tiredofthecrap Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Ok, so I had an online personal ad. Chatted with a guy for a couple of months, he lives 6 hours away. He was going to be in a City about 3 hours away and wanted to meet, so we did, and we spent the weekend together. The first night, he told me that he should be honest with me and that his ex-girlfriend still lived in with him, until she found a place to move into. The had been broken up for a about 4 months or so. That between their jobs, they rarely saw eachother to even speak. I told him that I knew the reason he didn't tell me before is because he knew I would have never met if I had known this. He agreed that is why he didn't mention it before. Well, on that Sunday morning, he was in his friends room and his cell kept going off waking me up, and I went to turn it off when I saw that her name was on the phone id, so I just left it alone and tried to sleep with the stupid ringing. We started dating and I didn't mention her calling his cell, until a few weeks later. When at that point, he asked me if I had called his home, and I told him that I hadn't called since we talked on that Friday, and he said"no, I mean my house phone" I told him that I was a bit confused, that he had told me he didn't have a house phone. He then fumbled for words a bit and said that he had one but never used it that only his ex-girlfriend ever used that. I told him that I didn't understand where this conversation was going, that I was totally lost, and that of course I didn't call a number I didn't have. He then told me that she had come to him the day before with my number written down and had said that I had called her cell then changed it to that I called him at the house, when what really happened that she owned up to later was that she got my # from his cell phone. He wanted to give me the heads up that she had my # and that she said she was going to call me saying they were engaged or married and tell me alot of other things that weren't true to try to break us up. I told him that was ridiculous! That we weren't in High School, and and I didn't want her calling me but that if she did, I would just explain to her that her tactics are childish. He said that she had told him on that Friday that she wanted him back, but he said no that it wouldn't work and that is why she was so ticked about everything. Well, he had told me he had been married before and that he had 2 children. I was fine with that, but what I am not fine with is the fact that I found a thread this week that he had posted on a message board back in June 2004 (their bands old board)announcing that he and the girl I have been referring to had gotten married. We met for the first time in January, and had talked since maybe October/November. I am so confused, are they still married? And if not... why in the world would he not have told me that instead of saying that she is his ex-girlfriend. I don't want to ask him about it, and him get all bent out of shape if they are divorced, because I feel like maybe he hadn't planned on being honest with me until she moved out. But I certainly do not want to be "the other woman". And if he is married, I feel really terrible for this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamed Wildflower Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 I see why you picked the username "tiredofthecrap"! Honestly, I think you HAVE to confront the guy about all this. You have a RIGHT to know whether the guy you are dating is married for gosh sake!! Don't be accusatory about it, don't put him on the defensive. Just sit him down and tell him that you have to know what is going on, and you have to know THE TRUTH. What's fair is fair, and if he has you thinking he is single, and if he is lying to his wife, he is being deceptive and conniving to you both. You don't act that way in a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 You can check his marital status through http://find.intelius.com/search-name.php I don't think they cover all the States though. Check and see, might as well go for a background check too Link to post Share on other sites
Sorry Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 He's more than likely married. Sounds like some awful cover up work too. Sorry to say this but it's probably time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
tiredofthecrap Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Thought I would give you an update... Oh yeah he is married alright. When I found out for sure we discussed and as hurt as I was that he had told me such a HUGE lie, I still was going to try to be friends with him, he said they were not happy and he was trying to decide about divorce, that she still lived there, but that the dated other people and stayed out of eachothers lives. I was really upset and crying and my older sister stopped by and I talked with her about it. Later I found out that she had gone home and hacked into his email account and forwarded everyone in his address book including me, all these xrated emails from about 20 different women he had met off the personals that were in his sent folder. There were even really horribly xrated ones with pictures and all of me that were forwarded. Not only is he married and telling us(all these women) the same thing, he is having sex with a few of them that he has tried to deny to me. My sister and I got into it, because I felt like she was interefering in my business, she said she was trying to help me by letting me know what this guy has been and was doing behind my back, and that she thought he was married long before I mentioned anything by the way he had been acting and things that went on. The thing is, He thinks I did this to him, even after she talked to him on the phone and told him along with me at the same time that she was the one that hacked into his email . I would never have done something like that, for heaven's sake I was more hurt than anything when I found out he was married but gosh after finding out that he had been sleeping with other women and talking to them on the net telling them the same thing as he has to me, really hurt. It was like he never gave a damn about me and I was just another notch on his belt. I just don't get it.. I am dealing with so much right now with my chemo and all, doesn't he think I have enough problems? And now, I just feel really terrible that Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Oh my God, your situation reminds me of my situation that I finally got out of!!! The same thing happened to me, he was pretending to be single, I found out he was married, I confronted him, he said there was nothing between him and his W, they hadn't lived together for several years. Since they did not live together I gave it a chance. Turns out I wasn't the only one he was bedding. The thing was, when I found out about the other OW, I made a mistake and took him back, based on his desperate promise to me to go into therapy and file for a legal separation. That was in the summer of 2004. Guess what? Not only was there no action, I found out he still had a relationship with his wife, and recently I found out he was "communicating" with 3 or 4 other women, and I believe (based on information I found out last week) that one of the women divorced her husband...I bet she divorced him for my MM, and I know she thinks he's not married. I have been in denial over this, I finally told him on Thursday to go f- himself. It is hard to believe how a man can do so much deceiving. Heck, I introduced him to everyone in my world!!!! I feel for you very much, if you have not done so already, cut him off completely and get your life back. And, I know you are upset with your sister, in time you will thank her for discovering what he was all about. I had to snoop myself to find out the truth. Please take care and know you are not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I was just re-reading this post and what you wrote and what I wrote, I still have a very hard time believing my guy is actually what he is, a lying, manipulating married psychopathic cheat. You are probably dealing with those same feelings as well, it is just so hard to take in and comprehend. I hope your chemo is going well, I am sorry you have to go through that. There are caring, honest people out there. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 You're lucky you found this out now... you dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
tiredofthecrap Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by joodee I was just re-reading this post and what you wrote and what I wrote, I still have a very hard time believing my guy is actually what he is, a lying, manipulating married psychopathic cheat. You are probably dealing with those same feelings as well, it is just so hard to take in and comprehend. I hope your chemo is going well, I am sorry you have to go through that. There are caring, honest people out there. Thank you. Some days are harder than others. And with this, it just makes everything so much worse, all this emotional disgust makes me sick as well. Thank you for everything. It sure helps to know that I am not the only person that fell for something like this, I don't feel like such a fool now. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Call (or make someone close to you call) her house and ask for Mrs. XY (his last name). say you're the IRS. Ask something like whether they have a tax debt (be creative, I know nothing about US taxes) and find out if they're married. of course, you can use any other means, but it should be easy to find out whether he is married or not. You can pretend to do a phone quiz and the first question is "are you officially married?" Link to post Share on other sites
DRAGONFLIES Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 my ex husband used some of the same cover up lines with his gf as y dour bf did . Honey move on and get someone worth your time. he might not be married to her but they have a relationship. and when he comes to you and tells you she's going to call and say they are married or something, come on honey, wake up! he's hideing something there! don't be a fool. he's hideing things from you. to add to this you can call any of the state's department of vital records and get a copy of his marriage license to hand to him. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts