Ex girlfriend left for another guy, came back, and left again.. wow...

[matty2049]

Met my now ex girlfriend last year. Hit it off completely. We both fell in love. Relationship was great, but after 6-7 months or so, I started wanting guys nights etc. apparently too many to her.. We had little fights, some her fault, some mine. Had short breakups with each other only lasting a couple days at a time. By the way, she is 22 and I am 29 so there is a bit of an age gap.

 

a month ago, she gets a call when im with her from a random guy ive never heard of. said it was a guy she went on one date with a while back and had no idea why he was calling. i was suspicious but i let it go. we went to my place that night, showered/sex, then i drove her to work the next morning. I didnt hear from her again. she literally blocked all means of contact with me (actually DELETED social media accounts). found out my suspicions were right and that she was talking to this guy behind my back.

 

I was in shambles, i wrote her an email, told her to call me to give me closure if she wanted. she called me a few days later and like an idiot, i poured my heart out to her, told her things would be different (i did a lot of soul searching) but she told me she was happy now. I let her go after an hour of talking after hearing that. The next night, she called me crying. Said I was all she could think about and she left the new guy because he threatened her and was jealous/had trust issues.

 

I took her back... dumb idea.

I showed her the real me, all the love i could give her, the attention (spent every minute together), everything was great, she even booked me in to a trip to cuba that was supposed to be this saturday with her family. I was very excited and thought it would be a great bonding time for us. or so i thought.. she lied to me today.. said that she couldnt hang out tonight because she was going to the vet with her dad after work then going to the mall to get stuff with her parents for cuba.. when she didnt text me for 3 hours i became worried.. i called/texted her and got no responses whatsoever.. then i called her parents house (she lives there right now).. hoping no one would answer and that she was telling the truth. her dad answered. he said he didnt know anything about going to the vet or the mall... i called her 4 times in a row to figure everything out. no answers at all. then she called me back 5 minutes later. i asked her why she lied to me because i talked to her parents.. then she started crying, said she was having second thoughts again... in 8 hours?? really? I became quite upset with her.. told her exactly how i felt and how she did me wrong a second time. fool me twice, shame on me right? anyway, she wouldn't stop crying, but she never apologized or made any sort of effort to explain why to me.. I am feeling pissed off/hurt again, but more pissed than hurt... the first time she left for another guy i was hurt.. she swears up and down its not for someone else and that she just need to be single for a while to figure herself out, but also told me she does still love me and always will.. i have book bag of some of her things that she wants back.. i will give it back but i will just drop it off at her work with someone else... I said some things out of anger to her.. but kept asking her "how could you do me like this??" without any real answers.

 

how should i be feeling? how should i deal with this properly from here on out? i really thought this girl was the one.. ugh.. help!!

[BlackbirdSong]

"she just need to be single for a while to figure herself out, but also told me she does still love me and always will.."

 

classic. I got this EXACT text five weeks ago today....haven't heard from her since. Never will...she's on to the next.

 

I'm sorry man, I'd have to just NC this chick for a long time and let her "get her head straight".

[matty2049]

thanks man... its just hard right now. shes a beautiful girl and i wanted things to work so bad. things were incredible the last couple weeks, i will never understand. i treated her the way a woman should be treated. she said she started "second guessing" this morning when i was driving her to work, holding her hand and talking about normal things... i just dont get it. ill never understand women... i know someday she will be try and come back again, thats the way she is with me. im the only guy she has ever come back to... but she crushed me pretty good.

[frigginlost]

Sounds like there is another guy in the picture.

 

"Need some time" is usually code for "I want to see where this is heading".

 

It's a cowards way of trying not appear as a "bad" person or cheater.

 

Go no contact. Become a ghost.

[matty2049]

the thing is, i really dont think there is another guy again. that last guy she was seeing was a complete douchebag that threatened her with physical violence. i saw the texts and he also said it to her face. she never hid her phone when she was with me this time. she just doesnt want a relationship. she told me i could drive by her house any time and see that there is no one else. there is just nothing to lead me to believe that theres someone else. we spent every waking minute with each other the last couple weeks and its been great. i might be wrong, but i always go with my gut, and my gut says shes actually telling me the truth about that.

