BIL from hell

[AmyBamy]

I will try to be brief, but no promises.

 

My sister was married almost 8 years ago to a guy she dated a year or two prior to that. In the beginning, he and I got along fine - he is funny and witty, and was very friendly with me. But somewhere along the way, that all changed for some reason. My sister and I have no other immediate family - it's just us, and now him and their two kids - whom I absolutely adore.

 

Over the years, I've gotten to know his family - and they are all drunks. Functioning, but drunks. They drink every day, all day - and any gathering is a reason to get **** faced. They are middle class, and that apparently leads them to believe that they are "better" than anyone else - even non-drunks - as they don't see it as an issue that they start their children drinking in their teens and drink at every bday party, every holiday, etc.. Granted, they don't beat each other up or anything when drunk, but they are the WORST at watching children bc, well, they are so absorbed in their drinking that they just don't watch them at all.

 

The family my sister and I come from is blue collar - some middle class, but not the majority. We have a lot of Southern folks, simple folks - all fairly intelligent, but they live a very simple and different lifestyle than my BILs family does. They aren't drinkers, or smokers, but they hunt and fish and are a bit old fashioned. My sister and I are the only ones in our family with higher degrees and professions - mostly coal miners and factory workers - but good, solid, hearty people that love their family.

 

Anyway, we are having a reunion with our family this summer and my BIL absolutely does NOT want to go - he never wants to go. He hates our family - and of course, thinks he and his family are so much better. So, I offered to go with my sister and her kids so that he doesn't have to go. We planned on staying together in a rented house - and we had 3 extra bedrooms in the house that my sister was hoping someone would use to help us with the cost. I found an Aunt and several cousins who are willing to share the house and the cost with us - but my BIL (and my sister too now) say that they aren't comfortable having their kids "exposed" to these family members - and staying with them.

 

These family members are from another state and we don't know them super well - but I'm well aware of my Aunt and have always been in touch with her. She doesn't drink or smoke, is a 62 year old Grandmother, and has no dealbreaker flaws that I can think of. Her kids are not smokers - they do drink on occasion, but have non history of arrests or violence or criminal behaviors whatsoever. Unlike my BILs family which has a cousin that literally tried to beat his own father to death and an uncle who is at every gathering that is a cocaine addict.

 

Yet - now, we can't share the house - my sister is taking her kids to stay somewhere else bc she can't "risk" them being exposed to our family. She says that her husband isn't comfortable with it, but she isn't either bc her kids are "sheltered" and she wants to keep it that way. When I tried to get her to tell me a specific issue she was concerned about - smoking, drinking, cussing, drugs, molestation - what?! = she couldn't, just that she and her husband aren't comfortable with it.

 

I swear - I am so tired of dealing with this asshat BIL of mine. He and his family look down their nose at everyone - and they have NO right to look down at anyone. Not a college degree between the 6 of them, all drunks (including BIL), all have DUI records (including BIL), terrible parenting skills and kids that can't live on their own bc they can't make it - life is too hard for them. Yet - my sister's kids can't be exposed to hard working, honest, loving people?

 

It honestly makes me just not want to go. I hate that my sister gives in to him on everything and sells out her own family (she's always thought she was better too, with nothing to prove that) yet accepts his trainwreck family and allows them to keep her kids for weekends at a time. She is seriously lucky that something hasn't happened while they were drunk (which is always, not an exaggeration!) and not watching the kids.

 

Ideas - suggestions? If it weren't for my sister's kids, I honestly would just write her and her nasty husband off and call it a day. But, I want to see the kids. I'm sure that one day the kids will be snobby and better than everyone else too -and just get it over with in the disowning our family (as obviously, our family will never be up to his or his family's standards) and move on. But, now, while they are young, and I want to have a relationship with them - wtf do I do about this?

[d0nnivain]

Let your SIL stay elsewhere. You made a commitment to these other family members. Honor it. Stay in the house with them. Enjoy your family reunion & be grateful your BIL isn't coming.

[Curdie]

Not your circus, not your monkeys. If you think the kids are in danger call child protective services. If not then just accept that your sister and BIL just aren't into you and stop trying to cultivate a relationship. They decide where their children stay, end of story.