Moving halfway across the globe?

[MsJ]

I will try my best to make this message as short as possible.

 

I live in Australia since around ten years. I came here because I wanted to try and work as a nurse whilst completing my postgraduate diploma. Never would I have thought that I should last this long. However, when I got a job as flight nurse I moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere. My work, and my colleagues, have become my life (as sad as it may sound). My social life suffers (again, as sad as it may sound) and my previous attempts of dating and trying to have a relationship have failed greatly. For many reasons actually. I have always preferred to be on my own, i.e. independent. I don’t feel too comfortable when things tend to become too intense and successively obligations towards your partner develop.

 

About two months ago, I met a man from Italy who was passing through the city I live in. He came to Australia for business, and decided to travel around whilst being here. Ever since, we have been seeing each other rather regularly. And, yes, feelings have developed. We seem to share similar opinions and we are getting on very well with each other.

 

Last week, whilst he was here on visit, he asked me to come with him to Italy. Not for a holiday nor a visit. But, for permanent. At first, I was gobsmacked thinking he was making a joke which he, of course, was not.

 

I have been talking to some of my closest friends, and my family back in the UK, and many of them have said that I only live once and should try it. However, it’s easier said than done. At the moment, everything is feeling fine with him, but I also have to think about what I could possibly lose should our relationship not work out. I have created myself a life here in Australia and even though pretty much nothing has changed since I moved here (i.e. still being single at the age of 35), I like it here. On the other hand, everything could work out well.

 

What would you do?

[Zippy2000]

Tread carefully and as usual take your time. It takes time to get to know someone and I ve heard of people fall in love. Get engaged 3 months down the line then get married in six months only to get divorced in 12 months.

 

Go with the flow and see how things work out.

 

Good luck.

[Gary S]

You should do what the credit peeps do - they like to see a long term track record.

 

You only live once sounds good on the surface. But smart people think ahead. You need to plan for the future because you will be in it.

 

Wait 3 years before you move in or get married. (Also, date locally.)

[ExpatInItaly]

Hey there,

 

As you can guess from my username, I am also a foreigner (Canadian) who now lives in Italy. I've been living in Rome for two years now. Romantic notions aside, may I point out a few practicalities:

 

Where in the country would you live? If you're in a small town, the risk of feeling isolated is high because there won't be other expats. What part of Italy is this man from?

 

How will you support yourself here? Do you plan to work? If so, be aware that a working knowledge of Italian is important. In your profession, it would be almost impossible to find a job without being fluent. You would be wise to consider learning at least the basics of Italian so you can function on your own too (to do banking, shopping, etc)

 

Keep in mind that Italy is very much in economic crisis. Life isn't easy or cheap so it's critical that you consider if you can truly envision your future here. If the relationship doesn't work out, you need to have a back-up plan.

 

Feel free to ask me other questions at least regarding day-to-day life here.

[writergal]

OP, why not ask him to move to Australia? If he works in IT, he could do his job anywhere. From watching my girlfriends move cross country for their boyfriends, only to watch them breakup afterwards I would advise you not to leave Australia for Italy.

 

Maybe you could try long distance dating with him for a while and see how that goes instead of moving to Italy permanently. I'd say the only reason to move to Italy would be if he asked you to marry him and put a ring on your finger. Then I would say, yes go for it. But just as his girlfriend? No, I wouldn't do it. You'd leave your entire life and friends behind in Australia where you are well established. Would he help you find a nursing job? Italian language classes to take?

 

There's just too much for you to risk and lose, by moving to Italy. As ExpatInItaly said, Italy's economy is pretty bad compared to Australia's. Why would you leave all that stability behind for someone who can't guarantee you that the relationship will head towards marriage, or that you will find a job, etc., in Italy?

[Conners]

OP, why not ask him to move to Australia? If he works in IT, he could do his job anywhere. From watching my girlfriends move cross country for their boyfriends, only to watch them breakup afterwards I would advise you not to leave Australia for Italy.

 

Maybe you could try long distance dating with him for a while and see how that goes instead of moving to Italy permanently. I'd say the only reason to move to Italy would be if he asked you to marry him and put a ring on your finger. Then I would say, yes go for it. But just as his girlfriend? No, I wouldn't do it. You'd leave your entire life and friends behind in Australia where you are well established. Would he help you find a nursing job? Italian language classes to take?

 

There's just too much for you to risk and lose, by moving to Italy. As ExpatInItaly said, Italy's economy is pretty bad compared to Australia's. Why would you leave all that stability behind for someone who can't guarantee you that the relationship will head towards marriage, or that you will find a job, etc., in Italy?

 

 

If she's living in the middle of no where in Australia I would say that there isn't too much to keep him there. A whole lot of red dirt and nothing out there.

