Anatomy of a Breakup ([Update] - 27 Months Out)

[elephantflower]

Hi Everyone,

I appreciate all of your thoughts and words. I realize that my way of doing this is not popular and everyone is right that completely cutting the person out might end up being a faster way to healing but it is harder and harder for me to function doing that. I need to be able to sleep, go to work and have a social life and I feel horrible when I have tried to cut him out and haven’t been able to function. I’m not saying my way is the “right” way, I’m simply trying to cope day to day so I can at least be okay in other aspects of my life.

 

I think part of my issue is wondering if it was ever emotional abuse. Are we putting a label on something just to give me a reason to hate him? When if first ended I was SO sure it was wrong but as time has gone on and he hasn’t displayed much of those traits since it was over it a) makes me question it in the first place and b) makes me feel like there was something I could have done.

 

Is what he is doing now controlling? When we originally broke up he told me he loved me, I was his best friend, etc etc and he still wanted to be friends. I didn’t understand why we were breaking up if that was the case – he told me he was “confused” and “****ed up.” I couldn’t’ be friends right away… he kept contacting me occasionally to see my dog, hang out or catch up. To me, those things seem like someone who still wants you in their life to some extent. I couldn’t handle it so I didn’t really talk to him (I would still answer shortly) or see him for at least 4 months. He made it seem like he was completely over me and would have no problem being friends – he made it seem like it was just me that needed time to heal. After that time, I was feeling semi better (2 weeks ago) and that is why I asked him if he wanted to visit my dog. That is when everything was actually really great.

 

Since then he has now seemingly changed his mind. This weekend when he said “maybe we should wait more before being friends” – I don’t understand this. I also don’t understand someone still loving me, being best friends then breaking up. Then after 5 months hanging out again, feeling our amazing connection but then wanting to stop hanging out for fear of things getting complicated and getting to close again. Why would someone who enjoys the connection and loved me not want that – I think that is where I feel stuck. It’s almost like he has sabotaged it. That’s one of the reasons it’s been so hard – he ruined something that at one point was great but creating all of these false beliefs about me.

 

I realize I will never get answers from him but it’s still frustrating. To be SO close. SO connected. And then have someone be like – we have to break up because there is probably someone “better” out there but yet when we hang out it’s amazing.

 

Another thing to mention – when we first started texting a few days ago and had the conversation about being friends. He said “I want to be clear that this is just friends. I don’t want to lead you on.” Which is fine but at the same time, why would you say “Seeing you stirred up feelings”? Why not just not say anything at all? I guess I would not mention feelings to another person or talk about how we still have a connection unless I was going to do something about it. To me, it’s like if you still have feelings and we have a connection then why are we broken up? Why didn’t you work on it?

 

I don’t understand this mentality. It’s extremely hard (obviously) for me to completely grasp.

Edited June 24, 2015 by elephantflower

[BC1980]

Hi Everyone,

I appreciate all of your thoughts and words. I realize that my way of doing this is not popular and everyone is right that completely cutting the person out might end up being a faster way to healing but it is harder and harder for me to function doing that. I need to be able to sleep, go to work and have a social life and I feel horrible when I have tried to cut him out and haven’t been able to function. I’m not saying my way is the “right” way, I’m simply trying to cope day to day so I can at least be okay in other aspects of my life.

 

Good to hear from you again. I wanted to speak specifically to this part of what you wrote. I think that anytime we feel that we need another person in our lives to cope, that is a big problem. I think you should bring this point up to your therapist for alternative ways to cope. I don't think it's healthy to feel that you need anyone in your life to function or cope (ex, current BF, husband, friends, anyone). I don't think it's about anyone being "right" or wrong" either. I think it's about healthy and unhealthy, what is adding to your life and what is bringing you pain.

 

At some point, you have to be able to look at him as the source of your pain an decide to move on. That is a skill that anyone needs in life because we all face endings whether it be breakups, divorce, friends falling away, or death. As people, we have to find healthy ways to cope with endings that leave us shattered. No one is going to get out of life unscathed. We all fear abandonment in some way. Right now, what you are saying is- I so badly want to have this person in my life that I am willing to accept him on any terms (and the terms are shady and the treatment has been unacceptable in the past).

