hugznkisses21 Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 So i always play around with my bfs phone he knows that....he gets some funny texts from his immature buddies and we dont care if either of us go into eachothers cells. Yesterday i was in his messages and found "sweetheart...call me blah blah blah etc..... And im not sure how his phone is set up (different provider) but i think it was from a friend of his that he hangs out with at a buddies shop....he is in his late twenties and has a gf. So i showed it to my bf and hes like....i dunno let me see and he scrolls down and he says oh that me and so and so just joking a messing around. I guess his buddies was giving him a hard time jokingly cause he wasnt going to come out and play cause he was with me. I Dunno...Because i suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.....it is all coming back to me....when my ex gave me the lame ass excuses and really was cheating on me. No i saw for myself what i think was his name on the from part but im just so cautious about all this cause i CAN NOT be hurt again like that. All of the what ifs are coming out now ....i trust my bf but im so protective of myself right now my thinking is all distorted. He pulled me aside and said "I would never do anything to you, u are my only one and i hope that you belive me etc" *sigh* i do partly because i trust him and partly cause i saw what i think was who it was from but my mind is trying to play tricks on me now i think He has never done ANYTHING to make me think he would cheat....he has never said or hung out with anyone that would make me think that plus he has never done anything like that to another girl either. Alnog with me being hormonal this feeling of insecurity right now sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted April 10, 2005 Author Share Posted April 10, 2005 bump Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted April 10, 2005 Author Share Posted April 10, 2005 pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 The only thing you can do, is trust him. You know your fear can drive him away. And you don't want that to happen. Just because one guy cheated on you, it does not mean that every guy wants to cheat on you. After a certain point, the demands you make of your bf, can become unreasonable. I know it is hard to trust, when trust has been shattered in the past. The thing is, even though he is understanding of your issues, no one wants to live with these issues for the rest of their lifes; so do something about that. Don't act on impulses, or when you feel "hormonal." It may be difficult to do, but it is easier to damage a good relationship than to restore a shattered relationship. Have faith in yourself and your bf. After all he did not choose you without a few reasons of his own, did he? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 Don't you think if he had something to hide he wouldn't let you look at his cell phone? Don't you think if he had something to hide he would have become angry at you for questioning a message? Don't you think if he had something to hide he wouldn't have sat with you and toggled through the message so you could see exactly who sent it? Don't you think if he had something to hide, he'd be hiding it? Seems he handled the situation very open and forthcoming so I don't see why you're allowing your insecurities to get the better of you. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 like you said, You ARE in a hormonal state right now. if anything, let that pass, then re-iterate your concerns and anxieties to your bf, in a non-accussatory manner, so that he will at least now what maybe upsetting you. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I read a quote somewhere that sums it up quite nicely... "If you read my diary, you get what you deserve." (Never again will I break into someone else's e-mail account) Link to post Share on other sites
Stylin22 Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I'd say get used to this...Cheating breaks trust and that is what a relationship is built on. You are going to face this a lot more. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 he never cheated on my and EX did Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 I talked to him last night. He said.....he would never think of doing anything like that to me....i am the only one and i am this I am that....that I am perfect for him and why would he risk anything to loose me. He also said that I hope I belive him about it being a joke from his friend....which I know one of his frinds did this before...saying "happy valentines day hunny" to him on text messaging as a joke cause he isnt single anymore.... He said he feels bad that I am worrying now and I have absolutly nothing to worry about and he understands why Im afraid. I know he is telling the truth cause he said it was from the same guy as I saw it was....at least i think I saw being that I dont know how his texts read.....but i do recall scrolling down and seeing a "ha ha ha" message from the same guy too. He said the same thing....if he was hiding anything he wouldnt be open to be playing with his phone...agreed. He has many guy friends and the one he said it was from was the one i think i saw it was from too so the stories are matching up....if he was lying it could have been any guy he would list off. Guys are weird i dont know why they do those immature messages. I trust him...i told him I belive him....but for a split seccond my heart sank and my anxiety starting rolling and it brought back alot of hurt from when my ex messed around on me. My current bf never got defensive when I asked him or showing him the message, he was calm....did have any signs of studdering or making up stuff and felt bad that i thought for a bit and was upset that it could have been a girl. Anyway that is where I am now.....Im still a bit scared. The inital shock is still there and im think in galot of what ifs....i dunno why...mostly cause i feel i owe it to myself to be very protective of my feelings I dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 He is not cheating on you. But if you have a tendency to mis-read the signs, perhaps you shouldn't read them to begin with and just trust him. If you know that finding something slightly incriminatory will cause you to go into a tailspin, then you shouldn't do it. You can't hold him responsible for your ex's sins. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 yes this is very true.....i find it hard though.....he was cheated on by an ex he loved and he always trusts me....i wonder sometimes how he does it so well without being a tad afraid. no more immature text reading from his buddies i dont need a misread message or message that is meant to be a joke from his guy friends to make my heart feel like that again Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 i find it hard though Yes, it is hard. What you have to do is realize that worrying about him cheating will not prevent him from doing it. I am not saying that he is going to cheat, I am sure he is not. However, worrying won't solve anything. You have to realize that even if it does happen to you, which it won't, you will survive. You will go on. Regardless, you can't control his behavior. But you can control your own. You can try to stop yourself from worrying over something that you have no control over. It sounds like this guy really cares about you. don't throw it away because of your ex. That's just allowing your ex to control your happiness! YOU are the only one who gets to do that! I had the same thing. My ex was very manipulative and was horrible. But if I let that affect my current relationship, I would be giving my ex control over me again, which I never want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
SadAndLonely Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 His friends may be doing it because they hear about how much you question him. If I were you, I would stop doing all of this. You're going to eventually push him away. I've read a lot of your posts, and I've been there myself. My questioning and worrying only made my ex-boyfriend get tired of me and dump me. With my current boyfriend, I have fun, trust him, and because of those things, he comes around more and tries to spend more time with me. How would you feel if someone were constantly pushing and nagging and questioning and distrusting you? After a while it would start to really annoy you. Even here, when you post, sometimes you can't even go 10 minutes without "bumping" it. That's not a lot of time, and occasionally we're just busy with our own lives. You need to get this under control. I suffer from anxiety, so I can say I've been there, but let me tell you something. When a TRUE crisis, and I don't mean your boyfriend going out with his male friends and not letting you know or something, hits you, you'll straighten up real fast and realize that it's not worth it to act like this. I hope that crisis never hits you, but it may come down to it. It happened to me (serious health concern) and completely changed my life. Don't let it have to get to that point for you. Stop now before you drive him away and drive yourself nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
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