I am Depressed

[Depressed]

Well, for the past 6 months I have been pretty depressed, since I broke up with my GF. I have been getting feelings of guilt and worthlessness lately very often. It seems that nothing goes right in my life, whatever I undertake is destined to fail and not work out. It seems like God gives me a chance, I mess it up and sabotage it myself, and then knowing that it is my fault, I oretend that it is not, and out of anger I put everyone else down around me, and am mean to them. Like the other day my Ex called me, and for some reason I got angry at her, and called her a stupid bitch for making my life so miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't sleep at night very well, the job irritates me. I lost interest in all the enjoyable activites. The other day I was at a party, and I had an opportunity to have sex with this beautiful woman, and I did not feel like it. I don't enjoy anything any more. I get up in the morning, the same messed up routine, get in the subway, go to work, where I deal with bunch of morons (and again, probably I am the moron), then come home very tired, and by 10 oclock I am so depressed that sometimes I feel like taking the gun and blowing my head off. I am 23 years old, and I am afraid to LIVE, and also I am afraid to DIE. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO? I was a very happy person, and I don't know how i got in to this, it happened gradually I suppose. Would anti depression meds help???? Honestly I dont believe in them working. I am so hopeless. I want my life back

[Rogue]

I've been where you are now. I know exactly how you feel ,since it sounds almost like a carbon copy of how I used to feel.

 

Want to know what helped change my attitude? I took a good look around and realized a lot of people had problems a lot worse than mine. It was weird, I would get up in the morning feeling like real %%$%^%, then I would talk to someone who had far worse life than mine, and by the end of the day I'd be grateful for whatever I had left.

 

Happiness doesn't come only from a relationship, a lot of it is your attitude as well. You might think it's your ex that makes you unhappy, or that you're feeling alone .But a lot of married or committed people wish they were single right now. A relationship,or lack of it, isn't your problem.

 

You can do yourself a big favor by making the effort to be there for the people you meet everyday. I was surprised when I forced myself to listen to other people's problems. I was even more surprised when I found out that being a good listener sometimes helps people feel better. Trust me, what you need is to stop thinking about your own problems for a while, and instead focusing on helping out anybody you can. You'd be amazed how diffirent life looks when you're trying to attend to someone else's needs, or just trying to be thankful for what you have. It's really the way life was meant to lived.

[Tony T]

From what you have described, it is my opinion that you suffer from clinical depression. You may find a general practioner MD who will prescribe a good anti-depressant or you may have to go to a psychiatrist.

 

You actually need a combination of counselling, at least for a short period, plus medication.

 

You will be amazed at how the proper medication combined with counselling and a change in your thinking will completely transform your life.

 

If you don't get help soon, you will continue making some serious enemies with your irrational outbursts and accusations against innocent people who call you and who care about you.

 

Get help today. You are definitely NOT in a good place where you are now.

[Depressed]

I know what you saying, but I do have a hard time believing in medications. My understanding is that they just make you sleep so you don't care about anything that is going on. But why do I feel like nothing is ever going to make me feel good?

From what you have described, it is my opinion that you suffer from clinical depression. You may find a general practioner MD who will prescribe a good anti-depressant or you may have to go to a psychiatrist. You actually need a combination of counselling, at least for a short period, plus medication.

 

You will be amazed at how the proper medication combined with counselling and a change in your thinking will completely transform your life.

 

If you don't get help soon, you will continue making some serious enemies with your irrational outbursts and accusations against innocent people who call you and who care about you. Get help today. You are definitely NOT in a good place where you are now.

[Tony T]

Todays anti-depressant medications, taken at night so you do not feel the drowsiness, can be a miracle in making you feel better. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that, if left unchecked, can work to totally destroy your life.

 

I completely understand how you feel about medication. But the new drugs are perfectly safe and can be increased over a period of time until the proper dose is achieved. Working closely with you doctor, you life will be changed.

 

If you do not want to feel better, there is no real purpose for you to post in a forum. If you want to get better, see a doctor or counsellor immediately. You only have those two choices. Remember, you only have one life to live on this planet...you may as well feel great about it.

[Laurynn]

Hi there...

 

First I want to say that I'm really sorry that you're going through this rocky time in your life. I think many of us have been there ourselves, in fact, I know it!!! It's a part of being human....sometimes we just experience major overload and our body and mind needs a break/some help.

 

I agree with Tony. PLEASE get yourself into a doctor......you are most definitely *depressed*.......and yes, I do highly recommend therapy/counselling *AND* a trial of antidepressants (I'm an RN, and one who's had previous bouts of depression, a couple).

 

The proper antidepressant, given in the proper dose will definitely correct the chemical imbalance in your brain. Serotonin. When a body and mind is stressed and overwhelmed....this chemical (neurotransmitter) becomes depleted. Antidepressants correct this imbalance. Being depressed doesn't mean you're 'crazy' (there used to be so much stigma with that, but it's so wrong).....it's your body's way of telling you that you need to get things straightened out.

