Confusin Relationship

[sarahmonc22]

Hello! So I'll try to explain in the most simple way I can my current 'relationship'.

 

So first thing, I'm from Brussels and he's from England so the distance is annoying yes but it's not a huge problem, just gotta book Eurostar tickets and we'll see each other, but it's not that simple. We are not labeled as bf/gf yet or in anytime soon. He doesn't really care for relationships and mostly not for long distance one. But the thing we have is definitely not a friendship. We started talking in October 2014 so it's been around four months already, and it's always the same routine. Back and forth. During a week or so he opens up and it seems like maybe he could feel something but then he disappears during a few days, during a week and suddenly the conversation is awkward and not that interesting. Because of that we have never been able to skype/phone call. In fact we have never met but don't worry I'm not being catfished I know it's really him because he's already sent me live pics and we're friends on facebook. He is quite /very/ blunt and he often say well... hurtful/arsehole-like things without even noticing and I tell myself I should stop this but then he does or say something that makes me melt and I just can't. He's just so confusing, sometimes it seems like he enjoys talking to me, like there's a connection, we're being flirty and we always argue in a playful way but sometimes he makes me feel like I'm the most annoying person in the world and that's what i'm doing, annoying him. I thought about it so many times, stopping all of this, but even when he disappears during two weeks because his phone broke I think about him. There's not one day without me thinking about him. My friends are starting to get sick of me talking about him. But I can't help it.

 

And now why am I explaining all of this, it's because I've been wanting to tell him everything I feel about this. I've been wanting to tell him I want to hear his voice and I'd like to either skype either phone call, and maybe the meeting thing is too early but at least make him understand i'm not indifferent to him. We both know we're attracted by the other but I have no clue if he has feelings for me or not. And it's tormenting me, I've been wanting to tell him when our conversation is back to normal because atm it's uninteresting and all. And I'd like to know what you think about that? I tried to ask my friends so many times but I have a hard time explaining my feelings and they don't understand I'm being serious about that. They're pessimistic about it since the beginning because he's an 'arse' and I know he is sometimes but he can't help it he doesn't' realise it. Do you think it's worth it? Do you think he'll freak out? One of my friend thinks he's a ****boi but he never really forced me to send any pictures and I know he doesn't really text with loads of girls, I know he has a well.. an active sexual life but there's no feelings, they're one night stands. I just don't know what to do. I'm confused and I feel unsure.

 

Thank you so much for reading all this! (If you have) Every opinion is accepted I'd already be shrilled if you considered helping me!

[Redhead14]

Hello! So I'll try to explain in the most simple way I can my current 'relationship'.

 

So first thing, I'm from Brussels and he's from England so the distance is annoying yes but it's not a huge problem, just gotta book Eurostar tickets and we'll see each other, but it's not that simple. We are not labeled as bf/gf yet or in anytime soon. He doesn't really care for relationships and mostly not for long distance one. But the thing we have is definitely not a friendship. We started talking in October 2014 so it's been around four months already, and it's always the same routine. Back and forth. During a week or so he opens up and it seems like maybe he could feel something but then he disappears during a few days, during a week and suddenly the conversation is awkward and not that interesting. Because of that we have never been able to skype/phone call. In fact we have never met but don't worry I'm not being catfished I know it's really him because he's already sent me live pics and we're friends on facebook. He is quite /very/ blunt and he often say well... hurtful/arsehole-like things without even noticing and I tell myself I should stop this but then he does or say something that makes me melt and I just can't. He's just so confusing, sometimes it seems like he enjoys talking to me, like there's a connection, we're being flirty and we always argue in a playful way but sometimes he makes me feel like I'm the most annoying person in the world and that's what i'm doing, annoying him. I thought about it so many times, stopping all of this, but even when he disappears during two weeks because his phone broke I think about him. There's not one day without me thinking about him. My friends are starting to get sick of me talking about him. But I can't help it.

