Me and my boss - !

[GoldieLox]

And when HR finds out, HE will more than likely lose his job and his ability, at least for a little while, his ability to support his family. YOU will lose the respect of everyone around you.

 

Depending on what type of company/organization you work for, there's a chance you could lose your job as well.

 

And if you don't lose your job, you're probably going to wish you did. Believe me on that one.

[jellybean89]

Wow I wasn't quite expecting such harsh comments back, the flirting is harmless, as im sure many of you have flirted harmlessly with someone other than your partner. I don't think the other women really notice as we are in a different office and like you all say everyone has a laugh and joke with each other so im just joining in.

 

I suppose I only wrote this to see people's thoughts, but actually my job is safe, I don't need to worry about that because they are all very pleased with the work ive done for the company so far, just because I have a schoolgirl crush doesn't mean I dont work hard and get the recognition for it.

 

Actually, no your job isn't "safe"....there is not one person in the world who isn't replaceable in the work place. Flirting with the boss is one sure fire way to get canned - like it or not. Doesn't matter if you people are pleased with your work - you've been there 6 freaking weeks and you are all up in the boss's lap and are making a spectacle of yourself -- trust me, the others in the office see what you are doing -- the giggling, the stopping by his office, bringing him tea...come on. At least be less obvious about it. If you don't think you can be fired, then that alone shows you aren't thinking very clearly. The company survived before you started, they will survive when you leave.

 

Additionally, it isn't "harmless" flirting. You are wanting to now if he "likes" you...how is that harmless? You are letting it be known your infatuation with him and there is no doubt in my mind that if you went to happy hour with him, after 1 drink, you would be all over him.

 

Stop playing this game. it isn't innocent and it isn't harmless. He isn't your knight in shining armor and if you have issues at home, that should be your focus, not your married-father-of-two boss.

[Akitax]

Why miserable?

 

Time to start being honest with yourself. Is it possible that you actually have developed real feelings for your boss?

 

And yes, not maybe, you should stop. You're not a teen. And by accepting his flirting and touching it's sending him a message that you are open to 'whatever' in the future. I'm sure it won't be long before he asks you to go for coffee or dinner/maybe lunch outside of work.

 

I will stop I don't want to be the laughing joke of the office or anything like that I just thought it was quite amusing at the time but obviously it isn't, im miserable because I feel like I have to deal with so much stress at home I earn the money I struggle to keep us in food and a warm house my boyfriend he tries but he isn't working and he's trying to come off methadone he was an idiot and tried heroin 4 years ago and it sucked him in and he was really addicted for a few months the only reason I stayed in the relationship was because he had already taken the relevant steps to get help before I found out.

 

Now I'm constantly worried he's going to go back to drugs, because things happen that trigger my worry all the time, im trying to support him coming off it but it's taking its toll on me and our relationship and has for a while now.

 

On Saturday I did our food shopping and parked my car on the grass outside our flat and then my neighbour threatened me for doing that, she started screaming and shouting and swearing even tho I apologised and said I wouldn't do it again she kept on and her two sons that live with her have been in jail previously for violent behaviour so that's got me worried and im scared in our own home.

 

I just feel really down because of it all, it feels like it's constant hassle work is like my escape

[Akitax]

What part of married, FATHER of two do you not understand? This isn't fun and games. This is real life with careers, marriage and children that will be effected if you continue.

 

You are on a slippery slope, my friend. Please make the mature decision to do the right thing here and avoid pain for everyone down the road...you, your boss, his wife and his children.

 

If he has an affair with you, trust me, your jovial coworkers will know within the day. They will turn onyou and life on the job won't be so fun anymore. And when HR finds out, HE will more than likely lose his job and his ability, at least for a little while, his ability to support his family. YOU will lose the respect of everyone around you.

 

You're not in love, you are playing with fire. You are infatuated. Run while you still can. Almost all of us on this website would give you the same advice. Please listen.

 

You are right, and I am listening and I will take it on board, I don't want this, I don't want any of what you just mentioned I don't even really want him it's just something that makes the day more interesting. But it's not worth the consequences and I didn't see that before so thank you x

[Akitax]

I would suggest that you read the "Did your A have repercussions in the workplace" thread, especially the post by Spark1111.

