what are some of the worst things your AP did?

[GoldieLox]

I thought you said that you ended things before you got emotionally attached to your AP. When did things change?

 

When I stopped denying to myself that I had feelings for him. Feelings and emotional attachment however don't necessarily equal love. Emotional attachment in my case has a lot more to do with ego, pride and abandonment issues than love. That is what I'm suffering from still.

 

 

Hope, I gotta say, you're such a strong person from what I've read here. I've told you before how much I like reading your posts. What you went through I think is unimaginable for most of us here, but know you'll always find support in us.

[blue963]

Had spend the past month being very close and special things then goes away with wife for a week and contacts me for 5 minutes twice. (he even had 4 days to himself while she worked) Expects me to pick up at the same place when he returns. NOT.

[solostand]

Told me he was thinking of ways to kill his wife because he obviously couldn't grow a pair and leave her.

 

Phoned me before his daughter was out of the delivery room to report the birth. Disrespect for both his wife and daughter.

 

Gave me a sandwich to eat that his wife had made him.

 

Pulled me in to his hospital room to visit him while his wife was there visiting at the same time.

 

Phoned me when he was collapsing instead of phoning his wife.

 

Knowing I was going to be at an event where his wife was also going to be, saying "I should have sex with you so you can sit across from my wife with her husband inside you."

 

Refused to admit the affair to his wife when he was clearly caught.

 

Oh so much more.

[Genieve]

I'm not 100% on this but I was told he told his BS I was stalking him lol. He denied it. Although reading here I believe it's quite common. Seriously though.. If you saw me you wouldn't really believe it.. Lol. Even his adult daughter didn't.

[Pastypop]

The exMM brutally sodomized me. I've had painful embarrassing stomach problems that medical professional won't treat stating it's just IBS for the past four years. When I catfished him online a year later as a new prospect he referred to me as the crazy girl he ****** up the ***. Nice huh!

[Ifalltopieces]

Intentionally misleading me and telling me what I wanted to hear. I won't bore you with all the sick details but once he told me he was moving out and found a rental house to live in. Told me he was signing his new lease on a Tuesday morning....even went as far as to send me photos of the outside and inside of the house...gave me the address, the whole nine yards.

 

Days before the lease signing, he got very cold and very distant. Seemed very agitated and distracted. I knew something wasn't right. That Tuesday rolled around....I drive by the house he was suppose to rent....people are living in it! Kids bikes outside, cars in the driveway.....the whole nine yards.

 

True story. Just one of many.

[Poppy47]

Actually Poppy, it was Gloria who posted abot her MM drinking then mouthing off to her, not mine.

Sorry Goldie,

Poppy.

[Grapesofwrath]

When I saw the title of this I started thinking, 'hmmm, MM hasn't really done anything that bad', apart from, as you say, the obvious stuff like being married and so on.

 

When I thought about it some more, I realised MM has been a total dick to me at times. It actually makes me sad to realise how much I will put up with from him. When it comes to boyfriends, I have gotten much better at not tolerating behaviour I don't like and explaining my expectations. With MM it seems all of that progress is out the window.

 

Anyway, off the top of my head the worst thing he's ever done is called me the c word. Maybe in general MM behaviour terms that isn't that bad..?

 

He knows how much I hate that word. We'd been out together and he'd had a bit to drink and for some reason I still don't understand he just kicked off on the way back to mine. He sat on my sofa, in my house, telling me that he hated me and calling me a c*€<. What a douche.

 

Hello, verbal abuse!

[Grapesofwrath]

I wasn't going to post to this, because I hate thinking about it, but I will.

 

The worst thing mine did is unspeakable and unforgivable. He denied his child - our daughter. She was born at around 22 weeks - very premature - and lived 20 minutes.

 

He did not acknowledge her. He didn't answer any emails or calls about her. He left me there by myself in the hospital to deal with her death. No friends, no family, no one knew.

 

He didn't even say "I'm sorry" (not until years later). He wouldn't even admit she was his. He literally never responded in ANY way or said a single thing about it. Just ignored it.

 

I hope no one can top that. What a loser.

 

Hope: you posted this a bit ago, and just reading it now. You are brave to share, and a titan for surviving it and letting it make you stronger. You have all my admiration.

