Tired of bread crumbs [updated]

[Ifalltopieces]

He keeps calling because he is a LUNATIC. He sounds unbalanced to me.

 

He very well might be a lunatic....

 

I guess I should be thankful I can move on.

[goodyblue]

I don't know if he is a lunatic but I will say this, nobody should yell like that at you. You are neither deaf nor dumb and you have a right to demand some semblance of a normal conversation at least.

 

I think you did the right thing by not accepting his abuse. Hang in there. It's not easy.

[unluckycharms]

Before I went NC he yelled and screamed at me, told me he was tired of having to beg me for attention. Told me if I didn't change my ways he would end it. At first I started arguing back but it got me nowhere. It was all just my fault like always.when he told me he was done if I didn't change I told him ok and he didn't like that answer. Then he started yelling bad in the midst of yelling be hung up. I called back and he kept on then he said fine I'm done. So I said ok me too and hung up. Then I sent the NC letter I had wrote a few days ago and I sent it. He messaged back and told me thanks for fighting for him and thanks for proving to him what he knew was true. Then he started calling me. He left me the message blaming me for everything and then he called 7 more times. I feel like he is the one that ended it I wanted to be the one to reclaim my life and dignity. I feel like I lost. What is wrong with me?

 

Why would he keep calling me? i don't wanna care anymore.

 

I would guess he is calling because he wants to think that he still has control over you or is stressed out and wants to take his anger out on someone. He sounds really unhinged and abusive. I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling and going through right now and I just keep thinking that in a year I can be away from this person and forget he ever happened to me. When I really, really feel like giving up on life and a year seems too daunting I tell myself to try to make it to the end of the week.

 

Stay strong. You can do it. You're 100x the person he is and that's why he tries to cut you down.

Edited September 28, 2015 by unluckycharms

[1wittyjaguar]

Please post on LS instead of entertaining braking no contact! You are the reason I signed up... He is killing whatever tiny spirit you have left ... My heart just hurts reading how little power or control you feel you possess. Have you gotten into IC? This is def-con 5 for you!

[Ifalltopieces]

I'm a fool. I text him. He texted back shockingly and basically the whole convo was pointing out all my flaws, at one point he even told me that he can't trust me which is ironic because I didn't lie or decieve like he did.

 

I ended it with goodnight and I typed out something way more positive than my non contact text. I basically said that I hoped he found happiness and I was sorry things ended the way they did. I told him I did love him and I was looking forward to a new start.

 

He didn't respond.

 

I had the upper hand for a while. Now I just look like a weak, fool. I need to regain my power and I don't know how.

 

Please don't tell me I shouldn't have text; I know this and I wish I could take it back. I was trying to be the better person and have some positive closure.

 

I don't have the capability of ****ting all over someone and sleeping like a baby at night. I'm not that kind of person.

 

How can I get my power back? Is it too late? I don't want him to think he won.

[whatatangledweb]

You get your power back by blocking his calls and texts. You get it back by not allowing him to keep verbally abusing you. Block everyway he can contact you. Change your email address if you need to. When he tries to contact you then he will know that you ended it for good.

[goodyblue]

Here is how you get your power back... when he texts, send back hahaha. No matter what he says, send that. If he calls? Laugh. Just laugh like you don't care. Let him be the upset one.

 

The last thing to do is believe it. See the ridiculousness of him and laugh. He can't trust you??? It IS LAUGHABLE. You don't have to regain your power, it never left you. You are in control of exactly what you should be: yourself! Be strong. You don't deserve this sh*t sandwich he is trying to feed you. Tell him he looks foolish and take a step forward. No steps back. Xx

 

It may seem a little childish, what I have suggested but it helps. He doesn't control you, you do.

Edited September 28, 2015 by goodyblue

[Dutchman1]

Dear Ifalltopieces,

 

It feels to me that you never lost your dignity or honor.

I think your AP did.

Reading your threads convinced me that you genuine loved that man.

For being a woman with power, wel there you maybe made a honest mistake in your confidence.

Feeling and being in love is a great feeling so no blame for that of course.

 

You did already start reclaiming your power. So proud.

 

Now comes a difficult time, but to be the YOU that you once knew and want to become again, it's all now on willpower and the confidence in your future.

You and only you are in charge. You luckily made your choice.

 

You feel that you're nobody's nr 2, the mistress waiting for leftovers.

 

I'm glad that you are not one of the sorry lady's, we read about.