[elephantflower]

I think you are right that I am so afraid of abandonment and being alone that sometimes I accept behavior into my life that is not healthy. I agree with this. Part of it I think is that I so infrequently feel genuine and real connections with people that when I do, I don’t want to let them go. I don’t have tons and tons of really close friends. I am actually okay being alone – I do things alone frequently but I desperately miss the connection of having someone that seems to understand me, that I’m comfortable with, that I have jokes with, that knows my life, that I can confide in. That was very special to me. Yes, there are lots of other people to date but I rarely like people.

 

A part of me is still holding on to this but I don’t know why. It’s like I can’t let it go. I think (for me) it is also confusing that he broke up with me but then told me he loved me, I was his best friend and then continued to stay in contact with me. I’m not saying that necessarily means he wants to get back together but it’s hard for me to grasp why you break up with someone, still love them, still feel you have a connection with them (which he admitted) yet don’t want to date them. It’s almost like he is afraid of getting close so he pushes it away. It’s frustrating. I love this person so much – we are a good match. He was my best friend.

 

What are the reasons you would love someone but then break up with them? Commitment issues? And then after the breakup when I see him 4 months later he admits he still feels the connection – why wouldn’t you want to date the person? If the person makes you feel so good and happy then what is the problem? That is my biggest hurdle right now. It would be easier for me if it was like “you want kids and I don’t” or “you want to live in CA and I don’t” or “you are atheist and I am catholic.” But to say – you make me happy, I love you, but lets break up… then even after time you still feel that way?!?!?! WHAT?!?!

[Thistooshallpass21]

To be honest I know how you feel with the questions of why he said he's happy with you he loves you and how feelings got stirred up. However, this guy showed his true colors when he dated you. He seemed to almost get pleasure out of hurting you. If a guy really loved you he would not put you through this, unless it is somehow a mental disorder that he can't control. A real man would love you for the person you are and treat you the way you deserve to be treated!

[elephantflower]

I think you are right but it's as if I've almost forgotten about all of the things he did. I'm not saying I should I'm just explaining how I'm feeling right now.

 

I think it might be helpful for me to write out all the instances of things that went on when we were together and post them here to get input and also help with my healing. I don't want to carry a bunch of anger around with me... I feel like I do that when I remember but at the same time I don't want to be a doormat.

 

I think it's also confusing because he feels so "hot and cold" -- one minute he wants to be friends, the next minute he doesn't. One minute he loves me, the next minute he doesn't. It is very jarring.

[Thistooshallpass21]

If you feel the need to write it all out on here do it! That's what this site is for! Also I feel you with the hot and cold. My recent ex about 5 weeks broken up love me one day in person broke up with me and the next on the phone. Wanted to keep me in her life decided we would meet up then when came down to it decided it wasn't a good idea because she thought it would bring feelings back to her if she saw me when she was the one to dump me (a month after break up). Now we don't speak at all. So trust me I feel you!

[BC1980]

A part of me is still holding on to this but I don’t know why. It’s like I can’t let it go. I think (for me) it is also confusing that he broke up with me but then told me he loved me, I was his best friend and then continued to stay in contact with me. I’m not saying that necessarily means he wants to get back together but it’s hard for me to grasp why you break up with someone, still love them, still feel you have a connection with them (which he admitted) yet don’t want to date them. It’s almost like he is afraid of getting close so he pushes it away. It’s frustrating. I love this person so much – we are a good match. He was my best friend.

 

What are the reasons you would love someone but then break up with them? Commitment issues? And then after the breakup when I see him 4 months later he admits he still feels the connection – why wouldn’t you want to date the person? If the person makes you feel so good and happy then what is the problem? That is my biggest hurdle right now. It would be easier for me if it was like “you want kids and I don’t” or “you want to live in CA and I don’t” or “you are atheist and I am catholic.” But to say – you make me happy, I love you, but lets break up… then even after time you still feel that way?!?!?! WHAT?!?!

 

Some people can't commit to being with you, but they can't let you go completely. They want that foothold in your life. I don't pretend to understand it, but my ex was a carbon copy of yours. Said he still loved me when he broke up with me, but she "just couldn't be together." You'll never understand it. You can go round and round in circles and never have an understanding of his reasons or actions.

[BC1980]

I think it's also confusing because he feels so "hot and cold" -- one minute he wants to be friends, the next minute he doesn't. One minute he loves me, the next minute he doesn't. It is very jarring.

