Author Akitax Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Is there a way to private message someone on this website? I'm nervous to write everything he does down on here! :-/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 I don't know if it's just me but like today he asked for my help with something I was stood right next to him helping him im concentrating on what his showing me but in the corner of my eye I could see him keep looking at me but I just looked down and didn't make eye contact. He's prob just being friendly but I can't tell :-/ I don't wanna be funny with him at all I do like him Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Is there a way to private message someone on this website? I'm nervous to write everything he does down on here! :-/ It looks like the site limits private messaging to longer-term members hon. You can read about it in the FAQ. (Maybe we can figure sth else out. ) Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Um, my eyes are ok, I know I have a pretty good sense of humour but that's about it lol been showing him (not just him but everyone) my sense of humour a bit more at work these last few weeks, now I feel settled in, im being more myself and usually have him and all of them laughing a lot x Everyone loves pretty eyes. Do you use them on anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 It appears you were looking for some kind of validation or encouragement, that you wanted us to agree guy really does liiiiiike you, but there's nothing in your posts to suggest he's genuinely interested or treats you differently from anyone else. Go seek out a man who's single, interested, and (most importantly) can't get you fired. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 If his behavior bothers you, it could be because he is acting inappropriately. He is your boss, not your friend or your relationship partner. Keep your boundaries firm and take pride in that you are better than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 It looks like the site limits private messaging to longer-term members hon. You can read about it in the FAQ. (Maybe we can figure sth else out. ) Yeah I would like that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 It appears you were looking for some kind of validation or encouragement, that you wanted us to agree guy really does liiiiiike you, but there's nothing in your posts to suggest he's genuinely interested or treats you differently from anyone else. Go seek out a man who's single, interested, and (most importantly) can't get you fired. Thanks for your comment but no im not looking for you to say he likes me he clearly does not but thanks anyway. I know that now from the many other comments and if you read what I already posted you would know my Intentions Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 If his behavior bothers you, it could be because he is acting inappropriately. He is your boss, not your friend or your relationship partner. Keep your boundaries firm and take pride in that you are better than this. It doesn't bother me but from the comments it probably should. hes probably just really friendly person and I let my imagination run wild cos of a silly crush Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 It is funny how we don't see the consequences. I was a BW (well I don't really fit that role any more as we are reconciled and doing well) but that was what brought me here 3 years ago. But many many years before (about 22) I was the OW in a workplace EA that ended up a bit of a mess. I thought it was all a bit of fun - just flirting, chatting and few work-events where we went off on long walks alone - the most intimate thing we did was hold hands! One morning he came into work looking flustered, dragged me off a quiet corner and told me he had left his GF and he was prepared to wait while I divorced my H. Well I didn't divorce my H, I left the job. But the month of notice I had to work out was one of the most difficult things I had ever had to endure. He kept stalking me and trying to get me alone. I didnt know what EAs were - now I recognise that was what it was but at the time I thought it was fairly innocent and harmless. I sympathise regarding your main relationship - when I had me EA H's father had been diagnosed with cancer 6 months before and was basically emotionally AWOL. He would disappear off on drinking binges and not come back for days. He was supposed to be studying to be a teacher and was heading for a first - once dad was diagnosed he simply didn't go to lectures for days. He wouldn't talk to me or tell me what was happening in his life. I was basically keeping the house running, working full-time, doing everything whilst not sure if I still had a marriage or not. But the EA was not a solution in any way whatsoever. Wow thank you so much for sharing your story with me, I am so sorry for your loss of your father in law, I hope things worked out for u in the end! Everyone deserves to be happy and while I may lose the fights I have not lost the war with my other half and will continue fighting I can see that an affair isn't the answer in anyway and to be honest now I look at it I don't even think it was ever on the cards with my boss, or with anyone, I think I am crushing on him and that's caused me to think the way I am and post this original post I guess I was just curious but the advice has made me realise x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Thanks akitax. FIL died about 1 year after and our first child was born 6 months later. That time did so much damage to our relationship that we are only now working through it - since I found out about H's own short A in 2012. For years we carried big bundles of resentment about. For me it was about his behaviour and neglect of me while I was pregnant and our eldest child was small, and I used the secret memories of my own EA to ease my self-esteem. He resented me for not supporting him enough before and after FIL's death (I probably didn't TBH although I did try) and that impacted on the dynamics of the entire family - he thought the kids and I were united against him as the years went by but that only happened, as far as it did, because he was distant. A big snarly mess. I can see exactly how you feel about your boss. it seems fun and uncomplicated but the truth is it might end up being anything but. Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
