AP is a vampire

[No Limit]

By all means, y'all continue to hammer me. I'm trying to save her life.....

 

And this is your last hurdle. You cannot save another person who doesn't want to be helped. She started her affair with OM, 50% of everything they did is her responsibility alone, and for every time she said "yes" instead of "no" she holds 100% responsibility. She won't be a viable mother to your kids until she's out of the affair fog and after a couple of months of counseling, but most people in an affair don't even get that far.

 

You think he's manipulating her when in reality she's emotionally attached to him. Let go of her, completely.

[stillafool]

My marriage is over. I understand that fact. However, her work environment is extremely toxic and will only get worse.

 

I want her to be a viable component in our children's lives.

 

I think you want her fired so she will no longer be around the OM. I think you really want to work it out with her and don't want a divorce. You really should get your kids away from their drunk mother. They don't need to be a part of this mess.

[bamawsp]

After hours of meetings with two firms, I have decided upon counsel. Service will be processed during a weekend I am with the kids at my parents house in another state.

 

My attorney is a seasoned vet, rational and somewhat of a father figure. I chose him over the female pit bull I consulted with as well.

 

I have not officially filed. I need a few days to decompress and make sure I'm not making emotional decisions.

 

That's where it is. She won't be served for at least another 10-15 days because we have had a family trip planned next weekend and my kids deserve to smile.

[Furious]

After hours of meetings with two firms, I have decided upon counsel. Service will be processed during a weekend I am with the kids at my parents house in another state.

 

My attorney is a seasoned vet, rational and somewhat of a father figure. I chose him over the female pit bull I consulted with as well.

 

I have not officially filed. I need a few days to decompress and make sure I'm not making emotional decisions.

 

That's where it is. She won't be served for at least another 10-15 days because we have had a family trip planned next weekend and my kids deserve to smile.

 

 

You're taking steps in the right direction, and taking the time to decompress. It's good that you're taking a trip and giving your kids some fun and smiles... You all need a break and space to live life.

 

You're moving in the right direction toward a path to healing and better days ahead.

[DKT3]

After hours of meetings with two firms, I have decided upon counsel. Service will be processed during a weekend I am with the kids at my parents house in another state.

 

My attorney is a seasoned vet, rational and somewhat of a father figure. I chose him over the female pit bull I consulted with as well.

 

I have not officially filed. I need a few days to decompress and make sure I'm not making emotional decisions.

 

That's where it is. She won't be served for at least another 10-15 days because we have had a family trip planned next weekend and my kids deserve to smile.

 

Don't start making excuses for not filing. The trip is one thing, but after that no more excuses. I say this because as someone else pointed out you don't really want this, you really would like to "WIN" your wife back. She isn't even on the right path to an ah-ha moment. This trip isn't going to change anything. There will not likely be a magic moment where she wakes up. Why would she? Right now she has it all, her lover boy and her home life.

 

It won't get any easier to pull the trigger.

[Hope Shimmers]

After hours of meetings with two firms, I have decided upon counsel. Service will be processed during a weekend I am with the kids at my parents house in another state.

 

My attorney is a seasoned vet, rational and somewhat of a father figure. I chose him over the female pit bull I consulted with as well.

 

I have not officially filed. I need a few days to decompress and make sure I'm not making emotional decisions.

 

That's where it is. She won't be served for at least another 10-15 days because we have had a family trip planned next weekend and my kids deserve to smile.

 

With all due respect, every single decision you have made since this happened has been as emotional as it could possibly be. The only good decision (in my opinion) that SHOULD be based on emotion is your decision to divorce her.

 

I understand the need to decompress, but I stand by my statement that you don't really want to divorce. You don't want to lose her. Your reactions of venom and attacks on her were out of hurt and wanting her back and striking out.

 

Your wife is a mess and no family vacation is going to change that, and I don't think your kids are going to be lured into any sense of false hope or security by postponing the divorce. They need to get to a sense of new stability as quickly as possible.

 

I just see the divorce as the fastest way to get the kids out of a terrible situation. I hope you will think of that, but I do realize how much you don't want to lose your wife. I'm sorry for your pain.

[bamawsp]

I filed. Process of service will take place no later than Monday

[I_Give_Up67]

I filed. Process of service will take place no later than Monday

 

 

 

Sorry it had to come to this brother. I know that this is the last thing you wanted to move forward with. But for the sake of your own sanity and well-being of your children, I do not think you had any options left.