 

Someone who blows hot and cold is exactly the type of person who needs NC. The only way to gain your sanity back is to disengage completely. They always, always pull a bait and switch, and they are always the ones in control of the relationship.

[Jemay]

Actions speak louder than words. You shouldn't really be confused. He's not with you, that's the action you should be looking at. If he wants to remain friends it's because you are familiar, comfortable, he knows he can push you around, and why wouldn't he want to keep you around? He wants something to fall back on if he gets lonely or bored or his ego needs boosting.

 

Also, when a person breaks up with you, doesn't mean their love has stopped. You can still love someone yet not want to be with them.

 

It's VERY easy to forget the bad moments. You are idealizing him and making him more than he actually is. It is hard letting go. It's hard even when when you were treated poorly. It's the abandonment, the fear of being alone.

 

You need to absolutely start NC so you can clear your head around all this. In 2 months from now you won't understand what made you want to be with this jerk. But you need that time to get there. In time you will see what we see after describing this situation. The reason you can't see it yet is cause your emotions are making you blind right now. It's really normal. But that's why you're on this forum, right?

 

Don't let him play you like this, you deserve better. Having him around is going to keep you down, I know it's seems so scary, but just try it?

[elephantflower]

Feeling horrible and lousy today. It’s been almost 6 months and I’m still grieving. It has been almost 3 weeks the last post and we have not spoken at all since then.

 

I think part of why I still feel bad is not only abandonment from him but feeling that I also lost a circle of friends. I do have friends, as I’ve mentioned before but not as many as him and many of my friends are farther away and married with children. He has more of a “community” then I do. I enjoyed hanging out with people that like the same things as me and that I clicked with… I am having trouble finding more friends on my own. I currently feel really inadequate, low self-esteem, not confident.

 

I’m angry that he made me believe he was committed. He wanted me to move in, he wanted to buy a house, he waited a year to tell me he loved me. I realize that things change but I don’t understand why you would want those things so badly then turn into another person. I made myself vulnerable and now I’m hurt. I don’t understand how I trust in a new relationship – what is trust? Apparently it is nothing. Apparently one day you are looking at houses with your SO, writing them cards that they are your best friends, funniest, best relationship and then next day you are “confused” and start treating them like crap and then dump them…. Leaving the other person blindsided and confused. I had to find a new place, I lost friends, I lost my best friend. Everything I thought was true feels like it wasn’t.

 

I realize because of experience and because everyone keeps saying it – I’ll get better. Things will get better. I will never have an answer. Sometimes people are *******s. I guess I get that but I don’t understand it. How can you dump someone and tell them you still love them, they are still your best friends then continue to contact them and want to see them? How after you see them can you tell them you still have feelings for them but you “don’t want to lead them on.” I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

 

I would never say to someone that I had feelings if I wasn’t going to follow through. What does he think a relationship is? We had the initial connection, the sexual chemistry, the same humor, similar goals, many of the same likes. So you dump someone because they are bad at directions and don’t cut onions the way you would? I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t understand how someone can throw away something that was so wonderful for so long for reasons like “I’m confused” or “I don’t know.”

 

WHAT?! WHAT?!

 

Also another thing on my mind – what if I am making him out in my mind to be a jerk but he is not a jerk. How can someone be so kind and loving and literally 10 minutes later be different. Maybe I *was* too sensitive. Maybe I am bad at communication. I want to learn from this, I don’t want to push it all on someone else. Is he pushing me around? He is horrible?

[elephantflower]

This just showed up for me and it gave me some good points to think about:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/urban-survival/201504/5-questions-you-have-ask-unfriending-ex

 

A lot of my issue is feeling "bad" about taking care of myself. I also feel like I'm bad at communicating what I need for fear of how he will react. There was a time he contacted me earlier on when I said "I am not ready to see you. I am still hurting and dealing with the way you treated me."

 

His response was "I'm done talking about this. You need to move on. It's been two months." Whether he "meant" it or not -- it made me feel HORRIBLE. HE had broken up with me and then was reaching out -- I was still in pain why would be make me feel worse?

 

My therapist has suggested sending a message like "I'm sorry, I know you don't understand but I can't talk to you until I am healed." There is a chance he won't reply or will reply understanding -- but then based on his past behavior there is also a chance I will get some earful about how I am "looking at/remembering all the negative" (he has also said that) or "I don't deal well with change" (he has also said that).

