I am in tears, same situation yet again!!!

[Luna1]

I know I have asked about this before but now I am just sick

 

I have a boyfriend of 2 years. He's a struggling theatre and television actor.He is 32 years old.

He is cute and tall and lately received prominence and accolades for his looks and role in his last show, after nearly 7 years of no recognition in the industry.

 

The problem is that he acts single and pretends to be alone in public and to his female followers.

He only posts his pictures on social sites and never mentions being in a relationship.

 

He said he was married for 2 years in public which was a cheap joke by him, he played on his female followers.

 

Its not about his publicist so that he gets more followers because he already said he is married and saw that his image nor fan following did not lessen. Instead it GREW.

So this is NOT the reason.

 

He went to Bali and had told the pretty hosts that he is SINGLE which the hosts conveyed to the audience, though his mouth, he was RELUCTANT, as usual, not wanting to discuss about us. But he spoke about his FAMILY

 

He makes me take his photos and posts them on social sites and never posts our pictures on sites.

 

He had 4 months of busy work and after that he took me to a heritage resort but as usual, I took some pictures of him which he posted and he posted some selfies.

 

He did not post our picture on Valentine's Day either.

 

He will tell about his family, parents, siblings, his home town, his goals, his friends and even that he washes his underwear, but when it comes to love life, he is either reluctant to talk about it or will start lying.

 

His 22 year old co actor of a new show is seeking attention through him, following him on Twitter and Instagram and also tweeted him , then a fan of my boyfriend sent her a photoshopped pic in which her pic was placed in a way as if she was looking at my boyfriend & another actress was in that pic along with my boyfriend.

 

She first re-tweeted it and later on posted it saying I love you guys for this picture. and he is doing nothing about it.

 

If she is really interested in him, it means he hasn't told her about me that's why she's acting like that, or it could be she is plainly seeking attention

 

He shows off a lot in front of females, loves female attention and is flirty towards pretty females. excluding pretty colleagues.

 

why wont he tell about us?

 

He says he wants to protect my privacy and keep our relationship away from camera life but cant even say say he is taken?!

 

Or for once, be honest about his status? One pic of us wont damage our life, many people are private but do post at least 2-3 photos.

 

Forget photos, he is NOT EVEN HONEST.

 

And he does not even tell his female colleagues which is why a bunch of them start going ga-ga over him, especially those around my age group (I am 24)

 

What is his actual motive? Why is he doing so?

Edited March 22, 2015 by Luna1

[Buddhist]

Attention seeking is his motive. He's an actor, trying to make it in an industry where one bad role can end your career. He needs to play everything up to the max and probably he's just a bit narcissistic and enjoys the attention and doesn't want to give it up. You'll have to accept it or leave him, there's nothing else you can do.

 

I also dated someone in the limelight, terrible attention seeker but you just have to be comfortable with it or this won't last long.

[Satu]

I remember your previous posts about this.

 

You find this situation painful.

 

He's fine with it. It's what he wants.

 

You can't change him.

 

The solution is very obvious.

 

What do you think that solution might be?

[Luna1]

Attention seeking is his motive. He's an actor, trying to make it in an industry where one bad role can end your career. He needs to play everything up to the max and probably he's just a bit narcissistic and enjoys the attention and doesn't want to give it up. You'll have to accept it or leave him, there's nothing else you can do.

 

I also dated someone in the limelight, terrible attention seeker but you just have to be comfortable with it or this won't last long.

 

But its not about a role, its about us. He lied openly he is married yet nothing happened. his following grew.

[whichwayisup]

Either you put up with it and accept this is what wants to do (he doesn't want to lose fans or attention from other girls) or end it.

 

You deserve a great guy who will boast and shout from the top of the hills that he is with you! Not hide and lie about you..

 

He is putting his persona and career over you.

 

I hope you find it in you to end it, nothing will change unless you do something about it.

