Why does my friend want to beat up my other friend?

[Ashley S]

Hi! So, this is just curiosity. I have these two guy friends, and I was fighting a lot with the one named "Mike" and Mike and I exchanged very mean words to each other. I got brutal with him. Well, I was hanging around my other guy friend a lot, and when I got into a fight with Mike, my other guy friend texted my brother "Why would you bring Mike to the house knowing your sister hates him?" and he said "You're an ******* for doing that." That is all pretty much what he said.

 

 

he didn't talk smack on Mike, really. Mike wants to beat him up though, even when I was still mad at Mike, he called up my dad and said "Is he ****ing with Ashley? Is he hurting her? I'll **** him up!" Now me and Mike are cool, all he says to me is "I'm gonna **** that guy up! He's a little bitch!" I keep deterring it. However, I find it weird because I was the one that insulted Mike, and got brutal with him, yet he wants to beat my guy friend up? He didn't really say or do anything. That's what I don't get. He has no intention even when I was still mad at him, to want to hurt me, or "rough me up", So, why my guy friend? Is it jealousy? Is it a male dominance thing? Is it because we are close? I am just wondering about that. Thanks in an advance!

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sure you would like to us to say it's jealousy. That they both like you. Your threads are all more or less centered around the same theme, which involves highschool drama and you seemingly fishing for hints that it's all because they want you. I don't buy that you're only curious, I'm afraid. That's how it reads to me, anyway.

 

It's a combination of too much testosterone and too much immaturity. Guys like this haven't matured, and will probably be the drunken 40-year-old losers who start brawls in bars on weekends, trying to recapture their "tough-guy" image. I cannot believe you're calling these people your friends, honestly. They suck.

[Raines]

Hi! So, this is just curiosity. I have these two guy friends, and I was fighting a lot with the one named "Mike" and Mike and I exchanged very mean words to each other. I got brutal with him. Well, I was hanging around my other guy friend a lot, and when I got into a fight with Mike, my other guy friend texted my brother "Why would you bring Mike to the house knowing your sister hates him?" and he said "You're an ******* for doing that." That is all pretty much what he said.

 

 

he didn't talk smack on Mike, really. Mike wants to beat him up though, even when I was still mad at Mike, he called up my dad and said "Is he ****ing with Ashley? Is he hurting her? I'll **** him up!" Now me and Mike are cool, all he says to me is "I'm gonna **** that guy up! He's a little bitch!" I keep deterring it. However, I find it weird because I was the one that insulted Mike, and got brutal with him, yet he wants to beat my guy friend up? He didn't really say or do anything. That's what I don't get. He has no intention even when I was still mad at him, to want to hurt me, or "rough me up", So, why my guy friend? Is it jealousy? Is it a male dominance thing? Is it because we are close? I am just wondering about that. Thanks in an advance!

 

 

Perhaps you need a better class of friends. This is the classic, and childish, way of people that can't seem to mind their own business and like to insert themselves into drama through stupid texts and facebook messages. Texting your brother and talking crap to HIM because you had a fight with "Mike"? I wouldn't take to kindly to that if I were your brother.

 

 

Then you have the tough guy who thinks he is impressive by wanting to beat someone up and declaring it.

 

 

To answer your question, yes, its a macho male dominance thing. Mike thinks he is impressive. Have you considered getting some new friends?

[kendahke]

How old is everyone in this messy drama?

[bubbaganoosh]

Please tell me your all still teenagers.

[rester]

Why does my friend want to beat up my other friend?

 

Your friends don't have the ability to handle things like adults. They never learned or were never taught how to let things go or be assertive, so they hide behind insults and aggression.

 

You could try asking him what his problem is, but I imagine it will only exacerbate the issue. Something inside of you must love this **** because it's so easy to avoid by just avoiding the people that behave like this. Stop spending time with them. Focus on yourself and meeting people that you can admire and trust. These guys are not it.

[smackie9]

as soon as I saw the title I knew who posted this thread.

 

Ashley stop making your business everyone elses business. People are going to start accusing you of creating drama on purpose for attention. If you want to know why guys are willing to defend you, it's because they hope some day you will let them get with you. And other of your "friends" are makin for you no doubt. Feel if they protect you, they want to be your man.....isn't that what you hope to hear??