 

I realize I shouldn't care but when you have loved someone and they have hurt you all I want him to say is "I'm sorry you are still in pain. I will let you sort out or feelings and will not contact you until you reach out." That's it. You don't make someone feel like a reject (which I already feel like!)

[BC1980]

Feeling horrible and lousy today. It’s been almost 6 months and I’m still grieving. It has been almost 3 weeks the last post and we have not spoken at all since then.

 

I think part of why I still feel bad is not only abandonment from him but feeling that I also lost a circle of friends. I do have friends, as I’ve mentioned before but not as many as him and many of my friends are farther away and married with children. He has more of a “community” then I do. I enjoyed hanging out with people that like the same things as me and that I clicked with… I am having trouble finding more friends on my own. I currently feel really inadequate, low self-esteem, not confident.

 

I’m angry that he made me believe he was committed. He wanted me to move in, he wanted to buy a house, he waited a year to tell me he loved me. I realize that things change but I don’t understand why you would want those things so badly then turn into another person. I made myself vulnerable and now I’m hurt. I don’t understand how I trust in a new relationship – what is trust? Apparently it is nothing. Apparently one day you are looking at houses with your SO, writing them cards that they are your best friends, funniest, best relationship and then next day you are “confused” and start treating them like crap and then dump them…. Leaving the other person blindsided and confused. I had to find a new place, I lost friends, I lost my best friend. Everything I thought was true feels like it wasn’t.

 

I realize because of experience and because everyone keeps saying it – I’ll get better. Things will get better. I will never have an answer. Sometimes people are *******s. I guess I get that but I don’t understand it. How can you dump someone and tell them you still love them, they are still your best friends then continue to contact them and want to see them? How after you see them can you tell them you still have feelings for them but you “don’t want to lead them on.” I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

 

I would never say to someone that I had feelings if I wasn’t going to follow through. What does he think a relationship is? We had the initial connection, the sexual chemistry, the same humor, similar goals, many of the same likes. So you dump someone because they are bad at directions and don’t cut onions the way you would? I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t understand how someone can throw away something that was so wonderful for so long for reasons like “I’m confused” or “I don’t know.”

 

WHAT?! WHAT?!

 

Also another thing on my mind – what if I am making him out in my mind to be a jerk but he is not a jerk. How can someone be so kind and loving and literally 10 minutes later be different. Maybe I *was* too sensitive. Maybe I am bad at communication. I want to learn from this, I don’t want to push it all on someone else. Is he pushing me around? He is horrible?

 

Did we date the same person? ?

[BC1980]

This just showed up for me and it gave me some good points to think about:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/urban-survival/201504/5-questions-you-have-ask-unfriending-ex

 

A lot of my issue is feeling "bad" about taking care of myself. I also feel like I'm bad at communicating what I need for fear of how he will react. There was a time he contacted me earlier on when I said "I am not ready to see you. I am still hurting and dealing with the way you treated me."

 

His response was "I'm done talking about this. You need to move on. It's been two months." Whether he "meant" it or not -- it made me feel HORRIBLE. HE had broken up with me and then was reaching out -- I was still in pain why would be make me feel worse?

 

My therapist has suggested sending a message like "I'm sorry, I know you don't understand but I can't talk to you until I am healed." There is a chance he won't reply or will reply understanding -- but then based on his past behavior there is also a chance I will get some earful about how I am "looking at/remembering all the negative" (he has also said that) or "I don't deal well with change" (he has also said that).

 

I realize I shouldn't care but when you have loved someone and they have hurt you all I want him to say is "I'm sorry you are still in pain. I will let you sort out or feelings and will not contact you until you reach out." That's it. You don't make someone feel like a reject (which I already feel like!)

 

His response was intended to minimize the hurt he caused. Same thing with my ex. He minimized and rewrote the entire breakup. You can't be friends with someone who doesn't even feel empathy for you. Remember, if he validates your hurt, it paints him badly. He won't do that. He will do all that he can to rewrite what happened and deny your feelings. Again, there is no way to be friends or stay in contact with him on those terms.

[BriNyc82]

Yup same with mine. He said "I'm not doing this anymore. Please leave me alone. I've put this behind me and you need to also. I'm not trying to be mean but you need to stop contacting me". Stop worrying about your image and just be real for once!!! He was getting so angry with me bc he didn't want to know how badly he hurt me. It's easier for them to be angry. But they don't get to be angry. They made their bed and they need to lie in it. Take some accountability.

[elephantflower]

Thank you to those who responded.

 

The good news is that we haven’t talked in almost 3 weeks. I still have not blocked him from my phone or on facebook. I feel like at this point if I do those things that I need to say something – like “I’m sorry I don’t think we can be friends. I need to block you” it just feels so mean at this point to just ignore him when we were talking regularly. I’m not saying I should reach out but if he contacts me again.

 

BC1980 – what things did you do to get over your breakup? The past two days I’ve felt literally like I’m almost back at day 0. I’m crying all the time. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. Nothing has really happened. We haven’t talked. Nothing dramatic. I don’t know why I feel so far down again. I’m on a few new medications so I’m wondering if they have triggered anything.

 

I’m on an antidepressant and in therapy but I’m still feeling super low. I am extremely worried about losing my job (it would be the 4th time in 4 years). I can’t take it right now if that happens. I’m not worried about losing my job right now because of ME – it just happens to be that accounts are not working out and they have been letting people go. I’ve been doing twice the work so I’m hoping that helps but I’m not feeling stable about it.

 

It’s a feeling like EVERYTIME things seem to be going well, something happens. Last year at this time we said “I love you” for the first time (after a year of dating). My job was going well and we shortly after decided to move in together. I was SO happy. SO happy. I just remember thinking “finally, everything is falling into place.” After a horrible marriage/divorce I had spent 5 years floundering around and was finally feeling like things were coming together – steady job, good relationship, good social circle. And then it just all went wrong – I lost my job. Then he started to treat me differently. Then everything happened…

 

I feel out of control. I want SO badly to get through this and to see past it but I’m having a hard time. I don’t feel like anything is reliable to me. I start to think about really crazy things sometimes that scare me about myself – like hurting myself or just quitting my job. I feel like I’m at a low.

 

When I got divorced I was so confident (ironically) – I made myself push through. I moved to a new city, changed jobs, started dating. I felt like I had a horrible experience (he was a serial cheater – women/prostitutes/gambling) – and I had no idea it had been going on for over 6 years. When I dated I was really cautious and took my time – I didn’t jump into a relationship but just met lots of new people. I guess it feels “unfair” – like I did the work I thought I needed and made the right decisions and was positive and took my new relationship very slow and very seriously. It’s like I’m obviously unable to move past that for some reason. Life isn’t fair. I need to get that in my head but at what time can I catch a break? How do I move past the things that have happened and feel good about myself.

 

I’ve lost something – a sparkle. A twinkle. Somethings is gone.

[BC1980]

BC1980 – what things did you do to get over your breakup? The past two days I’ve felt literally like I’m almost back at day 0. I’m crying all the time. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. Nothing has really happened. We haven’t talked. Nothing dramatic. I don’t know why I feel so far down again. I’m on a few new medications so I’m wondering if they have triggered anything.

 

I think the reason you are feeling down again is because you realized, again, that he doesn't really care about you or your feelings anymore. He could basically take you or leave you, and that is incredibly painful to realize. It's difficult to accept and come to terms with when you don't feel the same way, and when he did such a 180 on you. It took me months to even accept what my ex did to me. It was so hard for me to wrap my mind around because I had believed something different for years. Your feelings can't comprehend a change that fast. Logically, you can see it, but your feelings lag behind.

 

The number one thing I did to get over him was NC. It took me 1.5 years of NC to have no feelings for him. At this point, I don't feel much of anything towards him, but NC is the only way to get to that point. A little nostalgia is about the only emotion I an assign to him. NC allows you to detach and basically create a new life. It happens in stages. Anytime you break NC, you are feeling emotions again, and you are going in circles. You can't use him to cope with your sadness or any other emotion you might feel related to life or the breakup. The rewards are not immediate though, which is why people break NC in the beginning. I went through several false starts before I finally got it into my head that I would never speak to him again. I decided that no matter what happened, I would not speak to him again. No matter how bad I felt, I would not reach out to him. I'd find some other way to deal with my emotions. It took at least 3 months to even see any real benefit.

 

You also need to start doing things to create a new life, apart from him. I would suggest making a list of personal goals (long and short term) to help guide you for the next year.