MrDrama Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 He is married and you are in a relationship. You just wrote a essay about this guy, stay away do your'e job. Sorry if that is harsh it is what is is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 He is married and you are in a relationship. You just wrote a essay about this guy, stay away do your'e job. Sorry if that is harsh it is what is is. How can I stay away when he's always there, talking, laughing etc what am I supposed to do I can't just point blank ignore him Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 How can I stay away when he's always there, talking, laughing etc what am I supposed to do I can't just point blank ignore him All you have to do is stop acting like a love lust puppy around him. It's fine to joke around and all but keep it perspective. You're having a profound reaction to him and that's not right. He's your boss and he's married. You know better so fight the internal feelings that you have for him. Remember most of all you're there to work and do a job which you're being paid for, not there to flirt, have fun times with your boss. You have more control over yourself and how you react. You can push thoughts of him OUT of your head, you can focus on your boyfriend and fix thing with him instead of using that as an excuse to open your heart to your MM boss. My previous job, I had a good boss, he was funny and interacted with all his employees on a personal level but he never EVER touched or cozied up with anybody, nor did he send flirtatous texts. He had boundaries and so did the rest of us. Your boss is crossing personal lines and you're allowing it, you can stop it at any time and put boundaries up for your own sake. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 All you have to do is stop acting like a love lust puppy around him. It's fine to joke around and all but keep it perspective. You're having a profound reaction to him and that's not right. He's your boss and he's married. You know better so fight the internal feelings that you have for him. Remember most of all you're there to work and do a job which you're being paid for, not there to flirt, have fun times with your boss. You have more control over yourself and how you react. You can push thoughts of him OUT of your head, you can focus on your boyfriend and fix thing with him instead of using that as an excuse to open your heart to your MM boss. My previous job, I had a good boss, he was funny and interacted with all his employees on a personal level but he never EVER touched or cozied up with anybody, nor did he send flirtatous texts. He had boundaries and so did the rest of us. Your boss is crossing personal lines and you're allowing it, you can stop it at any time and put boundaries up for your own sake. Hi, I am trying to do what you have said to do, but he's not really crossing any lines is he? It's me not him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 This is getting difficult today he winked at me and called me love ive only been here an hour! Link to post Share on other sites
Majormisstep Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Brush it off Akitax. He is amping up the chase. Please don't fall for his actions. Would it hold the same attraction if he winked and called every female love? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Brush it off Akitax. He is amping up the chase. Please don't fall for his actions. Would it hold the same attraction if he winked and called every female love? No not at all, I don't like this, now he's doing that when he acts differently even though it's friendly still im wondering why it's just friendly now when it seemed more earlier I don't even want to think like that or feel affected by it! I'm trying to brush it off I really am any advice!? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Hi, I am trying to do what you have said to do, but he's not really crossing any lines is he? It's me not him Then hold yourself accountable and have high standards. Stop crossing lines and fantasizing about him. Get busy with women friends, do hobbies outside of work, and while at work don't get so caught up in the heat of the moment when he speaks to you or jokes around. Try your best NOT to feel so deeply and think of him in 'that' way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 This is getting difficult today he winked at me and called me love ive only been here an hour! See you are sending him mixed messages. Flirty and eye contact, allowing to stand close to you etc..etc.. I will say, let it roll off your back, and stop trying to figure what he is thinking and feeling. All that does is make you obsess and focus on him. Don't be so aware of him when he's around. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I have a feeling that all the "don't" advice for Ms. Akitax is mainly just stoking the fire and promoting that delicious feeling of sexual surrender and inevitability .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Then hold yourself accountable and have high standards. Stop crossing lines and fantasizing about him. Get busy with women friends, do hobbies outside of work, and while at work don't get so caught up in the heat of the moment when he speaks to you or jokes around. Try your best NOT to feel so deeply and think of him in 'that' way. I read somewhere it's normal for woman to fantasize but I am trying not to I really am I don't wanna feel this way Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 I have a feeling that all the "don't" advice for Ms. Akitax is mainly just stoking the fire and promoting that delicious feeling of sexual surrender and inevitability .... It's not Jen im not even sure what you mean by that I just wanted some advice that's all sorry if it comes across in a bad way Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 See you are sending him mixed messages. Flirty and eye contact, allowing to stand close to you etc..etc.. I will say, let it roll off your back, and stop trying to figure what he is thinking and feeling. All that does is make you obsess and focus on him. Don't be so aware of him when he's around. I'm not sending him messages I don't even address him when he's around unless I have to about work, he addresses me I don't, I don't think I'm sending him any messages I don't think! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 I must ask and this is a legit question not meant to be rude in any way shape or form and I apologize if it seems that way but... Are you not used to basic male attention? The only reason his attention is so exciting is because he is married. Plenty of women younger and older than you would laugh off his flirting. It's not new for a man to flirt with women. Women who are used to this type of behavior by men rarely get so caught up by it which is why I am asking if you are used to it... Hi, thanks for commenting, um I am used to it from many men I am not remotely interested in but unfortunatly I feel curious by him makes it worse. Link to post Share on other sites
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