Is porn cheating??? The true realization. Just Keep Breathing.....

[Outcast]

its the fact that most men are shallow and most men would cheat on their women

 

Well now there's a fine example of showing respect for others.

[chrissy123]

When you can control all of your 'female' biological behaviors, then you can criticize your man for looking at women.

 

 

So what are all my female behaviors that I can't control?

[Outcast]

If you have zero PMS symptoms and go through pregnancy and menopause without a mood swing or physical problem, you earn your certification.

[Ihatestupidwomen]

Isnt it just like women who are weak and cater to men to try and accept that thier problem with porn is a personal flaw and that they need counseling!! thats whats wrong with us, we take everything as "our own problem". look at how that husband made his wife feel? and yet he keeps doing it. and SHE NEEDS COUNSELING?

 

I believe that after a husband betrays you and hurts you like that that you can go a little crazy, be depressed and be so hurt that you cant move. you sacrifice your life and your body to have a mans children and getting a sexual thril is suddenly more important than you are. everyone seems to agree that its "not like he had sex with someone else......." well. if you want to think like these women than sex with a stranger isnt cheating either.

 

not if he just wants a sexual thrill out of it. some derranged women actually dont care if their husbands cheat. well, if your husband cheated and said that, youd kick him to the curb. but yet porn is ok? cheating is WHATEVER MAKES THE WOMEN FEEL AS IF SHE HAS BEEN SEXUALLY BETRAYED, INADEQUATE, UGLY, FORGOTTEN OR UNIMPORTANT.

 

and if you have let your husband know that this is how you feel about porn, and he does it anyway, than HE IS CHEATING ON YOU! the women who posted otherwise are weak and stupid creatures who would allow men to hit them, cheat on them, or verbally abuse them, and their only reasoning would be, "I MUST HAVE DRIVEN HIM TO DO THIS........MAYBE ITS MY PROBLEM." dont be a fool. giving up porn is a small price for your happiness.

[Jeffrey]

---

cheating is WHATEVER MAKES THE WOMEN FEEL AS IF SHE HAS BEEN SEXUALLY BETRAYED, INADEQUATE, UGLY, FORGOTTEN OR UNIMPORTANT

---

 

You're responsible for how you feel, not anyone else, not anyone elses actions. Period.

 

Perusing porn is NOT cheating. Sleeping with another person IS cheating. If you're putting your happiness / self-esteem on someone else, that's a much bigger problem than being cheated on.

[Guest]

First off, I want to apologize for the female gender for such hideous, uncaring comments. Apparently, the commenters are unaware of the condition of the female gender. Here's a rundown that will bring us up to date. There were no protection laws for women until 1981.

 

Rape was considered to be a forceful act of a stranger upon a woman with penetration and ejaculation. But, strong women fought for that definition to be changed, and we got some rights. No longer was it nice for our husbands to force themselves upon us or beat on us. So, dang it all, they had to turn to the kids.

 

Well, the kids didn't get any rights until 1992 when the juvenile justice system was developed...from the laws that protected animals. That's right, you could go to jail for beating your horse but not for having sex with your daughter. Now then, let's look at today. Women, like the commenters, who have more than likely been sexually abused themselves, minimize the effects of pornography because they don't want their safety illusion to crumble.

 

Truth is ladies, pornography has reached our children. Don't think for one minute that those women/children that you have given your man the right to look at, are consenting adults. Children are maturing faster today due to all of the estrogen that is being put into our meat products, carpet, and birthcontrol pills. It's easy for a 15 year old to look 18. Rarely does a parent care to look in on their children to see what they are doing. America is so consumed with "having their rights" that they have traded in dignity, human compassion, morals, values, and anything else that might get in the way of their freedom.

 

To the writer, I'm a fellow sufferer. You're pain doesn't threaten me. I understand it, and quite frankly, I'm not putting up with it anymore. My church doesn't even support me. Know why? He's convinced the elders that I'm the one who is messed up and who needs counseling, and shucky darn, I just don't have the balls to seek help.