[darkbloom]

This has now become a pattern in your relationship. She doesn't sound mature enough or able to make decisions and stick to them. You should be feeling angry and hurt. Because this is the second go around with her. I can understand not being sure about your feelings but lying should not be tolerated. There's no way of coming back to trust after that.

 

The very best thing you can do is become a ghost to her. full NC. And even though she told you it's okay, do NOT drive by her house. yikes. You deserve to be wih someone who is sure of their feelings for you and would not leave you for someone who threatened her with physical violence. There are ways of dealing with people like that but dating them is not one of them.

[frigginlost]

the thing is, i really dont think there is another guy again. that last guy she was seeing was a complete douchebag that threatened her with physical violence. i saw the texts and he also said it to her face. she never hid her phone when she was with me this time. she just doesnt want a relationship. she told me i could drive by her house any time and see that there is no one else. there is just nothing to lead me to believe that theres someone else. we spent every waking minute with each other the last couple weeks and its been great. i might be wrong, but i always go with my gut, and my gut says shes actually telling me the truth about that.

 

Go back and read the second paragraph of your first post. She knew exactly why he was contacting her. She sounds like a manipulator. That second paragraph is an exact copy of what happened with my ex and me. He, as well, was a piece of sh*t.

 

My ex went back to him a second time, and is still with him...

 

Hopefully your gut is correct, but you need to be a ghost.

[matty2049]

yeah youre right. trust me i wont drive by her house, im not a creep like that. i did everything right this time and i know it. i treated her with the utmost respect and dignity that a guy could. i spent every day with her for the last 2 weeks, literally every day. she wanted that and so did i. this is just so out of the blue. she was crying on the phone with me when she called. im just confused about everything. i know i have to go NC for sure and I will, but something inside me is at peace now. even though this isnt what i want, and we had a vacation booked for saturday (supposed to be going to cuba with her and her family).. heres the kicker.. the guy she left me for the first time, he was going to go with her. his ticket was already booked, but she cancelled it, and also paid $250 to change it to my name just 4 days ago ... that isnt normal, her head is twisted... i was shocked when she told me that... they were dating for a little over a week! she said he basically told her that she cant go without him... thats kind of messed up... but that is the type of guy she was used to in her past. controlling, trust issues, wannabe gangsters etc.. shes such a beautiful woman (physically) that it is still going to be hard to let her go, but she has an ugly side to her that makes me want to puke and you guys can very well see it by now..

 

no one deserves to be kicked to the curb in the ways that i have been the last month.. im not "feeling sorry for myself" but i see what she did in new eyes, and karma will be a mofo when she comes for her... twice i was left by her, first time might have been partially my doing, but this time, i saw everything in such a different light and she was loving it every day and let me know. i just don't understand it at all. someday (probably very soon knowing her track record) she will realize how much she fkd up with me this time.. you just cant play with peoples hearts like this and expect to get what youre looking for next time. good riddance.

[matty2049]

the strange thing is, i dont feel hurt... i feel angry... i feel bad for her, not for me.. i know i did everything i could to show her that i was the man she wanted, and she showed me that she enjoyed every minute of it.. until today.. just twisted in my head. i dont even want to think about it but i cant help it right now. its all so quick and soon... two big break ups in a month with the same person really takes a toll on your head and heart.

[matty2049]

heres the other thing... the guy that she left me for the first time, he knows what happened. he knows that she was still dating me when she was talking to him.. how? a friend of mine told him. he was pissed. theres no way they are talking again, and if they are then good for them, ill give them a week, if that lol theres no trust there whatsoever on his side as well, there cant be... unless he just wants to use her for a quick peace and split.. which wouldnt be all that bad actually, let her know what its like to be used to abused.... i dont wish revenge, i really hope she just gets the help she needs. her (one) friend is a total wh ore.... is a single mom, who still strings the babys daddy along, yet has a couple other guys on the side.. she is turning into her through and through.. its sad.. i let her know that she needs to find new friends, people that care for and support her. oh well not my worry now. question is, i have a bag of her stuff that she wants back tomorrow... should i bring it to her work when she is there or give it to someone at her work to give to her after she is off?

