Another problem with girls!

[Sparky]

Okay. This is just out of curiousity. This is something that I find REALLY weird...

 

I'm 18, and I still love going to dances. They're not as good anymore, because there's a big difference between me and the younger Grade 9 girls, which is the majority of the population. They're not into dirty dancing/grinding yet, and I respect that. I find that Grades 10 and up will do that with me. FYI, I don't want to sound like a pedifile!

 

Anyway, to the problem...

 

My method of dancing dirty or grinding with girls is just start doing it behind them, and let them walk off if they don't like it. This has ALWAYS worked for me from Grades 10 - 12, and at the big dances like prom or semi formal. I doesn't matter if I know them or not. In fact, I've met some really nice girls using this method!

 

THIS YEAR, I would do this, and these are some results I got. By the way, these were all at least grade 11 students who would grind with any other guy:

 

1. One girl turned around, and screamed at me!

2. I'd be doing it with one girl, and her friend would pull her away from me, even if it seemed she liked it. THIS one's just too weird for me!!

3. I'd attempt it, she'd walk away, I respect her wishes and never try it with her again. Then when I even so much as walk by and ignore or make a second of eye contact with her, she'd glare at me, and make some rude comment.

 

These 3 are the only girls that have ever acted this way towards me. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE GIRLS! Are these girls just stuck-up-b*tches and think everyone is below them, or am I doing something wrong?

 

Personally, I can't see what I'm doing wrong, and I don't care if these people hate me or roll of the face of the earth. I just want a bit of clarification as to why some girls are like this.

 

Can anyone help me? Thanks a bunch in advance!!!

[HoldOn]

My method of dancing dirty or grinding with girls is just start doing it behind them, and let them walk off if they don't like it.

 

You're kidding, right?

 

These 3 are the only girls that have ever acted this way towards me. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE GIRLS!

 

Hey, buddy, maybe that's why they were mad. Becuase a complete stranger started dancing with them and touching them. What gives you the right?

 

Have you seen that movie "Night at the Roxsbury"? Is that where you get your moves from? Just kidding. Just kidding!

 

If this is a serious question, here are a few tips:

 

1.) Grinding on a woman from behind without asking her is disgusting and degrading and embarrassing! Don't do it.

2.) Try asking a girl to dance.. You know, asking her name, chatting for a bit. Then asking her to dance.

3.) Or start slowly. Dance in front of her first so she can see you and THEN she gets to decide whether you get to grind on her or not, jeez.

[Sparky]

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Calm down!!

 

Originally posted by HoldOn

You're kidding, right?

 

No, I am very serious.

 

Originally posted by HoldOn

Hey, buddy, maybe that's why they were mad. Because a complete stranger started dancing with them and touching them. What gives you the right?

 

Maybe... but that's a small risk to take. Every guy I know has done the method I've done, and I have never seen a negative reation towards them, and I KNOW, they don't know them! That's the whole thing that got me into it. I just see it as dancing with someone. I have never gotten a negative reation from grades 10 -12.

 

Thanks for the tips, but this isn't degrading, disgusting, or embarrassing. If all the girls thought that, It would have never worked. I'm being fair about this. Some girls I don't know even do this to me! I don't see it as a big deal. Sure, it's more intimate, but I've learned that most girls don't care.

 

I do ask the girls to slow dance. But if I want to grind with them, I have always had better luck just doing it and giving them the option. I would never force anyone to do it.

 

I also watch to see who does it first. If I see someone I know doesn't know them, and successfully does it, then I go for it too.

 

This is very hard to explain, and it's the kind of thing where you need to see it in order to understand fully.

 

The only thing that makes sense to me is that I just happened to come across some people who think differently about this stuff.

[HoldOn]

This is very hard to explain, and it's the kind of thing where you need to see it in order to understand fully.

 

You are assuming I have not seen or been the victim of this lovely tactic! I have been danced with without my permission and it is NOT nice. It's kind of scary actually. It's dark, you don't know who is back there or what they are doing. You can't even tell if you like the person or not.

