Sweetie258 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Hi all, This is my first post just don't know what to do. Well guess I will start at the beginning. Me and my partner have been together for nine and a half years. We have been happy in this time, so I thought. We have only ever argued seriously once, and never thought conflict was an issue. I found out after we had been together about 3 years, during which time I had moved away to uni for a year, that he had online profiles and was talking with other women. I found out while looking through the internet history for uni that he had been on some sites, so I looked through the entire computer and found various chats with women. During this he was giving on webcam, and masturbating with other women, including dirty talk through men. The moment I found out I confronted him, and he was in pieces and said that he did not want to lose me. That these women were just a way to get off like porn and nothing to him. After a really hard time, and lots of heartache in decided to take it one day at a time, and see where it went. Since then, we have been re creating our life together, and everything seemed ok. Usually stresses and hectic ness of work and life but nothing unusual. Then a week ago, I was on linked in, and it showed my contacts and people I may know. One of the usernames was an email address and it had some unusual numbers in it that me and my partner use in our email address, along with ***horny. A red flag through right up, so I went onto email and tried to log in with our passwords and bang, straight into the email. I was in shock, then proceeded to stalk the internet for various usernames similar to the email. Whereby I found various profiles including a kik username and skype username. Following this I logged on and looked at all the emails / messages and chats and what I found broke me. I have found various messages asking to chat etc. profiles, stating he wanted to chat with people but had to be discreet as he has a gf. Profiles on gay websites. Chats with girls or I should say women who are really huge, and nothing like what he has said is attractive. He has been messaging back and forth with people for what turns out just over 2 years. I have seen messages saying, come on chat with me, my gf is asleep, if you come on xxx I will show you her asleep naked. I do not know whether he did, however even the thought makes me feel physically sick. He has sent pictures of me and him having sex to other people, which has made me feel disgusting. After I found out, I logged in and messaged a woman he had been speaking to for ages, and she called me. Turns out she knows everything about mine and my partners life except that I was in it. They have been speaking for 2 years, and they have spoken about everything, including everything we have done but left me out of it. Said how he goes out all the time pulling (which I know he hasn't done) done x y and z. Along with this, he has sent filthy pictures, and video chatted. While going through the profiles, I found various people messaging him, and him messaging back talking about meeting. He either said no I can't I have a girlfriend, or committed then said oh sorry I fell asleep. I confronted him about it, and asked him if he had something to tell me. I was in tears, and he told me everything. From my snooping I knew most of it. He was in tears telling me he had made a huge mistake, and that it was because of his problems that he did it, and that I was his life, and loosing me would kill him. However he did not seem to think about this when he was doing this. When I asked him why he did it, he said he felt inadequate (as I never cum during sex) and it was an ego boost. He said he lost himself in it, and was just something he did, but he would never go with someone else. In regards to speaking with men he was just curious, but not something he is interested in he found out. I know since the beginning he has had a hard time being open (not cheating) just communicating what he feels and why. We had I thought been working through it. It stems from his family always picking and bullying any weakness, they call it being a family, I call it being vile and putting people down. When we first got together about 9 months later he left his job due to serious issues at work with his boss, and a lot of his friends went by the wayside, so despite my encouraging, he hasn't really been as social as he was previously. I don't know if this is anything to do with it. I just don't know what to do. I love him completely, otherwise I wouldn't of been with him for so long! However at the minute I hate him, am disappointed and disgusted in him. I have asked a million questions, but I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know if our relationship is something that can be saved, or re built as in my head, I keep flitting between I love him, and need to know why. And then I hate him, and do I even know him at all. I suppose what I am looking for is. Anything that will help whether good bad or ugly. Any comments are hugely appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 He has an addiction that will likely not change. Leaving him would probably be best for you, considering the years of deceit and lies. It will NOT "kill" him; read the Infidelity forum = people survive all the time.... You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 What do you do? Allow me to break it down. 1) kick is lying, cheating butt to the curb. (Being picked on by family is a BS excuse for this vile behaviour. Come on, now) 2) Call your doctor. Get a full STI screen and an HIV test 3) Give yourself time to heal, and ask yourself why you'd even consider staying with someone who doesn't love and value you. (Sorry, but it's the truth) Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Break up and get tested for STDs. Sorry this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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