Foreverwondering Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Hi i am new to this, so bear with me if it gets long..lol.. i am not even sure i am in the right forum but ill give it a shot. my situation started almost 3 years ago, met a guy fell for him, we started off as friends and then we relized that we had a attraction to each other, but certain things kept us apart, we were both with people, we did kiss at one point but nothing more, we both wanted to do more but we forced ourselves not to go further. We kept in contact through phone calls with intense conversations and that brewed corosity and we were going to meet up before i moved away but it never happened (car problems), but at the same time he helped me end a painful relationship with another.I ended up moving away and did not hear from him again. Now i have moved back and am in a relationship with a guy that i love we have known each other for 6 years and were highschool sweethearts. I ended up emailing the guy from the past, to just see how his life was going and if he was happy, i had no idea he would respond back to me cause he hadnt when i was gone, but he did.and now history is repeating itself, he is in a relationship( iam too) and loves the gril however he wants closure with us because we did leave our attraction hanging, with no anserws and alot of what if's through our emailing we have put alot out there about how we feel about each other and it has led to mass confusion, he says he has feelings for me but he thinks the gril he is with is the one for him, adn i have saidthe same about my relationship. so i basically told him nothing could happen between us, but it has for me emotionaly, i am wanting to see him, and hear from him but at the same time i want to do the right thing! was i right to say if i were to see him that nothing would happen?or should i have gave in to get closure. He is someone who i have such a strong attraction to, he would always pop into my mind over the years, but something would always get in the way, i am so unsure of what i should be doing or feeling. I do not want to cause pain to the woman he is with or my bf, for that matter neither of us do, but how can we both get closure. Mabey i am just wasting my time and effort, but my mind is consumed with him and i am trying really hard not to email him right now!! this is the shorter version of what is going on, but i would appreciate any advice on how to bring closure to the past with him. Hope this makes sense thank you ahead of time! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Closure is recognizing and acknowledging what you had, realizing that you're both in committed relationships with people you love now, and simply knowing that what you HAD with him is in the past. The past is gone, and neither of you should be doing anything to bring it back, to include contacting each other. Closure is ending any relationships before beginning anything new (or resuming an old one). Closure is remaining true to the person you're with, and sharing your love and intimacy with them, and no one else. Anything else is infidelity, and should never be given the chance to grow. If you can't abide with that, end your relationship with the person you're with now. There is no need for anything further. No reason to send a 'final email', or anything. Simply concentrate on the person you're WITH, and forget those you're NOT with. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 What is your definition of closure? Have sex with him? For sure, having closure definitley isn't having sex. That's infidelity. Not only would that not bring you closure, it'll bring nothing but trouble and guilt. If you want to keep your honor intact, stay with the one you're with, and forget about meeting up with the other guy. Neither one of you are single, you may not be married, but you are in a relationship and stepping outside of that relationship, be it emotionally or physically, is nothing short of infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Saying goodbye and having closure comes from within. You just decide to do it and stick to it. Put out thoughts of him from your head...Total mind control. Even if you both see eachother for a final 'goodbye', talk on the phone or exchanged emails - All it will do is confirm, yes I have feelings for you (Not HAD, have...) and maybe even the I love you's...Which then is very inappropriate too since you each are in other relationships. Can you actually for sure walk away from this man forever? Never call him just to see how he is? Cuz that is what you are going to have to do. If this lady was 'the one' for him, he would not have written you back. Why did he write you back? Why open that can of worms when you both more or less were in NC all that time? Just giving you some things to think about, and figure out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foreverwondering Posted April 13, 2005 Author Share Posted April 13, 2005 Thanks for your replies, i have gone this week with no contact with him, when i told him that if i were to see him i would not let anything happen because he is with someone and i am too, have not heard back from him.. so guessing he is mad or confused. its torture not emailing him but i have done it before. i dont want to be the OW, i am having problems with my present relationship so i am vunlerable i wont let myself get hurt by him or anyone.. its just very hard when he is what i am thinking about, even though i know its wrong, i am at least trying to end this before it becomes more hurtful in the long run.. thank you for your advice i needed a reality check:) Link to post Share on other sites
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