AP is a vampire

[bamawsp]

The more I learn about my WS's AP, the sicker it gets. I am going to serve my WS with divorce papers simultaneously as I serve her AP with a protective order to keep him away from me and my kids. That should make for tremendous office fodder since they work together. On that same day, the owner of the company will receive detailed text records that demonstrates fraternization during work hours.

 

It will be reminiscent of the baptism scene in The Godfather....

[Mal78]

The more I learn about my WS's AP, the sicker it gets. I am going to serve my WS with divorce papers simultaneously as I serve her AP with a protective order to keep him away from me and my kids. That should make for tremendous office fodder since they work together. On that same day, the owner of the company will receive detailed text records that demonstrates fraternization during work hours.

 

It will be reminiscent of the baptism scene in The Godfather....

 

I get the baptism scene in The Godfather.... what does the reference that the AP is a vampire mean?

 

Good for you for taking a stand and protecting yourself and children. I am sorry this happened.

 

Is your WW aware you know about the A or is the divorce papers and protection order going to be a shock on both?

[bamawsp]

I get the baptism scene in The Godfather.... what does the reference that the AP is a vampire mean?

 

Good for you for taking a stand and protecting yourself and children. I am sorry this happened.

 

Is your WW aware you know about the A or is the divorce papers and protection order going to be a shock on both?

 

I exposed the affair to the proper people and it pissed her off. She is still communicating with the guy and I confronted them together this past Tuesday. She isn't willing to break it off with him. He is literally sucking the life out of everyone thus the vampire reference.

 

As for The Godfather Baptism scene, I was using it as a metaphor for simultaneous process service of divorce papers, protective orders and job malfeasance. Shock and Awe so to speak

[DKT3]

I think some of the things your doing, you are allowing yourself to be driven by pain and anger. The problem is some of the things will have a negative impact on your kids. Losing her job won't make her end the affair, if anything it will give them something else to bond over. Her not having a job will leave you as your kids sole provider. Not to mention making it harder on her to focus on being their mother.

[bamawsp]

I think some of the things your doing, you are allowing yourself to be driven by pain and anger. The problem is some of the things will have a negative impact on your kids. Losing her job won't make her end the affair, if anything it will give them something else to bond over. Her not having a job will leave you as your kids sole provider. Not to mention making it harder on her to focus on being their mother.

 

On multiple occasions, I have asked her to sit down with me and begin a framework for divorce. She has refused. She is communicating with her AP via Facebook Messenger in the presence of my children. She is coming home stoned to be with my kids after smoking grass with him after work.

 

Shock and Awe is the only response now. I've been gracious with her up until now. All other options have been exhausted

[DKT3]

On multiple occasions, I have asked her to sit down with me and begin a framework for divorce. She has refused. She is communicating with her AP via Facebook Messenger in the presence of my children. She is coming home stoned to be with my kids after smoking grass with him after work.

 

Shock and Awe is the only response now. I've been gracious with her up until now. All other options have been exhausted

 

No, your best option is to get yourself and the kids away from her. Getting her fired changes nothing.

 

Look I know your pain, I've been where your at. She is gone, even if she wants to come back (which at some point she likely will) you won't want her.

 

You want to shock her? Do it by making a clean break, then living a great life without her. You don't need her to divorce her.

 

A question, has she tried to contact you since Tuesday?

[bamawsp]

No, your best option is to get yourself and the kids away from her. Getting her fired changes nothing.

 

Look I know your pain, I've been where your at. She is gone, even if she wants to come back (which at some point she likely will) you won't want her.

 

You want to shock her? Do it by making a clean break, then living a great life without her. You don't need her to divorce her.

 

A question, has she tried to contact you since Tuesday?

 

Yes. We are still living under the same roof.

[Auspecial]

I think some of the things your doing, you are allowing yourself to be driven by pain and anger. The problem is some of the things will have a negative impact on your kids. Losing her job won't make her end the affair, if anything it will give them something else to bond over. Her not having a job will leave you as your kids sole provider. Not to mention making it harder on her to focus on being their mother.

 

Absolutely. Some of this is justified, but honestly she is and always will be, your kids mother. Thus, she will always deserve some level of deference. If you negate your kids mother, you are negating them. And vice versa for bot genders.

 

You don't have to be the Godfather.

[DKT3]

Yes. We are still living under the same roof.

 

I want to make this clear, I'm in no way saying that what your doing is wrong. However, looking through the eyes of the kids you should really think about doing this as quick and respectfully as possible. Remember, its not for or because of her but for your kids.

