Randoms adding me to bully me

[Leigh 87]

Sometimes people from my past add me on facebook just to say

 

" I see you still look like a horses @ss"

 

or sometimes they say

 

" your face still looks like a dropped meat pie I see!"

 

My ex had friends - their boyfriends would hit on me and when I tried telling them the truth they all ganged up and said " you really are a very ugly woman, no guy would hit on you and I can see why you would hold onto every guy that paid you attention"

 

They sent pictures of dogs and sloths around facebook and pasted my head to them.

 

I grew up ugly. Bad skin, a crooked sort of hooked nose, chubby due to massively over eating in high school in order to deal with bullying....When I was mid 20's I had nice skin, braces to fix my teeth were long off, and I have a naturally slim and curvy figure. All of a sudden I had hot guys and random women tell me regularly that I am gorgeous and pretty. I thought " well, if hot guys say I am really pretty, and they have their pick of women, surely, just maybe, I have grown out of my 'ugly" phase?

 

....Then today, another person from my past added me. Now, many people from my past add me to apologise to me so I accepted.

 

.. Alas, they went on to say " just wanted to let you know that you still lok hideous - you should really get a nose job or you will die alone"

I have panic attacks and shake when people make do this:sick: - I thought I was finally "pretty" and over my ugly stage... yet when this happens, I hyperventilate and get majorly damaging flashbacks to my high school years that were rife with dreadful bullying.

 

I don't know what to think. I thought finally I was a pleasant looking, attractive woman to many although of course, my strong features are deff no everyones cup of tea. I really didn't think that the MAJORITY of people STILL considered my ugly though? Am I really an ugly woman to most, who will have to one day, if I want to marry, settle for a "friendship based" union, without passion, because most people think I am ugly and therefore all I have to offer is my intellect, personality and non superficial attributes?

 

One guy recently fell hard for me and thought I was drop dead gorgeous from moment one - yet I didn't want to settle just cos ONE person fell for me, I would like to think I have the option of waiting out for a guy with whom I feel the same way about!

 

Perhaps I really don't have any options in dating like I once thought I would have?

 

I am confused.

 

I don't know what to think.

 

I have so many people tell me I AM attractive - and yet, so many from my past I grew up with, cementing my "ugly" label. And they still do at times.

 

I want to be realistic. I love falling in love and I want that one day, but maybe I simply don't have the options in dating I thought I did.......I thought I had blossomed into a pretty girl who could afford to hold out for a man with whom I also felt MUTUAL attraction with.

 

Am I realistic in thinking that I am attractive to many people for me to hold out for a mutual attraction based relationship, where I am actually excited about dating the guy?

 

I don't want to settle for the first guy who falls hard for me simply because I am an "ugly" woman and hey, I don't have any options so I better settle!

 

I didn't in fact, I dumped him last October. He had a brain injury I didn't want to deal with and I didn't like his personality. I would have dealt with a brain injury if I had liked the guy enough and was into them and passionate about them.

 

 

 

 

 

I don't know.. what to think.

 

I like the way I look sort of - I hate my nose but aside from that, I don't think ONE bad nose makes an entire persons face ugly?

 

I have massive issues due to my past.

[amaysngrace]

They're paying attention to you because their own lives are so pathetic. Even still years later you are still on their minds.

 

I think that says a lot more about them than it does about you, don't you agree?

[Leigh 87]

Oh they most definitely are low lifes.

 

I am worried that.. well, genuinely pretty girls with options and who can afford to hold out for a passionate romance with the honeymoon stage - DO NOT get people calling them ugly.

 

I think a nose job will help me greatly - I think with a nicely shaped, smaller nose, I will be a pretty girl.

 

I know that one day I want to fall crazy in love. For a guy to fall for me I need to be pretty as well as having a great personality.

 

I have wanted a nose job for gosh knows how long!

[amaysngrace]

Then get a nose job if it will make you feel better about yourself. There's no shame in wanting to look the very best you can. Lots of people spend lots of time and money trying to make themselves more physically appealing.

 

You certainly aren't alone there.

 

And screw those girls. Honestly if they had anything better to be doing with their lives they wouldn't be spending their time harassing you on Facebook. Remember that.

[Leigh 87]

This isn't about them. Clearly those people are bad people with low intellects.

 

 

 

I just want to be a pretty girl who has options. I thought I got kind of cute as an adult - once my braces were off and stuff..

 

Now I am afraid maybe I am delusional about my looks. Perhaps I am an ugly woman to most people?

 

But then I get told often by attractive men that I am attractive. None of them want to date me due to personality differences - but maybe they mean I am palatable enough to have sex with but I am not good enough for a hot guy to want to ever date?

 

I get confused when some people tell me I am attractive - and then people from my past remind me how ugly I supposedly am...

 

Even my recent ex who I broke the heart of said " Leigh you are VERY ordinary, you are not going to find a man who worships you and treats you do romantic dinners out like your friend, you will need to lower your standards and date losers cos only low quality men will actually be into you"

[Leigh 87]

Then get a nose job if it will make you feel better about yourself. There's no shame in wanting to look the very best you can. Lots of people spend lots of time and money trying to make themselves more physically appealing.

 

You certainly aren't alone there.

 

And screw those girls. Honestly if they had anything better to be doing with their lives they wouldn't be spending their time harassing you on Facebook. Remember that.

 

 

I think I would be a pretty girl with loads of options if I had a better nose.

 

I have waited for ten years. I spent my money on travel and a car previously cos I wanted to wait to get my nose job.

 

I wanted to ENSURE it was not just a phase, so I didn't drop money on cosmetics....

 

I got botox recently and I have to say, I am way more confident and happy because of it.

 

It hasn't fixed problems but I learnt that I just enjoy looking better! I enjoy walking around each day, looking physically more appealing to myself and others.

 

I also have other things I love about life of course, I don't ONLY enjoy looking better.

[amaysngrace]

I'm glad you broke up with that guy.

 

Did you thank him for projecting?

[Leigh 87]

I am so conflicted.

 

 

Part of me believes hey I am an ugly woman by societies standards.

 

 

But then I get attractive people telling me I am gorgeous to them.

 

 

I am just confused as to whether hey... maybe I really don't have options.

 

 

Maybe I cannot hold out for a fairytale ending with a man who adores me and is super turned on too?

[amaysngrace]

You need to stop. You're letting those loser chicks get to you to the point that you're even remembering what your exBF once said.

 

It's really pretty simple...you got some work done, they saw you and because you look better than before they have to try to knock you down.

 

You obviously have something interesting about you or they'd just ignore you completely.

 

There's this saying and I'm going to paraphrase but it's something like "people will only try to pull you down if they know that you're above them"

 

Let that sink in a little instead of beating yourself up.

[MidwestUSA]

People don't just 'add' you to Facebook. You have to accept their request.

 

Simple. Stop accepting.

[todreaminblue]

hey leigh,

 

 

i have a few people on face book who used to bully me a fair bit...not anymore however...luckily i guess they grew up.....or they didnt really know how they made me feel ...i would go with a mix of the two.for i never broke at school or when being bullied.....i never let them in they never understood me or my life.....and that isnt their fault......

 

 

the same as you i lost a lot of weight in my teens mainly to get into the navy and continued to hone my shape......i was always pretty fit even chubby......and i had heart...and i still have heart...probably more so because of being bullied.....i never turned into a bully ....i was a pacifist child.....

 

 

people can make you feel like crap and i can still be made to feel like crap...words hurt......however much people say they dont they do......but my life isnt up to them.....it up to em and god above .....we work together some times......or i follow my prayers that are answered or i read the scriptures.....

 

like when i was a kid and couldnt talk to anyone about being bullied.....especially not my family........i talked to god ...and found comfort there...i found comfort in things i did for others....and the fact i never retaliated...i actually drew a big amount of strength from that.....to hold my head up the next day .......i was bullied wihtout ceasing for months when i walked liek a penguin.....i coudl have stayed home.....my back ached from an accident and i couldnt walk properly.......but i continued to go to school to be bullied every day.....

 

those days are over...i am not the same little girl anymore who walks like a penguin ........i will not let them or anyone else change me or my heart....they dont have that right......

 

neither do the people who say mean things to you,a girlfriend once todl my daughter if my daughters daughter has my heart as wellas my eyes ...that would be a very special thing...adn its true......

 

 

dont let anyone taint your heart with doubt and insecurity.so you become like them ...bitter and out to hurt others.......your heart remains beautiful through years and years if you aloow only peace to settle there..evict doubt

 

 

 

.......years and years of tears and smiles..allow th esmiles to remain embedded.....a heart does not change.....the body around that heart and spirit will...it will grow old and small...yoru nose wotn feel so big anymore........your memory will fade..........a hearts beauty is protected by divine grace.....be sure of that...and hold your head up...let your heart show....if others fail to see yrou heart....then that is their misfortune and your fortunate they dont se eyour heart....because they arent capable of beign anything but a stranger to you....they dont know you............hugs...deb

[Leigh 87]

People don't just 'add' you to Facebook. You have to accept their request.

