How can I stop thinking about girls?

[Lee Raw]

They are in my mind 24/7 and it's starting to ruining my life. I was thinking about picking up a second job but then I won't have any time to go to the gym or hang out with my friend. What's the point of thinking about girls when they don't like you? I don't think I even want a girlfriend. They'll just break my heart and I don't have it in my to recover from that.

 

I use to play video games all day until I realized it wasted too much of my time. Eventually I somehow stopped play games entirely. If I could do that with girls, that would be great.

[Nikki Sahagin]

How old are you? It's natural to be thinking about girls

[melodicintention]

You have a penis. It is you lot in life to waste away your potential chasing skirts. Accept yourself for what you are, another horny dude. Or maybe exercise and take a lot of cold showers. Castration is a option, though probably not an optimal option.

[Lee Raw]

How old are you? It's natural to be thinking about girls

I'm 22 years old.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I'm 22 years old.

 

Perfectly natural. It's what our species is here for Maybe you need a gf?

[Lee Raw]

Perfectly natural. It's what our species is here for Maybe you need a gf?

 

I think about it all the time. I'm not rich or handsome as the next guy. I don't bring anything to the table. It doesn't make sense for a girl to settle for less. Even if she did go out with my I know it wouldn't last long. I don't want my heart to break ever.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I think about it all the time. I'm not rich or handsome as the next guy. I don't bring anything to the table. It doesn't make sense for a girl to settle for less. Even if she did go out with my I know it wouldn't last long. I don't want my heart to break ever.

 

Have you ever been in a relationship?

 

The thing is...we can't control if our hearts break; if you lose a relative - heart break, breakup, heartbreak, even holding yourself back can cause a heartbreak for yourself in future.

 

Also...the thing about heartbreak is that it DOES go away. It won't kill you.

[Satu]

The girls are not the problem.

 

The problem is the way you see yourself.

 

You don't have to be rich, or outrageously handsome to have a relationship.

 

Look around you.

 

You see people of all shapes, sizes, rich and poor, paired up.

 

But if a person really doesn't like themselves, they erect an 'invisible barrier' around themselves, that people largely unconsciously, pick up on.

 

Have a think about how you may be pushing people away.

[Aslanbek]

I'm 22 years old.

 

Get used to it. You're gonna be tortured with this for the rest of your life. I'm 51 and I can't stop thinking about women. Used to be girls - now it's their moms and grandmothers.

[Lee Raw]

Have you ever been in a relationship?

 

The thing is...we can't control if our hearts break; if you lose a relative - heart break, breakup, heartbreak, even holding yourself back can cause a heartbreak for yourself in future.

 

Also...the thing about heartbreak is that it DOES go away. It won't kill you.

 

I'm not a family kind of person. I wouldn't really cared if they died to be honest. I know I shouldn't think like that but that's how I am. I never been in a relationship. I can't even accept rejection. I still haven't gotten over rejection from 8 years ago(moveonright?) A broken heart is way worse than rejection.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I'm not a family kind of person. I wouldn't really cared if they died to be honest. I know I shouldn't think like that but that's how I am. I never been in a relationship. I can't even accept rejection. I still haven't gotten over rejection from 8 years ago(moveonright?) A broken heart is way worse than rejection.

 

You're only 22. These kinds of fears are normal. I used to feel like that a lot when I was a teen/early twents. I'm 25 now so not that much older than you, but I've come a long way. Still have demons to deal with.

 

I won't say things get easier as that's patronizing but you're so young; you're going to grow and evolve a lot in life. You're going to adjust and become much stronger than you feel.

 

If your main fear is rejection and you already can identify that, it's a great first step.

 

What happened 8 years ago? Why are you letting it effect the now, your future?

[Lee Raw]

You're only 22. These kinds of fears are normal. I used to feel like that a lot when I was a teen/early twents. I'm 25 now so not that much older than you, but I've come a long way. Still have demons to deal with.

 

I won't say things get easier as that's patronizing but you're so young; you're going to grow and evolve a lot in life. You're going to adjust and become much stronger than you feel.

 

If your main fear is rejection and you already can identify that, it's a great first step.

 

What happened 8 years ago? Why are you letting it effect the now, your future?

 

I really liked this girl back in the 8th grade. I asked her out and she rejected me. Turns out she liked someone else and they eventually dated. To this day they are still together. The guy she is with is going to be famous soon so I guess she made the right choice. I just can't stop thinking about how those years could have been me. All my friends have their high school sweet heart till this day.

 

I know I should have moved on by now. I'm just mentally weak.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I really liked this girl back in the 8th grade. I asked her out and she rejected me. Turns out she liked someone else and they eventually dated. To this day they are still together. The guy she is with is going to be famous soon so I guess she made the right choice. I just can't stop thinking about how those years could have been me. All my friends have their high school sweet heart till this day.

 

I know I should have moved on by now. I'm just mentally weak.

 

It's not weakness at all. You obviously really liked this girl and it can take a long time to get over something like that, espec 'the first love' - it's a powerful drug. It took me about 3 years to fully get over my first love. Now and then I think of him, but the feelings are gone. I think maybe what hurts you the most is that the guy she chose is famous. Do you somehow think this makes him better? Does this feed into your feelings of rejection? i.e. 'I'm not good enough; I lost the girl to THAT guy.'