 

Back in 95, it had been a year since I'd left/divorced my abusive hubby. I was in a new town, didn't have too many friends, and it just all hit me.......my marriage, the guilt of having left him (though it was the right thing to do)......everything hit me at once. I was exactly the way you described yourself.....I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep worth a sh*t, I was crying one minute, a total b*tch the next, I had no interest in anything, didn't care about nuttin. As an RN on a very busy/stressful/understaffed Unit, working 12 hr shifts, I new I couldn't function properly the way I was. So I bucked up and went to my doctor. He immediately wanted to start me on meds...Serzone. I felt ashamed, like a failure for not being able to get my act together.....embarassed that I'd have to take antidepressants. I had to swallow my pride and smarten up..and take them. After a few weeks, I was like a new person. I was definitely getting my "umph" back. My sparkle, my spunk.

 

2 years ago, I was even worse. I was dealing with constant pain from a work related back injury (off work), I was up to my eyeballs working on my Degree, I was under a lot of pressure from various directions. I couldn't stop crying. I would wake up in the mornings with an overwhelming sense of anxiety and what I call "an impending sense of doom"......I'd wake up feeling guilty, apprehensive, my heart racing......some days I'd stay in my PJ's all day. I couldn't sleep, no appetite (lost about 15 lbs), felt like a total loser (didn't want to confide in anyone about this)....I was a mess. It was a sports medicine doc, who was seeing me for my back injury who sat and talked with me...and it was HIM who realized that i was depressed. Not something I was willing to admit, or acknowledge. Im a pretty proud person, hate to feel like a failure. Anyway, trial and error with various antidepressants (Paxil, Effexor, and one other one.....)..started off in very low doses, I prefered to take them at bedtime (some make you a little sleepy, so best taken at night).....and again, after a few weeks my head was clear again. Every person is different. The Paxil was NOT good for me.....it made my mind feel like fuzz. Would go into a store and not remember what I was there for (which scared the hell out of me)......the key here is that sometimes it's trial and error. What works for one person, will not necessarily work for another. Some have side effects with one, that others don't.

 

As an RN, I'd worked quite a few years on a Psychiatry Unit..and I'd cared for patients who were depressed......so for ME to admit that I was depressed, I had to swallow my pride and get with the program. And realize that I was a human being like everyone else, not wonder woman. I'm NOT a pill taker, by any means.........but if you're depressed (and you obviously are, without a doubt), you need them to get things back on track. That, and counselling.

 

Is it possible for you to take some time off work now?...vacation time or something?...so you can get this sorted out?.....before you get so angry and frustrated that you jeopardize your job?........sounds like you need some time for *YOU*........to clear your head, to take care of yourself, to regroup.

 

Go see your doctor.....if you don't have a doctor, find one.

 

Laurynn

[Julie]

I have "on going clinical depression", so believe me, I know how you feel. I've been to phyciatrists, and psycologyists, and have tried about five kinds of medication (none of which made me want to sleep - the want to sleep all of the time was why I needed them...).

 

Eventually, a combination of Serzone and Effexor worked for me - but I'm proud to say I havn't taken any anti-depressants for almost a year.

 

If you feel suicidal, like you say, go to your doctor NOW. You need help. There are many things that can trigger depression, but for me it was chemical. I needed the medication to get strong enough to live again. Your family doctor can help, if you need medication now, they can give you a perscription.

 

If you are truely against medication, there are other things you can do. There is an herbal tea (and pills, I think) called St. John's Wort. This isn't nearly as strong as anti-depressants, but it helps.

 

Also, working out, or doing any kind of cardio releases seratonin in your brain (which is what anti-depressants do). My phyciatrist made me write in my journal every day (he - well, the last one - was into cognitive therapy, which is basically retraining your brain to process information in a positive way). Ten things that I like about myself, and ten things that make me happy. As well as one situation that I handled in a good way. Personally, I found it hard to do that every day, but I guess it helped.

 

I now, for the first time since I can remember, actually want to live my life. If you get help, you can get there too.

[Miss Mojo]

...i hope you can answer for me, seeing that you an RN.

 

can one of the characterics of depression be feeling really low when waking up of a morning? i.e. very unhappy, particularly of morning?

 

i was hoping you might be able to clarify this for me, along with the fact of a loss of appetite that has been prevalent for around 6 months.

 

i'm a bit concerned about one of my friends who has lost a bit of weight, but i don't know (can't really tell) if it's depression or not because i think if she were to be depressed, she would do a good job of hiding it, and not want to worry anyone. you ask her if she's ok, and she'd say "yes" no matter what.

 

i know depression can have various symptoms, and i had depression once and lost weight and was prescribed tofranil - i found it awful too and had about 10 side effects (very weak, constant urinating, spaced-out, dry mouth etc) and it actually made me feel more depressed taking it.

 

i just don't want to go jumping the gun with my friend and assume it's depression because i've had similar symptoms myself in the past. it's just so hard to tell with her, but something just doesn't sit right with me because i've known her for a long time. should i just recommend she see a doctor to be on the safe side?

 

thanks laurynn

[Hall]

Hi I was just wondering if you were ever put on paxil? I just started taking it 3 weeks ago.....and I was looking for input......

thanks

 

=)

[Laurynn]

Hi there...