[Ashley S]

WOAH! I am not looking for attention, nor am I looking for people to say "It's because HE LOVES YOU!" I am not looking for any of that. Everyone always gets the wrong picture! It's so ridiculous! I was curious as to why guys act like that? It is curiosity, and I like to have general discussion, and I use my incidents as examples. Geez! I was a male dominance thing, or jealousy, or whatever! I wanted to hear what people thought is all! I am not looking to hear anything. I can't post anything without having everyone saying I am "looking for attention" or being "immature", from now on, I will just post general questions and not add in my story, or incident because apparently it gets taken the wrong way, and I am sick and tired of it. I know my friends aren't great, I know all of that, but that is not what I am asking. Stick the subject. I said "Why does friend want to beat up my other friend?" "Is it a male dominance thing?" "Jealousy?" "Or is it because me and my guy friend are close?" I don't get how hard it is to answer that, and to share your opinion on it. I thought it's weird that he has such aggression towards my friend when I was the one that was mean to him, and brutal with him. My friend said something, but it wasn't that bad. So, that's all. Geez. Forget it.

[Raines]

WOAH! I am not looking for attention, nor am I looking for people to say "It's because HE LOVES YOU!" I am not looking for any of that. Everyone always gets the wrong picture! It's so ridiculous! I was curious as to why guys act like that?

 

 

Because they THINK they are tough and THINK its impressive.

 

They do it because the are complete d-bags

[carhill]

I was curious as to why guys act like that?

 

Testosterone.

 

It bathes the brain and stimulates certain centers of brain activity. In the past, it would enable us to kill animals to feed our families or other men who threatened us. Now, mostly, it's filtered through civilization, culture and law and order, and rules of engagement are socialized through parenting and peer acceptance/rejection.

 

Young men still position and compete to rule the pack and for some, violence or threats of it are part of that milieu. I personally think it's calmed down a lot, for most young men, from when I was young where such matters were a rite of passage for nearly every young man (all I knew as a young man).

 

It is possible they 'like' you but it's also just as possible that you are interchangeable with any other spoils to the victor and they are competing for themselves, to see who's top dog, big cheese, head honcho (nod to 'Airplane' the movie). Part of life. They'll likely grow out of it.

[Redhead14]

Hi! So, this is just curiosity. I have these two guy friends, and I was fighting a lot with the one named "Mike" and Mike and I exchanged very mean words to each other. I got brutal with him. Well, I was hanging around my other guy friend a lot, and when I got into a fight with Mike, my other guy friend texted my brother "Why would you bring Mike to the house knowing your sister hates him?" and he said "You're an ******* for doing that." That is all pretty much what he said.

 

 

he didn't talk smack on Mike, really. Mike wants to beat him up though, even when I was still mad at Mike, he called up my dad and said "Is he ****ing with Ashley? Is he hurting her? I'll **** him up!" Now me and Mike are cool, all he says to me is "I'm gonna **** that guy up! He's a little bitch!" I keep deterring it. However, I find it weird because I was the one that insulted Mike, and got brutal with him, yet he wants to beat my guy friend up? He didn't really say or do anything. That's what I don't get. He has no intention even when I was still mad at him, to want to hurt me, or "rough me up", So, why my guy friend? Is it jealousy? Is it a male dominance thing? Is it because we are close? I am just wondering about that. Thanks in an advance!

 

Ashley, you are all very young. However, you are coming to a site that is generally for adults and you do need some adult input and advice about how to handle your social life, but it is your parents or other close relatives that you should be going to.

 

That being said though, it appears that there is some dysfunctionality there so perhaps a teacher or school counselor could help you.

 

You seem to often be in the middle of and fueling a lot of drama around you. It seems that, while you may not realize or intend it (I suspect you do and like it), you are ultimately playing these two guys against each other. In the future, when you have an issue or argument with one friend, keep it between you and that friend and don't run to another friend about it. I'd say that both of these friends are interested in you and, at their age, would try to have your back. It's not fun for them.

 

If you continue on this path, you will find yourself without friends at all soon. You're young, you should be having fun and not surrounded by drama

[Ashley S]

Ashley, you are all very young. However, you are coming to a site that is generally for adults and you do need some adult input and advice about how to handle your social life, but it is your parents or other close relatives that you should be going to.

