thisismyalias18 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Long story short here. My girlfriend and I of 5 months broke up one week ago. The relationship was amazing. Great chemistry, no fighting, lots of fun, and great conversation. Then one night when my girlfriend was drunk she broke down and told me she wasn't ready for a serious relationship and this was moving too fast for her. She went through a pretty traumatic event about a year ago that really affected her and at the same time her boyfriend of 3 years left her. Since then she never had much time to bounce back and take care of herself. She said that she wanted to be ready so badly and she wanted this to work but she just is not at the point that I am at yet. I took this pretty badly since it came out of nowhere for me. I am not upset or angry with her in the slightest. I can completely understand where she is coming from and can sympathize. However, I am pretty shook up. I want her back dearly, but then I feel guilty for wanting her back when she needs this time in her life to have a sense of independence and focus on her life, school, etc. Since last Sunday we went on an agreed 2 weeks of no contact. So this is the end of week one. As you all have experienced I'm sure I have my good days and my bad ones. My good hours, and my bad hours. I just miss her so much and want to reach out all the time. I resist the urge however. If I smother her I will only push her away. I need her to be ready to come back, to want to come back. My question is though, at the end of the 2 weeks when I reach out to her I want to be honest. Is that ok? I want to tell her I miss her, that I thought of her often. I by no means mean this in a begging way that I need her in my life, I can't function without her, etc. I don't need her, I just really want her. More so than anyone I've ever dated. She adds such an extra level of happiness and color to my world that I do not want to lose. How do I approach this situation? She can't miss me or realize what her life without me is like if I continue to be a presence in it, but I want her in my life? Do I just need to suck it up and be distant for awhile? Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Long story short here. My girlfriend and I of 5 months broke up one week ago. The relationship was amazing. Great chemistry, no fighting, lots of fun, and great conversation. Then one night when my girlfriend was drunk she broke down and told me she wasn't ready for a serious relationship and this was moving too fast for her. She went through a pretty traumatic event about a year ago that really affected her and at the same time her boyfriend of 3 years left her. Since then she never had much time to bounce back and take care of herself. She said that she wanted to be ready so badly and she wanted this to work but she just is not at the point that I am at yet. I took this pretty badly since it came out of nowhere for me. I am not upset or angry with her in the slightest. I can completely understand where she is coming from and can sympathize. However, I am pretty shook up. I want her back dearly, but then I feel guilty for wanting her back when she needs this time in her life to have a sense of independence and focus on her life, school, etc. Since last Sunday we went on an agreed 2 weeks of no contact. So this is the end of week one. As you all have experienced I'm sure I have my good days and my bad ones. My good hours, and my bad hours. I just miss her so much and want to reach out all the time. I resist the urge however. If I smother her I will only push her away. I need her to be ready to come back, to want to come back. My question is though, at the end of the 2 weeks when I reach out to her I want to be honest. Is that ok? I want to tell her I miss her, that I thought of her often. I by no means mean this in a begging way that I need her in my life, I can't function without her, etc. I don't need her, I just really want her. More so than anyone I've ever dated. She adds such an extra level of happiness and color to my world that I do not want to lose. How do I approach this situation? She can't miss me or realize what her life without me is like if I continue to be a presence in it, but I want her in my life? Do I just need to suck it up and be distant for awhile? IMO 2 weeks is not near enough time for her to come to any sort of realization that she wants you back. My ex did the same thing and I have been in NC for 6 months. If she asked for space then give it to her and then some more. It is not your responsibility to contact her after 2 weeks it is hers. Don't wait around and start focusing on you. If and when the time comes that she reaches out to you then that is when you have to decide what you want. If you decide to reach out to her first then I would think she will look it you as being needy. Put yourself in her shoes for a second and think about how you would react, I know for myself when I have done something similiiar I was quite happy when I didn't hear from them and that is how you should approach this situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisismyalias18 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 IMO 2 weeks is not near enough time for her to come to any sort of realization that she wants you back. My ex did the same thing and I have been in NC for 6 months. If she asked for space then give it to her and then some more. It is not your responsibility to contact her after 2 weeks it is hers. Don't wait around and start focusing on you. If and when the time comes that she reaches out to you then that is when you have to decide what you want. If you decide to reach out to her first then I would think she will look it you as being needy. Put yourself in her shoes for a second and think about how you would react, I know for myself when I have done something similiiar I was quite happy when I didn't hear from them and that is how you should approach this situation 2 weeks was decided as a check in point. I told her I would talk to her next Sunday so I'm going to keep my word. I'm going to keep it light and brief and put the cards in her hand from there. I'm going to give her space and only engage with her when she initiates. Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Good luck but you really should have her initiate any further conversations since she broke up with you Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisismyalias18 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Good luck but you really should have her initiate any further conversations since she broke up with you Thanks! Do you think I should make it clear I'm not going to be contacting her? I think she will be upset and offended if I go completely NC. Plus that's not really the route I want to go myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 You shouldn't express anything to her. What my ex has taught me and many others that have been told the same thing from their exes is that she wants space from you. In that case you have to let her initiate contact when she feels ready if she feels that she wants to at all. By you initiating contact when she has asked for space you are not respecting her wishes. If you really love her and if you have any chance of reconciliation it has to come from her. Anything you do or say right now will make it look like you're pressuring her. Take this time to figure