 

OP, you're a nurse. You can pretty much get a job anywhere, this is one of the many reasons I am studying to be a nurse. I would take the move just for a change, if it doesn't work out, you can always move back.

[writergal]

If she's living in the middle of no where in Australia I would say that there isn't too much to keep him there. A whole lot of red dirt and nothing out there.

 

OP, you're a nurse. You can pretty much get a job anywhere, this is one of the many reasons I am studying to be a nurse. I would take the move just for a change, if it doesn't work out, you can always move back.

 

It may be in the middle of nowhere, but at least she knows where she is.

 

I'd rather live in the middle of nowhere than risk everything to move to a new country for a man's promise of commitment. If he asked her to marry him, she should go. Otherwise, she needs to slow the pace down and date him long distance until she's sure she wants to move there. You forget COnners, that the OP isn't fluent in Italian, and so getting a nursing job won't be easy for her in Italy. I think you're a bit naive Conners. It takes a lot to move to another country where finances etc. are concerned.

[SawtoothMars]

What would you do?

 

I would tell him to come live in Australia!

 

Screw Italy. Nice for a short visit, but I would never want to live there or try to raise a family. This invitation is like Oscar the Grouch asking you to share his garbage can. Blech!

[MsJ]

Thanks for your replies.

 

He lives in Rome. I have been trying to find information on nursing in Italy and the process in gaining the right documentation as well getting a job. My non-existing knowledge in Italian would put my career on hold for at least a year, if not longer, because humanities have never been my strongest topic.

 

Thinking sensibly, as many of you have pointed out, I should try and date him long distance and see where it leads us. Again, whilst living in Australia, dating a person who lives in Italy seems like mission impossible. I really don’t think we would be able to meet frequently at all. The time difference also, as it is now, makes it difficult to communicate without either one of us having to be up in the middle of the night.

 

Moving to where I live is definitely a no-no. He wouldn’t be able to run his business from here. I keep asking myself why I have insisted to stay here for such a long time but as I mentioned previously, it has become my home and my friends and colleagues are my family. It’s hard to give it up.

 

They say love can make you blind, which seems to be the case. Or perhaps I'm being naive.

[writergal]

I'm with SawtoothMars. Australia has a booming economy. Maybe you could look for a nursing job outside your small town, like in Sydney or Perth, where your Italian boyfriend's home business could thrive too.

 

I just don't think Italy is going to give you a nursing job or much happiness due to the adjustment period of having to learn the language, figure out the job market, etc., I think you would just be miserable in Italy. But if you compromise and move to a bigger city in Australia, maybe that will entice your Italian boyfriend to move to be with you instead.

 

I know the long distance dating thing is hard with the time zone difference and flying distance. It's a pain. But...it's the practical thing to do until you can figure out what plan meets both your needs from a practical standpoint.

[writergal]

MsJ I just found this link for a company that places nurses in nursing jobs in Italy. Not sure how helpful it is though. Looks like you have to send them your curriculum vitae in Italian to qualify to be placed.

 

Nurses recruitment - in Italy, United States, United Kingdom, Norway, Greece, Cyprus

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, as I mentioned, I live in Rome. A nursing job will be absolutely out of he question until you can demonstrate your ability to speak Italian fluently. I guarantee this. You will also be required to write in Italian.

 

Rome is a wonderful city in many ways, and I'm very happy I live here. BUT it is also very expensive and the salaries are comparatively very low. Please take this into consideration. Visiting here and living here are very different experiences, of course. The bureaucracy alone is enough to drive everyone (including Italians!) crazy.

 

PM me anything you might want to know.

[okc85]

'you only live once' is nice in theory, and in the movies, but not in real life.

 

Yea, we only live once, and we also have to take care of ourselves.

 

 

If you can handle an LDR, maybe you can do that for awhile, while learning Italian. But like others said, you probably will be miserable living there if you don't know the language, and you will struggle to find a nursing job.

 

 

Do what's best for you. Your boyfriend will understand, either way.

[coryreply]

You only met him two months ago. That seems like an incredibly short amount of time to base such a life-altering decision on. I am more convinced than ever that rushing into a relationship is never a good idea!

[Conners]

It may be in the middle of nowhere, but at least she knows where she is.

 

I'd rather live in the middle of nowhere than risk everything to move to a new country for a man's promise of commitment. If he asked her to marry him, she should go. Otherwise, she needs to slow the pace down and date him long distance until she's sure she wants to move there. You forget COnners, that the OP isn't fluent in Italian, and so getting a nursing job won't be easy for her in Italy. I think you're a bit naive Conners. It takes a lot to move to another country where finances etc. are concerned.

 

I guess you are right. I am young and still in the ''live in the moment'' type of mindset.

I completely forgot about the language barrier she would have.