 

Thank you I will have a look at that x

[Akitax]

Actually, no your job isn't "safe"....there is not one person in the world who isn't replaceable in the work place. Flirting with the boss is one sure fire way to get canned - like it or not. Doesn't matter if you people are pleased with your work - you've been there 6 freaking weeks and you are all up in the boss's lap and are making a spectacle of yourself -- trust me, the others in the office see what you are doing -- the giggling, the stopping by his office, bringing him tea...come on. At least be less obvious about it. If you don't think you can be fired, then that alone shows you aren't thinking very clearly. The company survived before you started, they will survive when you leave.

 

Additionally, it isn't "harmless" flirting. You are wanting to now if he "likes" you...how is that harmless? You are letting it be known your infatuation with him and there is no doubt in my mind that if you went to happy hour with him, after 1 drink, you would be all over him.

 

Stop playing this game. it isn't innocent and it isn't harmless. He isn't your knight in shining armor and if you have issues at home, that should be your focus, not your married-father-of-two boss.

 

He laughs with all of them and they joke with him too, also if you make a drink you have to make him one too, they told me that when I first started. So hopefully I haven't ruined my reputation just yet and maybe I have time to stop it and salvage it while I still can.

[waterwoman]

You are right, and I am listening and I will take it on board, I don't want this, I don't want any of what you just mentioned I don't even really want him it's just something that makes the day more interesting. But it's not worth the consequences and I didn't see that before so thank you x

 

It is funny how we don't see the consequences. I was a BW (well I don't really fit that role any more as we are reconciled and doing well) but that was what brought me here 3 years ago. But many many years before (about 22) I was the OW in a workplace EA that ended up a bit of a mess. I thought it was all a bit of fun - just flirting, chatting and few work-events where we went off on long walks alone - the most intimate thing we did was hold hands! One morning he came into work looking flustered, dragged me off a quiet corner and told me he had left his GF and he was prepared to wait while I divorced my H. Well I didn't divorce my H, I left the job. But the month of notice I had to work out was one of the most difficult things I had ever had to endure. He kept stalking me and trying to get me alone. I didnt know what EAs were - now I recognise that was what it was but at the time I thought it was fairly innocent and harmless.

 

I sympathise regarding your main relationship - when I had me EA H's father had been diagnosed with cancer 6 months before and was basically emotionally AWOL. He would disappear off on drinking binges and not come back for days. He was supposed to be studying to be a teacher and was heading for a first - once dad was diagnosed he simply didn't go to lectures for days. He wouldn't talk to me or tell me what was happening in his life. I was basically keeping the house running, working full-time, doing everything whilst not sure if I still had a marriage or not. But the EA was not a solution in any way whatsoever.

[stillafool]

It's okay, thank you for being honest, maybe i should stop teasing him and winding him up and just get on with my work and not worry about what he's doing. It's stupid I know. I just feel so miserable right now

 

It sounds more like you are teasing and winding up your own self. It is not okay to flirt with married men especially your boss. How old are you?

[LifelongCheater]

If you continue to work there you two are definitely going to have an affair. If it's emotionally rewarding to both of you then go for it. You're not betraying anyone, he is. BTW, as a career cheater I can tell you by his approach to this that he's been there before. His nurturing of this relationship with you is textbook. I do that myself.

[Akitax]

It sounds more like you are teasing and winding up your own self. It is not okay to flirt with married men especially your boss. How old are you?

 

I'm 27. I've tried all day to avoid him, he's tried to make conversation but ive kept it about work mostly unless he was talking in general with me and another lady I work with, ive moved desks too it's just difficult I don't want to completely ignore him considering he is my boss and I must show respect, but all day he's been trying to banter with me, talk and laugh and joke and im trying not to after all the advice I have been given on here.