 

And now why am I explaining all of this, it's because I've been wanting to tell him everything I feel about this. I've been wanting to tell him I want to hear his voice and I'd like to either skype either phone call, and maybe the meeting thing is too early but at least make him understand i'm not indifferent to him. We both know we're attracted by the other but I have no clue if he has feelings for me or not. And it's tormenting me, I've been wanting to tell him when our conversation is back to normal because atm it's uninteresting and all. And I'd like to know what you think about that? I tried to ask my friends so many times but I have a hard time explaining my feelings and they don't understand I'm being serious about that. They're pessimistic about it since the beginning because he's an 'arse' and I know he is sometimes but he can't help it he doesn't' realise it. Do you think it's worth it? Do you think he'll freak out? One of my friend thinks he's a fückboi but he never really forced me to send any pictures and I know he doesn't really text with loads of girls, I know he has a well.. an active sexual life but there's no feelings, they're one night stands. I just don't know what to do. I'm confused and I feel unsure.

 

Thank you so much for reading all this! (If you have) Every opinion is accepted I'd already be shrilled if you considered helping me!

 

"he often say well... hurtful/arsehole-like things without even noticing". He's abusive to you already . . .

 

He "disappears" on you for weeks at a time. He's already unreliable.

 

You feel unsure because you have a reason to be. How can you possibly be sure about someone you've never met in person, someone you know has an active sex life and one night stands.

 

1) "he makes me feel like I'm the most annoying person in the world and that's what i'm doing, annoying him". 2) "My friends are starting to get sick of me talking about him "

If your friends are also telling you they are sick of or annoyed over your talking about him, he probably is annoyed too because he's just "playing with you" and you are getting to needy, clingy, etc. and he doesn't want that kind of thing. He just wants to mess with your head because he is bored or lonely.

 

He's confusing to you because well, he's sending confusing, mixed messages to you. One minute he's an arsehole and the next time tells you things that make you melt.

 

Drop this situation like a bad habit or it will become a bad habit.

[sarahmonc22]

"he often say well... hurtful/arsehole-like things without even noticing". He's abusive to you already . . .

 

He "disappears" on you for weeks at a time. He's already unreliable.

 

You feel unsure because you have a reason to be. How can you possibly be sure about someone you've never met in person, someone you know has an active sex life and one night stands.

 

1) "he makes me feel like I'm the most annoying person in the world and that's what i'm doing, annoying him". 2) "My friends are starting to get sick of me talking about him "

If your friends are also telling you they are sick of or annoyed over your talking about him, he probably is annoyed too because he's just "playing with you" and you are getting to needy, clingy, etc. and he doesn't want that kind of thing. He just wants to mess with your head because he is bored or lonely.

 

He's confusing to you because well, he's sending confusing, mixed messages to you. One minute he's an arsehole and the next time tells you things that make you melt.

 

Drop this situation like a bad habit or it will become a bad habit.

Trust me I've tried everything to not seem cringy. And we've already joked about dating or being 'infatuated' by the other but I always make sure to not make him think I actually am infatuated by him.

 

he doesn't want that kind of thing. He just wants to mess with your head because he is bored or lonely. I thought about that so many times, so much I ended up confronting him about this. He had been ignoring me for a week so I just thought I was done this time but then he said 'hey' and I told him something like 'Mate if you're bore of talking to me tell me instead of ignoring me which is quite rude, it's not like it was a joy for me to talk to someone who doesn't care' and he said summin like he was just busy and sometimes he couldn't always answer and I told him again that if he didn't care that much to clearly tell me so we can move on and he was like 'I clearly hate you don't I' and he just continued talking and eventually it was back to normal. That's why I'm so confused, like I so don't wanna seem cringy but sometimes he just starts the convo like nothing had happened.

Thank you for helping me btw!

[Redhead14]

Trust me I've tried everything to not seem cringy. And we've already joked about dating or being 'infatuated' by the other but I always make sure to not make him think I actually am infatuated by him.