 

Down the road, I would hate for you to come to realize that its hurting your kids by extention. How do you hurt their mother without it having an impact on them? I don't know that its possible.

 

In time the pain your feeling now will be a fading memory, coming to terms with doing things out of pain that affected your kids will only play out in years to come.

 

Being the best possible father you can be in these situations often means taking a hit and just continue to walk through. In time she will have to deal with how her decisions affected your kids. They need you to set the example, because honestly your wife is doing a horrible job of being a role model.

Edited March 16, 2015 by DKT3

[bamawsp]

I want to make this clear, I'm in no way saying that what your doing is wrong. However, looking through the eyes of the kids you should really think about doing this as quick and respectfully as possible. Remember, its not for or because of her but for your kids.

 

Down the road, I would hate for you to come to realize that its hurting your kids by extention. How do you hurt their mother without it having an impact on them? I don't know that its possible.

 

In time the pain your feeling now will be a fading memory, coming to terms with doing things out of pain that affected your kids will only play out in years to come.

 

Being the best possible father you can be in these situations often means taking a hit and just continue to walk through. In time she will have to deal with how her decisions affected your kids. They need you to set the example, because honestly your wife is doing a horrible job of being a role model.

 

The vampire is in total control of her actions. I read a Facebook message from him to her that claims she isn't unstable for what she is doing. She is setting a great example for her three daughters. She can't let him go because she is afraid of the unknown. Her entire family structure has alienated her due to this vampire but she still maintains a relationship. I don't know why she doesn't just move in with the guy. He has never been accountable to her but she is fully vested with him. My wife had a terrible childhood and just recently lost a close mother figure to a murder. These are triggers to affairs but she can't shake them. Her own parents have said to force her to hit rock bottom because she has a history of this type of behavior. Shock and Awe is the only thing that will save her life in the long run. I want her cleaned up so she can be the viable mother she once was. And yes I want the vampire to suffer as well.

[I_Give_Up67]

The more I learn about my WS's AP, the sicker it gets. I am going to serve my WS with divorce papers simultaneously as I serve her AP with a protective order to keep him away from me and my kids. That should make for tremendous office fodder since they work together. On that same day, the owner of the company will receive detailed text records that demonstrates fraternization during work hours.

 

It will be reminiscent of the baptism scene in The Godfather....

 

 

 

At first read, I loved your plan, because I can feel your hurt and humiliation and the need to strike back. But having re-read and giving it more thought, I think you will come to deeply regret informing her employer. It will no doubt make you feel good at the time, especially if the both of them loose their jobs. But I can promise you that she will hate you even more for it later. After all, she is the mother of your children and any hopes of a amicable parenting arrangement will become very difficult.

 

 

Not meaning to come off in an offending manner to you personally, I think you are looking for anything and everything to get even with her. That's is just my take. I myself have been where you are right now, and I did what you are about to do to my ExGF at the time. She was arrested, lost her job and the last I heard was destitute. I can tell you my celebration was short lived because days later I felt like *****. Especially when I realized I could not undo the damage done to her.

 

 

By all means file for divorce and get that protective order against the OM if needed. But please remember she is still and always will be the mother of your children. She will always be in your life for that if no other reason.

 

 

I think you need to slow the whole process down a bit and think this thru before taking any further action. You are really hurting in the worst possible way right now while dealing with the embarrassment and humiliation of how she is behaving. Please consider taking some time and letting things settle a bit before initiating anymore "Godfather" type actions on her. You may find yourself the "bad guy" in the eyes of many if you move forward with the plan you spelled out.

 

 

I wish you the best, and you will get thru this in time. Hopefully with your dignity intact.

[lolablue17]

The only problem with your actions is that you can fail. If you're successful, than it will help you to control everything and you'll gain some respect for a short period.

 

BUT!!!

 

According to the law, if you divorce her and she'll be the main parent, she might be living with AP. You will even have to leave your home, AP goes in, raising your kids and there will be nothing you can do about it.

 

Just be prepared for that. If you are going to demand custody, get some evidence to prove your claim. usually the mother gets main custody as you probably know. What I'm trying to say is that you think "short term", You might lose in the long run. Because you're spending all of your ammunition at once.

[bamawsp]

At first read, I loved your plan, because I can feel your hurt and humiliation and the need to strike back. But having re-read and giving it more thought, I think you will come to deeply regret informing her employer. It will no doubt make you feel good at the time, especially if the both of them loose their jobs. But I can promise you that she will hate you even more for it later. After all, she is the mother of your children and any hopes of a amicable parenting arrangement will become very difficult.

