Girlfriend went to a camp and is acting crazy.... [updates]

[Panda95]

Me and my gf are both 20 years of age. We've been going nice and happily for 1 and a half year now. This girl means so much to me. I used to trust her completely but recently not so much.

 

She had a camp with this university club. This particular club has a reputation for being heavy drinkers (gf knew this but didn't tell me) and basically partying hard. It's also worth mentioning that she's told me multiple times that she is an "extremely rare drinker" and even said "I've decided to not drink any more" a couple months ago.

 

Anyway, last night she got drunk due to "peer pressure" (her own words). She starts drunk texting me. I got very hurt because I felt that she lied to me about her drinking habits. I also feel very insecure/jealous that she's out there having fun without me. Yes this is childish and not much like my usual self at all but I can't control how i feel about this.

 

She's still at camp. Comes back tomorrow. I'm not worried about her cheating, I don't think she'd do that. But for some reason I'm feeling alot of resentment towards her. I feel that she should've told me about what was gonna happen at this camp, there's no way in hell she wouldn't have known about this club's drinking habits before going).

 

Am i valid in feeling this way? What do i say to her when she comes back?

 

 

 

 

 

TLDR:

- Gf never drinks

- GF went to a camp where she got drunk badly

- I feel lied to.

- Am i right in feeling that way?

 

Thanks for reading!

Edited March 21, 2015 by Panda95

[d0nnivain]

In 1.5 years your GF who only drinks rarely got drunk once & in her lowered inhibition state she reached out to you. OMG how awful for you that your GF called you. By all means dump her. Are you kidding? Be happy she called you. If she gets drunk once every year & a half what are you complaining about?

[Panda95]

Thanks for the advice d0nnivain.

 

I suppose you are right. I felt jealous because deep down i believe her social status is higher then me, and her being out there having fun just further cements that belief in my mind. It is true, she's more popular then me but i just need to remind myself that it's okay if that is the way things are. What matters is that she chooses to be with me regardless of who's more popular.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for the advice d0nnivain.

 

I suppose you are right. I felt jealous because deep down i believe her social status is higher then me, and her being out there having fun just further cements that belief in my mind. It is true, she's more popular then me but i just need to remind myself that it's okay if that is the way things are. What matters is that she chooses to be with me regardless of who's more popular.

 

That is your problem, not hers. I don't think she did anything wrong at all. She is young and had a few drinks and was in touch with you. You need to get over it.

[Darren Steez]

Brah, she got drunk, partying with people and what did she do? Reached for her phone and started texting you..shows where her mind was at.

 

But you were probably butt hurt she was out and having fun.

 

Look man, as the people above said, you are both young and in university, this is part of the course. A confident man wouldn't be acting this way. Unless she's given you a reason not to trust her, which she really hasn't, then you're eventually going to drive her away

[No Limit]

Sounds like she was sad you weren't there. It appears you got a good girl, others try to "distract" themselves by going to the room of that guy that bought them a drink earlier.

[Sunlight72]

I felt jealous because deep down i believe her social status is higher then me, and her being out there having fun just further cements that belief in my mind.

Then get off your ass and You Go Have Some Fun Too. With her or without her.

It is true, she's more popular then me but i just need to remind myself that it's okay if that is the way things are.

No, if you're not happy with your life, that You Have Built, then you need to change your station! Get your ass up and Go Make Some Fun.

 

Am I being direct enough?

 

Keep the girlfriend, and add a more fun social part to Your life.

 

How the hell do I get bold letters to show up?

[Panda95]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/520696-girlfriend-went-camp-acting-crazy

 

With regards to the thread above ^

 

Me and my gf were just talking about her camp. She told me she grinded on this guy whilst his hands were on her stomach and stuff. She also mentioned that she liked it. I understand that it's an enjoyable act. But that is wayy beyond what is accepted in our relationship. She said that she was drunk and felt bad afterwards.