 

he doesn't want that kind of thing. He just wants to mess with your head because he is bored or lonely. I thought about that so many times, so much I ended up confronting him about this. He had been ignoring me for a week so I just thought I was done this time but then he said 'hey' and I told him something like 'Mate if you're bore of talking to me tell me instead of ignoring me which is quite rude, it's not like it was a joy for me to talk to someone who doesn't care' and he said summin like he was just busy and sometimes he couldn't always answer and I told him again that if he didn't care that much to clearly tell me so we can move on and he was like 'I clearly hate you don't I' and he just continued talking and eventually it was back to normal. That's why I'm so confused, like I so don't wanna seem cringy but sometimes he just starts the convo like nothing had happened.

Thank you for helping me btw!

 

There is no way for you to KNOW anything about this guy. He can type, that's all you really know. If you want to resolve this once and for all (and I strongly recommend that you don't do this), you're going to have to arrange a meeting with him somewhere public and find out in person what your gut tells you. If he wants you to pay for him to come to you, don't do it. If he's serious about meeting you, he will do what he needs to do and don't bring him to your home. And, don't let him pay for you to go there either. If you go there, don't go to his home for any reason!

 

You sound very young. Don't put yourself in a compromising position. Try as hard as you can to let this go and find someone in person who lives closer to you. Don't spend your emotions and time on a "ghost". You should be having fun in your life not dwelling on someone you don't really know. Focus on other good things in your life. Don't lose your friends over this. Go out and have fun with them.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, dear. How old are you?

 

This guy is not interested. He doesn't feel the same way you do, girl. It's not a relationship by any definition. You guys sometimes chat. That's it. I wouldn't even really classify it as a friendship, to be perfectly honest. He doesn't have any problem going a while without talking to you. Why? Hint: it's not because of a "broken" phone.

 

He can help being rude and making nasty comments. He chooses not to because he simply doesn't care how it makes you feel. You don't know anything about this guy other than what you see on Facebook. He won't even speak to you. Don't waste any more time with him. It's not going anywhere good, OP.

[katiegrl]

Sweetie I agree he is doing this NOT because he cares about you or even likes you ....but because he IS an asshat and he ENJOYS messing with your head AND emotions.

 

That's on him....but YOU are allowing him to treat you this way....by staying and continuing to tolerate his bull sh*t...and THAT my dear is on YOU.

 

This is all a big game to him ...your friends can see it, WE can see it ....YOU can't see it cause you have all these feelings for him that are not allowing you to see it...

 

Take off the rose-colored glasses .... and try to see this for what it actually IS, and not want you want it to be.

 

He's not into you, nor does it sound like he even respects you ....it's just a big game to him.

 

I am sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes being blunt is the only way to get through to someone who appears to be blind to the reality of a situation...as you appear to be here.

 

Please block him and delete him from all social media, your phone... AND your consciousness.

 

I am sorry, I know hearing this is gonna hurt, but you are only hurting yourself more by continuing with this fiasco....

 

Be strong and walk away!

 

((hugs))

[smackie9]

This guy has passive/aggressive behavior issues. He's only talks to you when he has nothing else better to do. When he does have things to do, he throw you to the side.

 

You need to push yourself away from the computer and get out and find, make or get some friends to have a life with. This internet thing is very unhealthy for you.

[sarahmonc22]

Yeah I understand, what you said is completely true. I just keep hoping it'll get better or idk some sh*t like that and I'm scared if i block him i'll regret it, and maybe if I had continued it would have changed for the better but I'm probably in denial. I know deep down he doesn't really care.

Yeah this was quite blunt hah, but i'm glad you said all this 'cause you're completely right and I was hoping it wasn't true but it sadly is. I just used the fact that I didn't see the point of wasting four months if he didn't care as an excuse but I guess he's that bored sometimes.

