Close to breaking NC

[smellysocksuni]

Hi guys,

 

I've been NC for a while now, but today for some reason I feel like breaking NC. I don't know why or what I'd say but I'm really struggling with the idea of just being her ex - it's sort of really upsetting me and I don't know how to deal with that feeling I feel like we knew each other so well that she MUST have feelings for me... I still can't believe this. It's been almost three whole months since the break up and I'm still in this stage

Edited March 18, 2015 by smellysocksuni

[Zahara]

Stop.

 

It's an urge.

 

Go for a walk or for a run. Go back and read your list. Call a friend. Leave your phone at home and go to the mall and walk around.

[gnick]

Don't do it! does that 57 Olds in your signature belong to you?

[smellysocksuni]

Stop.

 

It's an urge.

 

Go for a walk or for a run. Go back and read your list. Call a friend. Leave your phone at home and go to the mall and walk around.

 

OK, I'm going to go for a walk! Thanks Zahara. Nothing good would come of it, anyway.

 

Don't do it! does that 57 Olds in your signature belong to you?

 

I wish it did! It's beautiful, right?

[Zahara]

I feel like we knew each other so well that she MUST have feelings for me

 

Reality dictates quite the opposite. You're projecting your feelings on her.

[darkbloom]

Think about how you will feel after you break NC. There's nothing that they will say to make you feel better. You will have to start over at day 1 NC.

[Smokeshow]

You should only contact your ex if you don't care about the response you get from her if you get one at all. If you are worrying about it then you shouldn't send her anything, me on the other hand just sent my ex a text but I have no illusions of getting back with her but hoping for at least 1 night with her

[Zahara]

OK, I'm going to go for a walk! Thanks Zahara. Nothing good would come of it, anyway.

 

Leave your phone at home. Go for a walk. Sit at a park and breathe in the fresh air. Self affirm and count your blessings. Think positive thoughts.

[BC1980]

Hi guys,

 

I've been NC for a while now, but today for some reason I feel like breaking NC. I don't know why or what I'd say but I'm really struggling with the idea of just being her ex - it's sort of really upsetting me and I don't know how to deal with that feeling I feel like we knew each other so well that she MUST have feelings for me... I still can't believe this. It's been almost three whole months since the break up and I'm still in this stage

 

How do you deal with the feelings? Don't do anything based on emotion. Logically talk yourself down from this. You know there is nothing to gain by contacting her. Look at the list of negatives you made. Read back through your thread, and look at how badly she treated you. If you did reach out to her, she would probably brush you off, and it would be humiliating. These urges to break NC are normal and will come again. Eventually, you get to the point where you would do anything to stay NC. I can't even tell you the last time I had to fight an urge to break NC. Well over a year at least.

[Nolan 93]

Don't do it brother!!! Let it be trust me I know the urge is there, but man it goes away thankfully. Yesterday was four months we've been broken up and it gets easier.

 

Just stay busy, I've been a gym rat after the break up and I just ride my motorcycle, and go out with girls. I really miss my ex but I have to remember she dumped me so I have to let her live with her decsision. Just live life day by day brother.

[Simon Phoenix]

Awful, dreadful horrible idea. Look how terrible it was when you refused to go No Contact. Why the hell would you want to move backward to that place? Don't be dumb. I know right now is tough, but if you keep moving forward you'll get where you need to go. But that's the key -- always move forward, never move backward.

[mightycpa]

      .----------.
     /  .-.  .-.  \
    /   | |  | |   \
    \   `-'  `-'  _/
    /\     .--.  / |
    \ |   /  /  / /
    / |  `--'  /\ \
     /`-------'  \ \

 

noooooooooo!

[Karin2rinkashi]

Hi guys,

 

I've been NC for a while now, but today for some reason I feel like breaking NC. I don't know why or what I'd say but I'm really struggling with the idea of just being her ex - it's sort of really upsetting me and I don't know how to deal with that feeling I feel like we knew each other so well that she MUST have feelings for me... I still can't believe this. It's been almost three whole months since the break up and I'm still in this stage

 

[na49]

Everyone gets those urges dude. You'll feel awesome if you don't act on it. I remember the days where I wanted to break NC, and laying in bed at night thinking, "At least I'll be able to fall asleep tonight because I'm not worrying about getting a response, or thinking about what she told me because I broke NC".

