Tired of bread crumbs [updated]

[elaine567]

YOU are the OW, you are HIS support system, you are there to be caring and to listen to him.

YOUR problems?

Er...no.

 

As he said, your negativity is bringing him down, and that would never do. He has a wife for that...

[MissBee]

So are you gonna see him later?

[Dela]

this is good. as long ss this keeps happening, him being a jerk, it will give u the power to end it woth no regrets. there s so much a woman can take, but when it s enough it s enough.

 

hugs

[Lovemesomehim]

Why are you upset? You are in an affair with a mm. He's not seeking an ap to discuss her issues with. This affair is all about HIM.

[mysterywoman]

Why are you upset? You are in an affair with a mm. He's not seeking an ap to discuss her issues with. This affair is all about HIM.

 

 

 

 

Yes that is EXACTLY how it is in all I think. It's all about him, sad to say. I'm just realizing it in my own coming out of my fog...

[HtotheN]

So I can't really complain if I'm going to put up with it but as each day goes by I feel myself getting more and more fed up.

 

I'm not feeling so great concerning my job. I voice this to MM. Keep in mind, when HE wants to vent about his job or any other BS he chooses to complain about, I listen, offer support and try to make him feel better. Do you know what this selfish jerk says to me?

 

"When I see you later, you better be positive. I really can't take any of your negativity today. I already have enough of my own".

 

I wanted to burst into tears but instead I choked them down and told him I had to go. He was annoyed that I ended the convo and had to go but I hung up anyway.

 

Do I just have unreasonable expectations? I didn't want him to fix it. I really just wanted him to listen.

 

Jerk. :/

 

So the next time he starts to vent, tell him the same damn thing he told you. There were certain issues in my A that I was not happy with but we were always there for each other to listen and give advice. If it's just one-sided, it's not worth the trouble and risk. There are 2 people in your A not 1, after all. What a self-centered jerk.

[cocorico]

So I can't really complain if I'm going to put up with it but as each day goes by I feel myself getting more and more fed up.

 

I'm not feeling so great concerning my job. I voice this to MM. Keep in mind, when HE wants to vent about his job or any other BS he chooses to complain about, I listen, offer support and try to make him feel better. Do you know what this selfish jerk says to me?

 

"When I see you later, you better be positive. I really can't take any of your negativity today. I already have enough of my own".

 

I wanted to burst into tears but instead I choked them down and told him I had to go. He was annoyed that I ended the convo and had to go but I hung up anyway.

 

Do I just have unreasonable expectations? I didn't want him to fix it. I really just wanted him to listen.

 

Jerk. :/

 

This is not a reciprocal relationship. It's about you servicing his needs.

[cocorico]

Why are you upset? You are in an affair with a mm. He's not seeking an ap to discuss her issues with. This affair is all about HIM.

 

In this particular case, yes. It is not a requirement that all As be like that. This guy is not looking for a R, but for a nurse.

[ladydesigner]

So I can't really complain if I'm going to put up with it but as each day goes by I feel myself getting more and more fed up.

 

I'm not feeling so great concerning my job. I voice this to MM. Keep in mind, when HE wants to vent about his job or any other BS he chooses to complain about, I listen, offer support and try to make him feel better. Do you know what this selfish jerk says to me?

 

"When I see you later, you better be positive. I really can't take any of your negativity today. I already have enough of my own".

 

I wanted to burst into tears but instead I choked them down and told him I had to go. He was annoyed that I ended the convo and had to go but I hung up anyway.

 

Do I just have unreasonable expectations? I didn't want him to fix it. I really just wanted him to listen.

 

Jerk. :/

 

 

I'm sorry but your MM sounds just like my WH. God forbid anyone discuss their issues, HIS are the most important duh

 

Sounds like he may have a little bit of a narcissistic trait.

[Ifalltopieces]

I'm sorry but your MM sounds just like my WH. God forbid anyone discuss their issues, HIS are the most important duh

 

Sounds like he may have a little bit of a narcissistic trait.

 

 

I'm no psychologist, but I agree about the narcissism.

I often wonder if he is a sociopath? Who can lie so much, invent fake things AND sleep like a baby at night? I'll tell you who, a MONSTER!!

[Ifalltopieces]

From what I can tell on the message boards, It sounds like most OW have caring, understanding AP. I want to know if I'm the only one that has an AP who is a complete pathological liar and a**?!

 

You can read my stories on the boards...countless posts of how much he hurts me and manipulates me.

