Author smellysocksuni Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 A "hey" would be the worst thing you could do if you broke NC. You have to be confident about yourself so that when you do it you're not coming across as a pathetic loser (no offense). I broke NC after a little more than 5 months but I also had the mindset that if she didn't respond I would be ok with that. I'm not sure you're at that point right now. You have to feel confident about yourself when doing it or you will just set yourself back Yeah, I know.... At this stage I'm just like, what else is there to lose.
OneBigIdgit Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 You'll lose all of the effort that you have put into no contact up until this point. Haven't you seen all of the disappointment posts on here where people are starting NC again after getting their feelings hurt? I made it to 26 days and then thought I'd best let her know that I was still around, since part of my breakup was a lack of attention through texting and calls. I sent a short text and got a short polite text in return. Now I'm back to somewhere between 10-20 days NC. The only breaks were breaks that she doesn't know about. I replied to some mutual friends post on fb. She replied to the same post several hours later. That's the 1st post from her in 8 weeks. It's like she came out of hiding. That one didn't bother me. The next one, I peeked at a post made by her cousin. Before I peeked I knew there was a possibility that she might have posted to it. I looked anyway. She had and I hurt. I wish I hadn't looked. She doesn't know I looked but still it hurt. I'd advise stay no contact and dodge the pain 1
Smokeshow Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Yeah, I know.... At this stage I'm just like, what else is there to lose. Whatever is left of your dignity. Do you want the last thing you text her be a "hey"? If you have your mind set on it tell her what you've been up to and ask her the same. Remember how you were when you first met? How you talked to her, how you were the cock of the block? That's what she wants to see if she has any inclinations of seeing you again. Not some mopey, depressed schmuck that can't move on with his life without her
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Whatever is left of your dignity. Do you want the last thing you text her be a "hey"? If you have your mind set on it tell her what you've been up to and ask her the same. Remember how you were when you first met? How you talked to her, how you were the cock of the block? That's what she wants to see if she has any inclinations of seeing you again. Not some mopey, depressed schmuck that can't move on with his life without her Clearly I'm not in the right place, because I can't even remember how I used to talk to her.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Whatever is left of your dignity. Do you want the last thing you text her be a "hey"? If you have your mind set on it tell her what you've been up to and ask her the same. Remember how you were when you first met? How you talked to her, how you were the cock of the block? That's what she wants to see if she has any inclinations of seeing you again. Not some mopey, depressed schmuck that can't move on with his life without her Clearly I'm not in the right place, because I can't even remember how I used to talk to her. And also... as much as I want to talk to her... OK, I just typed out a friendly message and I thought to myself...all the pain I went through, it was horrendous, I was suicidal. I was almost sectioned, I was cutting myself. It was the worst I've ever felt. Just typing her name out brought it all back.
Smokeshow Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I would have to advise not to break NC. You are definitely not in the right frame of mind. NC should only be broken when you are indifferent to her and you obviously are far from that
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 I would have to advise not to break NC. You are definitely not in the right frame of mind. NC should only be broken when you are indifferent to her and you obviously are far from that OK. I think I'll have to plough through until the end of the day and hope that tomorrow is a bit better.
Smokeshow Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Just post here dude we'll get you through it. Be strong
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Just post here dude we'll get you through it. Be strong Thank you, Smoke
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 I read somewhere before that at the three week stage of NC, the missing of the other person is quite intense - is there any truth to that? I literally keep breaking down crying randomly, thinking of stupid things like cuddling her - I feel so stupid.