 

The reason you have better luck is becuase the girl didn't have the balls to say no. That's what you are experiencing, the girls are finally realizing that they can say no. They are growing up.

 

I think you should ask their permission first, that's all I am saying. Don't you think it is better to make sure it is okay with them first. I mean, you don't just go up and kiss a girl, do you? No, you at least say "hello" first.

 

I'm just telling you the reason why it isn't working anymore. It's not very mature.

 

Ladies, help me out here!!!

[Sparky]

I'm not assuming that you haven't been a victim to it. I'm just saying there's more than one way to look at this. Sure, it can be scary, but it can be just like normal dancing. Some girls even come up to me without asking and do it, so I know what it's like.

 

I'm pretty sure it's not the fact that they don't have the guts to say "no" ('cause girls don't have balls! ), and they're maturing more, because from what I've observed is that they get into it more. I have gotten some polite refuses to dance that way, and I accept them. Others don't even so much as care to turn around and see who it is.

 

I do ask for permission sometimes if I know or it seems that she seems like that type of person or if I haven't done it with her before or if I don't know her. How I do that is I put my hand on her hip to indicate what I want to do, let her turn around or turn her head, and I'll ask "Do you want to dance?" and let her answer. It has never failed me.

 

Going up and kissing someone is a lot more extreme than grinding with someone.

 

I should add that these are new girls, not the ones I've grinded with before.

 

What I'm just saying is that I just don't feel lucky anymore at normal dances. I never have this problem at big dances like prom or semi formal. Again, some girls even do this to me, and I don't mind it.

 

Can you see where I'm getting at now?

[NTB]

how old are you?

i think age has allot to do with this young girls sometimes (not saying all but some) don't care or don't have the courage to say no like holdon stated but older women your lucky you haven't gotten a smack in the face

and i'm a guy and i don't think i ever did the let me get up close and grind on you to see if you like me thing you need to look into other methods of meeting girls

and if i am not mistaken which i could me some might say that is a form of harassment

[HoldOn]

Yes, I see what you are saying. You're not getting so lucky anymore.

 

But I think that if you are going to dance or grind with someone without their permission, you have to be prepared for the girl getting pissed off at you. It's kinda rude to grind on a perfect stranger, can't you see this?

 

So that's why the girls are getting mad at you.

 

You were just getting lucky before and finding girls that didn't care or wanted to dance with you or didn't know how to get you off them. But now, you are getting more girls who don't want to dance with you. Simple as that. You're growing up now, it's time to get more mature and ask first, that's all.

 

My friends and I talk about how annoying it is when we go out dancing, and we always have to be looking behind our backs to make sure no sleazy guy is trying to touch us, or grind on us. It's not fair and it's gross.

[tanbark813]

You might be able to get away with this tactic with high school girls, but in a few years when you start going to clubs you're likely to get much more frequent negative reactions. Try pulling this on a single divorcee mother who is all hopped up on estrogen overload during her girls' night out and you're likely to get a backhand to the grill.

[Sparky]

It might be rude, and I don't want to be rude. But I have met some really nice people doing this and have become their friends. Not everyone looks at this the same way. It all depends on how you look at it.

 

If I see two strangers grinding with each other and the man doesn't ask first and she just does it with him, then I'll know it's alright. I keep an eye out first so it doesn't look like I'm some pervert. If I don't see see it, then I ask.

 

You see, I just observe when it's necessary to ask or not.

[Sparky]

Originally posted by tanbark813

You might be able to get away with this tactic with high school girls, but in a few years when you start going to clubs you're likely to get much more frequent negative reactions. Try pulling this on a single divorcee mother who is all hopped up on estrogen overload during her girls' night out and you're likely to get a backhand to the grill.

 

I know this tactic only works on high school girls. I'll be aware of this in the future. Thanks anyway!