 

Yes, that was one of the first ones I was put onto ....and I had a rotten time with it. It made my brain/thinking very 'fuzzy'......I remember one day I went to Walmart to get some household things, and I found myself wandering around in there, hadn't the foggiest idea what I'd gone there to buy. Scared the crap out of me. I didn't like this one at all. Now some people do really well on it. I started on 10mg, then was to increase to 20mg.......I found even when taking it at bedtime, I was still groggy and fuzzy the next day, really 'dragged my ass'......

 

How are you finding it? What dose are you on? One thing you should know......it's best that it's never stopped abruptly (if you find it's no good for you), particularly if you've taken it for a few weeks. Best to slowly decrease your dosage.

 

Any more questions? just ask, I'll try to answer. Also to note, when I was suffering from depression (and anxiety) that last time, about 1.5 yrs ago.....it was more situational than anything.....once the stressors in my life were dealt with, I felt much better......and was able to sleep better (the continued lack of proper sleep was a major contributing factor to my depression)

 

Laurynn

[Laurynn]

Hi!

 

Well I don't know if it's consistently characteristic for someone who's depressed to be especially 'low' in the mornings....but based on my past experience, I'll give you my thoughts.

 

When you're feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, depressed, etc etc etc....IF you manage to get a decent sleep (some people when they're depressed sleep lots, some sleep poorly), you wake up and realize you have a whole day ahead of you......and you're feeling so low that you dread the day. However, I'm sure some people who suffer with depression are equally as low throughout the day. In fact, some people are more 'low' in the evenings, at night.....I think it really varies from person to person.

 

As for your friend, the only I can think to suggest......is try to find one of those pamphlets that talks about Depression, and it's symptoms. It will give the phone number for maybe a Crisis line, or a Depression Support Group, and most likely encourage the person to see whether they have those characteristic symptoms...and to SEE THEIR DOCTOR. Maybe you could just take her out to lunch or dinner one day, start talking about how you sometimes feel discouraged.....how you'd once suffered with depression...but you bit the bullet, saw your doctor and were medicated/treated for it...and what a world of difference it made. Hopefully this would help her to feel free to 'share', more open to opening up and admitting, if she is in fact depressed. A lot of people are terrified of admitting they're depressed....some don't realize they are, some DO but they equate admitting/acknowledging it with somehow being "weak".."a failure"..."a wimp"...afraid their friends and/or family will think less of them, think they're "crazy"......at this time, you could also show her the pamphlet you have......sort of mention how it lists the symptoms and how you had whichever ones.

 

Perhaps going out to lunch/dinner wouldn't be great.....especially if she felt the need to talk/cry/get things off her chest. Maybe invite her over to your place.....for dinner, etc.

 

Is she under a lot of stress right now? (school, work, family, relationship) You could suggest she see a doctor but you have to be quite careful in how you go about this..the approach I mentioned above might be more subtle/less likely to put her on the defensive.

 

Hope that helps some :-)

 

Did you get the mail I sent you back the other day?

 

Laurynn

[Laurynn]

Weight gain can be a side effect of Paxil. Not sure if it's the same for men as it is women, but when I first started taking it, I did a lot of reading on the Net about it.....and I managed to find a fair number of postings where women had complained of gaining a fair bit of weight while taking it. NOW, in SOME People, there is actual weight LOSS, so it really depends. I believe the med they finally put me on, that wasn't too bad was either Zoloft or Effexor (I could check). I know that treating depression is probably more important than worrying about weight gain/dealing with same, but in people who HAVE a weight problem already, gaining more can't help but make them feel worse. Just something to keep an eye on, maybe do a little research on, though again..it's really very individual.

 

Laurynn

[Miss Mojo]

hi laurynn,

 

thanks for your reply, i really appreciate it

 

i think what's sort of got me concerned the most is her weight loss. i know when i was depressed one of the reasons my doctor put me on tofranil was because one of the side effects is an increased appetite (although it made me feel so awful i never took it long enough). for me, loss of appetite and a general feeling of 'nothing making me happy' and terrible lack of motivation were the main characteristics of my depression. i've really only noticed her weight loss and this has all occurred since she split up with her ex of 5 years in september last year. i know she took the break up very badly and has only mentioned the odd thing here and there (although i know she's posted on here as an outlet).

 

i think that's a good idea about getting a pamphlet. i've been tossing up whether or not i should just tell her i'm worried about her weight loss. i don't want to embarrass her, but i am concerned. she confided in me a bit about the break up when it happened, but i kind of feel she wouldn't say much now because she would think it's stupid 6 months down the track (although i broke up with my ex a month after her, i have no hesitation in talking about how i still feel, but that's only me). she knows i would never judge her. having been there myself (and she knows) i know it's nothing to be ashamed of at all. although, when i was suffering from depression, i didn't want to talk to my friends because i thought they'd get sick of hearing it. i only admitted to my family i was anti-depressants and was also seeing a counsellor which helped a lot.

 

i'll let you know how i go laurynn. i haven't received the e-mail yet. i wasn't sure if mine went through properly because it was in rich text format, but if you want to re-send again to <e-mail address removed> i should get it soon!

 

thanks again