 

Your right maybe I am just teasing and winding myself up its probably just all in my head

[Akitax]

If you continue to work there you two are definitely going to have an affair. If it's emotionally rewarding to both of you then go for it. You're not betraying anyone, he is. BTW, as a career cheater I can tell you by his approach to this that he's been there before. His nurturing of this relationship with you is textbook. I do that myself.

 

Hi, what do you mean by his approach to this?

 

You think he's had an affair before?

 

What do you mean his nurturing? What do you do yourself?

 

Sorry for the many questions just trying to understand xx

[donnabella8]

Akitax,

 

It sounds to me like you have a tremendous amount of stress and angst in your personal life right now, and I can see how the crush and flirting with your boss became an escape for you.

 

I won't speak to the situation with your boss, as you've gotten tons of excellent advice from others.

 

I just wanted to comment on the situation with your boyfriend, and how you are handling it. It sounds to me like you are in the U.K., so forgive me if I'm not us the correct terms, but have you considered getting some support in how to deal with his addiction? Here in the U.S. we have programs called Nar-Anon, which is an offshoot of Narcotics Anonymous targeted to spouses/friends/family members of addicts. They can be incredibly helpful in learning how to deal with relationships with addicts.

 

While I know you are miserable with your situation at home, I see that you are realizing that entering into an affair with your boss is not the answer. I hope you seek help in coping and wish you well.

[Lovebug66]

I will stop I don't want to be the laughing joke of the office or anything like that I just thought it was quite amusing at the time but obviously it isn't, im miserable because I feel like I have to deal with so much stress at home I earn the money I struggle to keep us in food and a warm house my boyfriend he tries but he isn't working and he's trying to come off methadone he was an idiot and tried heroin 4 years ago and it sucked him in and he was really addicted for a few months the only reason I stayed in the relationship was because he had already taken the relevant steps to get help before I found out.

 

Now I'm constantly worried he's going to go back to drugs, because things happen that trigger my worry all the time, im trying to support him coming off it but it's taking its toll on me and our relationship and has for a while now.

 

On Saturday I did our food shopping and parked my car on the grass outside our flat and then my neighbour threatened me for doing that, she started screaming and shouting and swearing even tho I apologised and said I wouldn't do it again she kept on and her two sons that live with her have been in jail previously for violent behaviour so that's got me worried and im scared in our own home.

 

I just feel really down because of it all, it feels like it's constant hassle work is like my escape

 

Hi akitax,

Like Donna, the bolded really struck me. My H is a drug addict, he is in a 12 step program and I know a lot of others in the program including lots of people on or have been on methadone. My gut feeling is your bf is lying to you. I have rarely seen anyone on methadone for four years, the long time users either took heroin for years (like over 10) or were on the roller coaster between heroin and going back on methadone. Methadone also gets you high, it is not a blocker. It's possible he is addicted to that now. I can't tell you what it is, but there is more going on than you have been told.

 

Naranon is a great suggestion, you can also look up Alanon (for families of alcoholics) as they tend to have more meetings and you would be welcome there also. We aren't picky It has done me a world of good. It is not unusual at all for people going thru all this to have fantasies of others, escapism at its finest. But I have never heard anyone tell of a great outcome, just more problems being thrown into the mix. I think you get that now and I won't hammer you either. I do think you could really benefit in getting some help for yourself, you aren't doing you or your bf any good worrying, triggering etc. I wish you well.

[Chasing_mya]

Akitax, you seem to have an attraction to your boss. You are also engaging his behavior. He's flirting with you with little comments and body language. It's obvious that he's interested in you but knowing that he's married and you're in a relationship none of that should matter. You KNOW he's attracted to you, now what? What will you do with this new found knowledge? It will only push you to indulge in his antics even more. I know how this story will end sweety and its not good. You're going to find yourself in a full blown affair & end up regretting it because he's your boss and not someone you can easily evade if you want it to be over. If you're not interested in being involved with him than stop entertaining him. He's selling you a dream & you're buying it.

[Pinklotus]

I'm glad you are taking the advice seriously. I don't think anyone means to be harsh, but most of us have been there in one role or another and we are speaking from experience.

