bitterandjaded Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I am just wondering if affairs between married couples can work. Example when both people are married to others and realize they are never going to divorce or when one person is married and the other accepts they will not get divorced. I am not talking about being together completely just having a successful affair that doesn't end. has that ever worked for anyone or is it always doomed? Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I am just wondering if affairs between married couples can work. Example when both people are married to others and realize they are never going to divorce or when one person is married and the other accepts they will not get divorced. I am not talking about being together completely just having a successful affair that doesn't end. has that ever worked for anyone or is it always doomed? They work until one of them is caught. The longer the affair goes on, the higher the chances of being caught are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I guess you can say it can work. But that's subjective because thats dependant on one's definition of 'working' for them. In my situation, both married and it has been going on for a little over 4 years (off/on) but it doesnt 'work' for me. It never really did. I'm trying to start the process of fading this thing out because it's emotionally draining and I hate myself for it. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 It depends on what you mean by work out? Not lose the job? Not harm careers? Not get caught? Not get knocked up by the OM, though some WW may see this as working out for they can't have their AP though they will always have their illegitimate child that the use to commit fraud on their BH? Not matter that energy, time, resources, money, that is to be used on the marriage, BS, family, children, is stolen from them and spent on the AP? How are these questions working out? Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Not matter that energy, time, resources, money, that is to be used on the marriage, BS, family, children, is stolen from them and spent on the AP? Ha. Or the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I guess you can say it can work. But that's subjective because thats dependant on one's definition of 'working' for them. In my situation, both married and it has been going on for a little over 4 years (off/on) but it doesnt 'work' for me. It never really did. I'm trying to start the process of fading this thing out because it's emotionally draining and I hate myself for it. I don't get it. If it doesn't and never has worked for you, and you hate yourself for it. Why are you doing it? I guess it depends on why it isn't working or why you hate yourself. What are you getting from it that you would go through so much for? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Can Affairs Ever Work'Ever' is a small, but scarily big word. With billions of people on the planet, there's no doubt that affairs have worked, do work and will continue to work for as long as humans exist. A more concise question might be do they work for you? In my culture, generally, affairs are considered socially unacceptable though are quite legal with very miniscule exceptions, and exist along with a plethora of other socially unacceptable behaviors people can or do participate in. It's all part of being human. Another part of being human is accepting that other humans may despise one, either for such socially unacceptable behaviors or just because they can. Once one accepts that such judgments are specs of sand on the beach of human existence and process them as such, it's easier to move on in our relatively brief existence on the planet. For examples, observe anyone who openly lives their lives in contravention of social norms. There are plenty. Just observe. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I don't get it. If it doesn't and never has worked for you, and you hate yourself for it. Why are you doing it? I guess it depends on why it isn't working or why you hate yourself. What are you getting from it that you would go through so much for? Because I got caught up in a mess that I should have run screaming from before it even started. But I didn't...not much more I can say but that. I had choices and I obviously made the wrong one. A huge mistake. A mistake I am trying to end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 That is such a general question. There is no situation you can put on here that there will not be someone who has had the opposite experience. If you want to play the odds, the answer to that question is NO. MOST affairs, between married or where one is not married, DO NOT have totally happy endings. Now, if you want to define "working" as sneaking around having sex with each other for months, maybe years, yup, it can work. But when it stops working, there is usually carnage of some kind involved, many times to a lot of innocent victims, including children 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yes I believe married with married is probably the only type of A that can last (provided neither of them get caught). This is why some married people specifically seek other married people to have an A with. Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle's-bargain Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 The only affair that works is people openly exposing themselves and saying: "Yes we're having an affair. And yes, we're going to move on with our lives together, and yes we're going to accept those consequences." This is the only time I think an affair can work, but it requires the affair to evolve from something disgusting and into something meaningful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Riri90 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Of course anything is possible but I think one person usually starts wanting more from the affair (usually the woman but not always). Being married doesn't change the fact that a person can eventually want more. There are alot of hurting MOW because they wanted more. Alot of people claim they knew what this was before they dove in head first but still ended up in an emotional mess. The only way an affair can work is if both people know their place and respect their place. People think they can tolerate being the side piece...until they can't tolerate being the side piece. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Sure they do. Lots of affairs are never found out. They obviously work for some people. Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I thought it can work for us because we started with no promises, but I got hurt eventually because I'm only human. We tend to want more. I think it can work if you know your place, you're careful, and if you have a strong heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) I don't think so, I think one person always ends up wanting more. It's hard not to get attached on these situations, no matter how much you tell yourself you won't. The feelings in affairs are so heightened compared to normal relationships, that no matter how well you think you know the situation going in, you aren't prepared for the overwhelming sexual and emotional feelings that come with it. Edited March 20, 2015 by Ronnie33 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 For one, you better not get caught. If you can accept living with issues and being too weak to deal with them head on, you're good to go. What that might say about your person, well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 "The affair that never ends" obviously works for the people in it, and I'm sure they exist. That said, I don't envy the person involved who has to carry that around for years on end. There's just something sad about it. Whether it works or not is probably relative to the situation and the person. Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I don't think so, I think one person always ends up wanting more. It's hard not to get attached on these situations, no matter how much you tell yourself you won't. The feelings in affairs are so heightened compared to normal relationships, that no matter how well you think you know the situation going in, you aren't prepared for the overwhelming sexual and emotional feelings that come with it. I agree! I have tried to guard my heart, but it just doesn't happen that way. A are really intense. Link to post Share on other sites
Donate Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I had one that worked for over 10 years. Longer than most marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I don't think so, I think one person always ends up wanting more. It's hard not to get attached on these situations, no matter how much you tell yourself you won't. The feelings in affairs are so heightened compared to normal relationships, that no matter how well you think you know the situation going in, you aren't prepared for the overwhelming sexual and emotional feelings that come with it. I agree with this. Someone always ends up wanting more and/or getting hurt. Even if it's years down the road. Affairs aren't normal relationships. They aren't easy to navigate because we tend to treat them like something they're not. Plus, you have to become a pro at compartmentalizing. It seems to be a difficult task for a lot of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 You know, I've heard some people believe cheating with another married person is better cuz I guess they think that both people want the same thing - which is sex/attention/companionship on the side w/o leaving their marriages. But, still, humans are still humans....at some point one and/or both want more and it gets messy. Worst, TWO families are f-d over. I was watching ID the other day and this woman, for 25 years was this guy's mistress and never knew till he got caught for killing some woman. He lived in one place with his wife, and in another place with the other one. The other woman just went along with it cuz he said he traveled for a living and she never questioned it. My 6 yr guy lived with this woman and they had a kid. Worked out for us, cuz that the bit of contact I got was all I needed. It pretty much ended cuz I left to come back to the U.S. and of course, he wasn't gonna move to the U.S. So, IMO, affairs can work when done right...it takes really vetting the parties you decide to do it with. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I am just wondering if affairs between married couples can work. Example when both people are married to others and realize they are never going to divorce or when one person is married and the other accepts they will not get divorced. I am not talking about being together completely just having a successful affair that doesn't end. has that ever worked for anyone or is it always doomed? Yes they can if both parties are on the same page with what the affair is and what it will or will not be, i.e. expectations. JMO but I think that is pretty rare, especially as it progresses over time. The relationship changes/matures, people change with what they want over time. There are so many variables that come into play. So, IMO, affairs can work when done right...it takes really vetting the parties you decide to do it with. ^^^^ This, and I would add that being from the same socio-economic level is a good idea as well. I vetted as best I possibly could, but you can't vet how someone will react in an affair scenario. I didn't have a clue about anything that goes on in an affair so the criteria boiled done to is she stable,and is she smart. I was extremely lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
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