BC1980 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 This morning - she followed me on Twitter. She's had me blocked for six months. In that time I've moved on - I still have down days but I am fine, overall. You haven't moved on if you are this concerned about her following you on Twitter and are even remotely concerned with her motives. The day you move on will be the day that she follows you on Twitter, and you don't even think about it. I'd suggest blocking her on Twitter at this point because the indirect contact is setting you back and keeping you involved in her life. That's why you block. It's not about being immature. It's about creating a space to breathe, so you can grieve and move on without access to a person's daily life. There is no way that you can heal and move on if you are looking at her Twitter everyday. The people that come back to LS years later, confused as to why they can't get over an ex, they are always the ones who have followed the ex on social media over the years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Blocking isn't weak or immature. It prevents situations like this. Every time something like this happens you're thrown backwards weeks, even months. You're clearly not over her, you need to remove her from social media indefinitely. Her following you means nothing, she's just keeping tabs on you. She doesn't hate you, she's curious about your life and doesn't want you to hate her. People need to understand why a dumper does these things. Too often we assume any attention or strange behavior from the dumper means they want us back/interested in getting back with us. It doesn't. It doesn't mean ****. It means they are simply curious, as human beings who spent time with us. She is just curious about you, what you're doing, if you've moved on etc. Unless meaningful contact is made from her, clearly stating her intentions of wanting you back, none of this stuff means anything and it will continue to mean nothing. You must block her and try to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Come on dude.. I thought you were doing better. You know that getting updates on her Twitter isn't good for you, it doesn't matter if your friend is showing you them or not. Also, aren't you involved with another girl now? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) She's probably also following you to see if she is doing better than you. Edited June 12, 2015 by BC1980 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Deleted Deleted Edited August 25, 2015 by smellysocksuni Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone, She did something last week - she favourited a tweet of mine and then just deleted her whole Twitter account. She uses that account for work so I found it odd. I know she's following her new partner and they follow her, too. I just found it odd; we haven't spoken for months and yeah, it made me think a lot of things. I've found the past week hard - I have been on the verge of contacting her to ask her why she did that, but I haven't. I've made a lot of effort in moving on, and I find it weird that she is still monitoring me on social media - what is she looking at? Did she not dump me? It has forced me to start thinking about her again, and I don't like that. I won't contact her as I feel that this is a breadcrumb; and it isn't even a real breadcrumb, just a 'favourite' on Twitter - incidentally, the tweet was about my current girlfriend, so I think it's some kind of game. Edited September 2, 2015 by smellysocksuni Link to post Share on other sites
Ellie35 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 No contact. Don't do it! Just keep asking yourself what will this achieve. If she was throwing a breadcrumb , she would need to make a bit more effort than that to get a response. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 No contact. Don't do it! Just keep asking yourself what will this achieve. If she was throwing a breadcrumb , she would need to make a bit more effort than that to get a response. Thanks Ellie - I won't contact her. She hasn't contacted me. She's just made a lame attempt at getting my attention. Even though she has, she will never know about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 She's curious. Nothing more. She might even want to see if you are doing badly because it would give her a little ego boost. The way you've described her, I think she might get off on that type of thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 She's curious. Nothing more. She might even want to see if you are doing badly because it would give her a little ego boost. The way you've described her, I think she might get off on that type of thing. She's entitled to be curious; she didn't have to favourite my tweet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 Wow, it's been a few years since I've been here. Reading back through these posts really surprised me - I went through so much pain and made it through. Sadly, the new girl I mentioned I was seeing turned out to be emotionally and psychologically abusive, and went on to dump me in the exact same way that the original woman did. We were together for two years and she did the exact same - dumped me via text, and jumped into another relationship. I've been finding it hard to cope, but I decided to come check out these posts and they've been really helpful. It's actually laughable that the advice given here directly relates to my current situation, too - ah well. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 Wow, it's been a few years since I've been here. Reading back through these posts really surprised me - I went through so much pain and made it through. Sadly, the new girl I mentioned I was seeing turned out to be emotionally and psychologically abusive, and went on to dump me in the exact same way that the original woman did. We were together for two years and she did the exact same - dumped me via text, and jumped into another relationship. I've been finding it hard to cope, but I decided to come check out these posts and they've been really helpful. It's actually laughable that the advice given here directly relates to my current situation, too - ah well. Long time, no see. Sorry to hear about your last relationship. It's funny how these things usually play to script. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 We are sadly attracted to the same type of person over and over again. We know what’s coming yet we still get involved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 We are sadly attracted to the same type of person over and over again. We know what’s coming yet we still get involved. Unfortunately, that's true isn't it. Looking back at this thread, I see that I shouldn't have entered that relationship so soon - I wasn't ready. And she really started exhibiting a lot of terrible signs that for some reason I didn't see... I must say, though... this thread was so helpful and I have read through this many times over the duration of my healing from the woman who bought me here. I am so grateful for the people that took the time out to give such detailed replies. And hi BC1980 - hope you're well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 If you're really noticing the same patterns between the two exes... that means you've got a good opportunity for some important self-work with this most recent breakup. Is there any reason you may be attracted to that sort of dynamic? Does it feel familiar to you, or maybe there are some weaknesses in your self-esteem that make it so you don't leave situations even though you're not being treated properly? Figuring this pattern out and what your role is in it is where you may want to dig deeper (by yourself or with a therapist) to make sure that your NC gets you all healed up this time. You don't need yet another gf to drag you into a toxic relationship in the future. You deserve better! Sorry you went through it again and so close to the holidays. Glad the past posts are helping you, too! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 Also, I no longer care about the woman that bought me here. In fact, I saw her and her new partner at a rail station a few months ago... I didn't feel a thing apart from mild amusement. It's crazy how one day you just don't care about them. One thing I do find irritating, if anything - she's sort of semi-famous, now. There are a few advertisements/magazine campaigns/music videos with her in them...her career has obviously blown up since we split - it's annoying because she's sort of still present in my mind because of this; for example I might just stumble across her on an advertisement at a bus stop or on YouTube (both have happened) and at times it has been difficult to deal with unexpected visions of her - but I don't have any feelings for her, which is great. No urges to contact her, no thoughts of her and the new guy, nothing. I don't care... this has given me hope in getting over the current situation I'm in, knowing that one day you just don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 If you're really noticing the same patterns between the two exes... that means you've got a good opportunity for some important self-work with this most recent breakup. Is there any reason you may be attracted to that sort of dynamic? Does it feel familiar to you, or maybe there are some weaknesses in your self-esteem that make it so you don't leave situations even though you're not being treated properly? Figuring this pattern out and what your role is in it is where you may want to dig deeper (by yourself or with a therapist) to make sure that your NC gets you all healed up this time. You don't need yet another gf to drag you into a toxic relationship in the future. You deserve better! Sorry you went through it again and so close to the holidays. Glad the past posts are helping you, too! Hey, Oh for sure. I have been doing so much self-work. I've been seeing a psychotherapist, been reading a lot, bought books on codependent behaviour... I don't intend to get into another relationship for a very long time. My childhood wasn't that great (emotionally abusive grandmother & uncle) and I learned to cope with their behaviour. Never really spoke up, just learned to deal with it. Tried to seek approval, etc etc. These women are my grandmother (in terms of behaviour) and... yeah. It's been a tough road learning about myself but it needs to be done. This time I'm coming out of this better and not rushing into another toxic situation. Thank you for the well wishes, too. I hope you've had a good holiday season 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 That's great! Not that you went through that as a kid, but that you've become aware of it. It's going to really help you to know once you are ready to date, and you'll be far more likely to recognize the signs of what you should be walking away from much faster. I speak from experience 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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