What happened to me?!

[simplybrill]

I am beginning to think, that I don't have a concience...Ill explain.

 

I seem to always be the one to have to dump my boyfriends, and either the person I live with is very sensetive, or I really am hurting her left and right.

 

Im not sure if the sister that I live with is over-reacting and has a dramatic flair to her personality, but it just seems like we're fighting all the time, and its always my fault. If ever there was in imbalance of power, it's here.

 

So we argue, and she says she doesn't like having to tell me what to do, or whatever...but if she doesnt like it, why does she police my behaviour so much? Im not on drugs, I dont bring anyone over (ever), I dont drink...so why...am I always walking on egg-shells.

 

This isnt healthy. I know. And it's affecting my personality now. We didnt always live together, and now that we do, it like we've fallen into this wierd big-sister/little-sister chasm. She worries about me all the time, and I dont worry about anything. I guess its becuase she worries A LOT about EVERYTHING, and I think I would develop an ulcer or something if I worried just as much as she does about everything.

 

Sometimes I just wish she would calm down and let go a little. Its to a point now, that Im almost waiting for cue's from her, to know how to react to what she says becuase things I say, or "offhand comments" I make offend her. I dont even realize this stuff is offensive until she says something!

 

I've gone from being a fun, happy, outgoing, energetic person to this meek, nervous, insecure person who's kind of a mess socially. I used to have TONS of friends! Take a wild guess who my only friend is now.

[Lil Honey]

There is a benefit to living with your sister - you can trust her with your stuff and the condition of the apartment and her behavior. You wouldn't get so lucky with another person. Even best friends can become enemies after sharing an apartment.

 

You sound like you have just the opposite personality as your sister - she's wound tight and you are laid back. If I were you, I'd search for info on family relationships, sibling relationships, etc. As much as I love my sisters, I don't know if I could live with either one of them.

 

It might be wise for her to get a friend to live with her (or live by herself) and you do the same in a different apartment.

 

The only other thing I can think to do is draw up some house rules, just as you would if you were two friends sharing a living space.

 

Each of you needs privacy to just be yourself and it doesn't sound like either of you is getting that either.

 

PS I don't think there is anything "wrong" with you or that you don't have a conscience. I think that you are stifled and feel as if you can't grow in your own way.

[simplybrill]

wow, I do feel a bit silly posting everything that pops up in my head.

 

I am lucky to have a sister that I get along with, and can trust to live with, and that isnt a total slob! She's very neat actually. And I can trust that her behavior is normal.

 

I just feel really stifled sometimes and that probably has more to do with my job and my personal life more than her. Im having some problems on the job and am looking for another, and my messed up ex bf has been getting to me lately.

 

Not to be dramatic, but it feels like a lot of things are caving in at once.

[Lil Honey]

Don't feel silly for posting. At least you were able to re-read what you wrote a day later and see that your frustration might not really BE your sister.

 

I can certainly relate to feeling stifled, especially at work. You seem young and you aren't held in one spot with kids, so get out and do what you feel that you need to do. If you can't get another job, then try to find ways to make the best of the one you have. If you have your own area (around a desk or whatever), bring in things from home that would make it feel more relaxed or more like a happy place. Even clearing off my desk and getting a bit more organized makes my day run better. I don't feel so overwhelmed because I don't see ALL the things at once that need to be done. Go someplace different for lunch once in a while.

 

If your ex boyfriend is bugging you, get him to stop. He is, afterall, your EX boyfriend. He should have no reason to contact you, since you don't have children together. If it's over, it's over. Change your numbers and email addresses to make it clear that you don't want any more to do with him. You shouldn't have to put up with any more BS than you did when you were with him.

 

Feeling like things are happening at once, isn't being dramatic . . . that's how things happen sometimes. It's just life. The key is to take each thing individually (instead of seeing it all in a big jumbled heap) and do what you can do to eliminate the stress.

 

Don't forget to do something for YOU, that you enjoy . . . painting, roller-blading, pottery, etc.