Does it worth it?

[niketas]

I am a 22 years old Frenchman and I had the chance to spend one semester in Central Europe. Two days after my arrival I started a relationship with a girl I knew from internet. She is 19. She is not my first girlfriend but I had never fallen in love before.

 

At the begining I was quite cold and didn't care much. I was the first one to "really" have sex with her. Indeed after a few months and some bizarre reactions from her, she confessed me she was raped by one of her boyfriend 2 years ago.

He was beating her often, forcing her to make him blowjob... One day she told him she wanted to stop and went to see him to talk to him. He raped her in the ass... needless to say what she must have felt. She was used to hear that she was ugly and far from him.

 

After she tried to recover and because she didn't want to have sex, her next boyfriend cheated on her. So she has a very ****ty opinion about herself.

Her father is was having problem with the justice of her country for some business problem. So she felt terrible but I helped her.

 

At the end of my semester I went back to France to continue studying. She joined me for an amazing week we spent in Paris in my flat.

We cannot see often because my school requires a huge amount of time and I don't have holidays often. So we see every 3 months for one week. We are not the kind of people to have a boring relationship, we are (were) very active.

In France internship are a part of education. So the first semester of the next year, I have to do an internship. I want to do it in her country to be close to her. I am sure I would find a job because of my education (software engineering).

 

Later I would be the one who move to her country. It makes me think about the future. I am sure to find a job there. I won't be paid as much as in the country I planned to move (Switzerland), I would live in a country I have nothing except her. Plus we are still young. Maybe I am a way to recover from these bad things (rape, cheating) for her and she might start to act irrationally later. I realize that moving away is something irrational. On the other hand I love her. Can I say she is the one at my age?

 

I feel that I might move there in the future and that we would split for some random reasons. I would feel very stupid in this case. I am looking for similar stories, of people who had long distance relationship and finally joined the other partner. How did it end?

 

Or simply if you could give me your opinion.

 

I am not an English native speaker, there must be some mistakes in this long message and I feel sorry about it.

[emi]

You know in life there you cant get all ( atleast at the same time). Im aware about your worry of moving to the country where you get pay less and have no interest beside her.

Why dont you ask her to move with you?

And, if you unsure about making gamble moving to her because of her pasts may make she acts irrationally later then you can realized that none of these were actually her faults ( actually i think she was abit weak for not cutting her loses with the first boy friend before he raped her), and when you actually love someone, you need to accept whatever come along with it and work on it. If you dont want to work on this, maybe you should just quit and move to your dream country and find another girl

[OnlyHonesty]

My opinion is that you clearly do not want a simple life. Moving away or having a relationship with this woman is a mistake. I really have no idea where the sense and logic of guys has gone in this day and age. If you proceed to get involved you will regret it. My advice to you is to walk away but something tells me you will do the exact opposite.

[niketas]

I wanted to thank you for your answers.

 

I think it is the best option if we both live in her country. First she had her family there and her friends, plus she would not find a correct job abroad because of what she studies. While if we both are in her country, I will have a decent job with a decent wage for the country and so will she most probably.

 

But on the other hand I said, it might be a mistake. Going somewhere where I have no ties except her while I could be much more successful in countries like Switzerland with excellent wage.

 

@emi, I don't have any problem with her past. But what if she decides one them once I am there she wants to have fun and continue her youth with partying? I would feel very stupid...

 

@OnlyHonesty, can you develop your argument please, I am very interested.

[okc85]

Of course you shouldn't move for her, but I think deep down you already know that.

 

 

Please think about your future, not hers. Trust me, there is a huge chance you won't even be friends with this girl in 5 years. It's life, and you're both quite young.

[justwhoiam]

At the begining I was quite cold and didn't care much.

You mean after you met her in person?

 

after a few months and some bizarre reactions from her, she confessed me she was raped by one of her boyfriend 2 years ago.

Don't blindly believe everything she's saying. There's a good chance what she's telling you is true. But there might be a chance that's not the whole truth about her. Maybe she was working as a prostitute, who knows. It's not something easy to tell if you want a relationship. She might have an STD, and she wouldn't know how else to explain it if that comes up. There might be a number of reasons...... just know it's a possibility. You could find out more. See her test results. How old is she? How many boyfriend did she have? Is she on bad terms with all of them? Who are they? Do you know their names and last names? Could she go through to 2 years of abuse and no one noticed it? Her parents?

 

Her father is was having problem with the justice of her country for some business problem.

Involved in a fraud? What kind of problem? Is the problem over or not? Is she living with him?

 

In France internship are a part of education. So the first semester of the next year, I have to do an internship. I want to do it in her country to be close to her. I am sure I would find a job because of my education (software engineering).

 

Later I would be the one who move to her country. It makes me think about the future. I am sure to find a job there. I won't be paid as much as in the country I planned to move (Switzerland), I would live in a country I have nothing except her.

So, her family seems to be dysfunctional. She has a bad past and remaining in her country is not going to make it better. The country is poor and you'd get a low-paid job.

 

Why in the world would you want to move there?

 

Also, are you fluent with the language spoken in that country?

 

Maybe I am a way to recover from these bad things (rape, cheating) for her and she might start to act irrationally later.

I guess the worst that can happen is she can use you to get a better life. Once she doesn't need you anymore, she'll move on to greener pastures.

 

Can I say she is the one at my age?

In this situation, I guess it's difficult to tell. She needs help and you're offering that: comfort, reassurance, hope for a better life. Can that be love? The chances that it's not are great, statistically. And you can't want someone to be with you out of gratitude. You need to be really wanted, desired. If you even know what I mean. Right now, it looks like you stand out positively as a decent guy compared to the lousy bunch of boyfriends she had in the past. Is that enough? No.

[OnlyHonesty]

 

@OnlyHonesty, can you develop your argument please, I am very interested.

 

 

The woman you mentioned should not be getting into a relationship with anyone, she should be focusing on healing and counseling. Any man that has logic will understand this. It is quite possible that you are simply blinded by your desire as well as wanting to be ''her knight in shining armour''.

 

Why on earth would you willingly invite so much drama into your life? To even consider moving for her even for 1 second is utterly foolish without question.

 

You also do not seem to realise the danger a man can be in with regards to allegations. What would happen if one day after sex her past left her with uncertainty and she felt unsure about the act? There have been cases where consensual sex have resulted in allegations.

 

Do you realise that an allegation of any sort does not need to be backed by any evidence to have you jailed?