 

Truth is, there has not been one problem I have not willing faced and overcome with the help of my "True Companion." I was sexually abused from 2 years to 16 years by various family members, and Jesus has been the only one to help me through it all. He has made me whole.

 

My husband admits that his addiction began at age 11. The thing that did it for me was that he put a video clip on his desktop. My exact words to him last weekend, "If our son should accidentally click on that, I will press charges, and I will make sure you will not see your children again." He removed it immediately.

 

Ladies, I have worked for state government. It is against the law to have pornographic material that is easily attainable to your children. That means, if you are going to have it in your house, it had be under lock and key. If your children happen upon it, view it, share it with an adult, kiss your kids bye-bye. The state will have custody of your children and you will go to jail for failure to protect. So, go ahead and demand your freedom...it may cost you everything you hold dear.

[Jeffrey]

--

Ladies, I have worked for state government. It is against the law to have pornographic material that is easily attainable to your children. That means, if you are going to have it in your house, it had be under lock and key. If your children happen upon it, view it, share it with an adult, kiss your kids bye-bye. The state will have custody of your children and you will go to jail for failure to protect. So, go ahead and demand your freedom...it may cost you everything you hold dear.

--

Complete and utter bullschweebie, but thank you for making the topic interesting!

[Guest]

I just happened upon this message board while surfing the net- very nice actually, I have found many threads very interesting and the advice great.

 

But I did want to take a moment to say that I am a social worker for child protective services, and that above poster is correct in certain circumstances. If your young children find porn and view it, they most likely will be removed from the home. In many cases if the judge finds that is was a fluke thing and you don't have porn laying around easily accessible to children, the kids will be returned with a warning. However, depending on how much porn and the personality and beliefs of the judge, you could end up looking at months with your kids in foster care while you are forced to attend court mandated parenting classes and counseling. Rare, yes, but definately NOT utter bullschweebie.

[Jeffrey]

hehehe who are you kidding? You ARE THE ABOVE POSTER.

 

And thank you again for continuing to make this topic interesting

[tweldy]

First, forget about the porn - it sounds like symptom, not *the* problem.

 

I read your post and I very well could have been the writer were I in your situation. I see both humor and sorrow/depression being very tightly connected emotions for you. Yes, counseling would help you to a degree, but it won't resolve the situation you are in with your husband. I can't tell from your post, but I'm guessing drinking a six pack a night or more is common for your husband. This is too much and, at this point, I suspect he's not really able to control it anymore. He needs drug an alcohol counseling/support/etc...badly.

 

I suggest *YOU* go to a support group like al-anon which is for families and friends of alcoholics. It doesn't sound like you are an alcoholic at this point, although if you continue 'self-medicating' with alcohol, you may wind up as such. Your daughter might want to join you at al-anon. Depression isn't best cured by drugs, though they can be very effective for some people. Generally, support is more effective and has no detrimental side effects.

 

I think if your husband quits drinking you can re-assess where you stand with the situation. Personal development is almost impossible with someone using drugs to escape their problems. The real problem may be his job, and that may be fixable by changing jobs. It might be your lack of communication. I just can't imagine being able to fix anything in your scenario until your husband gives up drinking. I feel for you and am deeply saddened that you are having this experience.

[Guest]

That is such great advice for this woman, and I would have counseled the same. I was just overwhelmed by the horrific responses she got, it totally took over any common sense.

 

As for you Jeffery, the jokes on you. The woman/man who posted after me is not me. My undergraduate degree is Elementary Education but I served as a social work for Department of Human Services in the "Bible Belt" for almost 6 years. On one particular occassion, I conducted an investigation on a man who spanked his boy too hard, in front of the principal. The allegation was physical abuse, but the real problem was that Dad allowed his 14 year old boy to view his pornographic material regularly. The boy wrote a very inappropriate letter to his girlfriend which was intercepted by the teacher. I could have easily taken custody of the child, but I have a heart for family preservation. The man was drunk when I conducted the investigation (not really safe for me, but oh the hell well). I recommended individual and family counseling with immediate drug and alcohol intervention.