[laRubiaBonita]

well went i went clubbing....it was kinda something the guys would do, but they usually would ask if wanted to dance.....

 

if i were in HS, i would not want some guy dancing all up on me, i was not quite comfortable with my new body in HS, and certainly did not want to some random guy touching and grinding on me.

[blind_otter]

:lmao:

 

I have had guys in clubs come up to me and do this. Once I danced away from him, bided my time, and then when we were in a crowd close together I shoved him into the wall. He smacked into it face first, and my friend high fived me.

 

Grinding on random women is a sure way to get injured in some way. I have had guy friends threaten those random guys with physical violence for getting all up on me.

[HoldOn]

Ok, I know what you are saying. Sometimes the girl doesn't mind. And you feel great. Woo!

 

But to find that girl, you will also come across girls who DON'T want you to do this. And you'll try it anyway. It seems like you don't even care that you might be offending or scaring someone. Or making them uncomfortable.

 

I'm saying you don't have the right to touch people without their permission. Why do I always have to be watching my back when I am out trying to have a good time? Or watching my friend's back to make sure no one is dancing with her without her permission?

 

Even when I was single and wanted to dance with a guys in clubs, I didn't want them to sneak up on me from behind. I wanted to at least look at them first, then decide whether I want to dance with them or not.

 

I see how you say you'll watch her with other guys to make sure it's okay. But how do you know they are strangers? Maybe she knows him? You can't judge based on that.

 

You can still meet really nice people. What's wrong with dancing in front of her first, making eye contact or chatting a little?

[Sparky]

Originally posted by HoldOn

I'm saying you don't have the right to touch people without their permission. Why do I always have to be watching my back when I am out trying to have a good time? Or watching my friend's back to make sure no one is dancing with her without her permission?

 

Even when I was single and wanted to dance with a guys in clubs, I didn't want them to sneak up on me from behind. I wanted to at least look at them first, then decide whether I want to dance with them or not.

 

I see how you say you'll watch her with other guys to make sure it's okay. But how do you know they are strangers? Maybe she knows him? You can't judge based on that.

 

You can still meet really nice people. What's wrong with dancing in front of her first, making eye contact or chatting a little?

 

You're making it sound like I'm mauling them! I'm not! All I'm doing is putting my hand on her hip, give her a chance to look at me, and if she says no, then I leave her alone. I don't sneak up on them either. I let them know I'm there, of course.

 

You shouldn't have to watch yours or your friends back to have a good time. If they don't want to dance, they have the right to say no, and walk away. Some people just take it different ways.

 

I know when the two people are strangers when the guy or girl asks who they are (duh! ) or look don't bother to look back.

 

I know I can still meet really nice people, and there's nothing wrong with dancing in front of her. In fact, I do that all the time. And I always make eye contact and try to talk to her while either dancing or grinding.

[Sparky]

Originally posted by blind_otter

:lmao:

 

I have had guys in clubs come up to me and do this. Once I danced away from him, bided my time, and then when we were in a crowd close together I shoved him into the wall. He smacked into it face first, and my friend high fived me.

 

Grinding on random women is a sure way to get injured in some way. I have had guy friends threaten those random guys with physical violence for getting all up on me.

 

Well in this case, the guy deserved it! He wouldn't leave you alone! I'd do the exact same thing!

[HoldOn]

Dude, whatever.

 

I guess I can't convince you to respect women. Sorry. Maybe you'll have to get smacked into a wall to understand this.

 

Sorry to get upset, but I am upset! It doesn't matter if you are only lightly brushing them, you shouldn't do it without their permission. It's gross.

 

If they don't want to dance, they have the right to say no, and walk away.

 

They don't have eyes in the back of their heads.

 

Why should I have to watch my back at all to make sure a strange guy doesn't try to touch me? He should ask first, or wait for an indication from me that it's okay.

 

Well in this case, the guy deserved it! He wouldn't leave you alone! I'd do the exact same thing!