 

 

Not meaning to come off in an offending manner to you personally, I think you are looking for anything and everything to get even with her. That's is just my take. I myself have been where you are right now, and I did what you are about to do to my ExGF at the time. She was arrested, lost her job and the last I heard was destitute. I can tell you my celebration was short lived because days later I felt like *****. Especially when I realized I could not undo the damage done to her.

 

 

By all means file for divorce and get that protective order against the OM if needed. But please remember she is still and always will be the mother of your children. She will always be in your life for that if no other reason.

 

 

I think you need to slow the whole process down a bit and think this thru before taking any further action. You are really hurting in the worst possible way right now while dealing with the embarrassment and humiliation of how she is behaving. Please consider taking some time and letting things settle a bit before initiating anymore "Godfather" type actions on her. You may find yourself the "bad guy" in the eyes of many if you move forward with the plan you spelled out.

 

 

I wish you the best, and you will get thru this in time. Hopefully with your dignity intact.

 

I respect your post. I had to endure a verbal chastising tonight from my MIL for deciding NOT to cut off her cell phone at the advice of my attorney. She questioned my masculinity as well as my paternity. My MIL is horrified at the thought of my children being around the vampire and can sometimes be irrational because of it. I don't wish this situation on anyone.....

[I_Give_Up67]

I respect your post. I had to endure a verbal chastising tonight from my MIL for deciding NOT to cut off her cell phone at the advice of my attorney. She questioned my masculinity as well as my paternity. My MIL is horrified at the thought of my children being around the vampire and can sometimes be irrational because of it. I don't wish this situation on anyone.....

 

 

 

Hang in there bamawsp! You will get through this.

 

 

I have followed your posts from the beginning, and I know you were willing to try to R until very recently. It sounds like your WW's actions have now made that virtually impossible. But if you can begin to work on picking up the pieces for yourself and she notices that you are moving on, it may snap her back to reality. Even thought your marriage will probably be over, she once again become the nurturing mother to your children.

 

 

You mentioned she is exhibiting signs she may be bipolar in a previous post, so there is always the possibility she may seek medical help and return to normal. Assuming she is really bipolar. But please take care of yourself and your children. Try not to let this consume who you are and turn you into someone she can later point the finger at and say he's the blame for my A or my life being in shambles.

 

 

P.S. It sounds like your MIL is taking out her own frustration on you because they are feeling a bit of guilt that their own daughter would do this and embarrass them. I would not take what she said personally as I am sure they are hurting too and would like you to be the aggressor and bring your WW back to reality. When in actually reality you have exhausted those efforts.

[Livingeachday]

bamawsp for your own sake you need to take a step back, take a deep breath and think properly about your next actions.

 

I've read all of your posts and right now you are not doing yourself and your cause a favour.

 

What do you want to achieve with sending the text messages about fraternization at the work place to her company? If I recall right you already informed her boss when you found out about your wifes affair - and it seems like nothing happend cos they both still seem to be employeed at the same company. What do you think will be different this time? If nothing happend after you first got her employer involved getting him involved a second time may not work in your favour but may end up reflecting badly on your overall state if your wife gets a clever lawyer.

 

And on what basis do you want to file a protection order on the AP for you and your children? Is he coming around to your house (than this would make sense)? You said you actively did seek out your wife at her work place and approached her when you saw her in ther AP's car. I'm willing to bet that a protection order from you will result in a restraining order from him or your wife so to me it seems like that nothing good for you can come from that.

 

Have you talked to your lawyer about your plans of contacting the employer and the protective order? If not please do so as soon as possible and get his opinion first before you do anything.

 

I really can understand that you want both of them to feel your pain but right now you have to think about what's best for you and your children in the long run first.

[PegNosePete]

I would very much recommend that you don't try to get her fired. What would the consequences of that be?

 

- She will lose her income

- Even if she bothers trying to find a new job, she will have a hard time after being fired

- With no income she may qualify for legal aid which means she will have no reason not to take you to court, rather than reach an amicable agreement

- Since she has no income she will have a higher claim for alimony against you, will be more likely to get it, and will get a higher amount

- If she then gets a job, you will have to take her to court to adjust the alimony amount, which will cost you legal fees

 

- She will be at home all day with the kids instead of out working

- Since she effectively becomes a stay-at-home mother, she is more likely to be given a higher proportion of the child care responsibilities or granted sole custody

- You can bet your bottom dollar that she will bring up these "malicious actions" that got her fired, in any custody battles

 

So yeah, I think you're being extremely stupid in trying to get her fired. It might feel good, but you're shooting yourself in the foot here.