Jamesgar Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 I read somewhere before that at the three week stage of NC, the missing of the other person is quite intense - is there any truth to that? I literally keep breaking down crying randomly, thinking of stupid things like cuddling her - I feel so stupid. A breakup is the same as drug addiction. You are literally coming off the drug here. Sorry to be scientist here but you can rationalize your feelings here by looking at it in this way. Step back from your situation...visualize your situation from the sky as a bird as if you were a long way away. Look at how fecked it up it is with everyone else going about their day to day lives to. Your three weeks thing...your clutching at straws mate. The reality is recovery is different for every person. Are you keeping busy? If not why not? After a breakup you can either sit or you can use this weird energy you have to make big big changes in your life! Its time you started changing your routines. .. If it makes you feel any better every relationship I've had ended with me feeling as bad as you but then I got over it.....It took a long time. My job allows me to do things though now. I suggest you concentrate on career, social life and hobbies now. Meet women....get counselling...book a holiday/vacation. Exercise and eat as much as you can! Do it till your exhausted, listen to great music"! Stick to NC. 1
Smokeshow Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Dude that crap is only to sell hope to heart broken people. Everyone is different, there is no standard that people follow. Stop over thinking things just try to live your life. You have to gain your confidence again and start to feel better about yourself. Right now you're letting her dictate how you live because you're so hung up on her. 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 A breakup is the same as drug addiction. You are literally coming off the drug here. Sorry to be scientist here but you can rationalize your feelings here by looking at it in this way. Step back from your situation...visualize your situation from the sky as a bird as if you were a long way away. Look at how fecked it up it is with everyone else going about their day to day lives to. Your three weeks thing...your clutching at straws mate. The reality is recovery is different for every person. Are you keeping busy? If not why not? After a breakup you can either sit or you can use this weird energy you have to make big big changes in your life! Its time you started changing your routines. .. If it makes you feel any better every relationship I've had ended with me feeling as bad as you but then I got over it.....It took a long time. My job allows me to do things though now. I suggest you concentrate on career, social life and hobbies now. Meet women....get counselling...book a holiday/vacation. Exercise and eat as much as you can! Do it till your exhausted, listen to great music"! Stick to NC. I'm not as busy as I'd like to be right now because I don't work and I am extremely limited on money - also I have just about got out of depression which was caused by this break up. Perhaps I am clutching at straws, yeah. I haven't felt like this in ages, for some reason today is hard. I've been applying for work etc - that is my main focus right now.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 Dude that crap is only to sell hope to heart broken people. Everyone is different, there is no standard that people follow. Stop over thinking things just try to live your life. You have to gain your confidence again and start to feel better about yourself. Right now you're letting her dictate how you live because you're so hung up on her. Yeah, it's just proving a lot harder to do than to say.
Jamesgar Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I'm not as busy as I'd like to be right now because I don't work and I am extremely limited on money - also I have just about got out of depression which was caused by this break up. Perhaps I am clutching at straws, yeah. I haven't felt like this in ages, for some reason today is hard. I've been applying for work etc - that is my main focus right now. Most people in breakups have depression. I do right now as well. There are highs and lows. Good plan. Make sure you exercise! Regularly. You feel tonnes better. Addiction to exercise cant necessarily be a bad thing either right now. Its free if you cant afford the gym either or a sport. Go running, go do pull ups etc. 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 Most people in breakups have depression. I do right now as well. There are highs and lows. Good plan. Make sure you exercise! Regularly. You feel tonnes better. Addiction to exercise cant necessarily be a bad thing either right now. Its free if you cant afford the gym either or a sport. Go running, go do pull ups etc. Thanks James - yeah running is my thing right now.. annoyingly I started the other day then got ill so couldn't go for a couple days, I was just like urghh - but I'm back on it from tomorrow You said you're in counselling - does that help?
Jamesgar Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Thanks James - yeah running is my thing right now.. annoyingly I started the other day then got ill so couldn't go for a couple days, I was just like urghh - but I'm back on it from tomorrow You said you're in counselling - does that help? I did it previously. It's expensive but it does help if you are open to explaining your feelings. I advertised on a forum for a run partner. I met a girl of similar age who I go running with now. Shes not the most exciting of people but she introduced me to a run club and its a women to hang with! It helps to extend the social circle especially with other women. I hope you are trying to do this to! 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 I did it previously. It's expensive but it does help if you are open to explaining your feelings. I advertised on a forum for a run partner. I met a girl of similar age who I go running with now. Shes not the most exciting of people but she introduced me to a run club and its a women to hang with! It helps to extend the social circle especially with other women. I hope you are trying to do this to! Lol. That's an excellent plan, I'm loving this confidence - just now I went online and started up a random conversation with a girl who was actually quite hot and yeah, now we're talking...! Even if nothing comes of it - confidence boost! Yeah definitely though, as soon as I build my fitness back up I'm off out to running clubs, everything. I think I just need to get off my a$$ really - I am a bit guilty of too much wallowing.
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 More thoughts, I guess. The last time I spoke to her, she asked me to stop contacting her as it was making her tense. HER. Making HER tense. Stopping her from sleeping. Stopping HER from sleeping. It was stressing HER out. Were these messages I was sending threatening? Were they every single day? No. They weren't. They were, if I had to put a time on them, almost once a week. And they were never threatening. Just "I miss you" if anything. And yet, this was stressing her out. Sure, I should have been in NC but.. I was heartbroken, and didn't know how to deal with it. She told me if I contacted her again, she would inform the police. So I am in a sort of forced NC. And I still don't know what it is I am supposed to have done wrong. I was dumped, wanted the person back, missed them - yet I am being punished? As if being dumped wasn't bad enough? Wow. And despite all of this, I still care about her. Well, don't I look stupid.