 

I would def. seek some help and support for what you are going through. Also, if your boyfriend is working or helping out much, you really do not want to jeopardize your job. And no job is truly safe, esp. where workplace affairs are concerned.

 

Maybe some of the others flirt or joke around, but once it begins taking hold of your mind and you are thinking about him and analyzing his actions, you are headed for trouble. It's like you're beginning to have feelings for him. End it now before you're in really trouble. Trust me, you are in the beginning stages of an affair, whether you know it or now. This is how they start. Learn the warning signs and take care of yourself!!!!!!!

 

Also please put yourself in the shoes of his wife and your boyfriend. If you were married, would you want someone like you flirting with him and encouraging him? Think about it. She's got two children and I'm sure her goal is to have a happy home life for them. Don't contribute to his children's unhappiness. Kids pick up on things, and if dad isn't focused on the family, they sense it. Don't go there!

 

 

I will stop I don't want to be the laughing joke of the

office or anything like that I just thought it was quite amusing at the time but obviously it isn't, im miserable because I feel like I have to deal with so much stress at home I earn the money I struggle to keep us in food and a warm house my boyfriend he tries but he isn't working and he's trying to come off methadone he was an idiot and tried heroin 4 years ago and it sucked him in and he was really addicted for a few months the only reason I stayed in the relationship was because he had already taken the relevant steps to get help before I found out.

 

Now I'm constantly worried he's going to go back to drugs, because things happen that trigger my worry all the time, im trying to support him coming off it but it's taking its toll on me and our relationship and has for a while now.

 

On Saturday I did our food shopping and parked my car on the grass outside our flat and then my neighbour threatened me for doing that, she started screaming and shouting and swearing even tho I apologised and said I wouldn't do it again she kept on and her two sons that live with her have been in jail previously for violent behaviour so that's got me worried and im scared in our own home.

 

I just feel really down because of it all, it feels like it's constant hassle work is like my escape

[Akitax]

Akitax,

 

It sounds to me like you have a tremendous amount of stress and angst in your personal life right now, and I can see how the crush and flirting with your boss became an escape for you.

 

I won't speak to the situation with your boss, as you've gotten tons of excellent advice from others.

 

I just wanted to comment on the situation with your boyfriend, and how you are handling it. It sounds to me like you are in the U.K., so forgive me if I'm not us the correct terms, but have you considered getting some support in how to deal with his addiction? Here in the U.S. we have programs called Nar-Anon, which is an offshoot of Narcotics Anonymous targeted to spouses/friends/family members of addicts. They can be incredibly helpful in learning how to deal with relationships with addicts.

 

While I know you are miserable with your situation at home, I see that you are realizing that entering into an affair with your boss is not the answer. I hope you seek help in coping and wish you well.

 

Donna thank you so much for your support it really made my day, I am

From the UK and have looked for help but was unable to find a support group nearby for family and friends. I tried online but people just kept telling he was probably back on drugs, and it just depressed me even more I was constantly accusing him because of what people on that website were saying I was more paranoid than I usually am!

[Akitax]

Hi akitax,

Like Donna, the bolded really struck me. My H is a drug addict, he is in a 12 step program and I know a lot of others in the program including lots of people on or have been on methadone. My gut feeling is your bf is lying to you. I have rarely seen anyone on methadone for four years, the long time users either took heroin for years (like over 10) or were on the roller coaster between heroin and going back on methadone. Methadone also gets you high, it is not a blocker. It's possible he is addicted to that now. I can't tell you what it is, but there is more going on than you have been told.

 

Naranon is a great suggestion, you can also look up Alanon (for families of alcoholics) as they tend to have more meetings and you would be welcome there also. We aren't picky It has done me a world of good. It is not unusual at all for people going thru all this to have fantasies of others, escapism at its finest. But I have never heard anyone tell of a great outcome, just more problems being thrown into the mix. I think you get that now and I won't hammer you either. I do think you could really benefit in getting some help for yourself, you aren't doing you or your bf any good worrying, triggering etc. I wish you well.