 

But it goes further. It's the lies. He INVENTS things that are not happening. At the beginning he faked that he was moving into his own place. He actually took pics of a house and told me a date and time he was suppose to sign his lease. You can imagine my heart break and shock when I drove by the house and saw kids bikes outside. It was all a lie. I initiated NC and honestly I can't even tell you how I was sucked back in.

 

Now he is trying to convince me that his house is for sale. He claims once the house sells he and his spouse will be going seperate ways. The house has been "on the market" for almost 9 mos, no sign in the yard because he claims that the realtor just never brought it. He claims he has a guy interested in it but before he will make an offer the guy wanted it inspected. Then the guy made a list of all the things he wanted fixed. Supposedly MM has been fixing things. Now that everything is "fixed" MM says the realtor is trying to contact the guy who "wanted to make an offer" and he is waiting to hear back. Now, keep in mind. This is the SECOND realtor he has "dealt with" because the last one just jerked him around, so he "says". I mean, what is he really doing? Eventually all of his lies are going to catch up. He must know that it's all going to come crashing down.

 

Oh and as if that wasn't enough. He told me they are divorced. Only guess what? The court has no copy of the paperwork. It's not even on their public website. He did try one time to show me his divorce paperwork but he signed the judges signature himself and I caught it. Again, I went NC and went back.

 

This has to end.

 

Has anybody experienced this? Oh and this isn't even all of it. I would be here all night if I told you everything stupid stupid stupid

[Dela]

sweetie, if you know all this, why don t u just break it??? i realy feel for u and i read every thread. why ru taking this??

 

i m not trying to say that my MM was an amazing person, but he never ever mistreated me. i would have kicked his ass in a second. u just don t do that to a woman. that just says a lot about him.

 

our realtionship looked like a normal one. chatting, having all sorts of conversations, he would surprise me by coming to spend few nights over, flowers, chocolates, massages, cooking dinner/breakfast for me, listening to all my blah blah, telling me to study/sleep/eat, taking me out to dinner or walks (we always walked holding hands) etc. until the very last day of our A he was like this. i can see now why it s been so hard to let him go and why i miss him so much. but yet i did. besides being a wonderful man TO ME, he is married!!!

 

this is how any man should be. no matter if it s an A or relationship or marriage. this is how a man should be with a woman. being rude, disrespectful. lying and all that he s doing to u it just shows what an ass he is. why would u want a man like this? is there a moment when u re happy? what do u get from him that u couldn t get from another man?

 

please consider to let him go. he is not worth it and u know it.

 

hug

[loveboid]

Stay away from this guy! Go no contact!!!! Stop taking his calls, stop answering the door, stop stop stop!

 

These are all red flags.

[GoldieLox]

Sigh. This is a complicated question to answer, so I'll try and simplify it. My xAP's behavior came off as cool and uncaring a lot of the time. Sometimes he was so attentive and caring, and other times he was detached. However, he was never rude or downright mean. It was more of a push/pull cycle. I didn't understand why the behavior was occurring then... I do now. A lot came out AFTER the end of the A. He was always honest with me. No future faking or any of that crap.

 

I have read your threads and agree that this guy sounds like a real tool. He's playing you like a symphony.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

If his house is for sale with a realtor it will have a listing number which you could search. Google your area and MLS listings. Otherwise just run and don't look back. You can't possibly be in love with this jerk, you must be in love with your idea of him. And check out my tag line! Good luck.

[Josmatjes]

Holy crap! He sounds nuts! You have got to stay away from him. My god, his poor wife also. At this point why on gods green planet would you ever...EVER ... Consider being with him.....

 

You are so much better than this...

[Ifalltopieces]

Everyone of you is SO RIGHT!!!!

 

Wanna laugh?

 

MM and I just had a casual convo about liars. One of the people he works with is constantly lying about stupid stuff. MM says how he can't stand liars and blah blah blah. On one hand I'm STUNNED!!! The ODASSITY! On the other I'm interested to really know what the he** goes on in his mind.

 

See, I used this as an open door. A door to say how I felt about liars. I told him that anyone who would intentionally and maliciously lie to deceive another person was the true definition of evil. He agreed!!! Little did he know I was meaning HIM!!

 

I'm pulling away. Detaching. And he knows it. He asked me tonight! If I was getting bored. Oh no honey not bored...more like getting wiser, smarter and stronger. It's just a matter of time before I curb check him he won't even see it coming.

 

Thank you for the ecouragment. You have no idea how this has helped me see how warped I have become.