*hugs back*

[katiegrl]

Yeah I understand, what you said is completely true. I just keep hoping it'll get better or idk some sh*t like that and I'm scared if i block him i'll regret it, and maybe if I had continued it would have changed for the better but I'm probably in denial. I know deep down he doesn't really care.

Yeah this was quite blunt hah, but i'm glad you said all this 'cause you're completely right and I was hoping it wasn't true but it sadly is. I just used the fact that I didn't see the point of wasting four months if he didn't care as an excuse but I guess he's that bored sometimes.

*hugs back*

 

Oh sarah...so sorry this happened. But I'm glad you are at least beginning to realize how unhealthy and dysfunctional this situation is.

 

And if you weren't in Brussels ...and in southern Cali instead, I swear I'd invite you over for a beer and some laughs!

 

Wish you the best! It's what you deserve ...it's what we all deserve!

[sarahmonc22]

Oh, dear. How old are you?

 

This guy is not interested. He doesn't feel the same way you do, girl. It's not a relationship by any definition. You guys sometimes chat. That's it. I wouldn't even really classify it as a friendship, to be perfectly honest. He doesn't have any problem going a while without talking to you. Why? Hint: it's not because of a "broken" phone.

 

He can help being rude and making nasty comments. He chooses not to because he simply doesn't care how it makes you feel. You don't know anything about this guy other than what you see on Facebook. He won't even speak to you. Don't waste any more time with him. It's not going anywhere good, OP.

I'm 16 and he's 19.

Is it that noticeable that I have no experience in relationships? hah.

 

Yeah I guess, I mean I do know his phone was really broken because my message didn't deliver and apolagised and all but he could have contacted me elsewhere to tell me I guess. He's not always mean idk if I made it seem like it, half the time he's nice, I mean he has issues, and I'm not trying to find excuses, I know I should stop, I'm currently thinking about it and I probably will. It's just hard, because I keep thinking, 'what if it changes, 'what if I regret it later' I just... I'm too hopeful I guess.

[sarahmonc22]

Oh sarah...so sorry this happened. But I'm glad you are at least beginning to realize how unhealthy and dysfunctional this situation is.

 

And if you weren't in Brussels ...and in southern Cali instead, I swear I'd invite you over for a beer and some laughs!

 

Wish you the best! It's what you deserve ...it's what we all deserve!

And I'd gladly go and have some laughs wit you Katie!

 

Thank you babe I wish you the best too! xx

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm 16 and he's 19.

Is it that noticeable that I have no experience in relationships? hah.

 

Yeah I guess, I mean I do know his phone was really broken because my message didn't deliver and apolagised and all but he could have contacted me elsewhere to tell me I guess. He's not always mean idk if I made it seem like it, half the time he's nice, I mean he has issues, and I'm not trying to find excuses, I know I should stop, I'm currently thinking about it and I probably will. It's just hard, because I keep thinking, 'what if it changes, 'what if I regret it later' I just... I'm too hopeful I guess.

 

Oh, honey...you're so young. Don't let some dimwit you've never met bring you down. He isn't worth. Being nice half the time is not enough. You deserve to be treated with respect. Please don't waste any more time chatting with someone who isn't giving you the companionship and affection you deserve. He isn't interested and that should be all you need to know to cut ties.

[katiegrl]

And I'd gladly go and have some laughs wit you Katie!

 

Thank you babe I wish you the best too! xx

 

Haha...yeah at 16 ...too young for that beer I guess, huh. :)

[katiegrl]

Oh, honey...you're so young. Don't let some dimwit you've never met bring you down. He isn't worth. Being nice half the time is not enough. You deserve to be treated with respect. Please don't waste any more time chatting with someone who isn't giving you the companionship and affection you deserve. He isn't interested and that should be all you need to know to cut ties.

 

LOL @ dimwit. Haven't heard that word in a LONG time...great word!

[sarahmonc22]

Oh, honey...you're so young. Don't let some dimwit you've never met bring you down. He isn't worth. Being nice half the time is not enough. You deserve to be treated with respect. Please don't waste any more time chatting with someone who isn't giving you the companionship and affection you deserve. He isn't interested and that should be all you need to know to cut ties.

