Becca1025 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Hi all. I could definitely use some advice about a situation that has come up with my marriage. I have been married to my husband for 6 years and dated him for 7 years prior to that. We have had a great marriage up until about 2 years ago. At that time I started to notice that his normal desires to have sex started to become a bit degrading. I have had multiple conversations with him about what a turn off it is to be talked to and referred to as more of just a sex object. Fast forward to recent months (forgive me if this is confusing I am trying to sort this out myself.) I found out that he secretly videotaped me while I was undressed and had a pictures he took of me from under the bathroom door while I was in there. After finding these I have never felt more degraded and humiliated in my life. I have always told him that I didn't want videos of me or pictures because I am very self conscious. I am hoping that I am not over reacting; I honestly don't know if I can ever trust him again. Has any one ever been through something similar? And advice would be great. Thanks for taking the time to read this. After having two kids I've had a hard time finding people to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 If you have a spare room, move into that. Fit a lock. Ensure there is no way he could install, secrete or engineer any way of observing you while you're in there. Tell him you are considering divorce, and if any of those pictures/videos (or any others) find their way into any public domain, you will sue the f**king pants off him. Tell him you think he needs therapy, because it doesn't matter what he does, you don't care what his tastes are, or how his proclivities have changed; you want no part of it, do not wish to be implicated, involved or included. And him attempting to "use" you for his own sexual gratification without your knowledge or consent is totally unacceptable. And probably illegal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Hmmm... well, your refusal to have pics taken of you is not great (assuming you mean just regular pics, not nudes) but he had no right to video you without your permission. That was sneaky, disrespectful, and just plain creepy. A picture from under the bathroom door? That is just super-eww. I can see how you would have a hard time regaining trust. He obviously doesn't respect boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 This is a thread about a similar ( but not exactly the same) topic that you might find helpful; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/516609-taking-nude-photos-someone-who-sleeping-okay You will likely find that you are not alone in finding your husband's actions to have a high "ick" factor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Becca1025 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Thank you both for your insight, and the link to the thread. It was very helpful. I'm thankful I'm not the only one that thinks it's creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 It's a total violation on his part and its an act that I would be disgusted he did without my consent. That's regardless of any body image issues . It's one thing trying to spice up your sex life, but both parties need to be comfortable with it. Does he not understand or respect your views of being treated like a sex object? The thing is that if he is SO into that type of sex, he may look elsewhere for it. I'm not for one moment suggesting you do something you don't want to. My H has suggested a couple of things I'm not willing to do, as is my right. He has disrespected you and that's pretty much what everyone told the other woman in that thread. I couldn't trust easily after that personally. Link to post Share on other sites
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