 

That being said though, it appears that there is some dysfunctionality there so perhaps a teacher or school counselor could help you.

 

You seem to often be in the middle of and fueling a lot of drama around you. It seems that, while you may not realize or intend it (I suspect you do and like it), you are ultimately playing these two guys against each other. In the future, when you have an issue or argument with one friend, keep it between you and that friend and don't run to another friend about it. I'd say that both of these friends are interested in you and, at their age, would try to have your back. It's not fun for them.

 

If you continue on this path, you will find yourself without friends at all soon. You're young, you should be having fun and not surrounded by drama

 

 

Thanks! But I can't go to my close relatives or friends because they are not people you go to for these kind of things. I don't consider myself a smart person, but I like intellectual conversations, opinions, and what not. I feel like I don't get that with the people around me, plus, I am not comfortable telling my friends and family about what I go through because everyone gossips, and it will somehow get back to whomever I am talking about. I am college by the way, lol. Unless you mean a college school counselor, but I am not high school haha. Thank you for your insight!

[carhill]

Ha, ha, mentioning college, we guys used to fight over who got the highest SAT's or college entrance test scores. It was typical, though not physically violent in our case, competition. Still, it was that testosterone thing going 'I'm on top, I'm dominant, I won'.

 

Good on you for being in college. While I'm happy with my life path, my advice is stay in college, don't drop out and gain the full benefit of the academic and social education. Expect more of this stuff from young guys. Like I shared prior, they'll grow out of it. Well, mostly. The residual stuff is part of what makes men attractive to women; the wild untamed beast stuff. Controlled. Heh. Good luck!

[h0000]

Hmmm judging from your pic I think you are an average looking girl so I doubt they fight each other for you. So I'd say they just have too much adrenaline. Who cares about such thing anyway

[amaysngrace]

Why does your dad end up in the middle of this drama? How come he has time to take their BS calls and then relay the message?

 

It's disturbing but explains so much.

 

No wonder why you're attracted to the men that you're attracted to. You all could benefit from family counseling.

[Redhead14]

Thanks! But I can't go to my close relatives or friends because they are not people you go to for these kind of things. I don't consider myself a smart person, but I like intellectual conversations, opinions, and what not. I feel like I don't get that with the people around me, plus, I am not comfortable telling my friends and family about what I go through because everyone gossips, and it will somehow get back to whomever I am talking about. I am college by the way, lol. Unless you mean a college school counselor, but I am not high school haha. Thank you for your insight!

 

Ashley, I think you are a smart person/young woman. I am sorry that you aren't able to go to your family with these questions and situations. It does make it a little harder to navigate life situations while you are young. Yes, a college counselor might be able to steer you to the social circles where you can find friends to have intellectual conversations and get opinions, etc.

 

In the meantime, be careful what you say and how you interact with the friends you do have because you are now aware of their level of maturity. If I were you, I'd start spending less time with them. I don't mean cut them out of your life, just start doing new things for yourself that include meeting new people so that you don't hang with them as much.

 

As to your original question regarding whether there is jealousy involved, etc., there may be some jealousy, but in the end, if these two guys are "going at it" because they are interested in you, they are going about it the wrong way and it doesn't matter. These guys are not for you. You will meet a man who will demonstrate his interest in a mature way that shows you that they truly are interested in you. You'll just know it

 

You are wise at least to reach out somewhere for advice.

[smackie9]

WOAH! I am not looking for attention, nor am I looking for people to say "It's because HE LOVES YOU!" I am not looking for any of that. Everyone always gets the wrong picture! It's so ridiculous! I was curious as to why guys act like that? It is curiosity, and I like to have general discussion, and I use my incidents as examples. Geez! I was a male dominance thing, or jealousy, or whatever! I wanted to hear what people thought is all! I am not looking to hear anything. I can't post anything without having everyone saying I am "looking for attention" or being "immature", from now on, I will just post general questions and not add in my story, or incident because apparently it gets taken the wrong way, and I am sick and tired of it. I know my friends aren't great, I know all of that, but that is not what I am asking. Stick the subject. I said "Why does friend want to beat up my other friend?" "Is it a male dominance thing?" "Jealousy?" "Or is it because me and my guy friend are close?" I don't get how hard it is to answer that, and to share your opinion on it. I thought it's weird that he has such aggression towards my friend when I was the one that was mean to him, and brutal with him. My friend said something, but it wasn't that bad. So, that's all. Geez. Forget it.