 

Hi, yeah he's scared to come off it because of the sickness but he's finally doin it I didn't push him to come off it tho over the years because it had to be his decision and now he finally is x

[Akitax]

Akitax, you seem to have an attraction to your boss. You are also engaging his behavior. He's flirting with you with little comments and body language. It's obvious that he's interested in you but knowing that he's married and you're in a relationship none of that should matter. You KNOW he's attracted to you, now what? What will you do with this new found knowledge? It will only push you to indulge in his antics even more. I know how this story will end sweety and its not good. You're going to find yourself in a full blown affair & end up regretting it because he's your boss and not someone you can easily evade if you want it to be over. If you're not interested in being involved with him than stop entertaining him. He's selling you a dream & you're buying it.

 

Hi The comments and advice on here have really hit home, I thought about it and no I do not want to find myself in a full blown affair, im kinda thinking all of the things he's doing now are all in my head and he doesn't actually like me he's just being friendly and then I think that I shouldn't be off with him cos its just nothing.

 

He's getting more friendly and I can't help but enjoy it but I'm trying not to react, I think he's being friendly just because that's who he is, he talks about his wife and kids infront of me, but he keeps asking my work colleagues different things about me like when ive booked holiday and altho he's the boss i don't work under him so what I do isn't really anything to do with him.

 

Also he comes over to help me with work and gets quite close but I'm sure he does that with others too, he asks for my help but I think that's because I'm quite good at what I do (don't mean to boast)

 

I tried to derail him by saying I thought one of the customers was gorgeous, he gave me a dirty look (but that could have been my imagination) he brought it up again today saying he was going to tell the customer I thought he was gorgeous. Then later he made some rude joke to me. I don't know what to think? He jokes with everyone else too!

[Akitax]

I'm glad you are taking the advice seriously. I don't think anyone means to be harsh, but most of us have been there in one role or another and we are speaking from experience.

 

I would def. seek some help and support for what you are going through. Also, if your boyfriend is working or helping out much, you really do not want to jeopardize your job. And no job is truly safe, esp. where workplace affairs are concerned.

 

Maybe some of the others flirt or joke around, but once it begins taking hold of your mind and you are thinking about him and analyzing his actions, you are headed for trouble. It's like you're beginning to have feelings for him. End it now before you're in really trouble. Trust me, you are in the beginning stages of an affair, whether you know it or now. This is how they start. Learn the warning signs and take care of yourself!!!!!!!

 

Also please put yourself in the shoes of his wife and your boyfriend. If you were married, would you want someone like you flirting with him and encouraging him? Think about it. She's got two children and I'm sure her goal is to have a happy home life for them. Don't contribute to his children's unhappiness. Kids pick up on things, and if dad isn't focused on the family, they sense it. Don't go there!

 

No I don't want that for his wife or children or my boyfriend at all! I'm starting to think he doesn't feel anything for me anyway and that I shouldn't be off or funny with him (see the post above)

 

I don't think there is anything to diffuse I think it was all in my head!

 

Is there a way people can private message on this website at all do you know? I could do with it x

[jen1447]

I really don't think it was all in your head hon. He does sound like an experienced player, so likely that's exactly what he was angling for. Sitting close to you and all that doesn't just happen by accident. Even talking about his family can be a bonding moment for other women bc he's showing you just what a great family man he is while still coming off as 'dangerous' since he's pushing the flirtation boundaries, which will only make you feel more instinctively impressed with him. Bad boy + solid guy is a pretty good aphrodisiac, and that's what's happened to you.

 

Sounds like you've decided you want nothing to do with it. If that's so, and you're resolute about that, you're on the path you need to be on by putting up a friendly wall. I have no doubt you do good work like you say, so as long as you keep that up and give him nothing else to retaliate on, you should be in good shape professionally.

[Akitax]

I really don't think it was all in your head hon. He does sound like an experienced player, so likely that's exactly what he was angling for. Sitting close to you and all that doesn't just happen by accident. Even talking about his family can be a bonding moment for other women bc he's showing you just what a great family man he is while still coming off as 'dangerous' since he's pushing the flirtation boundaries, which will only make you feel more instinctively impressed with him. Bad boy + solid guy is a pretty good aphrodisiac, and that's what's happened to you.