 

 

At least now you can begin to heal and put this chapter behind you very soon. Do not hesitate to seek IC for your own sake if needed. Just be there for your children because they will need you more than ever now.

 

 

Wishing you the best!

 

 

IGU67

[LifesontheUp]

This past weekend she drank a bottle of champagne before noon on Saturday AND Sunday. I have a recording where she admits it in front of the kids and her tirade an hour and a half later. She weighs 115 lbs.

 

That was just this past weekend. She sits in our bedroom and Facebook messages her AP throughout the night. All he does is tell her she isn't messed up while having his way with her emotionally if not physically.

 

The AP is a vampire because he is capitalizing on a terrible situation.

 

By all means, y'all continue to hammer me. I'm trying to save her life.....

 

I'm so sorry to hear this, but you cannot save her unless she wants to be saved.

 

All you can do is be there for your kids. I would take counsel on what you should do going forward where they are concerned as a result of her behaviour.

 

I can also see that you have served. I understand this must have been very very hard. Sometimes you have to make such decisions for the good of you and your kids.

[LifeWasted]

Man this thread is so sad.

 

Strength to you bamawsp.

[bamawsp]

She was served via her attorney today at 3:00. Her retainer was paid for by her AP.

 

She is looking at me as if she can't believe I am doing this to her. I've done all the grunt work and it's in the hands of the attorneys.

 

She is very spooked/pissed. She hasn't even read the Temporary Injunction. I received a call from the mother of my youngest daughter's friend tonight to set up a play date. My WS heard the call and said, 'Why is she not calling me, I'm the mother?'

 

Peace.

[ladydesigner]

Shock, awe, napalm the landscape.....whatever it takes to retain your integrity and self-respect.

 

So, so tired of BSs held to a higher moral ground than the lying, cheating, soul-destroying cheaters.

 

To the best of your sanity, keep your children away from the shrapnel....no convos, sharing of events, family drama. That's their mama and they should love her and not know of this nonsense.

 

But in the meantime, fire away.

 

Good luck to you!

 

Yeah I am more a fan of this way too.

 

What is the WS doing to the M by having an A...same thing!

 

At least OP is taking his power back.

[Noirek]

Shock, awe, napalm the landscape.....whatever it takes to retain your integrity and self-respect.

 

So, so tired of BSs held to a higher moral ground than the lying, cheating, soul-destroying cheaters.

 

To the best of your sanity, keep your children away from the shrapnel....no convos, sharing of events, family drama. That's their mama and they should love her and not know of this nonsense.

 

But in the meantime, fire away.

 

Good luck to you!

 

So you don't think people should keep themselves and be encouraged to keep their morals intact? They shouldn't consider the children involved and how actions may impact them but rather just selfishly do what they want to do for revenge? This idea doesn't even make sense. I've never heard of cheaters being encouraged to continue on with their cheating ways. Except dor maybe by fellow cheaters.

 

If you throw your morals out and stop caring about any innocents who may be caught in the crosshairs that is on the individual who does so. Revenge is rarely a victimless deed.

 

Op, don't listen to people who are seekers of revenge. Keep yourself to that higher standard they so detest. You will not regret it later. I know when you are past this you will feel so much relief. I can imagine being married to someone who holds divorce over your head for so long would wear a person raw. You will feel free.

[ladydesigner]

Is it just me I really do not see how any of what he is doing is vengeful

 

He is taking a course of action necessary because his WW will not end her A. I did the whole exposure thing and even had the xOW fired (she has a kid was I supposed to be thinking of her too ). I really don't see anything wrong. He is not making terrorist threats, harassing his WW, or causing physical harm.

[Noirek]

Is it just me I really do not see how any of what he is doing is vengeful

 

He is taking a course of action necessary because his WW will not end her A. I did the whole exposure thing and even had the xOW fired (she has a kid was I supposed to be thinking of her too ). I really don't see anything wrong. He is not making terrorist threats, harassing his WW, or causing physical harm.

 

My response was for spark's comment. I personally still believe he was in a competition for his wife and that rather than vengence was his motive towards his actions. Getting her fired will gain him nothing though and may come back to bite him as divorce is really his only option.

[No Limit]

She is looking at me as if she can't believe I am doing this to her.