[DivorcedDad123]

Exactly what PNP said! Think of everything you do,and imagine it coming to light in front of a judge. You want to be the level headed parent,not the one that got the kids mom fired from her job. Plan for the marathon,not a sprint.

[irishguy]

Can you get a protective order that easy .Just serve her with the divorce papers , get advice before you do anything else .

[bamawsp]

Thanks for the advice. Great stuff and I will definitely follow.

 

As for the protective order, my MIL is swearing out a statement claiming he threatened to destroy my family children or no children. I can directly tie him to my WS as well.

[dichotomy]

If the drug use is illegal, and rampant, then a protective order maybe a good strategy to protect the children from OM drug user, it may also help lay ground work for you to get primary residential custody (but probably still shared).

 

If you have a good attorney - please listen very carefully to their advice on how to handle this - and do not force them to do things based on your anger or hurt that they do not recommend.

 

Your goal now - is to get solid divorce, with as many rights, and protections and limited money loss as you can get as a father. It is not to destroy her or AP - its sounds like they are doing that themselves.

 

Having seen long term issues after a divorce - fights over money, visitations, college funds, medical decisions, and so so much more - you must focus on getting a really strong settlement and custody arrangement. Some arrangements can include on going family or child counseling. I would recommend your children enter in to therapy (alone) as soon as possible.

 

You informed the boss once, unless the emails contain things relevant to their business - you should not involve him in this.

Edited March 16, 2015 by dichotomy

[MJJean]

Exactly what PNP said! Think of everything you do,and imagine it coming to light in front of a judge. You want to be the level headed parent,not the one that got the kids mom fired from her job. Plan for the marathon,not a sprint.

 

Actually, if he has proof, he can show the judge she got herself fired from her job by choosing to have an extra-marital affair with a co-worker against company policy.

 

If the boss hasn't done anything about it then I'd be tempted to turn everything over to HR and see if that gets results.

 

I hope you'll inform the court of her drug use. They will order a drug test and, if she fails, they will mandate rehab and limit visitation unless and until she can pass a random drug test. You might also consider reporting the drug use to their employers. Frankly, depending on their professions, if they are impaired they could cost their company a lot of money or make a mistake that could cost someone's life.

 

I agree with your MIL. If your lawyer said it's ok, turn off the cell. If she wants a phone she can either get one in her name and pay for it herself or have her AP pay for it. Why should you pay for the phone she calls/texts him on?

Edited March 16, 2015 by MJJean

[Realist3]

Op, read over what PegNosePete posted as many times as it takes you to realize you are about to shoot yourself in the foot and create a wound that will never heal.

 

If you have a good attorney - please listen very carefully to their advice on how to handle this - and do not force them to do things based on your anger or hurt that they do not recommend.

 

Your goal now - is to get solid divorce, with as many rights, and protections and limited money loss as you can get as a father. It is not to destroy her or AP - its sounds like they are doing that themselves.

 

It is not uncommon for clients to mess up their own case by acting out of anger. Don't be that guy. Please consult your attorney about your plans.

 

You are in the phase of doing what you 'need' to do, not what you 'want' to do. Objectively sit back and weigh the pros and cons about what you are thinking of doing. I would suggest that you will find that the cons outnumber the pros by about 15 to 1.

Edited March 16, 2015 by Realist3

[Raines]

The more I learn about my WS's AP, the sicker it gets. I am going to serve my WS with divorce papers simultaneously as I serve her AP with a protective order to keep him away from me and my kids. That should make for tremendous office fodder since they work together. On that same day, the owner of the company will receive detailed text records that demonstrates fraternization during work hours.

 

It will be reminiscent of the baptism scene in The Godfather....

 

 

 

You do what you need to do for yourself and your kids. I'd be interested to hear how the order of protection goes. Do you have proof of any harassment, etc?

[Furious]

I agree with the posters who caution you against trying to get your wife fired from her job.

 

At this time allow your brain to lead you instead of your emotions. Your anger and pain is huge, vent here, allow yourself to vent here and get the support you need.

 

You need to look ahead as to the ramifications and trust that you will make the best informed decisions that will be beneficial to yourself and your children's well being.

 

You'll look back and you'll thank yourself for not cutting off your nose to spite your face. Look at this from an angle that best serves your future well being.

 

Hang in there, and think before you act.

[harrybrown]

Any way to get her to go live with the OM?

 

Abandon her children for the OM?

 

So that you can get custody of the kids? What does your attorney say about this?