 

I'm sorry you don't like the knowledge of the power of authority. It was a long time coming. The safety of our women and children are more important than the pleasures of men who don't have the balls to be in a real one-on-one faithful relationship.

[RecordProducer]

That's very nice of the government to try to protect children from sexual abuse. Unfortunately, the silence of the victims is still louder than the speach of the law.

 

Yet, it's a huge digression from the subject of this thread. Many women feel awful about their husbands watching porn; they feel unattractive, neglected, jealous... The big question is who's right and who's wrong? Obvioulsy both sides have feelings and any feeling is legitimate since we can't really control our feelings. (Personally it wouldn't bother me if I would discover that my hubby watches porn... I don't ask the question, I think it's none of my business.)

 

- I wonder if a wife would be content if her husband made (and showed) love to her regularly and watched porn only when she is not around.

 

- I wonder if wives would see it as betrayal if men were completely open about their "habit"l.

 

- I wonder what would happen if men stopped watching porn; would the wives eventually figure out that they must fantasize about other women? how would they react to those thoughts and would they be bothered by that possibility?

[Jeffrey]

Ok yeah dude, whatever.

 

The power of google is in all of our hands, There's nothing local/state/national I could find that substantiated your claim.

 

Combining that with the assumptions and utter ridiculousness of your last paragraph, it's easy to see you're full of it and just want the 'joke to be' on somebody.

 

Enjoy

 

 

 

That is such great advice for this woman, and I would have counseled the same. I was just overwhelmed by the horrific responses she got, it totally took over any common sense.

 

As for you Jeffery, the jokes on you. The woman/man who posted after me is not me. My undergraduate degree is Elementary Education but I served as a social work for Department of Human Services in the "Bible Belt" for almost 6 years. On one particular occassion, I conducted an investigation on a man who spanked his boy too hard, in front of the principal. The allegation was physical abuse, but the real problem was that Dad allowed his 14 year old boy to view his pornographic material regularly. The boy wrote a very inappropriate letter to his girlfriend which was intercepted by the teacher. I could have easily taken custody of the child, but I have a heart for family preservation. The man was drunk when I conducted the investigation (not really safe for me, but oh the hell well). I recommended individual and family counseling with immediate drug and alcohol intervention.

 

I'm sorry you don't like the knowledge of the power of authority. It was a long time coming. The safety of our women and children are more important than the pleasures of men who don't have the balls to be in a real one-on-one faithful relationship.

[Not_the_other_guest]

Jeffrey, I am sure you can ask an admin to check our ip's to verify we are different people. I am in CA. And I am not sure what you were googling, but CPS cases involving children are court sealed due to the fact that they are minors. You would never have access to these files, so unless you were looking for that one in a million sensational news story, I don't know what to tell you. But consider that if Michael Jackson were tried for allowing children access to porn, so would parents.

 

And for myself (I am female), I don't have a problem with porn if it is done in moderation and kept far away from children. Do I like that my husband looks at it occasionally? I would be lying if I said I wish he didn't and that I were all that he needed. But I know intellectually that him looking at it occasionally isn't a big deal, so we basically have a no ask/no tell policy. What I don't know won't hurt me. My only requirement was that it be in no way accessible to my children. He has a few movies and such on the computer in a hidden file under password protection.

 

For the other guest- interesting case. I have had quite a few where porn found in the home during an interview was used as evidence, but only in addition to the main problems which caused the initial visit. Only once have I had a case that was soley based on porn. A 7 year old boy was presenting in school as a molest victim, masturbating in the bathroom and being sexually aggressive toward girls, etc. Upon investigation no one was able to confirm molestation, but there were vast amounts of pornography in the home that the boy had been viewing. He was thankfully removed, dad was charged, and mom was not given custody due to failure to protect. Sad case, kid screwed up pretty bad being exposed to that stuff so early. Had an older brother in a level 14 group home. Very sad.

[Guest]

Actually, I feel the same way you do. When I was pregnant, we made a promise to each other to keep porn outside of the home. All I want to do is keep my children safe and raise them to honor and respect women. Alas, my husband has broken his promise too many times to count.

 

Thanks for bringing up the confidentiality factor. I think it will clear up the misconception that the internet is God.

