When should you resign/not care about improving social skills?

[NGC1300]

Is there a "point of no return" for some people, where they just accept they aren't wired like the majority of others? And therefore there is no point in trying to change?

 

I've come to realize I DO NOT CARE about improving my horrible social skills.

 

People generally annoy and/or bore me. Sure, that sounds conceited and self-righteous, but it's what I feel.

 

The question, therefore, is why engage in the burden of changing, just to win the acceptance of people I'll never connect with anyway?

 

The bumbling 20-year kid can probably develop his social skills, but I'm 30 and feeling more and more content with my solitary existence. I don't even want friends, because I view any emotional obligation to them as a burden.

 

For years I was lonely because I didn't have any female affection. Now with each passing day I think about it less and less. People mean nothing to me. I truly feel I've reached a point of no return and will never have any meaningful connections to anyone. And I don't feel sad.

 

Should I embrace my feelings and roll with it, or should I be worried about needing to connect with others for some reason I can't see?

[endlessabyss]

Eh, I don't think anyone truly feels they are cool with being alone with no friends, but I definitely think some are "wired", or genetically disposed, to not being very good at socializing.

 

 

If you weren't Mr. Social for the first thirty years of your life there probably is a good chance you won't be for the next 30 years. Is there a chance you could break it? Yes, but it will take a ton of effort, practice, etc, and even with that, there still aren't any promises.

 

 

From my own personal experiences I was always conflicted: Should I quit and be a pussy? Or, should I just recognize the obvious and admit defeat in this particular aspect of my life? I look at it as sort of realizing you will never be good at playing a certain sport, like football, and leaving it at that.

 

 

Do I envy those who are awesome at socializing ? lol. HELL YES. **** looks fun as ****! I just moved to a new department at work, and I sit next to this guy who has this aura around him where all these women want to talk to him, and love his personality. He's very charming/friendly, he's extra tall (which he admits people give him unfounded respect for), and he speaks effortlessly.

 

 

Even if I tried my hardest I probably couldn't meet this standard, because I realize he has a natural gift for this.

 

 

To conclude, you can't live without some type of socialization. When I am isolated I feel extremely depressed after too long, but when I am experiencing good, congruent social interaction I feel like I am cloud nine. The only way you can feel confident is through positive social interactions/reinforcement from others.

[Maxtor]

I can understand what you say because I am terrible at making chit chat and small talk. TERRIBLE! It someone starts talking to me like "Oh, nice weather hein?" I am like "Tah **** you talking about weather...really." Or other small things. I am good talking about issues I understand, like training, martial arts, gym, food and dieting. But i suck at the rest.

 

Invite me to a party with lots of people? Maybe I'll go but I will always feel like an outsider.

 

Invite me to do training, sparring, whatever martial arts\gym related and Ill go.

 

To be honest, it's like I need to prove myself all the time, because I had some terrible experiences when I was a kid (bullying, not being able to make friends in school, etc) BUT, Jiu-Jitsu helped me a lot, its kinda my nature, I dont know, Im weird.

 

Today I went to a cofee place with a friend of mine, and its hard for me to behave normally, she even told me "You really need to learn how to deal with these type of situations...you looked like a retard back there" and I laughed, cause I dont really cared, but she was right. I always feel like I dont belong in those places, because I need to prove myself all the time, and i cant prove anything by having a conversation.

 

My advice, maybe, try to test yourselv doing some other activities.

[Bobbi7]

For me, its when I tried to make an effort and be open, more outgoing, friendly, sharing stores to people that I wanted to win their friendship only to have to backfire because either way, they didn't want anything to do with me. People either like you or they don't. Its that simple. There has been times when I pushed for a friendship- I did all that bull crap keeping in touch, chatting non stop, calling up a friend from time to time, simply to see they were not interested. On the other hand, I've seen people who manage to keep their 10 years of friendship-its never worked for me.

[okc85]

If you're fine with your life, then...what is there to change? Why post this if you're fine with your life?

 

I am almost 30, and I'm not fine with my social skills right now. I want more friends, and I want a partner, and I want to be surrounded by good people.

[NGC1300]

If you're fine with your life, then...what is there to change? Why post this if you're fine with your life?

 

I am almost 30, and I'm not fine with my social skills right now. I want more friends, and I want a partner, and I want to be surrounded by good people.

 

I can do without friends, but despite thinking less and less about females I'm not sure I'll ever fully bury the desire for female affection.

 

But I guess things are not so bad. I was just thinking what's so bad about being single and childless in my 30's. I can still do whatever I want, and even change careers will into 40's if I really wanted to. Most people that are tied down with a family aren't really in a position to easily do that. But, this is another subject.

[okc85]

I can do without friends, but despite thinking less and less about females I'm not sure I'll ever fully bury the desire for female affection.

 

But I guess things are not so bad. I was just thinking what's so bad about being single and childless in my 30's. I can still do whatever I want, and even change careers will into 40's if I really wanted to. Most people that are tied down with a family aren't really in a position to easily do that. But, this is another subject.

 

 

 

Yeah, I know what you mean about being tied down not looking very enticing.I mean, what's so great about being in debt, having a huge mortgage, living paycheck to paycheck.

 

But the desire for sex and love is strong, I feel most of us will chase that, it's just ingrained in us.