[Lee Raw]

It's not weakness at all. You obviously really liked this girl and it can take a long time to get over something like that, espec 'the first love' - it's a powerful drug. It took me about 3 years to fully get over my first love. Now and then I think of him, but the feelings are gone. I think maybe what hurts you the most is that the guy she chose is famous. Do you somehow think this makes him better? Does this feed into your feelings of rejection? i.e. 'I'm not good enough; I lost the girl to THAT guy.'

 

Well he is not famous yet but I'm sure he will be soon. He is good at what he does. I just can't stop thinking about how I could have been with her for those 8 years. I could have been happy and motivated to live a better life. I would have more friends that's for sure. I wasn't good enough for her. What is it about me she didn't find attractive? What I could have change for her to like me.

[Nikki Sahagin]

She was obviously the catalyst for what you feel.

 

Consider that you have romanticised her in your head. Just because she didn't choose you, it doesn't mean you are unworthy. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you and it doesn't mean that you won't be another woman's first choice.

 

I think this has so deeply affected you because she was (correct me if I'm wrong), your first experience of love. That first experience, whether it goes wrong or well, can influence us profoundly.

 

Your first experience is tied up with a feeling of rejection, hurt and now this has become a sense of fear and lack of worth that you are trying to deal with by detatching...i.e. avoiding women, avoiding love.

 

I think it is best if you accept that it didn't work well with this girl and that's okay.

 

Make peace with that.

 

Instead of saying, 'gosh it sucks and my life could have been better'

 

say

 

'I can't really know if my life would have been better or not. I didn't get the girl this time but I'm confident for the future.'

 

Then work on your self-esteem and fear of rejection...

 

- counselling

- journalling

- CBT

- Gym/exercise

- Give a presentation

- volunteer

- travel

[Lee Raw]

She was obviously the catalyst for what you feel.

 

Consider that you have romanticised her in your head. Just because she didn't choose you, it doesn't mean you are unworthy. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you and it doesn't mean that you won't be another woman's first choice.

 

I think this has so deeply affected you because she was (correct me if I'm wrong), your first experience of love. That first experience, whether it goes wrong or well, can influence us profoundly.

 

Your first experience is tied up with a feeling of rejection, hurt and now this has become a sense of fear and lack of worth that you are trying to deal with by detatching...i.e. avoiding women, avoiding love.

 

I think it is best if you accept that it didn't work well with this girl and that's okay.

 

Make peace with that.

 

Instead of saying, 'gosh it sucks and my life could have been better'

 

say

 

'I can't really know if my life would have been better or not. I didn't get the girl this time but I'm confident for the future.'

 

Then work on your self-esteem and fear of rejection...

 

- counselling

- journalling

- CBT

- Gym/exercise

- Give a presentation

- volunteer

- travel

 

First experience of love possibly my last. I was thinking about counselling or therapy but it cost to much. I'm not sure what you mean by journalling. I have been going to the gym for about 3 months now. I don't get the idea of volunteer. I don't get any money out of it. In the future I do plan on traveling a lot.

 

I really want a girlfriend but at the same time I don't. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Nothing last forever. I just want a nice car and drive fast on a lonesome road and sing to my favorite songs then call it an end.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Well journalling can be a good way to express and make sense of thoughts and feelings.

 

Volunteering helped me get over my 1st love. I worked for a month with abused animals and it taught me not to feel so sorry for myself and not to be a victim.

 

There's no need to jump into a rel. Just be kind to yourself. And never say never to love.

[MGX]

They are in my mind 24/7 and it's starting to ruining my life. I was thinking about picking up a second job but then I won't have any time to go to the gym or hang out with my friend. What's the point of thinking about girls when they don't like you? I don't think I even want a girlfriend. They'll just break my heart and I don't have it in my to recover from that.

 

I use to play video games all day until I realized it wasted too much of my time. Eventually I somehow stopped play games entirely. If I could do that with girls, that would be great.

 

You don't have to think about women. All you need is sufficient distraction.

 

Get a hobby or get into an activity that you enjoy. Immerse yourself toward a personal goal that's actually obtainable. Something that you can say for certain "I can do that!" and go do it.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

There's plenty of girls that just want companionship with someone who will listen to them & treat them with respect. The more girls you interact with the better the chance of finding one who is compatible with you.

[GravityMan]

It's one thing to think about women multiple times per day. That's normal...most guys probably do that.

 

But if you're obsessing over them...that's not good. Letting your mind occasionally drift to that cute sexy woman shouldn't impair your ability to do and focus on other aspects on your life...school, career, friends, parties, hobbies, food, money, video games, etc...

[todreaminblue]

theres a mental health strategy normally its most commonly used with obsessive thought processes....a thick not thin rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you get these obsessive thoughts....also do things you love to do ....concentrate on other areas of your life......most healthy blooded humans think of the other sex.....its a common drive...when it becomes every waking moment that sucks all joy out of your life makes you feel hopeless instead of hopeful.... thats when trouble starts.....deb

[Jeffah]

It may not be your thinking. I was sensitive to stimulates. I got off the coffee and all caffeine,nicitine,sugar.I used to walk around with a hard on .No more... to.

They are in my mind 24/7 and it's starting to ruining my life. I was thinking about picking up a second job but then I won't have any time to go to the gym or hang out with my friend. What's the point of thinking about girls when they don't like you? I don't think I even want a girlfriend. They'll just break my heart and I don't have it in my to recover from that.

 

I use to play video games all day until I realized it wasted too much of my time. Eventually I somehow stopped play games entirely. If I could do that with girls, that would be great.