i need serious help... plz help me

[jnelson07]

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Hi, my name is Jake Nelson I am 17 years of age. Let me tell u some things about me first. I like to play football, and basketball. Anyways i am having this trouble w/ my g/f and i need some serious help... and i think that somebody can help me cause nobody around here will... Listen i have been going out w/ this girl for bout 1 year and like 6 months... or somethin like that. and she thinks that i have cheated on her 3 times... when i really haven't... i have some girls that are my friends that i talk to but thats it... and i am tired of her thinking that and now she don't trust me... and i really love her very much and i want her to trust me... next year i wa goin to ask here to marry me that next year... and i don't know what to do... so plz telll me what i should do... thanx for the help... bye jake

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Hi Jake,

 

You can't "make" someone trust you. Trust is something that must be freely given, and usually earned. I believe you when you say that you have not cheated on her. You have no reason to lie to the people here at LS. The problem is, that your GF does not believe this. You should look carefully at your relationship, and try to figure out the reasons why your GF may not beleive that you have not in fact cheated on her. You mentioned female freinds whom you talk to, but who you do not sleep with. The fact that you saw a need to mention them, suggests to me that your GF may have expressed to you that she beleives some of these friends may be the people with whom you have cheated.

 

All I know to tell you, is to have a talk with your GF. Tell her that you love her, and that you have never and would never cheat on her, and that she means the world to you. Tell her how special she is, and tell her that all you can do is ask that she believe you, and trust you. If she can have that much faith in you to do that, your relationship might be a good one.

 

That said, there are probably some reasons why she belives that you have cheated on her in the past. There may be things that you do, even though you have not cheated, that suggest to her that you are not as into her as you should be, or that there may be something going on between you and these other girls. Do whatever you can, in your own actions, to not show her things which may cause her to think this. Spending excessive amounts of time alone with these other girls, choosing to spend time with these other girls instead of with her, and many other things which I'm sure you can think of, would be examples of very bad things to do, if you want your GF to trust you.

 

I also want to make a comment on your intentions to marry her in one year. I know you are sick of hearing simply "you are too young", so I'll just save that comment, becuase it is not always true. What is true, however, is that people change a lot (sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse), between the ages of about 16 and 23 or 24. This is a time when people go out into the world, have more new experiences than they have ever had before, and figure out how they want to relate to the world. Let's face it, most of your (and her) experiences so far, have been school and living with parents/guardians, while constantly having someone else (that would be the parents) call the shots in your life. How can either one of you really know who you are, let alone who each other is, well enough to make a LIFETIME commitment to one another at this point? These trust issues you are experiencing, are just part of her going through the process of trying to figure out how to relate to you, and to men in general. She hasn't figured out that, and how relationships work in general yet, even if you have. Be with her, enjoy her company, and if you want, go to the same college and continue your relationship, but tying the knot at 18 years old is rarely the best course of action. I think the divorce rate now is somewhere over 50%. I have never seen statistics on what that goes up to for people who get married as teenagers, but I would bet it is much higher.

 

You are young. Enjoy life. Enjoy being in a relationship with her, because it is what you both want right now, not because you have made a vow to do that for the rest of your lives no matter what, before even figuring out who you and she will both become as people, after a few more years have gone by. If you turn 22 or 23, and you are still with her, and still madly in love with her and vice versa, marry her then. It will be a lot more real than it is now, especially considering the feelings about you that she is having because her journey to figure these things out is not yet complete.