Tanzmix Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Hi all, I posted this thread around 2 weeks ago; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/519123-am-i-overthinking-clinging-false-hope The short of it is that I have been broken up and NC for 2 months after a 3 year relationship. She ended it and then got back in touch to ask for some things back. I received a great amount of Feedback basically telling me not to see her under any circumstances and just to mail her things back to her (although I'd like to make it clear that I wasn't holding on to them out of spite she just hadn't asked for them back before) Gut instinct told me that there was more to it than met the eye and after a few emails back and forth it became clear that she was up for catching up over a drink. We met up on Sunday and it was like nothing had changed in all the right ways, we spent a good hour and a bit chatting away and finding out what we had been up to. No awkwardness and I ensured I was cool and happy throughout the meet. I've done a lot of self improvement since the split and made sure she knew, albeit subtly, that I've changed things in my life. We barely touched the relationship but it became clear that she was disillusioned with the situation rather than not having feelings for me anymore. After speaking for a while I told her that I'd enjoyed seeing her and that it would be nice to do it again sometime, she agreed but made it clear that things can't just go straight back to speaking all the time and arranging meet ups every week. My question for you guys is, how long should I leave it before dropping her a quick message alluding to meeting up again? Or even just to find out how her week is going etc... I don't want to come on too strong (i am the first to admit that I got too clingy towards the end of the relationship) but then I don't want her to think I'm no longer interested? She said lets just go with the flow and see what happens so perhaps reconciliation is on the agenda in the future? I'm pretty sure she isn't seeing anyone else! Any help is GREATLY appreciated. Thankyou all! Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 It is always very worrying when a dumper wants to dictate the pace of a reconcilliation. She was the one who broke it, so logic would dictate that she should be the one to fix it. I would think this means that she has to be the one to pursue you, to make an effort to talk to you and see you. Anything other than that would mean (at least to me) that she is not invested in a reconcilliation but is rather interested in stringing you along. Also, did she expressly say that she wants to have a relationship of an intimate nature or was she alluding to friendship aka keeping you around for a rainy day? It would be best to know the difference before jumping head first into a pool only to figure out that there is no water in the pool. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tanzmix Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Also, did she expressly say that she wants to have a relationship of an intimate nature or was she alluding to friendship aka keeping you around for a rainy day? It would be best to know the difference before jumping head first into a pool only to figure out that there is no water in the pool. She didn't but I dont think she is just keeping me around incase she can't find anything better. She isn't like that. I don't want to ask out right though, especially at this early stage. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Hey TanzMix, I'm with FancyFace on this. If she reached out before she will do it again! You need her to get back in touch with you. Don't make it easy for her or she will start to think she can just go and come as she pleases and you will always be there to catch her when she falls... you should let her know what you want asap too (if reconciliation is what you are after). Being friend-zoned is not cool and neither is being an emotional crutch for someone who left you and then decides to come back when they realise the grass is not always greener. Tell her what you are looking for and if she isn't offer that then walk! NC is your friend until you are back together! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts