! soon-to-be Ex acting weird, giving mixed signals!

[Lizzy36]

My H moved out 6 weeks ago, initially saying he wanted a separation while we went through counseling to "see IF this can work." But HE wanted to talk every day, see me 3-4 times a week ON TOP of coming over on the weekends to do yard work (our yard is a lot of work).

During the first week, he took me out for Valentine's Day and gave me a $100 gift card to a spa. Then, 2 days later in MC, he said he couldn't forgive me, didn't want to try, and "thought he was done."

BUT....over the next week, he took me out to dinner on a weeknight and talked about our relationship. Then over the weekend a few days later, we went to dinner again and bowling. Didn't talk about our relationship, but genuinely had a good time. He said "I love you" many times, and held my hand and kissed me many times as well.

But once again, 2 days later in MC, he said he wanted space and wanted to "work toward divorce." He said it wasn't that he didn't think we couldn't enjoy each other's company, but couldn't do well in conflict and felt we were just incompatible. He said he had been communicating with me and taking me out because he wanted to make sure I was OK and felt guilty.

During that MC session, I was emotionless and accepted reality, which I could tell really surprised him. I said I wanted to stop attending MC (he, on the other hand, wanted to still go to help us through this "process", for whatever reason), and we agreed that he would only contact me about "logistics," like bills and stuff. Our MC suggested waiting 1 month before making any decisions, and my stbxH said (as he has all along) that he "wasn't in any rush to make a big decision."

We didn't communicate at all for 4 days after that.

But then, on the weekend, he calls. I ignored the call, and he immediately sends a text asking to talk real quick. After a little more back and forth, him calling again, me ignoring again, we get on the phone and he wants to come over and do yardwork. HUH?! I said no, but he resisted, saying "it's my house too!" so I gave in to avoid a fight. I made sure I was calm and pleasant though.

Throughout the following week, he was texting me almost everyday about stuff that frankly was not the "logistics" we had agreed to. It kinda was in a way, but definitely not a necessity to discuss.

The night before my birthday (5 days after he came over to do yard work), he SHOWS UP at the house a little after 9 pm!!! He said he tried calling and texting me for the past hour (my phone was in my purse on silent), needed to grab some more of his things/clothes, and to also give me my birthday card. He immediately started getting all domestic..."where's that screwdriver? X needs to be fixed" and took out the trash and recycle to the curb, etc. He gave me a big hug, grabbed his stuff, and left. I open his card, and inside was another $100 gift card to my favorite store. More mixed signals!!!

Once again, over the weekend 2 days later, he just SHOWS UP (because I once again wasn't answering my phone for the past hour)!!! For what? Yardwork, of course!

At this point, we were halfway through our "one month before making any big decisions."

And I frankly was becoming a nervous wreck whenever he contacted me in any way, shape or form. He literally unraveled any progress or strength I had rebuilt with one text, and you can imagine how I felt when he just showed up unannounced.

WTH is up with all these mixed signals?!?! WHY is he acting so weird and WHY can't he just leave me alone!? That's what he said he wanted, right?!

So, I decided I wanted to "go dark" for the next 2 weeks. I really needed my strength back and prepare for the Big D. I texted him in the morning asking to talk briefly later that night and we set up a time. But he couldn't stand waiting, so he calls me 3 hours early. I ignored the call, he texts asking to talk now. I stalled as much as I could, but eventually gave in.

When I said I wanted complete space for the next 2 weeks to take care of myself, he didn't even acknowledge what I said. Instead, he asks "so are you ready to make that appointment with the mediator?" because ALL OF A SUDDEN, he's ready for that step. I said I'd think about it, but I knew what I needed, so I texted him the next day saying I really did need the 2 weeks, and he said OK.

Did he respect that? NOPE.

Halfway through the 2 weeks (a few days ago), he emails me, saying he took the day off from work and dropped by the house to fix something. He launches into this thing about being respectful and fair about not boxing up his personal items and decorations in preparation of selling the house. I emailed him back, saying I had every intention of being respectful and fair, and the changes I made to the house were merely just to get it staged in preparation for selling (which was 100% true). He responds, apologizing for misinterpreting my intentions, and then launches into what basically boiled down to him clearly thinking I'm incapable of making good decisions and giving me detailed instructions on how to paint the walls and stuff.

 

Anyway, the 2 weeks of going dark is up in a few days, and while hearing from him in the middle of that period rattled me, getting space from him overall has been exactly what I needed.

I'm FREAKED OUT to start communicating with him again. He's acting so weird and businesslike, but he'll throw in his favorite line every now and then: "I know this is really hard for us."

WHAT exactly is hard for YOU? I feel like it's a line is IC told him to say to me because I'm oh-so fragile or whatever.

I'm NOT a fragile little flower. I can handle ANYTHING, I'm very strong. But communicating with him in any way at this point is very, very, very painful because he's just not acting remotely like the person I was married to.

I just don't know how I'm going to handle communicating again next week. I'm ******DREADING****** it, dreading what he'll be like in mediation and selling the house.

What should I do!?!?!

[Movingforward2]

Tough situation.........I would encourage you to work it out, but it will take him wanting to do it. If you are seen with another man (friend of course) he will wake up real quick IMO.