Jimmyjackson Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 more thoughts, i guess. The last time i spoke to her, she asked me to stop contacting her as it was making her tense. Her. Making her tense. Stopping her from sleeping. Stopping her from sleeping. It was stressing her out. Were these messages i was sending threatening? Were they every single day? No. They weren't. They were, if i had to put a time on them, almost once a week. And they were never threatening. Just "i miss you" if anything. And yet, this was stressing her out. Sure, i should have been in nc but.. I was heartbroken, and didn't know how to deal with it. She told me if i contacted her again, she would inform the police. So i am in a sort of forced nc. And i still don't know what it is i am supposed to have done wrong. I was dumped, wanted the person back, missed them - yet i am being punished? As if being dumped wasn't bad enough? Wow. And despite all of this, i still care about her. Well, don't i look stupid. nc...........
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 nc........... Of course. I'm just angry.
na49 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 More thoughts, I guess. The last time I spoke to her, she asked me to stop contacting her as it was making her tense. HER. Making HER tense. Stopping her from sleeping. Stopping HER from sleeping. It was stressing HER out. Were these messages I was sending threatening? Were they every single day? No. They weren't. They were, if I had to put a time on them, almost once a week. And they were never threatening. Just "I miss you" if anything. And yet, this was stressing her out. Sure, I should have been in NC but.. I was heartbroken, and didn't know how to deal with it. She told me if I contacted her again, she would inform the police. So I am in a sort of forced NC. And I still don't know what it is I am supposed to have done wrong. I was dumped, wanted the person back, missed them - yet I am being punished? As if being dumped wasn't bad enough? Wow. And despite all of this, I still care about her. Well, don't I look stupid. She told you that she would inform the police to scare you, and stop you from contacting her. I doubt she'd actually call the police if you contacted her again. Especially after it's been a while. Her emotions were probably stirring just like yours were, so she said stupid things. Ask yourself, do you really want to be that ex boyfriend who won't leave her alone? You'll be the talk of all of her friends, and when she isn't getting stuffed by her new guy, she'll be laughing at you with her girlfriends.
BC1980 Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 And I still don't know what it is I am supposed to have done wrong. I was dumped, wanted the person back, missed them - yet I am being punished? As if being dumped wasn't bad enough? Wow. And despite all of this, I still care about her. Well, don't I look stupid. Because it's common to demonize someone you dumped to justify it. You see that a lot with cheaters. They say the relationship was so bad that their partner forced them to cheat. You see it with abuse. The abuser will say that their partner deserved the abuse or pushed them to to the breaking point and made the abuse inevitable. It's all about not taking responsibility for one's own actions and painting the other person as the scapegoat. Most of us do have problems admitting fault at times or taking responsibility, but really narcissistic, unhealthy people take it to an extreme. It says more about your ex than you that she threatened to call the police. She clearly aggrandized your actions in an attempt to make you look bad because it makes her feel justified that she dumped you. The best thing to do is just stay away from her. Don't worry about her reasons. She is likely the type that will turn on you as quickly she falls in love. I think you also have to be careful to be honest with yourself about your role in the relationship. I made my fair share of mistakes in my relationship, but I wasn't really able to see my ex objectively for about a year. It also took me that long to understand my role in everything. I think the most healthy approach to any of this is to realize that we are all fallible, and we all make mistakes. None of us were perfect in our relationships, and neither were our exes. Just move on with you life, and be the best person you can be. Have a limit or a bottom line of behavior that you won't tolerate in a relationship. My biggest mistake was having no limit to what I would take, which set me up for what ultimately unfolded.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 She told you that she would inform the police to scare you, and stop you from contacting her. I doubt she'd actually call the police if you contacted her again. Especially after it's been a while. Her emotions were probably stirring just like yours were, so she said stupid things. Ask yourself, do you really want to be that ex boyfriend who won't leave her alone? You'll be the talk of all of her friends, and when she isn't getting stuffed by her new guy, she'll be laughing at you with her girlfriends. Exactly. She used the police threat because she was sick of you contacting her and emoting toward her. When people break up, they want to be away from that person -- they certainly don't want that person dumping their feelings and thoughts on them. It was a threat to get you to back off -- nothing more, nothing less. 2
Author smellysocksuni Posted March 28, 2015 Author Posted March 28, 2015 She told you that she would inform the police to scare you, and stop you from contacting her. I doubt she'd actually call the police if you contacted her again. Especially after it's been a while. Her emotions were probably stirring just like yours were, so she said stupid things. Ask yourself, do you really want to be that ex boyfriend who won't leave her alone? You'll be the talk of all of her friends, and when she isn't getting stuffed by her new guy, she'll be laughing at you with her girlfriends. No, I know all this - I was just more shocked that she would threaten something like that to me, of all people.
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