Close to breaking NC

[smellysocksuni]

I learned so much from my breakup as well, and, trust me, I made so many mistakes. In the end, you just have to end up embracing the mistakes and using them to learn. There's no point in shaming yourself or getting down on yourself because every last one of us has made mistakes. I can also google my ex and get pictures and a good bit of stuff. I see him at work occasionally, and we have mutual friends. A lot of people that I work with knew us as a couple. You can't wish that stuff away even though it would make life so much easier. You have to deal with what you have and find ways to avoid certain things. Even if you new saw your ex again, there are still memories that you have to deal with. You had a relationship with her, and that past is never going away. It's there, and you have to deal with it. It sucks, it's not fair, it's not your fault, but it's just the way it is. You can avoid her on social media because people do it all the time. You don't have to google her, and you can block her from all of your accounts. If need be, you can just avoid social media all together. There are ways you can avoid triggers.

 

You are not going to get your old self back, but you can get an improved self. You can move past this and become someone that is much stronger, but you can't undo or forget your time with her.

 

Of course - I don't have to Google her. There are plenty of other things I could Google! Last night I watched the film '127 Hours' - it was very inspirational. The guy who had his arm trapped by a rock? It made me think... wow. If someone can survive that and come out and thrive, then this should be easy. I've got to get my hand out of this rock and live. Lol.

[smellysocksuni]

It takes a good while and a lot of work for your heart to catch up with your brain. But it can happen. When I think of my ex now, he seems so foreign. I kind of wonder how we made it as long as we did because we were so wrong for each other. I see how I idealized him and the relationship even when other people were asking why I was taking his cr@p. I miss the security I felt and the family I had. I don't miss him that much quite honestly because I think he would just annoy the hell out of me at this point. I couldn't imagine loving him again. I might still feel a little pang if I pass him at work, but it's not something I'm going to ruminate over. I can put it in perspective, and it's mostly remembering what I thought we had. It's not reality based, and it doesn't keep me up at night. So yeah, it can happen if you are dedicated to NC.

 

I can't imagine what that must have been like, having to work and still work with him.

 

Not one person - be it people on LS, friends, family, therapists - not one person I've told this story to or knew her has anything good to say about her. I seem to be the only person that likes her! Well, LIKED her.

 

Thanks BC - yes time ihe number one healer I suppose.

[Jimmyjackson]

Of course - I don't have to Google her. There are plenty of other things I could Google! Last night I watched the film '127 Hours' - it was very inspirational. The guy who had his arm trapped by a rock? It made me think... wow. If someone can survive that and come out and thrive, then this should be easy. I've got to get my hand out of this rock and live. Lol.

 

I watched this film recently too.

 

You should youtube "the roast of james franco" - might give you a laugh and take your mind off stuff.

[smellysocksuni]

I watched this film recently too.

 

You should youtube "the roast of james franco" - might give you a laugh and take your mind off stuff.

 

Such a good film, puts things into perspective too

 

Ha, OK - will YouTube it now

[BC1980]

I can't imagine what that must have been like, having to work and still work with him.

 

Not one person - be it people on LS, friends, family, therapists - not one person I've told this story to or knew her has anything good to say about her. I seem to be the only person that likes her! Well, LIKED her.

 

Thanks BC - yes time ihe number one healer I suppose.

 

Yeah, no one liked my ex either. Most people we work with are completely annoyed by him and wondered why I dated him. It still kind of makes me sad when people make fun of him though. He's unattractive and socially awkward He's also so d@mn arrogant and just anal as hell about work. It's not so bad to work with him I guess. It was hard at first. I used to get very angry when I saw his name on a document or anything like that, which usually happens every other week. I kind of wonder what people think about us now that he moved on so quickly. It's so weird to have all of this play out around people who have known us for years and knew us as a couple for that time frame. I wonder if they feel sorry for me or if they think what he did was shady. They probably still wonder why in the h*ll I was with such an ugly cuss, and a lot of people thought it was for the money. It sure wasn't for the sex because he was awful in bed and a terrible kisser. Still, I found something redeemable in him, and I did love him very much. It's always these arrogant types that have no clue how the majority view them. He needs a serious reality check.

Edited April 3, 2015 by BC1980

[ruhrohcd]

Yeah, no one liked my ex either. Most people we work with are completely annoyed by him and wondered why I dated him. It still kind of makes me sad when people make fun of him though. He's unattractive and socially awkward He's also so d@mn arrogant and just anal as hell about work.

 

Firstly, let me say that I make a point of searching out your comments because I think you're where I'm trying to get to. And your posts are always full of intelligence and compassion. Thank you for that.

 

Secondly, based on the quote above, have any interest in moving to Ohio? I'm maybe the first one, definitely the second, but not arrogant or anal at all. And there's NO possibility you'd want me for my money!