[ExpatInItaly]

He does it because he likes the attention from women, and if they knew you existed, that attention would diminish. He wants them to think he's single.

 

You've written a lot about him. This situation clearly isn't making you happy and he obviously isn't going to change any time soon. I think it's time to walk away from this.

[d0nnivain]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over but expecting a different result.

 

 

You want certain things. He is unwilling to give them to you. So you either put up with this or you break up & leave.

 

 

Problem is, even if he isn't publically acknowledging you, you still like the fact that you date an actor.

[preraph]

I was in the music industry for many years. I will tell you that standard practice is that it's not good business for rockstars and entertainers to flaunt their spouses unless their spouses are famous in their own right. It can detract from fan enthusiasm, and that's a simple fact. No one wants you marketed alongside him because it really is not good business for entertainers and most particularly ones who are trading on their sex appeal.

Even local musicians quickly learn to try to not looked coupled up at a gig.

 

Besides fan enthusiasm, wives and girlfriends can really cause conflict and get in the way on set or on tour. Someone is paying these performers to perform. They didn't sign up for a package deal to keep the family happy too. Did you know that a huge part of a personal manager's job is to alert everyone when a wife or girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and buying them time in case they have anything to hide?

 

It's not good for a celebrity's image to look like they have so much time on their hands that they have nothing better to do than post family snapshots on their social media. It looks corny. Again, you will mostly only see it if both people are celebrities, and that's intentional. Most of the posting on celebrities' social media now is done by whoever they're under contract to, to make sure they don't take a wrong step. The few you hear about who do their own are forever embarrassing themselves.

 

I don't know your man or his culture, so I can't say what his ethics are, but I want to prepare you for a simple truth. When men become famous or rich, they begin to attract what they will consider to be more attractive women, and very few of them will pass up the opportunity to upgrade when that happens.

 

Your priorities here are telling. What you're having the biggest issue with is not being included in his newfound fame. If your biggest issue with him is sophomoric stuff like him not tagging you in social media, consider yourself lucky.

[Sunlight72]

When we're dating, I've found, we shouldn't look too hard for explanations for our partners' behavior or for solutions that seem unnatural to us. It's not our business. Our business is to see what they do and enjoy it, accept it, or leave.

 

From what you've written here, you have told him (with your words) what you wish he would do. He has told you (through his actions) what he is going to do. They're two Different things.

 

You can't accept this behavior from your boyfriend - my suggestion is not to fake accepting it. What can you do? You can change his status from boyfriend to ex.

 

I'm not a big fan of "move on" and "next", but what you've describe is not going to change, and it sounds like you are not going to sleep happily with it continuing, so I don't see a good way for you to stay together.

 

Sorry. It's hard.

[Sunlight72]

P.S. Another way to look at this is that you titled this thread, "I am in tears, same situation yet again!!!".

 

Read that to yourself about 10 times a day for a week and decide if you want to keep reading it for another month, year, or decade.

 

Then take control of your life and self-respect and do something about it.

 

Best Wishes

[writergal]

 

Your priorities here are telling. What you're having the biggest issue with is not being included in his newfound fame. If your biggest issue with him is sophomoric stuff like him not tagging you in social media, consider yourself lucky.

 

I actually agree with you preraph. It seems like the OP is more concerned about being left out of the fame side of her boyfriend's career. Is that accurate, do you think, OP? Those seem like pretty superficial worries to me especially if he's not cheating on you with the women in his industry whom he works with, and treats you with respect and love. Are you more upset that he doesn't tag you in his Facebook posts, post photos of you two, or mention your existence in his interviews?

 

When you date someone 'in the business' it comes with this caveat: you will be in the background to your spouse or significant other's acting career. If you don't like that caveat, then don't date your actor boyfriend anymore.

 

Do you ever watch the award shows on tv? Academy Awards for example? Half the celebrities non-celebrity spouse doesn't attend the award ceremony with them. In fact, they don't mention their spouse in tv interviews, because they talk about their movie, or tv show, or play instead.