 

Okay.. it's been 3 months? If you spent years begging, would you be over it? No. There's no set time period for you to get over this. Your timer for "getting over it" starts when you choose to start to "get over it". Part of that is staying NC. I know how you feel, sometimes you just need to be reminded by others, and that's fine. I also understand how you feel about knowing them so well. I knew my ex inside and out. How does it go from that, to strangers? Well, everyone is someone's ex. You're no different.

[NopeNah]

 

 

I wish it did! It's beautiful, right?

I was just about to ask the same question I'm a huge car guy! Well car,motorcycle,boat guy I should say!

[erklat]

Hi guys,

 

I've been NC for a while now, but today for some reason I feel like breaking NC. I don't know why or what I'd say but I'm really struggling with the idea of just being her ex - it's sort of really upsetting me and I don't know how to deal with that feeling I feel like we knew each other so well that she MUST have feelings for me... I still can't believe this. It's been almost three whole months since the break up and I'm still in this stage

 

I was in that stage for eleven months.

 

You've been around for a while reading and upvoting our

posts. You know exactly what to do.

[smellysocksuni]

I did end up going for a walk - and then I took the bus up to my aunt's house and stayed there for a couple of hours, had a cup of tea etc. I did leave my phone at home, and it was a distraction for a couple of hours, but as soon as I got home I just went back to feeling the same.

 

Reality dictates quite the opposite. You're projecting your feelings on her.

 

Of course. She's not here so obviously, no feelings. I have been repeating that to myself whenever I think about her.

 

Think about how you will feel after you break NC. There's nothing that they will say to make you feel better. You will have to start over at day 1 NC.

 

I am so glad I haven't broken NC, I wouldn't want to be back at day 1.

 

How do you deal with the feelings? Don't do anything based on emotion. Logically talk yourself down from this. You know there is nothing to gain by contacting her. Look at the list of negatives you made. Read back through your thread, and look at how badly she treated you. If you did reach out to her, she would probably brush you off, and it would be humiliating. These urges to break NC are normal and will come again. Eventually, you get to the point where you would do anything to stay NC. I can't even tell you the last time I had to fight an urge to break NC. Well over a year at least.

 

I read back through my thread and it was an eye-opener. What I don't understand is why I still miss her so much. I do just want to be over this now, three months have passed and I feel like I'm just wasting time. She's not miserable but yet I can't seem to get out of this.

 

Awful, dreadful horrible idea. Look how terrible it was when you refused to go No Contact. Why the hell would you want to move backward to that place? Don't be dumb. I know right now is tough, but if you keep moving forward you'll get where you need to go. But that's the key -- always move forward, never move backward.

 

That's it, moving forward day by day. I wouldn't want to go back to that place, no.

 

Everyone gets those urges dude. You'll feel awesome if you don't act on it. I remember the days where I wanted to break NC, and laying in bed at night thinking, "At least I'll be able to fall asleep tonight because I'm not worrying about getting a response, or thinking about what she told me because I broke NC".

 

Okay.. it's been 3 months? If you spent years begging, would you be over it? No. There's no set time period for you to get over this. Your timer for "getting over it" starts when you choose to start to "get over it". Part of that is staying NC. I know how you feel, sometimes you just need to be reminded by others, and that's fine. I also understand how you feel about knowing them so well. I knew my ex inside and out. How does it go from that, to strangers? Well, everyone is someone's ex. You're no different.

 

I do feel awesome for not breaking it. I want to get over it so badly but I don't feel like I'm making progress.

[smellysocksuni]

I've been dumped so many times, I am fed up of being in this damn position. I am so fed up and angry of this. She KNEW this and she dumped me, and now it's just affected me in the worst way. The worst way. I feel like a failure. No-one wants to be with me, and that's not self-defeatist... fhe evidence is there. People dump me, or don't want to be with me. I give up.

[Zahara]

I do feel awesome for not breaking it. I want to get over it so badly but I don't feel like I'm making progress.

 

Everyday that you stay NC IS progress. You can't undo years of attachment overnight. It's going to take time. Like a wound healing. It's a slow process.