Yeah you're completely right, thanks xx

[sarahmonc22]

Haha...yeah at 16 ...too young for that beer I guess, huh. :)

Haha well if in American the drinking age is 21 yeah probably, but in Belgium 16 for beers is legal

[okc85]

Please PLEASE block him. I am telling you, as a former 16 yr old who fell in love with people from the internet (that I never met) you are setting yourself up for a really hard life.

 

I know we often don't listen to advice, I know it's part of the human condition. I know it's SO unlikely you will do the right thing, but I wish you would.

 

 

He's not into you. He likes messing with you when he's bored. He will never date you, he will never love you.

 

I'm sorry, but it's true. I've been there. A lot of people have been there. You are blinded by love, so you're making excuses for his horrible treatment of you.

 

 

 

End this, and meet boys in real life.

[sarahmonc22]

Please PLEASE block him. I am telling you, as a former 16 yr old who fell in love with people from the internet (that I never met) you are setting yourself up for a really hard life.

 

I know we often don't listen to advice, I know it's part of the human condition. I know it's SO unlikely you will do the right thing, but I wish you would.

 

 

He's not into you. He likes messing with you when he's bored. He will never date you, he will never love you.

 

I'm sorry, but it's true. I've been there. A lot of people have been there. You are blinded by love, so you're making excuses for his horrible treatment of you.

 

 

 

End this, and meet boys in real life.

I know, I doubt he'll ever love anyone, the poor lad thinks money buys you love. But as I said earlier when I had 'confronted' him he had also said 'Idk. I obviously don't just talk to you cuz I'm bored. Why all the questions?' but he was maybe just lying, that he was or not I know I gotta stop. And that's probably what I'm gonna do if the conversation doesn't get better like it usually does.

Thanks for helping though, and I know i'm young, I know he's not the 'one' but it's always hard.

[okc85]

It is hard, no matter what age you are. And you can always come back to this message board and post if you need some support. But I do hope you say goodbye to him and block him.

 

It's the best thing to do for yourself

[justwhoiam]

Hi Sarah, I read all you wrote in here so far.

 

the poor lad thinks money buys you love.

This statement makes me think he's not having one-night stands... he might pay for sex. You draw your conclusions.

 

I think you need to start showing less and less interest in him. Don't message/text him back right away. Wait a couple of days at least. And for every message you get from him. If he asks why you're not answering promptly anymore, just say: "I am busy" or "I have other things to do". If he asks for details, just say: "The topic is too boring, I don't feel like talking about that". Be active on FB and mind your own business. Don't make him a priority anymore. Show you have a rich life and he's just someone you talk to now and then.

[sarahmonc22]

Hey sorry for the late reply, I just ended up telling him. And I said I wanted to stop talking because of that. And he surprisingly 'rejected' me in a very nice way. He said that realisticly he didn't like me back, and he was quite surprised but he should have guessed from the 'dirty talk' we sometimes had cus I wouldn't have done it if I didn't like him, that if he had started talking with me at first was because he needed someone to talk to, but then he started being less at home and that's why he didn't always answered. That we indeed were probably never going to meet but maybe one day we'll pass by each other and won't recognise the other (his words ).And he said he completely understood where I was coming from and it was indeed best if I stopped talking to him and concentrated on building a real realtionship instead. But that it was up to me. So yeah I of course hadn't expected a 'i like you back' because if he did he would't stop talking for days. But I guess it showed us he kind of cared about my feelings for him? I think he mostly realised why I had acted the ways I acted and that he hurt me by disapearing like that. I told him a bit more than a month ago so I'm okay now, I cried just after we said our goodbyes for he whole night but I'm okay ha. I still think about him sometimes, or stuff that I remember he likes or that we talked about make me think of him but I'm fine. And I'm never ever talking to guys on internet again ha.