[Daisy2013]

Well, 2 years ago, my MM and I had made rare plans to see each other on a Saturday. The Wednesday of that week, he shows up to a mutual function we attend and right in front of me began to make plans with another man on that same Saturday. He asked the man to meet during the time we had scheduled. I asked him what was going on and he replied he couldn't keep going on like we were and that besides "I want to see where things go with W once her daughter leaves for college in a couple of months." I felt so hurt and disregarded that he made plans in front of me over our plans without even telling me first. I was nothing to him that night.

 

Yeah, he came back to me 3 weeks later.

[RoseVille]

Goldie, I am so very sorry he did that to you. MM in my situation pulls away when the feelings get intense on his end. We never talk about it though - elephant in the room all the time. When I attempt to bring up him pulling away, he gives me some lame excuse and apologizes but never gives me an honest reason for it. I know why he does it because I feel him getting really close emotionally and that's when I know it's coming. Just like clock work.

 

Me too!! Hot damn, it became almost predictable. Push-pull. Close, escape.

 

While I got annoyed with it, I know he was growing emotionally exhausted from it himself.

[Blu72]

After this last time he pulled away a bit, last week he made a comment that normally I would find funny but it rubbed me the wrong way. So I responded with some passive/aggressive comment. He told me I was losing my sense of humor. Whatever. Since then he has been trying to make plans and see me and I've been blowing him off. Over it.

[RoseVille]

That was one of the reasons he gave me. He said he felt it was a lose/lose situation. He would never leave because of his kids, at least not now (for the record, it was never an expectation of mine). They are middle school age. He said that the longer we kept going, the higher the chance we had of getting caught, then he'd end up resenting me. He also said the longer we kept going, the more attached he was going to get to me and our feelings were going to get stronger. He already felt that he wanted to be around me all the time and get to know me so much better. He said he couldn't break up his family for me. Like I said, it wasn't so much that it ended. It was the WAY it ended that burned me so bad. I miss him and I'm angry at him. It hurt.

 

This same thing happened to me. He ended it 36 hours after we last spent the night together, saying many of the same things. It sucks, I'm so sorry.

[Rainsitpours]

My (sort of ex) MM told me he had not had sex with his wife in more than a year, that he couldn't even get an erection to have sex with her because he was so in love with me. We spent a week on vacation together, and six weeks after that vacation I found out his wife was pregnant. So not only was he still having sex with her, he did it basically the day we got back from vacation (he told me he had to because she accused him of cheating).

 

The baby comes tomorrow. I can't even think straight, can barely breathe. I came to the site for encouragement because it's almost too much to bear.

 

That's the worst thing though. Telling me how badly he wanted a family with *me* and leading me to believe we would have it, then slapping me in the face with that dream.

[RoseVille]

My (sort of ex) MM told me he had not had sex with his wife in more than a year, that he couldn't even get an erection to have sex with her because he was so in love with me. We spent a week on vacation together, and six weeks after that vacation I found out his wife was pregnant. So not only was he still having sex with her, he did it basically the day we got back from vacation (he told me he had to because she accused him of cheating).

 

The baby comes tomorrow. I can't even think straight, can barely breathe. I came to the site for encouragement because it's almost too much to bear.

 

That's the worst thing though. Telling me how badly he wanted a family with *me* and leading me to believe we would have it, then slapping me in the face with that dream.

 

I'm so sorry, that's got to feel horrible.

 

When did it end between you two?

[movingon45]

It helps me to remember all the ducky parts of the A..the real parts of the relationship...it breaks the fantasy and helps put me in perspective does anyone else feel like that? So the things that come to my mind is first without a doubt the day his wife was giving birth to their son he was messaging me dick pics and say I g he wished he could be with me. I remember I felt so bad for this woman I thought I was gonna puke I wouldn't wantsomeone to treat me that way while I was in labor. It really made me ask myself what type of person was this guy? There were many other smaller things that made me question his sincerity and charactet besides the obvious reasons.... I'm curious what some of you have experienced? Or if this bashing/venting is helpful or not? Figured it couldn't hurt to try! Makes me really REALLY appreciate the relationship I'm working on having now that's for sure.

 

Sending those kinds of pictures is really part of it isn't it? I remember my ExMM sending me video wherein I can hear her wife and daughter talking outside the CR.

[Grapesofwrath]

My (sort of ex) MM told me he had not had sex with his wife in more than a year, that he couldn't even get an erection to have sex with her because he was so in love with me. We spent a week on vacation together, and six weeks after that vacation I found out his wife was pregnant. So not only was he still having sex with her, he did it basically the day we got back from vacation (he told me he had to because she accused him of cheating).