[smellysocksuni]

Everyday that you stay NC IS progress. You can't undo years of attachment overnight. It's going to take time. Like a wound healing. It's a slow process.

 

It definitely is a slow process....

[Zahara]

I've been dumped so many times, I am fed up of being in this damn position. I am so fed up and angry of this. She KNEW this and she dumped me, and now it's just affected me in the worst way. The worst way. I feel like a failure. No-one wants to be with me, and that's not self-defeatist... fhe evidence is there. People dump me, or don't want to be with me. I give up.

 

If I recall, didn't you say that you were with people that didn't treat you right and with the added fact that you tolerated a lot of BS because you've always had issues with your self-esteem and confidence? Also, as I recall you mentioned that you jumped from relationship to relationship -- mostly because you were always looking for someone to fill that void. And when that happens you often end up in bad situations because your picker is broken and your decision making abilities are skewed by your emotional neediness.

 

Yes, the evidence is there. Evidence that it's time you start focusing on working on yourself.

[smellysocksuni]

If I recall, didn't you say that you were with people that didn't treat you right and with the added fact that you tolerated a lot of BS because you've always had issues with your self-esteem and confidence? Also, as I recall you mentioned that you jumped from relationship to relationship -- mostly because you were always looking for someone to fill that void. And when that happens you often end up in bad situations because your picker is broken and your decision making abilities are skewed by your emotional neediness.

 

Yes, the evidence is there. Evidence that it's time you start focusing on working on yourself.

 

Yes, I did say that - that is what I used to do. I think because this person moved in with me and was appearing to build a home with me, inside I felt that it wouldn't be so easy for it to break down this way - even though we weren't meant for each other, I still wanted it. I guess because of the emotional neediness?

 

I have stayed away from dating because I don't want to repeat patterns, have stayed NC - on paper doing everything right. Inside I just feel totally broken - I don't even know what I'm doing from day to day. Nothing seems to be getting better.

[Zahara]

Yes, I did say that - that is what I used to do. I think because this person moved in with me and was appearing to build a home with me, inside I felt that it wouldn't be so easy for it to break down this way - even though we weren't meant for each other, I still wanted it. I guess because of the emotional neediness?

 

People often stay in bad situations for various reasons -- whether it be neediness, fear of being alone, abandonment issues, bad boundary system, etc.

 

I have stayed away from dating because I don't want to repeat patterns, have stayed NC - on paper doing everything right. Inside I just feel totally broken - I don't even know what I'm doing from day to day. Nothing seems to be getting better.

 

It took me 2 years to get over my first relationship. This last one took me about a year to feel relief. I'm sorry but there is no quick fix. Embrace your pain. It's going to be there for awhile.

[smellysocksuni]

People often stay in bad situations for various reasons -- whether it be neediness, fear of being alone, abandonment issues, bad boundary system, etc.

 

 

 

It took me 2 years to get over my first relationship. This last one took me about a year to feel relief. I'm sorry but there is no quick fix. Embrace your pain. It's going to be there for awhile.

 

 

Thanks for your advice, Zahara - the support means a lot.

[smellysocksuni]

Not coping very well, emotionally or mentally, to be honest. The weekends are the hardest for me as I just imagine the pair of them, eager to see each other after a week at work, spending the weekend together doing fun things and sleeping together. Makes me feel sick to think that she's now in a relationship with someone else, telling someone else she loves them, developing new routines with this person. Meeting their friends, their family. It hurts so much.

 

If it was just a break up with no third party involved it might be easier than this, I would prefer it to this. I keep hoping she'll reach out - a validation for me, of sorts - but she never will. I think this has affected me more than I think. I am so angry at her for doing this to me, someone I thought was going to stay by my side and not just replace me within weeks. I also have a strong suspicion I know who the person is, and that just makes it 100 times worse as I'm now comparing myself constantly.

 

I am at an all time low. I feel devoid of any energy, any life. I just want to bury myself in junk food and never leave the house. I am always tired, and apathetic towards everything, despite my mind telling me what I should be doing - I just can't physically do it. And worst of all, I want to break NC every day and tell her exactly what I'm going through, but I can't because all I am now is an ex. I feel sick every single day and I am close to the edge. My family think I've made progress, but I haven't, internally.