[Dela]

so glad to hear. i hope u end it soon. i know it s a long process, it took me around 2 months to actually do it, but that s because i had final exams and i didn t wanna be depressed that time. then i took a vacation and i got more relaxed and came back and ended it.

 

u really need some alone time (6-7 days) away from him and u will see the difference. u will feel peace in ur mind and u can think better.

 

hope u will make the right decision and soon. he is really starting to piss me off (lol) so i can imagine how pissed off u are by actually being in the situation.

 

hugs

[Ifalltopieces]

Thanks Dela!!!

 

Your a psychologist, is he crazy? I mean really crazy? I used to think I was losing...now I'm starting to see things different.

 

I hope your having a good day today

 

Head up and carry on

[Dela]

Thanks Dela!!!

 

Your a psychologist, is he crazy? I mean really crazy? I used to think I was losing...now I'm starting to see things different.

 

I hope your having a good day today

 

Head up and carry on

 

 

Let s not label him, lol. i don t do that ) but he has some problems, yes.

his lying might just be his way to keep u around (as they all do). he saw that this way is working and u are responding, so he keeps doing it.

as well as making u feel guilty about ur feelings, not listening to u and so on.

to me, he seems very careless. he is also disrespectful and rude (that s in his personality)

u allowed him to be like this for a long time. men are like babies, u have to educate them the way u want to have them

 

can u tell me one thing that makes u happy in this A?

[Ifalltopieces]

Let s not label him, lol. i don t do that ) but he has some problems, yes.

his lying might just be his way to keep u around (as they all do). he saw that this way is working and u are responding, so he keeps doing it.

as well as making u feel guilty about ur feelings, not listening to u and so on.

to me, he seems very careless. he is also disrespectful and rude (that s in his personality)

u allowed him to be like this for a long time. men are like babies, u have to educate them the way u want to have them

 

can u tell me one thing that makes u happy in this A?

 

Yes I have helped mold him into what he is! But why keep the lies doing when eventually it's going to all come out?

 

And to answer your question, I don't know what makes me happy anymore. Now a days I'm just happy when we aren't in some bitter fight about something I'm not doing right.

 

That's pretty sad.

[GoldieLox]

As far as detachment goes, I can tell you that it will be a lot easier if you just rip the band-aid off and end it cut and dry. Don't slowly detach... that's dragging out the process and giving unnecessary time for emotions to linger and for you to second guess yourself.

[Dela]

As far as detachment goes, I can tell you that it will be a lot easier if you just rip the band-aid off and end it cut and dry. Don't slowly detach... that's dragging out the process and giving unnecessary time for emotions to linger and for you to second guess yourself.

 

 

I agree. I tried it and it didn't t work. NC is the best choice. U can t unlove someone by seeing him or talk everyday. U just have to free yourself in the painful way... There s no easy way out.

[still_an_Angel]

From what I can tell on the message boards, It sounds like most OW have caring, understanding AP. I want to know if I'm the only one that has an AP who is a complete pathological liar and a**?!

 

Not my MM but my stbxh!

Took me 11 years to get out of it, and I'm not even D yet because he is refusing and contesting it, he has sweetly promised he will drag it out for as long as he can, he knows I cannot afford to hire a lawyer

 

 

MM can be generous to a fault and he has never future faked with me, I appreciate that.

[the_artist_1970]

Everyone of you is SO RIGHT!!!!

 

Wanna laugh?

 

MM and I just had a casual convo about liars. One of the people he works with is constantly lying about stupid stuff. MM says how he can't stand liars and blah blah blah. On one hand I'm STUNNED!!! The ODASSITY! On the other I'm interested to really know what the he** goes on in his mind.

 

See, I used this as an open door. A door to say how I felt about liars. I told him that anyone who would intentionally and maliciously lie to deceive another person was the true definition of evil. He agreed!!! Little did he know I was meaning HIM!!

 

I'm pulling away. Detaching. And he knows it. He asked me tonight! If I was getting bored. Oh no honey not bored...more like getting wiser, smarter and stronger. It's just a matter of time before I curb check him he won't even see it coming.

 

Thank you for the ecouragment. You have no idea how this has helped me see how warped I have become.

 

So, I have a question for you. If MM's wife called you and asked you if you were sleeping with her H, would you lie or tell her the honest truth. Also, do you tell the ppl in your life that your boyfriend is married? Remember, that both parties in an A are liars on some level. You have to lie to partake in being a part of a hidden relationship.