 

There was one case I handled that was the worst and the best due to the outcome. A 32 yr old 350lb male was sleeping with his 14 yr old daughter who weighed around 90 lbs. That's disgusting, but that's not where it started. No, see, he began fondling her at the tender age of 5. Then, he made her watch porn with him. At the age of 7, it was full blown sex. As you know, 7-9 for girls is the age where they get an affixation on the opposite sex. Because of that normal part of development and the sexual abuse, she was "married" to her dad in her mind. It took great courage for her to confess all to me. I was the only one to believe her. She had to deal with everyone (other caseworkers and friends) calling her a liar.

 

I took her to her sexual abuse exam and held her hand. I watched as the doctor had to leave the room to gain composure. He was horrified at what he found...multiple tears, scars, and of course, an std. She also had a phycological examination. The report read that she most definitely had disassociative disorder with splits and that it would take years to recover.

 

The mother was very cooperative and very loving to her child during the whole thing. She said she allowed pornography in her home because it seemed like her husband needed it. She had sex with him daily. She couldn't believe he needed more. Because the daughter kept trying to contact the dad while he was out on bond, the mother carried her to the car while she was sleeping and took her to North Carolina where she would be many states away from her perpatrator. I was so glad the mother went to great lengths to protect her child. She may have a hope to recover.

[RecordProducer]

Dear Guests,

 

you make it sound like porn movies are guilty of sexual abuse of children. This thread was about how women feel when their husbands watch porn. You took it to the criminal level and made all porn viewers sex law violators and - if we have children at home - we are potential too.

[NotTheOtherGuest]

I disagree and think you misunderstood my post. I said not only do I know my husband watches porn, but that I do infact have some in my home, and have children at home. The important thing is that it is very carefully kept from them.

 

My response was to Jeffrey, who doesn't seem to believe that if your children get ahold of your porn, you can be held responsible. My point in posting examples of that was to show that you can indeed.

 

Never did I say porn violates children. What I said was, in many sex abuse cases, porn IS in fact involved. And parents can and will be held responsible. If porn in a home with children was enough to be convicted as a sex offender, I'd be in prison myself.

 

I am sorry you felt I went too far off topic, but I cannot stand by and let someone spread lies that children having access to porn is not a serious offense. I agree it is a bit off topic, and I apologize for that, but serious enough for the slight tangent, IMO.

[Jeffrey]

I never said it wasn't a serious offense. What I did say is what you claimed was incorrect and it was;

 

A child who stumbles across mom & Dads stash isn't going to be taken away by the authorities, which is what you claimed because 'it wasn't under lock and key'

 

What part of THAT IS NOT TRUE don't you get?

 

A child who is forced to watch it by mom & dad will be taken away, but that's common sense and that's not what you said.

[NotTheOther]

That is not necessarily true. If a child stumbles on mom or dads collection innocently enough, watches it, and talks about it, AND someone hears and reports, the child COULD be taken away. Family court and criminal court are two totally different things. Family court is almost entirely based on the judges opinion. If the judge has a thing against porn, he could very well keep the kids in foster care and require the parents go to counseling, etc. That is why in my original post I said it was RARE, but plausible.

 

If you want to do some investigating, you can look at a case in Texas about a year or so ago. A father took pics of his wife breastfeeding their toddler. The person who developed them called CPS, and the child was removed for a YEAR b/c the judge FELT a toddler was too old to be breastfeeding and this constituted child pornography. The parents were never charged criminally, but b/c the child was a ward of the court, this family court judge was basically able to run his own agenda. I have never seen cases this severe, but I have seen many, many cases where common sense dictates one thing, the judge does another. They have an amazing amount of power.

 

That is the only point I was trying to make. Hide your porn, b/c there is always that tiny possibility.

 

You obviously know nothing about the juvenile justice system, yet come on here telling me I don't know what I am talking about? If you want to deny that, right or wrong, CPS has a HUGE amount of control over your children, go ahead, but don't blame me for telling the truth.

[carmaenforcer]

OMG..This thread is long. I Have to go home soon and I didn' think I would have enough time to read everything and then have time to post.