 

Simple. Stop accepting.

 

 

Many people from high school add me to apologise for the bullying though.

[Leigh 87]

You need to stop. You're letting those loser chicks get to you to the point that you're even remembering what your exBF once said.

 

It's really pretty simple...you got some work done, they saw you and because you look better than before they have to try to knock you down.

 

You obviously have something interesting about you or they'd just ignore you completely.

 

There's this saying and I'm going to paraphrase but it's something like "people will only try to pull you down if they know that you're above them"

 

Let that sink in a little instead of beating yourself up.

 

 

Nah that one girl is truly up herself and she is a sociopath and bone ignorant sadly.

 

She honestly thinks she is all that.

 

She does think I am ugly.

 

I have a bad nose and a lot of people find prominent noses on women to be ugly and unpleasant so trust me the people who bring me down DO mean it when they say ugly.

 

But I dunno my nose isn't massively I still have a lot of people tell me I am attractive.

 

As I said - my "distinct" features have fans and I am not treated my society like I am an ugly woman at large - I seem to have enough people who find me attractive - too many so for me to be ugly, I doubt ugly people get as many people who are attracted to them.

 

I guess some people will always find sorta big noses "ugly" even though the rest of the person is just fine.

[Leigh 87]

This one girl always makes threats. I block her, she gets a new address and adds me and I have no idea

 

 

 

Today she was asking me where I am so she can come kill me.

 

 

She is most deff a sociopath or psychopath.

 

 

And she always has a nasty boyfriend in tow lol who sits there with her and joins in.

 

 

I block them soon after I know it is them.

 

 

I inform them I will get a restraining order if they continue to make threads.

 

 

They would deff get someone to hurt me if they could.

 

 

All for being "ugly" lol.

[todreaminblue]

Nah that one girl is truly up herself and she is a sociopath and bone ignorant sadly.

 

She honestly thinks she is all that.

 

She does think I am ugly.

 

I have a bad nose and a lot of people find prominent noses on women to be ugly and unpleasant so trust me the people who bring me down DO mean it when they say ugly.

 

But I dunno my nose isn't massively I still have a lot of people tell me I am attractive.

 

As I said - my "distinct" features have fans and I am not treated my society like I am an ugly woman at large - I seem to have enough people who find me attractive - too many so for me to be ugly, I doubt ugly people get as many people who are attracted to them.

 

I guess some people will always find sorta big noses "ugly" even though the rest of the person is just fine.

 

 

i think instead of viewing people as ugly or attractive as the people who judged you did...you should concern yourself with being the best person you can be and work with what you have......from your picture you are a beautiful lady leigh...so be that lady.....

 

i have not met an ugly person to whom i consider ugly..i am not fond of the word in its entirety which is to put people down basically...deb

[MidwestUSA]

Many people from high school add me to apologise for the bullying though.

 

Since you don't know who's going to bully you and who's going to apologize, ignore them all. Do not add anyone, and drop the ones that are on your friends list.

 

In other words, move on from that phase of your life. It's so high school. And get a nose job if you want one. Stop spending money on Botox, and save towards a plastic surgeon. The long term effects of Botox use are just starting to be seen; look at Nicole Kidman.

[Leigh 87]

Since you don't know who's going to bully you and who's going to apologize, ignore them all. Do not add anyone, and drop the ones that are on your friends list.

 

In other words, move on from that phase of your life. It's so high school. And get a nose job if you want one. Stop spending money on Botox, and save towards a plastic surgeon. The long term effects of Botox use are just starting to be seen; look at Nicole Kidman.

 

 

If you use veryyyyyyyyy light botox like twice a year it doesn't have long term affects only people who go CRAZY with it do.

 

A nose job will make me so much more confident and happy, as I value looks and would simply enjoy looking better.

 

I find my other features aside from my nose to be striking and quite attractive.

 

I truly think that I am a woman who WILL be attractive if my nose is altered - I believe I have the other features "there"

 

Where as plastic surgery won't make all women beautiful.

[Conners]

I can't believe that people you went to highschool with are bothering to bully you over facebook, you're 28! I'm 23 and although I wasn't bullied in school the bullies I know from school have defintley matured since then since most people from my grade have eachother on facebook and are nice to one another.

 

Those people messaging you are pathetic and must have sad lives to do that. Block them and don't waste your time responding.