[Price2Play]

Any woman under 25 should NEVER be taken serious in a realtionship. PERIOD. Sorry you had to learn this the hardway bro @ 29 but now you know moving forward. You are the 3 or 4 guy to post something similiar to this in the past month.

 

I've even seen woman in their early 30's pull this sh*t. RUN BRO, RUN and DON'T LOOK BACK. End of story.

Edited March 18, 2015 by Price2Play

[frigginlost]

Any woman under 25 should NEVER be taken serious in a realtionship. PERIOD. Sorry you had to learn this the hardway bro @ 29 but now you know moving forward. You are the 3 or 4 guy to post something similiar to this in the past month.

 

I've even seen woman in their early 30's pull this sh*t. RUN BRO, RUN and DON'T LOOK BACK. End of story.

 

I know of 3 women in their 40's that pull that crap. They are divorced, have pushed out a few kids, and now feel life owes them a good time. They go the shortest route by becoming whores. Free dinners, free entertainment, and all the ego boosts they can handle.

[ghsteo]

You want to know the truth? She's scared to settle down with you. She knows she found something amazing early in her life and shes scared thats all her life will be. She wants to get out there and be young, bang people, and make mistakes before finding someone like you. How do i know? Because this was my story, straight from my exs mouth. It was difficult for her to break up with me because i was perfect and she was scared she found that at a young age. You can't do **** but move on.

[Situasian]

Hey man i want you to know i've been through something very similar to you, it even make me feel sick when reading your story. Even the ages are exactly the same! If i were you i would walk away do no contact and forget about her. My ex and i broke up 3-4 times over a 4 year period and we always got back together but not this time! the best thing i ever did was walk away from her this last time so i didnt have to put up with the BS she tried to feed me. It will suck and trust me i know but you will find yourself happier in the long run because i know i did and whilst i'm still recovering myself im telling you now the best thing to do is walk away and not waste another second on this girl!

[rebel]

the strange thing is, i dont feel hurt... i feel angry... i feel bad for her, not for me.. i know i did everything i could to show her that i was the man she wanted, and she showed me that she enjoyed every minute of it.. until today.. just twisted in my head. i dont even want to think about it but i cant help it right now. its all so quick and soon... two big break ups in a month with the same person really takes a toll on your head and heart.

 

Hey bro, Im basically going through a similar thing and I'm 29 too. You do everything in your power to make a girl happy, and they drag it into the ground in one way or another.

 

The fact that you "feel bad for her" is amazing. I found out that the 'love of my life' moved on with someone literally days after we split. That Pissed me off and tbh, I find comfort in knowing that she is soooo damn insecure that she is incapable of being alone. If you put the onus back on the problems that your ex has, sometimes it makes it easier to deal with.

 

Its what Im finding anyway

[Acacia98]

heres the kicker.. the guy she left me for the first time, he was going to go with her. his ticket was already booked, but she cancelled it, and also paid $250 to change it to my name just 4 days ago ... that isnt normal, her head is twisted... i was shocked when she told me that... they were dating for a little over a week! she said he basically told her that she cant go without him... thats kind of messed up... but that is the type of guy she was used to in her past. controlling, trust issues, wannabe gangsters etc.. shes such a beautiful woman (physically) that it is still going to be hard to let her go, but she has an ugly side to her that makes me want to puke and you guys can very well see it by now..

 

Sorry for what you're going through, matty2049.

 

If you're having a hard time understanding why she did what she did, you already have the answer above in bold font. The choices she made in the past are reflective of the person she still is. Maybe she was able to suppress some of her issues when she was with you, but they ultimately came out. They are a huge part of who she is. You can't fix them for her; you can't change her by being the best boyfriend in the world.

 

Best thing for you to do is to cut off all contact and focus on you.

[matty2049]

Thanks. She has called twice today, but I have declined both calls right to voicemail. I don't want anything to do with her, the only problem is, she has a book bag of her stuff here with me. She wants it back. I will give it back but we just got literally 75 cm of snow today so I won't be bringing it to her today. She won't leave me alone until she gets it. I have told her to **** off a few times and told her as soon as I can I'll drop her bag off in the last couple days and she just won't leave me alone... Starting to get very frustrated.

[coryreply]

Sorry you're going through this bro. Hang in there.