[lana-banana]

BC1980 gives the best advice on this entire forum so I won't even try to add anything. Reread her posts ten times a day if it helps. However, I'll beg you to be careful. If your thoughts are beginning to scare you and you are genuinely contemplating hurting yourself, go to your doctor immediately. Not every antidepressant is safe for every individual. Yes, it takes a few weeks for antidepressants to kick in, but worsening depression is not normal and must be taken seriously. I had a similar reaction to Lexapro; it's supposed to be relatively mild and ideal for women, but within two weeks my moderate depression had plunged to depths I've never felt before or since. If you fear for your safety you need to find a loved one and stay with them while you assess your options.

 

Please, please be safe, and be gentle with yourself.

[BC1980]

BC1980 gives the best advice on this entire forum so I won't even try to add anything.

 

That is so nice ? You give a lot of good advice too. I did everything wrong for so long, but I can say I have first hand experience now.

[ZiggyZoo]

I have a perspective on the whole blocking/not blockin aspect of NC that I wanted to share. It's something that MY therapist pointed out years ago, and it really helped me. Basically, blocking someone is making the choice for yourself to stop the feeling of rejection you get when the other person doesn't contact you. If YOU choose to block them, then you're making the decision for yourself to stop that particular hurt from even occuring. It is surprising how much mental effort is tied up in waiting for the "ping" of a text or e-mail that never comes. Not to mention the small bit of nervous anticipation, followed by the let down when someone else is the one contacting you. Just something to think about. I wasn't aware myself how right she was, until I became mindful of what she said, and found that it was causing quite a bit of stress. When I blocked my ex, it made a big difference. Not at first, but knowing that I wasn't going to hear from him eliminated that awful limbo.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this, and fighting depression too. I'd absolutley second lana-banana's advice about contacting your doctor. I had a very bad reaction to Lexapro as wee, as it happens, and it was pretty scary.

 

Hang in there, and I'm sending a whole bunch of hugs your way. I know you can get through this, unfortunately you have a bunch of stressors coming at you at once. That makes it a lot harder, but they'll pass. This is the rough patch, waiting everything out though. But keep coming on here, I for one will be looking for you. I've suffered breakups wit depression, and am happy to send all the encouragement I can.

[elephantflower]

I hate myself. My dog has been really, really sick the past two days. Throwing up, lethargic, trouble walking down stairs. He was with us for 2 years and loved my dog. As I mentioned in an earlier post he even asked to see her 3 weeks ago and I let him. Today I text him a picture of her to let him know she was sicl. He said "whats wrong with her?" I let him know and there was no response.

 

He's just not a good person. I'm so close to blocking him because I can't stand this anymore. One minute you want to be friends, the next minute you dont, the next minute you are tlaking to me, the next minute you are ignoring me. I dont understand.

[Ariess10]

You gotta block everything and go nc, he clearly doesn't care anymore I know that hurts , I'm going through the same thing but you gotta PUT YOURSELF FIRST now . Stop caring what he is doing thinking .. Block block block

[elephantflower]

I can see that now, very clearly and it is hurtful. He switches back and forth, back and forth. I'm just starting to be done with it. I was trying to be mature by still allowing him in my life.

 

Three weeks ago he was texting me and wanting to hang out and see my dog. Now he doesn't care at all.

[elephantflower]

I think it has been confusing because he goes back and forth. So I didn't get the impression he didn't care. He acted liked he cared sometimes and sometimes he didn't.

 

He is a huge jerk.

[BC1980]

I hate myself. My dog has been really, really sick the past two days. Throwing up, lethargic, trouble walking down stairs. He was with us for 2 years and loved my dog. As I mentioned in an earlier post he even asked to see her 3 weeks ago and I let him. Today I text him a picture of her to let him know she was sicl. He said "whats wrong with her?" I let him know and there was no response.

 

He's just not a good person. I'm so close to blocking him because I can't stand this anymore. One minute you want to be friends, the next minute you dont, the next minute you are tlaking to me, the next minute you are ignoring me. I dont understand.

 

Block him, and don't contact him again. Every time you contact him, you have to go through getting rejected again. People change when a relationship sours. He's not going to be able to offer you comfort anymore.

[elephantflower]

I am understanding that now. I hate myself right now.