mangetout Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Had to let you know that your heartache will eventually pass. It takes time but have faith that it will. Its taken me exactly 16 months to get over my ex. He was in a relationship after he broke up with me and is now single again....he asked to see me last week. I told him no. I use to dream about this moment and here is it and I don't care. I don't care for what he had to say to me because I don't want him back anymore. Wow did I just say that?? Yep I sure did. Love has to be nurtured for it to continue burning and I don't have those feelings for him anymore. They are gone. And this was the man I was suppose to marry and couldn't imagine my life without. The heartache I went through to get to where I am now. Damn it feels good to not care anymore 14 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I can't wait to be where you are. Congratulations!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASV Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks for the thread. Hope I can get there too, though I'm a bit more skeptical with my case. 16 months look like a never ending quest for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks for the inspiration. I'm about two weeks away from one year of NC! I still hurt but I see things so much more clearly now. I want to be free of her for good. I want to be able to open my heart to someone again. The guy she left me for, who left her a few months later just posted pics of his trip to Belize with his new flame. I know that's burning my ex up inside. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 That's wonderful OP! More people need to read this. May I ask, what did you do (if anything) to help you in your healing process? Knowing what you did might help a lot of people. So many men and women seem to remain stuck indefinitely often times out of their own doing. You might have some wise words to share so that others might apply them if they haven't already. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Nice post, I'm 7 months post break up and about 5 months NC. I feel I'm 80/85% healed but I still do miss her and what we had. Any tips on how you got to the finish line so to speak? I feel I'm close but something is holding me back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 There's no magic bullet. Like with most things, it's just a matter of time. And time creeps along so slowly (but steadily) that you won't just wake up one day and say "okay, that's done." The way it'll happen is you'll wake up one day and realize you didn't think about him/her all day yesterday, and then you'll begin to wonder .... Sometime after that it'll be not so much a realization of stringing together thoughtless days, but that the space in your heart that they occupied is just open now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 I can't wait to be where you are. Congratulations!! You will get there Blackbird. Just have faith and patience 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 There's no magic bullet. Like with most things, it's just a matter of time. And time creeps along so slowly (but steadily) that you won't just wake up one day and say "okay, that's done." The way it'll happen is you'll wake up one day and realize you didn't think about him/her all day yesterday, and then you'll begin to wonder .... Sometime after that it'll be not so much a realization of stringing together thoughtless days, but that the space in your heart that they occupied is just open now. Spot on! That's how it eventually happened with me Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 That's wonderful OP! More people need to read this. May I ask, what did you do (if anything) to help you in your healing process? Knowing what you did might help a lot of people. So many men and women seem to remain stuck indefinitely often times out of their own doing. You might have some wise words to share so that others might apply them if they haven't already. Michelle I am not gonna lie and tell you that I went NC throughout the healing process. Infact I did EVERYTHING LS told me not to do. For nearly a whole year I prolonged my pain and suffering by doing the following mistakes: Begged and pleaded for him to change his mind. But he would say no so I would get angry and yell abuse at him. Then apologise the next day and try and move on. Would go NC and then text him again a few weeks later. What a roller coaster.. Sometimes I caught him in a vunerable moment and he did come back to me, but he would dump me again a couple of days later. This happed at least six times in the space of 8 months after our breakup. BIG MISTAKE Then I tried to be friends with him and he told me that he was in a relationship. BIG MISTAKE. Wow that was like a knife in my heart when he told me. My fault for trying to be friends and pretending not to care. I then Stalked him on his instagram ( Made up an account with false pictures to get imformation out of him). I found out alot about his new girlfriend which hurt me even further! BIG MISTAKE So a year later I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I turned myself into a pathetic, miserable person with no self esteem and very little confidence. I saw myself as ugly and not worthy of anyone. I was so mentally exhausted of what I was trying to control. So I let it go. I really let it go this time. And this is when I really began to heal. I put myself first for the first time and went NC. Told myself that my ex is just a man. He was wrong for me and I will find love again. That was the turnaround in my life. LS contantly talks about NC but I guess I had to go through my demons to get to that point of really wanting to go NC The pain of trying to hold onto it was much worse than letting it go. And now four months later I am dating a new guy and I am happy! Like I said, my ex is single again but he isn't getting me back that's for sure. I don't think he is wonderful at all. We can all move on. If I can do it, so can you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 Read my threads. Its been a long process but I have made it. I wish him all the best but I don't give a damn. He was lucky