And I had to post to this one, for my Wife thinks porn is cheating. She is so against it she freaks out when we've gone a few days and I tell her I need to take care of business. I have no porn in the house but when she goes too long without giving me any, 3-4 days is the lonest I can go, and I threaten to bring visual aids in the home she totally freaks out.

I think my lady is just insecure about the girls on the screen because they are nasty and will do stuff that she refuse to. She probably thinks that by me not seeing it, I wont want it. Not true I still want it. But I'm happy with my woman and I would just use porn to masterbate. I'm holding out till she lets us make our own porn or we finaly get a digital camera and she gives me my own personal playboy spread staring my Wife....

 

Anyway, like I said I'm on my way to start my weekend so that's it for me.

[Pink_Tulip]

Hi, I am 'not the other guest' from above, finally got around to registering.

 

carma- you said you think your wife is insecure about porn in one sentance, but then say you 'threaten' her with using it in another... do you think that might be causing some of that insecurity at all??

 

Between my friends and myself, most of us don't like our husbands using porn at all. As I stated above I have a no ask/no tell policy. I don't like it, and as long as I don't hear about it, I can happily live in ignorance. However, if my husband started making it a point to tell me about his use, especially in a way that would make me feel guilty or inadaquate, it would be a pretty big problem.

 

Why can't you just take care of your needs without telling her? What is the point of rubbing her nose in the fact that you want to look at something you know hurts her?

[Bob Dole]

That is not necessarily true. If a child stumbles on mom or dads collection innocently enough, watches it, and talks about it, AND someone hears and reports, the child COULD be taken away. Family court and criminal court are two totally different things. Family court is almost entirely based on the judges opinion. If the judge has a thing against porn, he could very well keep the kids in foster care and require the parents go to counseling, etc. That is why in my original post I said it was RARE, but plausible.

 

If you want to do some investigating, you can look at a case in Texas about a year or so ago. A father took pics of his wife breastfeeding their toddler. The person who developed them called CPS, and the child was removed for a YEAR b/c the judge FELT a toddler was too old to be breastfeeding and this constituted child pornography. The parents were never charged criminally, but b/c the child was a ward of the court, this family court judge was basically able to run his own agenda. I have never seen cases this severe, but I have seen many, many cases where common sense dictates one thing, the judge does another. They have an amazing amount of power.

 

That is the only point I was trying to make. Hide your porn, b/c there is always that tiny possibility.

 

You obviously know nothing about the juvenile justice system, yet come on here telling me I don't know what I am talking about? If you want to deny that, right or wrong, CPS has a HUGE amount of control over your children, go ahead, but don't blame me for telling the truth.

 

Here's a hint: if what you claim is true, it should be absolutely simple for you to provide a citation to a relevent statute, regulation, or controlling case that establishes this legal mandate.

 

So - why aren't you doing so?

 

Just provide a cite to support what you are saying. Should be pretty simple for an expert on such matters, as you claim to be.

 

Personally, I have no clue whether such legislation or regulation exists. But frankly, the fact that you're arguing a factual point and doing nothing to provide simple support for that fact ..... makes me wonder whether "Jeffrey" is right and you are wrong.

 

And by the way, it is pretty clear that both of you 'guests' are the same people. Nice try tho! As for different IPs, well, if you know what one is I assume you know how easy it is to hide your IP.

[KonRyuu]

My wife and I were the same way with porn, at first we agreed to have none, then I broke my promise over and over, now we agreed to pick porn out together. You can hide it from your kids, parents do it all the time. Watch porn together, you might learn a new technique from it or something, maybe wank eachother off, that's really fun. Don't be so paranoid about the porn issue.

[MrsHellFire]

I really don't see the big deal with it and never have. I'll watch it with my lover to turn me on as well. But he doesn't really watch it.

[MrsHellFire]

"Finding out ellicits the same type of feelings as if hubby had participated in a physical affair with a real person. "

 

You don't know this since he has never CHEATED on you in a PA or EA.

I think it's kind of outrageous to even compare porn to a real affair.