 

Sure, some celebrities occasionally mention their families or significant others, but only very vaguely. Gossip rags make up silly stories about celebrities too; who they are cheating with, etc. that aren't true.

 

It seems like you just care more about being left behind with your boyfriend's fame, then you care about the relationship itself. If the relationship itself is intact, that's all the matters. Fame is an illusion anyway. It's not real. Why do you want to be in the spotlight with your boyfriend so much? Why do you need the public's attention?

[kendahke]

I'm going to tell you the exact thing I told you last time I came across this exact same situation:

 

He's doing it because he wants to do it. Really. It's that simple. If he didn't want to do it (like he doesn't want to acknowledge you in public), then he won't do it.

 

I have to agree that you're a bit too hung up on looks and not nearly concerned enough with substance... and that is why this clown in is your life. If you had a man who was thick on the substance and light on the looks, you probably wouldn't be having this issue in your relationship.

 

As I said above, he is doing this because he wants to do it and because you allow it by sticking around, hoping for something he's not going to give you. It's about time you figured this out and bounced. 2 years of your youth wasted behind someone who is not done playing the field just because he's good looking and you want an ornament on your arm. Go find a guy who isn't handsome, but is honorable, loving, kind, respectful and will treat you as if the sun and moon rose and set on your command.

 

Nothing here has changed.

 

He doesn't acknowledge you because he doesn't want his public persona to be of one in a committed, exclusive relationship. He wants the freedom of being seen as single in the public eye.

 

You do not get to be seen in public as his girlfriend. Even if you pushed the matter, he most likely will play you off as some crazy chick who has a crush on him and won't let go.

 

Really, hon, it's time to gather up your grace and dignity and leave him alone. You're not going to be the girlfriend on the arm of a celebrity, at least not this one.

 

You're not getting any younger.

[elaine567]

At 32 and romantic lead material, it is not good to be seen as "boring" with a gf.

Married - unavailable can be seen as a challenge and can be attractive to some women, but "single" has more possibilities.

Nice guy with a long term gf who is a nobody, is "boring" in the world of fame. Who really wants to see your picture? What do you bring to the party?

 

YOU are not seen as "interesting" in the public's eye, you are not a famous leading lady, a fashion model, the daughter of some fabulously rich man, nor someone with a sleazy past.

 

As long as he treats you right and is not cheating, then who cares if your photos are not seen. Do you really want paparazzi following you about or journos asking your exes what you are really like? Would you really want your past life discussed on social media and displayed in newsprint? Would you really want the hate mail and the threats to your safety or life that some women have to put up with?.... etc. etc.

[writergal]

 

As long as he treats you right and is not cheating, then who cares if your photos are not seen. Do you really want paparazzi following you about or journos asking your exes what you are really like? Would you really want your past life discussed on social media and displayed in newsprint? Would you really want the hate mail and the threats to your safety or life that some women have to put up with?.... etc. etc.

 

^^^This! I said the same thing. If he's not cheating on you OP, and he treats you well, then who cares about being part of the fame package that comes with dating a celebrity. Why do you need to be a part of your boyfriend's newfound fame?

 

As elaine567 pointed out, fame means that the paps and gossip journalists will dig up everything about your life and splash it across the internet, and on tv and radio. Why would anyone crave that kind of attention?

 

Even celebrities hate it like Halle Berry and Jennifer Garner, who testified before Congress to instill stronger anti-paparazzi laws to protect their privacy and the privacy of their own children's lives.

[Luna1]

Oh really. So as long as he treats me right, I should be non existent to the world while he keeps lying about us and not informing about us?

 

Dont you even read the thread? One answer came up that such things happen and you all started following it.

 

What about those people whose wife and girlfriends are not from the industry yet they tell people they are married/committed and share a picture to let people know that person is the significant other?

 

They must be crazy then.