 

This is a nice girl and hasn't ever given me a reason to not trust her until now. I'm deeply shocked and hurt that she did that. I told her that I need a break to think about it.

 

Should I break up with her?

[WhatYouWantToHear]

Should I break up with her?

 

It's a self fulfilling question--If you ever feel the need to ask it, the answer is yes. People who should stay together just don't entertain that question to begin with.

[Panda95]

It's a self fulfilling question--If you ever feel the need to ask it, the answer is yes. People who should stay together just don't entertain that question to begin with.

 

really? I don't know i'm sure a lot of successful couples have questioned at some point in time whether they should break up because of whatever event

[ExpatInItaly]

really? I don't know i'm sure a lot of successful couples have questioned at some point in time whether they should break up because of whatever event

 

I think that's what the poster meant, OP. A healthy relationship would not include one person getting physical with another party, and therefore this question would be moot.

[Darren Steez]

No you shouldn't

[Diezel]

She said that she was drunk and felt bad afterwards.

 

She's indirectly shifting responsibility off of her and onto the alcohol. I'd dump her just because:

 

#1: She's testing your respect and your boundaries. She even said she ENJOYED IT.

 

#2: She's not accepting responsibility for her actions.

 

#3: "Grinding" might not be the only thing that happened, but she might have chosen the least offensive option to tell you in light of it.

 

#4: How do you think she would react if you told her a similar situation?

[PegNosePete]

You should dump her so hard it makes her head spin.

[Panda95]

You should dump her so hard it makes her head spin.

 

Not sure if serious? lol

 

 

She's indirectly shifting responsibility off of her and onto the alcohol. I'd dump her just because:

 

#1: She's testing your respect and your boundaries. She even said she ENJOYED IT.

 

#2: She's not accepting responsibility for her actions.

 

#3: "Grinding" might not be the only thing that happened, but she might have chosen the least offensive option to tell you in light of it.

 

#4: How do you think she would react if you told her a similar situation?

 

 

#1 - She's always been a really caring person, she's not the type to push my buttons especially since we were perfectly happy.

 

#2 She does now. She admits she's embarassed of it.

 

#3 Yeah i'm thinking that too. She's never struck me as a person to cheat. Ever. She's super open about everything but it's definetly plausible that there was worse and she only tested the water by telling me a bit.

 

#4 She said she'd be uncomfortable and would understand that i did it because i was drunk. But she would tell me to never do it again.

 

 

No you shouldn't

 

 

 

I'm guessing you don't see your woman flirting with other men as a problem then yeah?

[kendahke]

I'm guessing you don't see your woman flirting with other men as a problem then yeah?

 

You do, so why do you keep asking people if they are serious when they tell you "yes you need to dump her"?

 

If you can't continue in the relationship without mistrusting her, questioning her, doubting her, punishing her then you need to dump her. Stop wasting yours and her time with your wishy-washy-ness. You allude that flirting, grinding with other men is a problem for you, so act like it. Surely, she isn't the only chick in town?

 

What she has shown you is that she can't maintain a grip on herself when she drinks and other men are around and you aren't. She requires a warden to keep her in line when she drinks. She is a grown woman who made a choice to drink and to engage in inappropriate behavior while knowing she was in an exclusive, committed relationship with you. She is not a child who needs daddy there to keep her on the straight and narrow.

 

You say what she did is unacceptable. If it is, then dump her. I highly doubt she's going to stop drinking and doing whatever forever and trust lost is impossible to regain. Trust is like a pristine vessel. She took that vessel and smashed it into a million pieces. The glue job may rebuild it to a point, but only to a point--it's no longer nor will it ever be pristine sans blemish again.

 

So yeah--do yourself a favor and just break up.

[kendahke]

really? I don't know i'm sure a lot of successful couples have questioned at some point in time whether they should break up because of whatever event

 

I think this incident points to the fact that you two are not a successful couple because if you were, NOTHING could have moved her so far afield of her right mind that she would have allowed another man to put his hands on her in such a familiar and intimate fashion and allowed herself to "back that a$$ up" on his johnson.