to have met such a wonderful person like me. lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ApexTitanium Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I wish I was in your place. I keep chasing my ex because I'm in love with her. Not begging her back per say, but I compliment her all the time, always telling her I'll be there for her. Helping her anyway I can. Taking her our and putting all my focus on her. She thinks we're friends. Its killing me inside and my heart breaks every time she tells me about the creepy guys chasing her and the dates she goes on. I feel like I'm that creepy guy....we were together for over 5 years and engaged. She tells me she's going on dates for the "free food". ....I don't know. Saw her last Monday, took her out for lunch and told her I'll be moving out of state and not coming back. She held me and cried for like an hour and wouldn't let me go. I thought she was like trying to absorb my body into hers with how tight she was holding me..... I guess she thinks now shes actually going to lose me. I know she still cares about me greatly, just not enough I guess.....it hurts to lose the one you love. To feel like it was all your fault. That you tried so hard but it just wasn't quite hard enough. 2 months before she left me, I bought her a $280 Michael kors purse when I was basically broke, it made me late on my car payment. Apparently she had been planning to leave me for a while because she thought I didn't care anymore and didn't show her I loved her. She gave me $40 and a card for my birthday two weeks earlier. I'm destroying myself fighting for her, and I fear I'll never stop. I'm holding her hand while she finds another guy....then I think she's just going to drop me broken and feeling worthless. Why is my love so strong I'm willing to break myself for someone I care so deeply for....that doesn't care for me? I'll never know.. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I wish I was in your place. I keep chasing my ex because I'm in love with her. Not begging her back per say, but I compliment her all the time, always telling her I'll be there for her. Helping her anyway I can. Taking her our and putting all my focus on her. She thinks we're friends. Its killing me inside and my heart breaks every time she tells me about the creepy guys chasing her and the dates she goes on. I feel like I'm that creepy guy....we were together for over 5 years and engaged. She tells me she's going on dates for the "free food". ....I don't know. Saw her last Monday, took her out for lunch and told her I'll be moving out of state and not coming back. She held me and cried for like an hour and wouldn't let me go. I thought she was like trying to absorb my body into hers with how tight she was holding me..... I guess she thinks now shes actually going to lose me. I know she still cares about me greatly, just not enough I guess.....it hurts to lose the one you love. To feel like it was all your fault. That you tried so hard but it just wasn't quite hard enough. 2 months before she left me, I bought her a $280 Michael kors purse when I was basically broke, it made me late on my car payment. Apparently she had been planning to leave me for a while because she thought I didn't care anymore and didn't show her I loved her. She gave me $40 and a card for my birthday two weeks earlier. I'm destroying myself fighting for her, and I fear I'll never stop. I'm holding her hand while she finds another guy....then I think she's just going to drop me broken and feeling worthless. Why is my love so strong I'm willing to break myself for someone I care so deeply for....that doesn't care for me? I'll never know.. OP - Good for you! Very glad to hear success stories, even after months of making the mistakes you made. Your story should help others along the same path. That said, Apex, I hope you read the post above where the OP listed her BIG MISTAKES. You are making some too, that you are likely to look back on a year from now and regret in the same manner. You KNOW what you are doing is not good for you (step 1) but you haven't stopped doing it (step 2). Please, please, please for your own good, let her go, initiate NC and heal yourself. You are doing yourself no favors by being her emotional crutch. Link to post Share on other sites
ApexTitanium Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 OP - Good for you! Very glad to hear success stories, even after months of making the mistakes you made. Your story should help others along the same path. That said, Apex, I hope you read the post above where the OP listed her BIG MISTAKES. You are making some too, that you are likely to look back on a year from now and regret in the same manner. You KNOW what you are doing is not good for you (step 1) but you haven't stopped doing it (step 2). Please, please, please for your own good, let her go, initiate NC and heal yourself. You are doing yourself no favors by being her emotional crutch. I know I've read one of your threads about your divorce and I'm very sorry. What you went through is a lot worse than what I am and I applaud you for your strength. I feel so connected to her I would probably have to reach that point of being completely ruined to stop. Or if someone locks me in a steel box with no phone for a year straight. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Dondon Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks for this thread. I'm really happy for you and i hope i will get there too. We deserve to be happy again. It's always nice to read stories with happy endings like yours, especially on bad days. I'm having one of the worst days today since BU 3 months ago. Definitely the worst in the last 2 months. I'm glad i didn't do any of those mistakes that you did. I went NC 2 days after BU and i haven't seen or talked to her since. In this case i'm quite lucky, because we live in a small town (10k), 500m from each other. I removed her from FB. I must admit, that her not contacting me is really helpful. Although sometimes i wish for her to contact me you know. Just to get that feeling, that she didn't forget me after few days. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Ugh 16 months....Im almost to 2 months. It hurts alot but is dulling a little. I only miss the friendship the most. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 How awesome that you told him you didn't want to see him. I'm so happy for you. I remember your other threads, and all I can say is that I'm so happy you turned him down. You got the opportunity to see all of your hard work pay off when he contacted you. Link to post Share on other sites