 

Hang in there, you'll be some nice man's nr 1, not to be shared ever again.

 

I'll keep reading, the flag is from the attic, you give the go ahead to hoist it.

 

Dutchman 1

Edited September 28, 2015 by Dutchman1
Spelling

[Ifalltopieces]

He did text back. He told me all the awful things I said about him in my initial NC letter. Let me clarify that my NC was not rude or nasty; I simply pointed out to him how much he has hurt me, how awful and worthless I felt and I pointed out all of the things I know he lied about and there was a ton. I told him that when I start feeling sad I will remind myself what it would be like to be married to him.

 

He basically said that I said all those nasty things. He told me to

Go read what I wrote. So I did. And I meant everything.

 

I didn't respond and I won't.

 

Is this a game?

[Dutchman1]

Dear Ifallttopieces,

 

Disconnect your PC, have your phone take a hot bath.( before you do ring some friends and go for dinner and a few pints.

 

Do not answer, no way. I'll fight this with you 12000 km away if you let me.

I know you are in pain. Set yourself free.

 

Hang in there, the force and Dutchman are with you.

 

Dutchman 1

[eye of the storm]

It is a game to him. It is real life to you.

 

Block every access point. And if somehow he gets thru, hang up or hit the delete button. Don't listen or read. Just exit stage left.

 

stay strong

[Ifalltopieces]

Dear Ifallttopieces,

 

Disconnect your PC, have your phone take a hot bath.( before you do ring some friends and go for dinner and a few pints.

 

Do not answer, no way. I'll fight this with you 12000 km away if you let me.

I know you are in pain. Set yourself free.

 

Hang in there, the force and Dutchman are with you.

 

Dutchman 1

 

Nobody knows how much I appreciate their support. I need as much support as I can get right now. One day I hope I look back on this and feel peace.

 

I'm not going to respond Dutchman. I'm really not. At first my initial reaction was to try to argue and tell him I didn't mean those things, but I did mean them. They are true and real and they are MY feelings. MY feelings that I am entitled to have.

 

What's his next move? I

Honestly think he will go away. I think he wanted this too which hurts worse. In a sick way, I wanted to see him suffer like I have. I can't help but feel like a piece of used toilet paper. I hope as time goes on that will change. I just wanna know that he will get his one day. I know it's not right to wish bad things on people but he always slips through the cracks of life and has everything he wants. I hate him.

[Dutchman1]

Dear Ifalltolieces,

 

I can imagine how you feel, I did long time ago.

 

You're not a disposable and never were and never will be..

 

Today Monday, Sept 28,2015 19.00 o clock is the first day into your amazing life an journey .

 

You're gonna do it, because you want, need and deserve it.

 

Take care.

 

Dutchman 1

Edited September 28, 2015 by Dutchman1
double

[Grapesofwrath]

Dear Pieces: Ignore his text. Just go dark and walk away. This is the best way possible to regain your power. You are done. You put your hand on the hot stove and got burned. Don't put your hand on that hot stove again.

 

I understand completely that desire to see him get his comeuppance. We want to believe that the world is a just place, and that karma, or whatever, will even things out. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

 

One thing I do know for sure is that gaining distance from this situation will give you perspective. You will see things much more clearly, and peace will come.

[poofitsgone]

I wasn't going to post a response but I felt like I needed too.

 

First, yes I have lied. Never denied that.

 

Second, what I have NOT done is make up and/or invent stories. I never maliciously made things up to "keep" anybody.

 

As for his spouse, If she ever confronted me about the relationship I would refer her to her husband. I owe her nothing. HE took vows with her, NOT me. He told me they were divorced. By the time I found out the truth, I was knee deep in his BS.

 

Happy trails

 

You never lied to your husband? Why did he think you were trying to reconcile if you were telling him the truth?

And I would say that you owe the BW the basic kindness and respect everyone deserves...but thats not the important thing right now.

 

Congratulations! You've taken a a huge step forward in your life and i know it hasn't been easy. Keep up the NC. It sounds like you want to have the last word in...don't worry about that.

And stop thinking about him. focus on yourself and becoming the best you you can. Thinking bad thoughts about him is still giving him power...its still letting him control whats in your head. The next time you want to think "I hope he gets what he deserves", stop yourself and remember that he isn't your problem. Thinking bad things about someone else isn't going to make you into a better person...It might feel good for a few seconds, but its counterproductive. Focus and healing yourself and being the wonderful person you can and deserve to be. I suggest some IC to help find the best way to do that.