 

The baby comes tomorrow. I can't even think straight, can barely breathe. I came to the site for encouragement because it's almost too much to bear.

 

That's the worst thing though. Telling me how badly he wanted a family with *me* and leading me to believe we would have it, then slapping me in the face with that dream.

 

RIP: This is one of the most egregious betrayal stories I've heard on these boards. I'm so sorry. I bet that really stings. How are you doing with turning that "sort of" in a full X? Your post sounds like you are wresting mightily with this issue right now.

[circe221]

I am less emotionally involved with my MM than a lot of others are, but I am still not without feelings entirely.

 

Even though MM and I only meet up for sex, I always thought that it was unspoken that talking about his wife was strictly forbidden. I made clear early on that I didn't want to talk about her, and that my interest was in him alone.

 

Well one night after he found out she was pregnant, he came over and after we had sex proceeded to talk about how upset he was that she was pregnant, that they hadn't planned on having children yet, etc. etc. etc.

 

The reason this bothered me is that the reason I divorced my ex-H (before I even met MM) was that he did not want children and I did. Hearing MM "complain" about his wife being pregnant was like a stab in the uterus.

I just told him I had to go to bed and basically kicked him out of my house.

It was the only time that I felt "hurt" by MM, but it still bothers me. I think he got the hint because he hasn't mentioned her since.

[Sassy Girl]

When he called his wife and children in front of me as we were having breakfast together.

 

I'm not bothered or offended by it, but it kinda seemed a bit off to be doing it RIGHT THEN. I don't think he was being malicious or getting some thrill out of it because it isn't his style... I think he's just a bit clueless about how off it is to talk to your wife on the phone while sharing breakfast with your lover after spending he night together. I wouldn't let MM be privy to any of my conversations with my husband or give him a window into my family life. But the more time I spend on these forums the more I realise I seriously compartmentalise my life.

 

But yeah in the grand scheme of things it's not that bad. He's mostly a nice guy. Just a bit entitled.

[jbrent890]

When he called his wife and children in front of me as we were having breakfast together.

 

I'm not bothered or offended by it, but it kinda seemed a bit off to be doing it RIGHT THEN. I don't think he was being malicious or getting some thrill out of it because it isn't his style... I think he's just a bit clueless about how off it is to talk to your wife on the phone while sharing breakfast with your lover after spending he night together. I wouldn't let MM be privy to any of my conversations with my husband or give him a window into my family life. But the more time I spend on these forums the more I realise I seriously compartmentalise my life.

 

But yeah in the grand scheme of things it's not that bad. He's mostly a nice guy. Just a bit entitled.

 

As nice as a guy could be who is cheating on his wife lol.

[Sassy Girl]

Thanks for stating the obvious. Hence the 'mostly'.

 

You know we're not all inherently evil right?

[jbrent890]

Thanks for stating the obvious. Hence the 'mostly'.

 

You know we're not all inherently evil right?

 

Sassy I find it interesting that you have absolutely zero problems calling other wawards out on their situations, but you get very defensive when someone does it to you. In fact, I would say that you are harder on Waywards here than most of the betrayed. My definition of nice does not include a married man sleeping with a married woman. That is as far from nice as nice can get. How about this, I will answer your question if you answer mine. Let's forget about your husband, do you think his wife deserves what you and him are doing to her?

[Sassy Girl]

Sassy I find it interesting that you have absolutely zero problems calling other wawards out on their situations, but you get very defensive when someone does it to you. In fact, I would say that you are harder on Waywards here than most of the betrayed. My definition of nice does not include a married man sleeping with a married woman. That is as far from nice as nice can get. How about this, I will answer your question if you answer mine. Let's forget about your husband, do you think his wife deserves what you and him are doing to her?

 

No. Ten characters

[Sassy Girl]

And for the record, wasn't defensiveness. Was tongue in cheek. That comment was ripe for the picking. Someone has to go there. Just happened to be you

 

I guess my sarcasm doesn't quite come off in text huh?

 

We all have our own bent and biases. That's cool. I'll own every bit of what I say. But this binary opposition that exists probably needs to be challenged that all cheaters are bad and BSs are paragons of virtue. That was kind of the point.

[jbrent890]

No. Ten characters

 

To answer your question, to say what you are doing is not evil is a stretch. Does that me that you are not redeemable? Of course not. I feel if anyone else presented your story, you would give them sound advice, maybe even encourage him or her to leave the marriage. IMO, you are one of the smarter/realistic posters on here. I just don't understand why you don't follow the advice you usually give.