ASV Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Ugh 16 months....Im almost to 2 months. It hurts alot but is dulling a little. I only miss the friendship the most. I miss the combination of awesome sex and a moral backup from a gorgeous woman. As shallow as it sounds, I truly regret having lost the self-confidence boost that meant to me being able to date a woman who could literally make vanish all my daily troubles. It somewhat puts me in a very ashaming position, but it is as it gets. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Awesome post OP. I remember reading your posts also, and I'm glad to see you healed! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I wish I was in your place. I keep chasing my ex because I'm in love with her. Not begging her back per say, but I compliment her all the time, always telling her I'll be there for her. Helping her anyway I can. Taking her our and putting all my focus on her. She thinks we're friends. Its killing me inside and my heart breaks every time she tells me about the creepy guys chasing her and the dates she goes on. I feel like I'm that creepy guy....we were together for over 5 years and engaged. She tells me she's going on dates for the "free food". ....I don't know. Saw her last Monday, took her out for lunch and told her I'll be moving out of state and not coming back. She held me and cried for like an hour and wouldn't let me go. I thought she was like trying to absorb my body into hers with how tight she was holding me..... I guess she thinks now shes actually going to lose me. I know she still cares about me greatly, just not enough I guess.....it hurts to lose the one you love. To feel like it was all your fault. That you tried so hard but it just wasn't quite hard enough. 2 months before she left me, I bought her a $280 Michael kors purse when I was basically broke, it made me late on my car payment. Apparently she had been planning to leave me for a while because she thought I didn't care anymore and didn't show her I loved her. She gave me $40 and a card for my birthday two weeks earlier. I'm destroying myself fighting for her, and I fear I'll never stop. I'm holding her hand while she finds another guy....then I think she's just going to drop me broken and feeling worthless. Why is my love so strong I'm willing to break myself for someone I care so deeply for....that doesn't care for me? I'll never know.. Dude...... Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Dude...... I concur. Well buddy, I moved to a different state and without the triggers and memories it has helped me to begin to heal and move on. Id start to get excited about your move, making a fresh start etc. Its gonna hurt but its gonna hurt more if you dont cut it off yourself. Let her go. See what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) It is a shift. Full acceptance. Grateful for the pain and journey. The victim mindset leaves. You see your part and realize what they do is none of your business. NC is key and learning to love solitude It takes time and time takes time. Edited March 22, 2015 by jphcbpa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Had to let you know that your heartache will eventually pass. It takes time but have faith that it will. Its taken me exactly 16 months to get over my ex. He was in a relationship after he broke up with me and is now single again....he asked to see me last week. I told him no. I use to dream about this moment and here is it and I don't care. I don't care for what he had to say to me because I don't want him back anymore. Wow did I just say that?? Yep I sure did. Love has to be nurtured for it to continue burning and I don't have those feelings for him anymore. They are gone. And this was the man I was suppose to marry and couldn't imagine my life without. The heartache I went through to get to where I am now. Damn it feels good to not care anymore That's awesome. I'm so happy for you If my ex did that I would left her for dead the moment I found out, but I'm glad you came out of this stronger than before. Can't wait till I start feeling what you're feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
glycerine Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Glad for you, i'm on my way, somedays I feel like I'm completely over it. For me it's been past 6 months since the separation and a couple months since we started divorce paperwork. Been on absolute NC for a couple months (it's great that I don't exactly remember). I saw one of these memes that said "I miss you, the old you, the new one sucks". It's simple and helps me stop associating old memories with the current person. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Had to let you know that your heartache will eventually pass. It takes time but have faith that it will. Its taken me exactly 16 months to get over my ex. He was in a relationship after he broke up with me and is now single again....he asked to see me last week. I told him no. I use to dream about this moment and here is it and I don't care. I don't care for what he had to say to me because I don't want him back anymore. Wow did I just say that?? Yep I sure did. Love has to be nurtured for it to continue burning and I don't have those feelings for him anymore. They are gone. And this was the man I was suppose to marry and couldn't imagine my life without. The heartache I went through to get to where I am now. Damn it feels good to not care anymoreApathy is the opposite of love, not hate. So happy for you and can't wait to get there. This is the first morning that I woke up without him being on my mind. It's day 64 of NC and to celebrate, I'm going to stop counting the days. Link to post Share on other sites
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