddy". I would go back to No Contact and stay there until you truly don't care whether you're her boyfriend, platonic buddy, acquaintance, friend of her next boyfriend, whatever. But this "I have to start somewhere" stuff as far as you rationalizing pretending to be her friend is a first-class ticket to nowhere. Friends that end up being lovers start out as actual friends first. You aren't an actual friend -- you're planning on using the appearance of being a friend to try to manipulate your way into being more. If you go through with that she'll eventually figure out your motives. And you'll be SOL. Long story short, treat that as a No Contact hiccup and go back. You aren't ready for this game. With you sayin all that and her not contacting for a couple days, I am thinking about sending this to her. "heyy ****, there's just something Id like to clear up and be real with you about. After these past few weeks, I realized how important you are to me and that I still have deep feelings for you because I truly believe there is something more here. Honestly, I think there's a lot here. I know I said I would have no expectations, but I can't lie and say that just to please you anymore. I have expectations, not for right now, not even soon. But in my heart I'll always have them for us. Just talkin to you the other day I was excited and felt this thing that I only get from you and it came back strong. I'm telling you this not to kiss your ass or force anything on you, but because I have no desire to be friends, I don't want any part of that. I really care about you *****, I just don't want to end up getting hurt again. And I wouldnt want you to feel guilty or bad about yourself just because you didn't feel the same. So I think we should do ourselves both a favor and be honest with eachother. I'm sorry if that's not what you were hoping to hear. I just want to know if we want eachother in our lives for the same reasons. " Just so that we are truly on the same page with eachother. And neither of us cause any more damage in the long run just to find out we both had different intentions. Think this is a good idea? Edited March 28, 2015 by Zachc93 Link to post Share on other sites
lumberjac Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 No it's not a good idea. She know what you wants, she can't give you it and that's why shes dragging you on. And you're letting her do that. Like Simon said, let her do the chase from now on if she is interest in you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zachc93 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 No it's not a good idea. She know what you wants, she can't give you it and that's why shes dragging you on. And you're letting her do that. Like Simon said, let her do the chase from now on if she is interest in you. The more I think about what we said to eachother, even though we did talk about the future and flirted, I meen she gave it right back and it wasn't a one sided convo, but you guys are excactly right. She still hasn't made up her mind and has not shown any interest besides selfish ones for her to feel better. I will give her a chance, and wait for her to initiate contact and see how that goes, then slowly I'll bring this up. But yeah I want to cut this off immediately if we're not on the same page here. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 The more I think about what we said to eachother, even though we did talk about the future and flirted, I meen she gave it right back and it wasn't a one sided convo, but you guys are excactly right. She still hasn't made up her mind and has not shown any interest besides selfish ones for her to feel better. I will give her a chance, and wait for her to initiate contact and see how that goes, then slowly I'll bring this up. But yeah I want to cut this off immediately if we're not on the same page here. http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1290449/picard-facepalm-o.gif You aren't getting it. It's not up to you to bring up anything. In fact, you shouldn't bring up anything. You need to stop talking to her completely until you are completely indifferent about dating her. There's nothing to cut off, so there's no conversation that needs to be had. No communication. It's that simple. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Link to post Share on other sites
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