you out and if she decides to contact you take it from there Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisismyalias18 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 You shouldn't express anything to her. What my ex has taught me and many others that have been told the same thing from their exes is that she wants space from you. In that case you have to let her initiate contact when she feels ready if she feels that she wants to at all. By you initiating contact when she has asked for space you are not respecting her wishes. If you really love her and if you have any chance of reconciliation it has to come from her. Anything you do or say right now will make it look like you're pressuring her. Take this time to figure you out and if she decides to contact you take it from there Ok, I understand. However, she never said she wants space from me. Our relationship was just moving too fast. I'm sure she does need space so I will give it to her and let her initiate contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisismyalias18 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Also, NC isn't really possible. All our friends are mutual friends so we will see each other on the weekends and such. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Before pouring your soul out to her at the end of two weeks, first, you need to find out where her head is. I seriously doubt that by the end of 2 weeks, she will have successfully dealt with and resolved forever her issues which caused this break up. If it was that traumatic that it blew apart a relationship, then she's going to need a lot more than 2 weeks to sort this out. Be prepared for that. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Thanks! Do you think I should make it clear I'm not going to be contacting her? I think she will be upset and offended if I go completely NC. Plus that's not really the route I want to go myself. No. Just don't contact her. Keep to yourself. Telling her this keeps the ball in your court when she has to be the one who reaches out to you. She already knows you don't want this void. If she does act upset or offended, then you will know that she is playing games with you because you protecting your heart from unnecessary pain should be something she not only understands, but wholeheartedly endorses, since she's right now about the business of protecting her heart. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Ok, I understand. However, she never said she wants space from me. Not directly, but in essence, it is what she's asking for. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Also, NC isn't really possible. All our friends are mutual friends so we will see each other on the weekends and such. It is possible. This is a choice you're making to make it impossible because you want what you want despite what she's asked of you or what she needs right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisismyalias18 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Before pouring your soul out to her at the end of two weeks, first, you need to find out where her head is. I seriously doubt that by the end of 2 weeks, she will have successfully dealt with and resolved forever her issues which caused this break up. If it was that traumatic that it blew apart a relationship, then she's going to need a lot more than 2 weeks to sort this out. Be prepared for that. Wasn't planning on pouring out my soul to her. I just wanted to be honest and tell her I missed her these past two weeks, is that wrong? I don't expect things to go back to normal or her to return after this short period, but I don't believe either of us want the other cut off from their life. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Take an advice which comes from a long long experience. Don't! Just Don't. Don't contact her anymore, don't wait for her, move on. When people come after 5 month and "suddenly they are not sure", there's always more to that. Your headline says that you're not in the business of playing games. If you contact her or even wait for her, I have news for you - you are driven straight to the stadium where they plays multiple games. I think what's keeping you from being devastated and needy is your self respect and dignity. If you cooperate with her, you will lose it all. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 There is someone else. Move on. Your future wife is dying to meet you and she won't pull this crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Anybody that is serious about a relationship with you will not need to take a break. Expressing your feelings is the worst thing you can do after a breakup. Read the countless number of people in these forums that have done it and the end result. If you want her back, move forward with yourself. And do NOT plan to hang out with your mutual friends if she is there. Awkward city. I don't care if every single one of your friends is also friends with her. The ball is in her court. Not contacting her gives her space AND makes you look better if you are out there living your life. To do immediately: 1. NC 2. Go out and have fun and don't worry about her. Her head will spin because she's expecting you to contact her on Sunday since you know, she broke up with you she still gets to make the rules. Nuh uh. No way Jose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I have the feeling you are going to break NC anyway man because you have that same urge in your head that i had. But if you have been through this before then logically you would know to stay NC (i wish i did). we can only tell you this because we are looking from the outside perspective. You cant think logically bcoz you are the one with emotions involved. Logically, if you want her back, you NEED to stay no contact. SHE needs to be the one to initiate contact. She needs time to think about what she wants, so if her conclusion is that she wants you, then she will contact you. This is the Part where you have to think about yourself, use this time to get yoirself out of that emotional state where you will do anything for her, try and magine yourself without her. If she can do this to you just because everythings going too fast then whats to stop her from doing it again? You need this time to decide whether thats what you want. When they leave you once, they also leave open that door that lets them escape the relationship whenever they like. My ex has left me twice already, i shouldve learnt by now right ? No contact, do not, i repeat DO NOT contact her until She contacts you. trust me man let it be for now, she may take longer than 2 weeks also so dont panic next weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Anybody that is serious about a relationship with you will not need to take a break. I am stealing this for my signature and new life motto. Thank you for this so simple, yet so powerful piece of wisdom. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I am stealing this for my signature and new life motto. Thank you for this so simple, yet so powerful piece of wisdom. Please do. It's an important bit of wisdom. Breaks are the cowards way of breaking up. Someone that truly cares about you and your feelings will either want a relationship with you or let you go completely to find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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