How can someone improve on their social skills?

[Bobbi7]

I think I have poor social skills. I can't seem to connect or engage with people. When it comes to making friends, people don't seem to like me for them to want to hang out with me. True. I can't make them like me, but I've made one heck of an effort. I go to a party, try to open myself up only to find out that person isn't interested in pursing a friendship with me. What am I doing wrong? My sister in law on the other hand is the life of the party-she's an extrovert, can chat it up with anyone-people are drawn to her. Yet, with me, people find me boring.

[pie2]

Some people are naturals in this area, and others aren't. Doesn't mean you don't have other great traits, OP.

 

But in order to improve in the social-skills department, I would say that practice makes perfect. Make sure to involve yourself in plenty of activities to hone your skills (church, volunteer projects, hobby-based activities). And remember, I think a lot of the more superficial socialization (like meeting someone at a party) has a lot to do with how the other person is made to feel. Do they feel good, do they feel interesting, do they feel appreciated?

 

It's important to remember that other people want to feel those things. Are you able to engage with others with the purpose of making them feel special? If that's not been your main focus, I would think about practicing that skill.

 

God bless.

[carhill]

OP, maybe your place to shine socially isn't at parties. No harm in going to them and enjoying people on your own terms and just letting the results happen without any expectations. Just take in the energy, have a couple conversations, even light ones, and call it a success and move on.

 

Usually, if you're passionate about something, you're more in the moment and authentic and people can enjoy you for who you are without a lot of forced interaction; hence, that's a recommendation for pursuing a hobby or volunteer thing.

 

As an example, while I never really liked parties (they overwhelmed me), I did go to them but I really enjoyed a part of my volunteer work at the zoo being an after-hours docent at private parties. Why? I was in my element, doing what I was passionate about and had experience with, wild animals, and it was a natural segue into social conversation with party-goers.

 

IMO, things will settle out over time. Just keep plugging away at it and see what sticks. Something is bound to. I ended up traveling all over the world and chatting up people everywhere. Why? Because I became passionate about culture and travel and it was authentic and connected with other people in that vein. The first step was a choice. What choices will you make?

[d0nnivain]

Take a Dale Carnegie class or at least read the book How to Win Friends And Influence People.