 

Because she didn't expect it. She thought you are the spineless wimp that will tolerate her A for years to come. It's also very helpful that even your acquaintances acknowledge that you're "in charge" now, no doubt people have noticed your wife's strange behavior and don't want anything to do with her anyway.

 

Put your entire focus on the divorce process. Don't think of saving her, don't fall for crocodile tears should she pull off a dramatic act at some point, start planning for the future.

[Lion Heart]

Best wishes Bama. It's been a really tough few weeks. You've been strong for yourself, your dignity and your children.

 

The wind up happened so fast, I'm glad you took some time out to decompress.

 

This is a wake up call for WW. But drugs, alcohol and indeed OMs are all hard to kick for addictive personalities. She may never wake up.

 

I know you'll be busy with the children. I think society is more sympathetic to single dads than single mums. When people offer help, accept graciously. People will WANT to help ease the burden because they know they can't ease the pain.

 

Take care.

 

Lion Heart.

[happyman64]

Tough decision BAM.

 

I am glad you made it.

 

I know your emotions are all over the place and you most likely wanted to go "scorched earth" on your wife.

 

I don't blame you at all.

 

While she is dazed about you pulling the trigger to divorce her is the best time to try to get a deal that is in your best interest as well as the kids.

 

Let the troll have her.

 

Because until she is with him 100% she will never realize what she truly has lost.

 

You and her family.

 

SO stay tough BAM. See this through.

 

HM

[sweet_pea]

Best wishes! Sending hugs and all that. Hopefully things run smoothly for you, B.

[bamawsp]

Lord have mercy she is angry today. She is still firing shots at me while I'm recording away. She doesn't want anything to do with adult dialogue for the sake of the kids. She also requested I turn over to her all financials by the weekend. I said I would have to consult with my attorney. He of course said don't do a thing.

 

I just don't understand the anger and hostility. This is what she wanted, no?

[ladydesigner]

Lord have mercy she is angry today. She is still firing shots at me while I'm recording away. She doesn't want anything to do with adult dialogue for the sake of the kids. She also requested I turn over to her all financials by the weekend. I said I would have to consult with my attorney. He of course said don't do a thing.

 

I just don't understand the anger and hostility. This is what she wanted, no?

 

I think she is finally realizing she has no control over the situation and is getting angry instead. Sounds like typical unremorseful behavior.

[bamawsp]

I think she is finally realizing she has no control over the situation and is getting angry instead. Sounds like typical unremorseful behavior.

 

Can you expound further?

[tippydog90]

Sounds like my ex. He kept saying he didn't love me, never loved me and he wanted a divorce. But he kept saying that and hurting me over and over. So one day, I filed. Then he proceeded to get really pissed and treat me even worse. He liked to be in control and it didn't go over well with him when I took control And filed. "He" wanted to be the one to do it. I think he was viewing that act as the final twist of the knife. He was pretty cruel to me the last year. My guess is your WW is the same.

[DKT3]

Lord have mercy she is angry today. She is still firing shots at me while I'm recording away. She doesn't want anything to do with adult dialogue for the sake of the kids. She also requested I turn over to her all financials by the weekend. I said I would have to consult with my attorney. He of course said don't do a thing.

 

I just don't understand the anger and hostility. This is what she wanted, no?

 

No, its not what she wanted, at least not yet. What she wanted was for you to continue to play the role of chump and allow her to have both the marriage and her affair.

 

And I think what ladydesigner is getting at is most WS believe they have total control over the direction the marriage goes, if she wants to stay she can, if she wants to go she can. The idea is you will accept whatever she gives you. Once you took the step to have her served you proved to her that you also had a say in the direction of the marriage.

 

The anger is her way of trying to gain the control back. She will try to bully you off your stance by making it seem she wants it over more.

 

My guess is she will rant for a few days, and if you hold strong she will change her tactics. Manipulation at its finest, and I'm sure something she has done your entire relationship.

 

I would also guess with a few weeks you will see her true intent here, if you don't back down.

[bamawsp]

My MIL was very angry upon discovery of service as well. Left me multiple voicemails and texts throughout the night. She has officially flipped which means she endorses the affair which is something she said she would never do.

 

I sent her a final text that basically stated I love her and her husband and I dont want a divorce but her daughter is in a relationship with another man while refusing to discuss our marriage or cut ties with the other man. Thus leaving me with no other choice but to move on with my life. No response and I'm cool with that