[writergal]

I guess you are right. I am young and still in the ''live in the moment'' type of mindset.

I completely forgot about the language barrier she would have.

 

I admire your live in the moment mindset, and if there wasn't a language barrier or financials or healthcare, etc. to worry about, I'd be gung ho for the OP to move to Italy. The rule of thumb is, to have at least a year's worth of income saved when you move, to cover your rent, food and bills. Anything less and you're playing with chance, and chance never plays fair.

[justwhoiam]

I live in Australia since around ten years.

So, up until you were 25, you lived in the UK, where you were born and raised. And the next 10 years, you've been living in Australia.

 

My work, and my colleagues, have become my life (as sad as it may sound). My social life suffers

It doesn't take a genius to understand that your best chance to have a family for yourself is meeting someone at/through work with whom you might click. Now, considering that this hasn't happened in 10 years, and probably the years when you get your best chances in the dating world, you can understand by yourself what your chances are for the future.

 

You need to ask yourself if your current lifestyle is what you truly want for the rest of your life. You need to look ahead and know that, one day, you'll stop working, or it might be tomorrow, for unforseen reasons. And see what your life would be like. What would you do. You have no one there. Everyone has their life after all, probably most people have their own family. If you value life on your own, and are ready to go for it, then I guess you should just turn down any change in social status.

 

But I can feel you're not happy in your shoes right now. No social life, because people around you exist just in their work dimension, when they go out the door, you're just by yourself. Can you even say you have true friends? Or do you join other people and their families, to have company? If someone else's family is good enough for you just because you are afraid to have one of your own, then something feels wrong to me.

 

So you need to look into yourself and understand what you would like, and what you wish for yourself. You're 35. Would you like to have children?

I said this already in some other thread. I've been in touch with women who later in life regretted not having children.

 

I don’t feel too comfortable when things tend to become too intense and successively obligations towards your partner develop.

I think some counseling would very helpful for you, to understand if you're just not cut for being in a couple/having a family, or you need to overcome some fears and trust someone else.

 

What would you do?

I can tell you what I think. You've been knowing this man for just 2 months. It's not much, overall, but it looks like there are the makings of a good relationship: he has his own business, he can travel (should you go back & forth to UK or Australia), you think alike, you have things in common, you get on very well with each other, and he likes you to the point of wanting you with him "permanently". He's pretty much in love. But, are you?

 

Now about practicalities. Rome is not just your average town in Italy. It's the capital city. There are millions of foreigners in Rome. Your social life in Rome would get a sudden boost. People are very social there. Ask where he lives exactly, if it's in the city center or in the suburbs (and where exactly). Because the environment can vary sensibly.

Nurses don't make much in Italy. I'm not sure what you make in Australia, but I guess you're making a lot more than you could expect to make in Italy. Unless you make up your own business. For example, you could work with hospitals as an interpreter and make good money. Obviously, you'd need 1 to 2 years of training/education, depending on how quick you can learn. If you want to continue working in the medical field, and wouldn't mind going that route, then you know you have career opportunities.

Also, how much does he make with his business?

 

Depending on the answers to the questions I pointed out above, I would make decisions. For instance, if you're in love, if you're willing to risk a change, if you wish to have your own family, I would proceed as follows:

- I would take a one-to-one course of Italian

- I would start getting information about his family/relatives (how many, who they are, how far from him, siblings, parents, relatives, etc.)

- I would start getting information about his circle(s) of friends (age, where, how often he meets them, what they do, his involvement in associations or other kinds of commitment, etc.)

- I would then take 3 weeks off from work and arrange a trip to Rome, to spend time with him in his house, and see how it goes

- If things go well during the trip and in the following 3 months when you're back in Australia, I would start planning the move and education in Italy within a year.

[writergal]

 

- I would then take 3 weeks off from work and arrange a trip to Rome, to spend time with him in his house, and see how it goes

- If things go well during the trip and in the following 3 months when you're back in Australia, I would start planning the move and education in Italy within a year.

 

That is actually great advice for the OP. Take a trip to Rome to be with her boyfriend and see how that goes. She can use that 3 weeks to investigate nursing job opportunities with hospitals and medical clinics and find out what requirements she needs to get a job as a nurse in Rome. Then afterward, prepare to leave her small town if she's ready to.

 

I still think she needs to take her time since they've only known each other for 2 months. She needs to see how her boyfriend lives in Rome, who his friends and family are, before she makes a move to Rome that would change her life for the better or worse.

[Els]

You've only known him for two months!??! No, no, no, no, no. Really bad idea unless you had already been planning to move to Italy before even meeting him. Moving FOR someone you have only known for two months is a terrible idea.

 

If you really think this could be the guy for you, do a LDR for several more months and visit each other, before making the decision to move. If you were really meant to be, <1 year of long distance isn't going to break you IMO.