[Conners]

By the way Leigh stop obessesing over your nose! I actually think you are pretty. Most people have at least one feature they are self conscious about. With me its my chubby cheeks which make me look young, and no matter how much weight I lose, they will not change. Lots of guys love it and think its cute!

[GemmaUK]

Just don't accept any additions of anyone you used to know.

 

 

Simply don't add and never ever react. Use your block button.

[regine_phalange]

Wow, what is the mental age of these people, 4?

 

Just so you know, they don't attack you because you're ugly. People bully others because they're different in some way. Don't let it get to you. Attack back. Last time I was bullied it was when I was 15. I was getting phone calls from people who thought I was a hooker (I didn't even kiss a boy until I was 18!). Do you want to know what I did? Called the person who put the ad and insulted everything holy to him, especially his mother. Do you know how he reacted? He just listened speechless. And took down the ad in a matter of hours.

 

Edit: Wanted to add that this literally handsome 20 year old man recently committed suicide because he was bullied for his timidity and introversion.

Edited March 17, 2015 by regine_phalange

[Toodaloo]

Leigh

 

There comes a time when you just have to leave all this behind.

 

Put up your boundaries and leave them up. Do not take them down. Quit adding random people on Facebook. Stop being a willing victim. Pull up your big girl pants and get a grip!

 

Make some rules up about the behavior you will and will not accept.

 

As for looks. I was bullied terribly at school. I went away for 2 years to college. When I came back and started going out again I was constantly being chatted up by the bullies. They didn't recognise me.

 

These days the guys I work with take the chronic pee out of me because most days I look like the back end of a bus! They are desperate for me to bother with a bit of lippy or a skirt! They have fun I have fun. I look the way I do and sod it. Some will find it really attractive others will not. I just don't care. I am me and I like who I am regardless of what I look like in the mirror...

[Leigh 87]

Wow, what is the mental age of these people, 4?

 

Just so you know, they don't attack you because you're ugly. People bully others because they're different in some way. Don't let it get to you. Attack back. Last time I was bullied it was when I was 15. I was getting phone calls from people who thought I was a hooker (I didn't even kiss a boy until I was 18!). Do you want to know what I did? Called the person who put the ad and insulted everything holy to him, especially his mother. Do you know how he reacted? He just listened speechless. And took down the ad in a matter of hours.

 

Edit: Wanted to add that this literally handsome 20 year old man recently committed suicide because he was bullied for his timidity and introversion.

 

 

How sad.

 

I tried a suicide when I was younger but survived. I have been so glad to be alive since and I have always had a new lease on life.... I was scared of dying after I overdosed and was so so thankful I was rescued in time.

 

I haven't thought about that incident for years and years until today.

 

I wonder how the bullies would feel if their mother, sister, cousin or best friend committed suicide.

[Leigh 87]

By the way Leigh stop obessesing over your nose! I actually think you are pretty. Most people have at least one feature they are self conscious about. With me its my chubby cheeks which make me look young, and no matter how much weight I lose, they will not change. Lots of guys love it and think its cute!

 

 

 

I love chubby cheeks on a girl it is so cute and feminine too.

 

I have an angular face with cheekbones that are pronounced and so I have always wondered wanted to have a cute button nose and chubby cheeks rather than my more unusual and strong features.

 

 

 

and LOL - You 'actually' think I am pretty. Meaning, " wow, most people wouldn't think it, but hey I actually do?"

 

 

Just wondering, do you genuinely think it is "odd" or "uncommon" that a person would think I am pretty?

Edited March 17, 2015 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

Leigh

 

There comes a time when you just have to leave all this behind.

 

Put up your boundaries and leave them up. Do not take them down. Quit adding random people on Facebook. Stop being a willing victim. Pull up your big girl pants and get a grip!

 

Make some rules up about the behavior you will and will not accept.

 

As for looks. I was bullied terribly at school. I went away for 2 years to college. When I came back and started going out again I was constantly being chatted up by the bullies. They didn't recognise me.

 

These days the guys I work with take the chronic pee out of me because most days I look like the back end of a bus! They are desperate for me to bother with a bit of lippy or a skirt! They have fun I have fun. I look the way I do and sod it. Some will find it really attractive others will not. I just don't care. I am me and I like who I am regardless of what I look like in the mirror...

 

 

But I don't look like the back end of a bus. I have quiet nice features and a nose that is " unpleasant" from the profile.

 

That is why I don't get the bullying. I am quite an attractive girl by my standards - like... I have nice full lips, straight teeth, big blue eyes. I don't get why more than one person has called me "ugly" as an adult.