 

What's the difference? All he did was dance with her.

 

I am not trying to start an argument here or anything. I am a girl, and I am telling you how girls feel about being danced with from behind by a stranger. If you choose not to believe me, then there's nothing I can do.

 

Again, I am sorry if I am being harsh. I am sure that you are a nice person all around.

[Sparky]

I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm sorry to hear you're upset. I never meant to. And yes, I DO respect women. That's why I make sure they're okay with it before I do it.

 

Look. I'm just trying to get you to see this through my point of view. I love women, and I would never do anything to disrespect them.

 

I know women don't have eyes at the back of their head. I can understand how it can be scary sometimes, but it's not attacking them.

 

I always wait for an indication. It's not gross if you wait for an indication, and leave them alone if they don't want to.

 

I'm sorry I couldn't convince you that it can be done in a polite way. If you want to think it's nothing but it nothing but disgusting, you go right ahead.

 

All I'm saying is that there is a right way to do it, okay?

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Sparky

I'm sorry I couldn't convince you that it can be done in a polite way. If you want to think it's nothing but it nothing but disgusting, you go right ahead.

 

All I'm saying is that there is a right way to do it, okay?

 

Well here's the thing. I've been sexually assaulted and pretty much any unwanted physical contact from a guy will result in me smacking them upside the head. If a guy danced up behind me and started to grind on me, I wouldn't think twice about elbowing him in the gut. It's a reflex, for me. So, watch yourself. Every 4 minutes a woman is raped in this country, so you could very easily accidentally run into someone who has had a bad experience, who won't just politely decline.

[Sparky]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Every 4 minutes a woman is raped in this country,

 

Wow! Really? That's pretty disgusting!

 

I'm sorry to hear you've been sexually assualted. I can image how bad it can be.

 

This has good and bad sides to it. You can dance with her a little more intimately than slow dancing, but you risk them taking it the wrong way. It's not like I'm going up to some stranger and kissing them.

 

I'm aware of the downsides. That's why I always hesitate at first. If s**t happens, it happens. You never know unless you try. I'm not saying take advantage of her, but approach slowly, and let her know you exist first.

 

All I'm saying is that there's more than one way to look at this.

[Marshbear]

What is your purpose of doing this? I mean is it all about getting your n*ts off or are you trying to bypass the courtship and find one who will F***? I know this is done in HS now but wouldn't it be better to find one you like first before you grind? Do you grind on anyone or are you selective? You say girls do this also. How would you like some girl YOU didn't want to do that with do it to you?

[Sparky]

The purpose is to have fun and maybe meet people. I have higher standards than to pass the courtship and get laid.

 

I could find someone I like, sure. But I have met some really nice people while doing this, so I'm not selective.

 

If some girl I didn't like did this to me, I would smile politely say "No thanks" or "Not now." This has happened to me before, so it's not like you're alone in the universe.

[RecordProducer]

I don't like to be touched by guys either. Use your mouth to ASK them if they want to dance with you. Only that way you give them a choice!

[Sparky]

Okay people,

 

Is everyone trying to look at this in the worst way possible? Or is nobody bothering to read my previous messages?

 

Before I do it, I'd just touch them in a appropriate spot (like the hips, hand, or arm), give them the chance to look at me and decide whether or not they want to dance. I'll ask if it's a person I've never danced this way before. What is so wrong about this?

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Sparky

What is so wrong about this?

 

Basically? You DO NOT touch people unless you already know them. Period.

[HoldOn]

, I'd just touch them in a appropriate spot (like the hips, hand, or arm),

 

What Otter said. Don't touch me. You don't know me. That's all there is to it.

 

 

I just think this conversation is so weird.

You asked "Why do girls get pissed off at me when I come dance up behind them."

We said, "Because it is rude and bordering on sexual harrassment."

You said "I don't believe you."

 

Why don't you believe us, we're the women. Why else do you think those chicks are glaring at you?