 

[smellysocksuni]

I can't believe what a roller coaster it's been. I can't believe I made it through to the other end. I still miss her but I know she's gone, now. I don't have hope, I have acceptance. I'm talking to someone new, too. It's very early days, but she is so far very nice. I am taking things slowly, and it wasn't forced. It just happened. We have clicked and it surprised me - if nothing else, it made me realise that there are other women out there.

 

I feel sad slightly, because it's over. It happened, it didn't work out, but it's over. But I've accepted it now.

[BlackbirdSong]

I can't believe what a roller coaster it's been. I can't believe I made it through to the other end. I still miss her but I know she's gone, now. I don't have hope, I have acceptance. I'm talking to someone new, too. It's very early days, but she is so far very nice. I am taking things slowly, and it wasn't forced. It just happened. We have clicked and it surprised me - if nothing else, it made me realise that there are other women out there.

 

I feel sad slightly, because it's over. It happened, it didn't work out, but it's over. But I've accepted it now.

 

Congratulations my friend! I am extremely happy for you.

 

Not to be a Donny Downer, but expect some dark days to come haunt you every now and then out of nowhere. They should be expected.

[smellysocksuni]

Congratulations my friend! I am extremely happy for you.

 

Not to be a Donny Downer, but expect some dark days to come haunt you every now and then out of nowhere. They should be expected.

 

Hey man - thank you

 

Oh, I expect those... but I think my armour's a bit stronger now, so I can fight them off a bit better than before

[Throldur]

I can't believe what a roller coaster it's been. I can't believe I made it through to the other end. I still miss her but I know she's gone, now. I don't have hope, I have acceptance. I'm talking to someone new, too. It's very early days, but she is so far very nice. I am taking things slowly, and it wasn't forced. It just happened. We have clicked and it surprised me - if nothing else, it made me realise that there are other women out there.

 

I feel sad slightly, because it's over. It happened, it didn't work out, but it's over. But I've accepted it now.

 

Nothing helps more than finding someone else who gives you hope. Even if they are not the one, they are hope.

[smellysocksuni]

Nothing helps more than finding someone else who gives you hope. Even if they are not the one, they are hope.

 

What a perfect reply this is. The girl I'm seeing now - I don't think she's The One but she has shown me that there are other people around and she is a lovely person... I would say that now I'm 99% over my ex. I never thought I'd reach this point. I have no good memories of her at all and I can't even tell you how long I've been NC!

 

The new girl - we've been seeing each other for almost a month, and I feel a lot stronger. I haven't fallen crazily in love, kept a safe distance, kept my eyes open for warning signs, kept up with my own interests and my own life, am well equipped should it not work out.

 

I am pretty thankful for that break up, I think I needed to be shaken up like that.

[erklat]

Does she know she's not the one?

[smellysocksuni]

Does she know she's not the one?

 

Perhaps I worded it wrong. What I meant was - I don't have any expectations. I used to think every woman was "The One" and was sorely disappointed when they turned out not to be. So I am not placing that title on her, and merely living each day with her as it comes.

[erklat]

Perhaps I worded it wrong. What I meant was - I don't have any expectations. I used to think every woman was "The One" and was sorely disappointed when they turned out not to be. So I am not placing that title on her, and merely living each day with her as it comes.

 

Now that makes more sense. I'm living like that also. I'm not so in love with my wife as I was

with my ex but it's normal. You'll fall naively in love never again.

[dangerbang]

Now that makes more sense. I'm living like that also. I'm not so in love with my wife as I was

with my ex but it's normal. You'll fall naively in love never again.

 

That's not normal! I've been in love a few times, each with varying degrees of intensity. Nothing is quite as electric as the first time but my last one felt like she was some kind of soul mate gift from God. I'm getting over her now, as we turned out not to be right for each other, but you can always fall in love, there are billions of other women out there.

[Throldur]

What a perfect reply this is. The girl I'm seeing now - I don't think she's The One but she has shown me that there are other people around and she is a lovely person... I would say that now I'm 99% over my ex. I never thought I'd reach this point. I have no good memories of her at all and I can't even tell you how long I've been NC!

 

The new girl - we've been seeing each other for almost a month, and I feel a lot stronger. I haven't fallen crazily in love, kept a safe distance, kept my eyes open for warning signs, kept up with my own interests and my own life, am well equipped should it not work out.

 

I am pretty thankful for that break up, I think I needed to be shaken up like that.

 

Glad you were able to find another girl. Where did you two meet?

[smellysocksuni]

Glad you were able to find another girl. Where did you two meet?

