Ex Girlfriend and Anti Depressants

[simon_uk]

Hi

 

I posted my story a couple of weeks ago, basically me girlfriend suggested we have a break but that turned into a complete split. Basically I was selfish and didnt make a commitment as soon as she wanted.

 

I have been thinking about things recently and this girl has got issues. She is on anti depressants for a start so would often be very insecure, had low self esteem which she blamed me for. has a best friend who treats her like ****, even trying to get her jealous over me. Her mum kicked her out when she was 15 because of a new man in her life. She drinks to the point where she doesnt know who I am. Her sister is a schizophrenic and in the last year she has been out with her twice. The first time she got arrested because her sister was f fighting and the secind time her sister battered her. She is on the AD's because of her bad marriage and other things and has been on the sick for the twoo years I have been with her. She works in a seedy environment as and when she wants, which isnt often and stays in bed until lunch time. Yes she has major issues, but underneath all that she is an absolute angel and I love her so much. I think I was the most stable person in her life so why am I not good enough? Why has she left me????/ I am so confused, I was her everything and now I am gone. She said before we split that I was her best friend and she would always be in my life. So why hasnt she contacted me to see how her best friend is doing? She always assumed I was going to leave her and begged me not too, she just wanted so much love that I couldnt give. Even her mum said the same thing to me. She regrets kicking her out over a man and she does love her but she cant love her the way she wants she just wants toooo much.

 

Any help please? I feel like such a loser. i though things got better after a while but I am getting worse. Its been three weeks now. Should I write to her and tell her how much she means to me? If she thought I was never there or didnt care isnt NC confirming this?

 

Simon

[NTB]

things will get worse before they get better and it will get better slowly but surely it will get better just have to hang in there.....

[moon]

Yes she has major issues, but underneath all that she is an absolute angel and I love her so much. I think I was the most stable person in her life so why am I not good enough? Why has she left me????/ I am so confused, I was her everything and now I am gone. She said before we split that I was her best friend and she would always be in my life. So why hasnt she contacted me to see how her best friend is doing?

 

 

This sounds exactly like what happened to me, expect for I am a girl and he is a guy. There is no answer to that. Sabotage maybe? Maybe she wants you to suffer like her. Maybe she just thinks you're plain stupid for loving her. But isn't that just the way. You get dumped by somebody who has tons of problems and then you spend all your time trying to decide why you weren't good enough.

 

All I can say is....you truly can not get inside her mind to find out why she did this to you. You can't. Who knows what buttons are pushed with her or what memories are re-created with your presence. Who knows? So stop beating yourself up. You know she was lucky to have you. If she doesn't realize that then what can you do? I realize now that I was being totally co-dependent in my last relationship. I thought I was crucial to my exes well-being. But you know we all enter this life alone and that's how we leave. We can't be in control of somebody else and they can't be in control of us. Maybe your ex wants to prove to you that she can make it on her own.....you just never know. Maybe that is where she is feeling the most power---getting rid of you. Maybe she knows you were giving too much and that in itself was your problem.

 

But don't beat yourself up. Again......you CAN NOT get inside her mind, so don't even try. Don't be so hard on yourself. I am sure deep down you know you are better than all of it. Don't lower yourself to her level. That just gives her more power and I am sure that's what she craves the most. Then she has successfully manipulated you---which might in itself be her biggest motive. With her powers of manipulation in check......she has risen above you in her own mind. But again, don't try to speculate too much. Take the power away from her by realizing she is TRYING to make you feel powerless, because it gives her the power. Good luck.

[moon]

Furthermore, and this is for me, not necessarily you, but the upperhand dumper attitude of a very troubled person is just the final stages of grief for the doormat ex..............Think about it? You were always there to help, you were always the voice of reason, you were always there to make everything ALL better, asking for nothing in return. You became a doormat with out really realizing it (you thought the pay off would come later) and in the break up you were discarded as such. Sound familiar? Been there, done that! That's what I think really goes on with these types of break ups. I was right there with ya. I think you have to demand more from people and find your equal and not somebody you need to baby and nurture. If the relationship felt unequal and like you were doing all the work......then you probably were!! And the payoff usually doesn't come later. That's the toughest lesson to learn.

[from ND]

"But you know we all enter this life alone and that's how we leave. We can't be in control of somebody else and they can't be in control of us. Maybe your ex wants to prove to you that she can make it on her own.....you just never know. Maybe that is where she is feeling the most power---getting rid of you"

 

 

 

That quote helped me........Yes simon, I am going through the same thing as you, ex girlfriend is on anti depresants, she is in jail now, and I feel like you,under neath the problems she has which are many, I see a beautiful person, anyway the hard reality is, a relationship takes equal effort on both parts, I was with this girl for 2 years, in the end when she told me it was over her excuse or rreasoning was that she wanted "guy " friends, and become independant, I t was a constant merry go round of that, and then her wanting to reconcile throughout the entiure relationship, It was like I was dealing with multiple people from one person, but yes in the end I still care very much about her, as a person, she was a serial cheater as well, so I think it was a question of her self esteem and childhood issues that may have come out in our relationship. All I can offer you is this: You can't fix her or change her, AND despite her being the one to initiate the break, she more than likely cares very deeply for you, she sounds VERY confused, If I were you I would try to move on, Its easier said than done, but what you have to conclude to is if the relationship reaches a point where it brings more pain than joy, and issues cant be worked out or at least discussed, then its time to move on. good luck bro