 

Ashley it's not how you perceive yourself, it's how others perceive YOU.

 

This silliness that happens all around you starts with YOU and....things need to change with YOU if you want this silliness to stop.

[Redhead14]

"Why does friend want to beat up my other friend?" It's because he wants to have your back and stand up for you. He feels that you have been dissed by Mike. He's trying to be your friend but is going about it in an immature and totally inappropriate way plain and simple. It's what boys do to settle scores whether it's their own or someone else's especially if she's a girl.

Edited March 19, 2015 by Redhead14

[Zahara]

I don't think it's curiosity on your part. I think it's validation you seek. You likely enjoy the attention you get from guys fighting over you. You're a smart girl. You know what's going on. But you act innocent and curious hoping to maybe have people here tell you what you want to hear.

 

Awhile ago, when you were at the bar with your friend and he went up to Mike and cussed him out. Then you posted about how you didn't want any drama to start but you couldn't stop your friend. You seem to always be in a situation and how you never really want any of it to happen, yet it happens over and over again. I truly have to wonder if deep down inside, you like stirring the pot.

 

There's always fights, disagreements, acting out, etc. in every thread you create.

 

If you like intellectual and stimulating company, stop hanging around these people. Sign up for meetups in your area that has activities that are of interest to you. Start making new friends, maybe some healthy minded women friends. Create a new circle. Spend your time in positive surroundings.

[stillafool]

WOAH! I am not looking for attention, nor am I looking for people to say "It's because HE LOVES YOU!" I am not looking for any of that. Everyone always gets the wrong picture! It's so ridiculous! I was curious as to why guys act like that? It is curiosity, and I like to have general discussion, and I use my incidents as examples. Geez! I was a male dominance thing, or jealousy, or whatever! I wanted to hear what people thought is all! I am not looking to hear anything. I can't post anything without having everyone saying I am "looking for attention" or being "immature", from now on, I will just post general questions and not add in my story, or incident because apparently it gets taken the wrong way, and I am sick and tired of it. I know my friends aren't great, I know all of that, but that is not what I am asking. Stick the subject. I said "Why does friend want to beat up my other friend?" "Is it a male dominance thing?" "Jealousy?" "Or is it because me and my guy friend are close?" I don't get how hard it is to answer that, and to share your opinion on it. I thought it's weird that he has such aggression towards my friend when I was the one that was mean to him, and brutal with him. My friend said something, but it wasn't that bad. So, that's all. Geez. Forget it.

 

Ashley we don't know! Why not ask your friend this question. Why don't you stop hanging out with these crazy guys and get some female friends to hang around with?

[preraph]

I don't know Ashley, but it's high time someone told your brother what a jerk he's being for letting Mike have access to you all the time. Mike is a creep. And now you're being nice to him again and just encouraging it.

[preraph]

And Ashley, you've told us so many creepy things about that Mike guy that both your dad and your brother are pushing on you, and he sounds like the biggest stalkerish creep ever. I'm sure you've told this friend of yours these same things and he sees you've got two worthless family members only making things worse and letting this creep have access to you, encouraging him, and he is trying to help protect you. But you cause a lot of your own problems because you can't seem to say no or leave that guy alone who's a creep, so I can only assume you have a sick crush on him, which isn't healthy if half of what you've told us about him is true.

[Space Ritual]

It's a combination of too much testosterone and too much immaturity. Guys like this haven't matured, and will probably be the drunken 40-year-old losers who start brawls in bars on weekends, trying to recapture their "tough-guy" image. I cannot believe you're calling these people your friends, honestly. They suck.

 

Well said!!! I used to work as a bouncer in Chicago and sadly I ran into these guys a lot. They have their moments but for the most part they end up rolling around on the ground like fools while people take phone vids laughing at them huffing and puffing like they have smoked their last cigarette and all the women in the bar start with high pitched screams saying "STOP IT YOU GUYS"!! and relishing it the entire time...lol. Yes people like this totally suck.

 

Ashley...Life is not a reality show...please stop watching them. The whole low drama sounds like it's straight outta West Virginia.