What would you do in this crisis?

[d0nnivain]

If I knew where you lived, I would be calling the Board of Medical examiners in your State. Nobody with this many mental health problems should be practicing medicine. They need to monitor him for his patient's safety.

[horses]

I am real. And yes the story is 1000 percent accurate.

 

And if I could only post the pictures of his texts right now ... Begging me to stay etc.

 

He is holding up the OR he says because he can't function since I'm ignoring his calls.

[BlueIris]

The thing is, she has no personal knowledge of any of this. She is being told something by him.

 

IF (big “if”) he does act this way in the professional setting, those in the professional setting who have personal knowledge of his actions at work have the responsibility to report him, not his on-and-off girlfriend who knows nothing of what he does at work.

[rester]

I am real. And yes the story is 1000 percent accurate.

 

And if I could only post the pictures of his texts right now ... Begging me to stay etc.

 

He is holding up the OR he says because he can't function since I'm ignoring his calls.

 

This guy really likes to shower you with guilt, OP. You do see that, right?

[horses]

Yes. He told me now he may be suspended because I have caused him do be so upset and erratic at work. He says that he may lose his job because he is chasing after a woman who refuses to surrender and let him take care of me.

 

He says it is all my issue because I keep refusing to stay in his house for longer Than a few days. He wants me to just quit!

 

"What is so bad about quitting your job and letting me love you?!"

 

These are constant questions. It's all my fault because I refuse to surrender my job.

[d0nnivain]

Yes. He told me now he may be suspended because I have caused him do be so upset and erratic at work. He says that he may lose his job because he is chasing after a woman who refuses to surrender and let him take care of me.

 

He says it is all my issue because I keep refusing to stay in his house for longer Than a few days. He wants me to just quit!

 

"What is so bad about quitting your job and letting me love you?!"

 

These are constant questions. It's all my fault because I refuse to surrender my job.

 

 

No it's not your fault. Him saying that to you further highlights his mental illness and shows that he wants you under his thumb so he can further abuse & manipulate you.

 

There is nothing to think about.

 

You tell him that you are breaking up with him effective immediately because he needs help. then you change your # & block him. If he shows up at your house you call the cops.

[preraph]

Do stay no contact. I'm afraid he will hunt you down. At that point call the police. I agree with Donnivain that he needs to be reported to the state medical board. He is really mentally ill and could really kill someone at work or otherwise. I don't want you to have any further involvement, and maybe someone could advise you if you can make a report to the state medical board without getting your name involved, but I think he's hanging himself there well enough, so you just protect yourself and disappear from him. Get yourself an alarm system or a couple of big dogs or both. You have been very brave. Now don't let down your guard. I hope he does go travel the world, but usually guys like this just keep spying on you.

[Divasu]

Yes. He told me now he may be suspended because I have caused him do be so upset and erratic at work. He says that he may lose his job because he is chasing after a woman who refuses to surrender and let him take care of me.

 

He says it is all my issue because I keep refusing to stay in his house for longer Than a few days. He wants me to just quit!

 

"What is so bad about quitting your job and letting me love you?!"

 

These are constant questions. It's all my fault because I refuse to surrender my job.

 

Nah, he is attempting to isolate you and make you fully dependent on him.

 

The bottom line here, is neither of you are willing to negotiate. You want to keep your job, he does not want you to keep your job. I'm not sure why he cannot "love you" while you work/keep your job?

 

He doesn't want you around other men at your job, he keeps tabs on you, the list goes on and on. He wants to control you, not love you.

[horses]

I am really struggling - he is so adamant about wanting to take care of me and says that I just need to stop running from him.

 

 

I WANT to trust him but all the previous information posted here proves I can't trust.

 

 

He says I'm being selfish and difficult. And that I am causing the fights because I run to work (which is 3 hours from his house -which is supposed to be OUR house).

 

 

I do this because I get scared and I've told him that over and over.