 

And he already lied that he is MARRIED yet nobody felt bad. His following GREW.

 

Please read my post instead of other answers and comment on this.

 

If people treat their partners right but refuse to acknowledge or admit their status, how is it a great deal?

[TexasMan68]

I just read this entire thread and came to the conclusion that's the 30 seconds it took is wasted and gone forever!!! And my following Grew!

[kendahke]

Oh really. So as long as he treats me right, I should be non existent to the world while he keeps lying about us and not informing about us?

 

NO. YOU SHOULD DUMP HIM AND QUIT TRYING TO RIDE HIS COATTAILS TO FAME if it's something that doesn't work for you!

 

What about those people whose wife and girlfriends are not from the industry yet they tell people they are married/committed and share a picture to let people know that person is the significant other?

 

They must be crazy then.

 

What about them? THEY AREN'T YOU! We aren't here talking about them. We're talking about you. Your guy DOES. NOT. WANT. to do this with you. That is all you have to work with. That is "what is": what "you wished would be" doesn't enter into anything as far as he's concerned.

 

And he already lied that he is MARRIED yet nobody felt bad. His following GREW.

 

So why are you with a liar? What anyone else felt is non sequitur--they're not here posting. You are.

 

Please read my post instead of other answers and comment on this.

 

We have. This one and the others you've left here. This really isn't rocket science. He's not here asking us how to incorporate you into his life mainly because he's not really pressed for that answer. You are the one who seems pressed for that answer. You seem to be more concerned with sharing in his notoriety, fame, spotlight without having anything to contribute to the situation other than complaints and pity parties. What do you bring to this table? What do you have to offer that will make him want to be seen with you on his arm?

 

If people treat their partners right but refuse to acknowledge or admit their status, how is it a great deal?

 

If he was a taxi driver and had absolutely no money, fame or stardom, would you even be pressed about not being mentioned on his social media?

Edited March 23, 2015 by kendahke

[Space Ritual]

Luna,

 

Usually I am a bit of snark but since I am in a good mood for unknown reasons I'll try to be as gentle as possible.

 

In my opinion, it basically boils down to your comfort level with being in a relationship with someone who finally found one modicum of success in Seven years and is milking it for all he can.

 

One of 2 things will occur. He will allow you to ride the wave with him, or he won't. Thus far, all indications point in the direction that he won't. I can understand it must feel very demoralizing to your relationship. However, if he is already showing you who he is with whatever marginal success he has recently enjoyed, what do you think will improve?

 

As cruel as it seems, perception is reality. So for him to advance his career he will have to portray himself as "Available" in some form or fashion in order to generate appeal. He needs social media followers like any starving artist does. I know it sucks to feel like your feelings do not matter and you are being cast aside. That, unfortunately, is generally in the script of stories like this. You are not the first, and certainly you won't be the last.

 

I took the time this morning to read through all of your threads since you stated you felt people were not reading, so I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. That being said, I think for your own sake, and your own sanity, to just leave this be and to move forward with your life. I doubt this situation will get anything but worse from here on out. If this guy is doing interviews, he is generating a fan base. If he is now generating a fan base, there will be someone somewhere ready to throw themselves at him. That is, if they haven't already.

 

So please do yourself a favor and move on. Look at it this way. If the guy does get famous, you may have a great story to tell someday in the future to burst his bubble about what a lousy bang he is....lol

 

Good Luck

[Luna1]

NO. YOU SHOULD DUMP HIM AND QUIT TRYING TO RIDE HIS COATTAILS TO FAME if it's something that doesn't work for you!

 

 

 

What about them? THEY AREN'T YOU! We aren't here talking about them. We're talking about you. Your guy DOES. NOT. WANT. to do this with you. That is all you have to work with. That is "what is": what "you wished would be" doesn't enter into anything as far as he's concerned.

 

 

 

So why are you with a liar? What anyone else felt is non sequitur--they're not here posting. You are.