 

We met - I have begun volunteering with a local mental health trust and she is just finishing her university placement at the same hospital - I am very happy with her, and she's given me a lot of hope. Thank you also Throldur for your replies

[Throldur]

We met - I have begun volunteering with a local mental health trust and she is just finishing her university placement at the same hospital - I am very happy with her, and she's given me a lot of hope. Thank you also Throldur for your replies

 

Cool man! I plan on doing some volunteering around here too. I have to fill my time with more important things. Lots and lots of classes, volunteering in my future.

[smellysocksuni]

Hey everyone...

 

Me and the ex broke up last December, very messy break up. Haven't contacted her for almost two months (I think, I'm no longer counting). I'm now with someone else, we've been together for a month and things are going well between us. However, recently I have had little urges to get back in touch with the ex.

 

Why? I have no idea. She was a horrid person, and treated me very badly during the break up... I was heartbroken and still am shocked by the way she went about things. So why would I want to speak to her??

 

I still seem to be carrying a lot of pain from that break up. I hadn't realised just how much she'd affected me.

 

I changed my email, my phone number... there is no way for her to contact me. I still have all her contact details though, and I do feel like she is probably expecting me to get in touch. I don't want to look weak and give her the upper hand - especially as I really struggled with NC in the beginning and think I've done pretty well to make it to this stage...

 

I don't know. I just feel like it was a waste - are we really never going to talk again? I feel like I'm not really over it, and I thought I was

Edited May 12, 2015 by smellysocksuni

[aloneinaz]

What you're feeling is absolutely normal. It's odd that we can miss anyone who treats us poorly but we do. It's like a pride thing "how could she treat me this way and who does she think she is"? Yet, we break up with sweat heart women and don't think about them again..

 

These feelings pass with time. Relationships rarely work after a break up, remind yourself of that. Focus on your new girl and let time put distance from your last one.

[smellysocksuni]

For the last month or so, I have been totally fine. I would have almost said I was over her... but I don't know, I feel like I'm relapsing. I think about her every day and I feel like I've taken two HUGE steps back.

 

I feel like contacting her but several things stop me. I feel like if I did it would make me look weak and the last of my dignity would be taken. I also have a new girlfriend who is miles better than her and it wouldn't be fair on her - if she ever knew that I contacted my ex that would devastate her. Also, my ex is in a new relationship and her life doesn't involve me, any more. Even if she were to respond positively, it would become messy with me reading too much into her messages, and probably trying to win her back.

 

It's my birthday on Monday and I even find myself checking the post, to see if she bothered to send me a card. She won't, though.

 

I feel so bad for my girlfriend who is doing everything right and is such a sweet person. She's planned a whole birthday weekend for me, yet here I am, thinking and pining over someone who has moved on and who treated me very badly (for my last birthday, she wasn't even in town and I had to spend it alone). I thought this was all over

[BC1980]

I went through this a few times after I started NC. It rarely happened, but I would sometimes get a weird urge to contact him. Deep down, I knew I wouldn't contact him, but the urge was there. I think the reason has something to do with denial creeping back in. Goodbyes are hard. A permanent goodbye? That's some scary stuff for anyone. I think we all crave closeness and emotional connections (well, most of us do), so we try to keep that connection in any way we can.

 

I also think a lot of my wanting to contact him was born from the idea that I didn't want to be on bad terms with anyone. That idea bothered me for a long time, and I would imagine contacting him and us having a genuine conversation where he apologized and we were back on good terms. Then, I would realize how incredibly ridiculous it was to expect that. I finally had to realize that it was okay not to talk to someone who mistreated me. I didn't owe him any conversation or any "we're good" talk. Some people, you just have to cut them out of your life, and support your decision to do so. You don't see the other person running back, looking to make ammends do you? Remembering that very sobering fact kept me from talking to him. After what he did, he never offered a sincere, empathetic apology. Never. Not once. So I think that says it all.

[Ruby65]

I feel so bad for my girlfriend who is doing everything right and is such a sweet person. She's planned a whole birthday weekend for me, yet here I am, thinking and pining over someone who has moved on and who treated me very badly (for my last birthday, she wasn't even in town and I had to spend it alone). I thought this was all over

 

She's the one who's going to end up getting hurt by this.

 

Your ex doesn't care.... and you'll leave Rebound Girl when you're finally over your ex and don't *need her* anymore to feel better.

 

But what about Rebound Girl? She's probably really falling for you, and this isn't someone you're going to stay with... a few months from now you're going to realize you're just not in love with her and that *she deserves better*.

[Gwwm123]

Consider yourself lucky, you found someone new, dont mess things up.

 

Some of us on LS will only have one love who is no longer here in our lives, so take care of this new relationship it may one day be as good or even better than the last one.

[biggles6087]

Im a whimp day two on the no contact rule already and after she broke up with me on Thursday I have so many questions to ask I'm finding it tough going as this girl was also a good friend before we started dating.I have to say if I don't make contact by Midnight tonight I be doing well just can't get this one out of my of mind.