 

 

Last night was a perfect example. He's angry that I might want to travel SAME DAY for my new job in his city. He says that he doesn't want me traveling at all.

 

 

That turned into a HUGE fight....where he began to say that travel leads to infidelity.

 

 

These kinds of things will not stop, right? I can't continue - even though I still miss him so much. Insanity on my part, apparently.

 

 

'My heart is so broken and in terrible condition thanks to you"

 

 

That's the text .....

Edited March 19, 2015 by horses

[horses]

I just found out that he has been tracking me again with a private investigator.

 

 

I told him today we were done and he just texted me and told me that I was cheating because he had private investigators monitoring where I was going for dinner.

 

 

They saw me meeting a guy who is my gay hairdresser.

 

 

So he is lighting me up as a cheat --

 

 

I know I need to block him, why is it so hard?

[GemmaUK]

It's so hard because it is an addiction at the moment.

 

 

Each time something has happened you have ended up dumbfounded by it and there is something about seeing what the hell he might do or say next.

I was there too so I know this is what it is.

It a weird way his words and actions are also flattering - because he wants you soooo much - and that is addictive too.

 

 

I've suggested a few books to you and you read one. I read the other two as well and I still didn't feel over the man I dated for only 7 months. Not 'over' but not recovered from the stress of the RS.

I got another book not long ago which has stopped thoughts of my ex running through my head because it explained everything, every single thing he did and said was explained.

 

 

Forget the other books I mentioned, you need to move on quickly and get your head around all this. I have spent almost 2 years wondering why my ex did this and that.

 

 

Get a book by Alexandra Nouri called Toads and the Women Who Kiss Them.

It's on Kindle and it's $5.99 in Kindle version. My ex was in this book too and yours is. It has been the best - THE BEST reading material for clearing my head and seeing my ex for what he was. (I have no links to this book nor any I have mentioned btw - it is just a brilliant. It's like having a friend who understands all that has been going on rather than trying to explain it to anyone from scratch.

 

 

He is trying to guilt trip you to coming back just now as he knows that you are kind and considerate.

Once the guilting fails he will switch to being sweet as pie and promising never to do it again.

As soon as you give in to that he can start to relax an it'll only be a week maximum when he will kick off again.

 

 

I don't recommend contacting his work or anyone related, only contact the police if he turns up at your doorstep - do not open the door and do not let him in.

 

 

I would also get your locks changed in case he has ever taken a copy of your keys.

 

 

Remember, only you can stop this. He won't. He has no wish to stop his behaviour.

[ladyc4]

I'd also recommend a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker.

 

Girl, I'm not kidding you-this guy sounds BEYOND batsh*t crazy.

 

And, I am saying this with utmost respect tempered by genuine concern for your longterm wellbeing...

 

Please talk to a therapist yourself,work on finding out why you are so easily sent on a guilt trip.

 

Block this guys number, do not engage with him and if he shows up in person at your workplace or residence call the police.

[preraph]

I just found out that he has been tracking me again with a private investigator.

 

 

I told him today we were done and he just texted me and told me that I was cheating because he had private investigators monitoring where I was going for dinner.

 

 

They saw me meeting a guy who is my gay hairdresser.

 

 

So he is lighting me up as a cheat --

 

 

I know I need to block him, why is it so hard?

 

 

Block him!! If you can't say no, he will have you trapped forever. Block all contact with him. Get his trackers out of your life. Get a new phone and phone number and throw the old phone away - or better yet, throw it into a railcar so he can busy himself tracking that.

Edited March 20, 2015 by preraph

[BlueIris]

... or better yet, throw it into a railcar so he can busy himself tracking that.

 

:laugh::laugh: Yes, absolutely do that.

[Eagle's-bargain]

It's only been 8 months. "Monitoring you" for all that time is STALKING. He's mentally unbalanced. He sounds more & more dangerous. I'm worried about you.

Emphasis mine

 

 

We use the vocabulary we want.

 

Vampires in today's society are shown as sexually attractive, viable, partners/predators. Many of which are quite beautiful that come with a story too.

 

I'm sure if I knew what happened in a lamprey's head, it would come with a story too... Fortunately, I haven't seen many stories romanticizing lampreys....

[rester]

I just found out that he has been tracking me again with a private investigator.

 

 

I told him today we were done and he just texted me and told me that I was cheating because he had private investigators monitoring where I was going for dinner.

 

 

They saw me meeting a guy who is my gay hairdresser.

 

 

So he is lighting me up as a cheat --

 

 

I know I need to block him, why is it so hard?

 

I really think you need to get local law enforcement involved, especially as a public figure in your area. Don't call them. Go to your nearest police station and talk to them directly. Maybe they can give you advice about what to do if you're being followed. Tell your coworkers, friends, etc. Ask your therapist for help blocking his number. Ask your friends for help blocking his number. Utilize whatever resources you have available to you, because it doesn't sound like you have the ability to get away from this man by yourself, and you do need to get away from this guy. In my opinion, anyone that tracks another person by phone, GPS, private investigators, etc, has the potential to be dangerous and harm you.

 

Stalking is illegal, and at least in my state it can be a felony if there is a prior conviction for stalking or if the stalking violates a restraining order.

[BlueIris]

OP, the longer you stay enmeshed with this guy, the less of a victim you become and the more of a volunteer you become. A friend told me that when I was with a bad guy once. It’ll straighten your spine up quick.

 

Get out. Step off the train tracks. Stop quibbling. Leave him now and delete and block.

 

And do what preraph said with your phone, just for fun.

[horses]

Thanks for this advice/support. It really means a lot to be able to come here and read these things, because his guilt tripping definitely does a number on me.

 

 

These posts help me keep my head straight. I bought the book about Toads and I'm reading it now.

 

 

I see a LOT of this theme. In fact, I'm thinking back to a time that he told me to drop what I was doing at work and drive straight there because he just couldn't take missing me any longer. "Please, please, I beg you - for the love of your life, you should be able to do anything....just quit. NOW. Walk out the door."

 

 

This is mentioned in the book - the temper tantrums and need for self soothing.

[preraph]

At the point you found out he's tracking you and now has an investigator, you should at least talk to police about it so they have something on file in case you really need them. I cannot stress enough that reasoning with him will not do anything except encourage him. You have got to stop letting him talk to you or know where you are.

[spiderowl]

At the point you found out he's tracking you and now has an investigator, you should at least talk to police about it so they have something on file in case you really need them. I cannot stress enough that reasoning with him will not do anything except encourage him. You have got to stop letting him talk to you or know where you are.

 

He may well have a record for this kind of behaviour. Talking to the police might reveal that. Whether he has or not, his behaviour is way beyond normal and points to being dangerous.

 

I know a lady who was being stalked. It took her over a year to report the guy to the police. She kept coming up with reasons why she couldn't do this to this guy she had once dated. It was glaringly obvious to everyone else who knew her that the guy wasn't going to stop and had gone over the edge. Eventually she reported him, thank goodness. Ask yourself, if you refuse to do as he says and give up your freedom in order to pacify him, is he going to stop controlling you then? No, he isn't, so you might as well start proceedings to stop him in his tracks now.

 

Actually, if I were you I'd find a safe place away from him, where he does not know where you live and your work have instructions to guard that information from anyone. I feel you are in danger and you need to set up protective measures now.

[preraph]

^ That is a very good point. If she found out he already has a record, she could set her guilt aside. She should anyway.

[spiderowl]

^ That is a very good point. If she found out he already has a record, she could set her guilt aside. She should anyway.

 

Would the police tell her? In the UK, there is a pilot scheme where women can enquire about such a record if they feel they are in danger. I don't know what would be available to the OP.