 

 

 

We have. This one and the others you've left here. This really isn't rocket science. He's not here asking us how to incorporate you into his life mainly because he's not really pressed for that answer. You are the one who seems pressed for that answer. You seem to be more concerned with sharing in his notoriety, fame, spotlight without having anything to contribute to the situation other than complaints and pity parties. What do you bring to this table? What do you have to offer that will make him want to be seen with you on his arm?

 

 

 

If he was a taxi driver and had absolutely no money, fame or stardom, would you even be pressed about not being mentioned on his social media?

 

OMG why have you caught one line if the previous answerer and think I want fame?

 

And your logic has failed. Nobody who dates a person who is not an actor hides their spouses or partner just because they are not famous.

 

Forget actors,.some sportsmen also have a wags who are common people yet they dont go hiding.

 

Or lying about their relationship.

[Diezel]

This is the kind of thread a person posts just to garner sympathy and illicit a specific response. Any other response is non-valid or flawed for the OP.

 

So let me break it down for you:

 

If you don't like this situation you can either talk to him about how you feel about it or you can leave the situation.

 

This is obviously who he is and he might never change that. There is no right or wrong answer to this, because it's clearly a subjective situation. Some people like to show off their spouses, some people just like to keep their private lives private.

[Sogemini88]

That's ridiculous!! Many actors are with non-famous people and shout it from the rooftops! Justin Baldoni- perfect example. A REAL man. This one doesn't sound like a keeper.

[elaine567]

That's ridiculous!! Many actors are with non-famous people and shout it from the rooftops! Justin Baldoni- perfect example. A REAL man. This one doesn't sound like a keeper.

 

Emily Baldoni is an actress.

Emily Baldoni - Biography - IMDb

[kendahke]

OMG why have you caught one line if the previous answerer and think I want fame?

 

And your logic has failed. Nobody who dates a person who is not an actor hides their spouses or partner just because they are not famous.

 

Forget actors,.some sportsmen also have a wags who are common people yet they dont go hiding.

 

Or lying about their relationship.

 

But yours does. This isn't about what everyone else does.

 

This is about what yours does. Yours hides you.

 

Yours doesn't want anyone to know that you exist in his life. And he has a reason why he does it or else he wouldn't keep doing it.

 

My logic is so on point it's got you coming unglued.

 

You want fame because you want to be seen on social media with him and you want to be acknowledged by him in public--being acknowledged in private sure isn't working for you, is it? That's why these strings of threads complaining about the same thing over and over again are here. You want all the other women out there to know that you exist and the only way that happens is if you are standing next to him in his limelight or he publicly tells the truth that he's involved with you--which is where the fame part comes in. If that wasn't the case, you'd be happy and content with the arrangement you already have--and you're not.

 

Seems you have some failed logic you need to go adjust.

[No Limit]

I think you just feel threatened by his female followers, and I don't blame you; it isn't rare that 'fame', no matter how short-lived it might be, changes people, and knowing that so many women out there are willing to drop their panties for him sure is a bummer.

 

Him not saying he's married can have 2 reasons - strategy to get more female followers, or strategy to keep a spot open in case he's fishing for some famous woman who he considers to be more "in his league" now.

[preraph]

Luna, I ready your post thoroughly before answering. You don't want to hear the truth. But that is the truth. You can't possibly know if him saying he was married hurt him or not because you don't have access to that info and more importantly because this wasn't the only thing going on. During that time, he was also gaining fame despite his claims of being married for reasons not related to his marital status but only to his work. And by the way, that sounds very fishy, because you have not explained why he would lie and say he's married and when I google it, nothing comes up. Anyway, you're not married. You're a girlfriend. That's not news. Celebrities lose a lot of their privacy. For many reasons, they keep their private life as locked up as possible for security reasons as well as the reasons I already mentioned.

 

He may very well end up dating someone in the business so that they understand the business and he's not having to argue with someone about not proclaiming to the world he dates her.