 

Sounds like you've decided you want nothing to do with it. If that's so, and you're resolute about that, you're on the path you need to be on by putting up a friendly wall. I have no doubt you do good work like you say, so as long as you keep that up and give him nothing else to retaliate on, you should be in good shape professionally.

 

Hi Jen,

 

Thanks for your comment, im not so sure he is really thinking like that, he's showed me loads of pics of his kids and his family but he also jokes around with the other girls too, im not sure about the eye contact and the feeling they get but I probably feel that because im crushing on him, they make rude jokes with him and I never do that because I'm new and still not sure.

 

the other day I was on the phone to my other half and he was listening into my convo then teased me about it for the rest of the day and the next day cos my boyfriend had done something silly and he thought it was funny.

 

But again, he's kinda like this with everyone he's always laughing and joking with everyone so I don't think it's just me, just on Friday he seemed to really want to keep the convo going in his office but it was just friendly, and yesterday I had to go to his office for my manager and then he tried to keep me talking but I cut him off and left because I was worried because of all the comments on here then I felt bad about it. So was a bit nicer to him but I guess I'm still playing games because I told him and my other co workers I thought a customer was good looking, he looked annoyed then teased me about it but that could have just been in my mind he probably doesn't feel annoyed just thinks it's funny to wind me up.

 

He asked me for my help a lot today but he was really stressed with work! But every time I send him an email he doesn't reply, today I made a joke at the end of one and then felt stupid afterwards. I didn't do it for flirtatious purposes I just wanted to have a laugh with him like everyone else and ive convinced myself he doesn't think anything of it plus I don't want him to think I'm moody cos I don't joke like the others!

 

I do like him though im trying not too I just can't help liking him

[jen1447]

Really hon, when we feel that connection, it's mutual. If all you were doing was crushing on him one-sided, you wouldn't feel a communication spark. You'd probably just feel embarrassed by the lack of reciprocation. But you feel excited, because you're getting something back from him. It's completely natural. People crush all the time.

 

I have what could be a productive suggestion - take what he's giving you and use it for good. He's showing you that you're an attractive, desirable woman. Go around with that swagger in your hips! Own it. Don't run off and have an affir with him, but take pride in the effect you have on people, and maybe even translate some of that new found power and confidence into the bedroom with your BF.

[Akitax]

Really hon, when we feel that connection, it's mutual. If all you were doing was crushing on him one-sided, you wouldn't feel a communication spark. You'd probably just feel embarrassed by the lack of reciprocation. But you feel excited, because you're getting something back from him. It's completely natural. People crush all the time.

 

I have what could be a productive suggestion - take what he's giving you and use it for good. He's showing you that you're an attractive, desirable woman. Go around with that swagger in your hips! Own it. Don't run off and have an affir with him, but take pride in the effect you have on people, and maybe even translate some of that new found power and confidence into the bedroom with your BF.

 

He reciprocates everyone tho not just me but because I like him I see it as more as flirting or something. I doubt we will have an affair I can't even see how it would even happen I would never make a move and neither would he I don't think.

 

I try to put the confidence I have into play but I'm

Not the skinniest of girls im not huge but not skinny either so I don't feel all that confident x

[jen1447]

Don't be silly, that man finds you hot. Some va-va-voom can really appeal.

 

Ok, describe the things about yourself you like best for me. (Doesn't have to be all physical. Sounds like you have a good sense of humor forex.)

[Akitax]

Don't be silly, that man finds you hot. Some va-va-voom can really appeal.

 

Ok, describe the things about yourself you like best for me. (Doesn't have to be all physical. Sounds like you have a good sense of humor forex.)

 

His wife is stunning, some of her features are like mine but she's obviously older than me, she's skinny too, so I think she is beautiful and I would love to look like her!

 

Um, my eyes are ok, I know I have a pretty good sense of humour but that's about it lol been showing him (not just him but everyone) my sense of humour a bit more at work these last few weeks, now I feel settled in, im being more myself and usually have him and all of them laughing a lot x