 

She went over her alcohol tipping point to a place where she didn't give a damb. If she'd had a few to give, she would have watched from the sidelines before allowing some guy entre into an area he didn't belong with her. And she can be nice until times get better, but as far as she swings into nice mode is how far she also swings into inappropriate mode when you're not around.

[elaine567]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/520696-girlfriend-went-camp-acting-crazy

She had a camp with this university club. This particular club has a reputation for being heavy drinkers (gf knew this but didn't tell me) and basically partying hard.

With regards to the thread above ^

 

Me and my gf were just talking about her camp. She told me she grinded on this guy whilst his hands were on her stomach and stuff. She also mentioned that she liked it. I understand that it's an enjoyable act. But that is wayy beyond what is accepted in our relationship. She said that she was drunk and felt bad afterwards.

 

This is a nice girl and hasn't ever given me a reason to not trust her until now. I'm deeply shocked and hurt that she did that. I told her that I need a break to think about it.

 

Should I break up with her?

 

Why is a girl who hardly drinks going to a camp with a club of hard party goers?

My guess (unless all her gfs were there), she went there to follow some guy, and that is perhaps the guy she was grinding with. I guess she confessed, as you may have found that out from someone else.

Of course that grinding may have been "harmless" and it is really some other guy who was also there, you need to watch out for. She may have been acting out of character in order to try and impress him.

[PegNosePete]

Not sure if serious? lol

Yes serious. Decent women who care about their bf's feelings do not do this kind of thing.

 

She's never struck me as a person to cheat.

Of course she doesn't. No cheater ever does. That's how they can get away with it. If cheaters looked like cheaters then nobody would get into a relationship with then, and they would have nobody to cheat on!

 

#4 She said she'd be uncomfortable and would understand that i did it because i was drunk. But she would tell me to never do it again.

OF COURSE that's what she said. You basically asked her what she'd like to hear. IT's like a judge asking a prisoner what sentence he should receive. "Oh just a slap on the wrist is fine".

 

Do you actually think this would be her genuine reaction if you had done the same? I very much doubt it. I think you would be dumped so fast your head would spin.

Edited March 23, 2015 by PegNosePete

[JS84]

Break up with her.

[Darren Steez]

Not sure if serious? lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm guessing you don't see your woman flirting with other men as a problem then yeah?

 

My woman doesn't grind.

 

What advice are you seeking specifically because it started with one thing in one thread and you added another. You asked if you should break up, I really don't think you should..but then again your question to me seems to suggest otherwise so it seems you're answering your own question

[d0nnivain]

If you don't want to dump her, you don't have to. But here's the thing: you were already upset about the drinking & now you are learning about this 2nd thing that happened.

 

On the one hand, she told you. You didn't find out & she wasn't trying to hide it.

 

You know her. We don't

 

If you genuinely believe this was a one off thing, where somebody who doesn't normally drink got a little crazy under the influence, is remorseful and won't do it again, that's one thing. However if you are going to continuously punish her for this mistake and have some type of jealous freak out every time she is out of your sight, it's not worth it to even try to hold this relationship together.

[No Limit]

Yes, break up with her. She's testing how far she can go. Stand your ground and get rid of her.

[pteromom]

If she is seriously remorseful, you will see it in her actions. She won't drink when she goes out. She'll be understanding about your questions.

[lolablue17]

May I add another angle...

 

You took a break to decide whether to dump her or not. Be careful! You might get a lesson that not everything is in your control and the "break" itself can cause a break up even if you decide to stay. She can "think" too while you're thinking...

 

On one hand she hurt you. on the other hand, she immediately told you about it, and many others wouldn't tell you anything.. it's far, how could you find out? It implies she's honest. But when she sees your reaction she might learn her lesson "not to be honest with you" in order to not hurting you.

 

I think that if you can live with what happen, don't ruin your R over this. And if you can't - well, you know what to do.